- whoa, dude. - we've got an i.v. of pure beef blood pumping into stan's veins, and the sores are fading. - thank god we stopped it in time. - well, i guess we learned something today. it's wrong to eat veal because the animals are so horribly mistreated, but if you don't eat meat at all you break out in vaginas. - hear, hear. - all right, boys, it's time to go home. you've got some serious grounding time to start. - i'll say! - aw, we're still grounded? - but but we learned things and took up a cause. - yes, kyle, but you still defied your parents. and you need to learn that terrorism is never the answer. - that's right, let's get these terrorists to their rooms. but first--maybe we can grab some burgers. all: all right! captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "the daily show" wih trevor noah! (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central welcome to "the daily show," everybody, i'm trevor noah thank you so much, thank you so much. my guest tonight bethanys coulden tino is joining us, everybody. but first, but first, let's start with the end. >> donald trump delivers a knockout blow in indiana. >> today he wears the party's banner pretump-- shall presump tiff nominee. >> ted cruz sus penned his campaign after losing the indiana primary. >> the party chairman said rhine priebus said on twit thary trump will be the presump tiff nominee and asked republicans to unite

around him. >> trevor: that's right, people. take a second and breathe that in. because american politics has just entered a whole new world. just like the one aladdin and jasmine saning about. except, except they can't come because they're muslim. (laughter) and onced news of trump broke out, the people in the streets didn't take it well. elephants are like i can't even vote, i'm getting out of here. but yes, it's all official. all but official, really, after winning indiana done all trump will be the republican nominee for president. and trump didn't just win last night. he won so hard, he made ted cruz look human. >> and so with a heavy heart, but with boundless optimism for

the long-term future of our nation, we are suspending our campaign. no! >> trevor: yay? is this aiay? i'm so conflicted. i mean ted cruz lost, but because donald trump won. it's like finding out your herpes is gone but it's because your dick fell off. it was a really bad night for ted cruz. and as painful as dropping out was on him, it was even more painful for his family, mainly his wife's face. >> a cringeworthy moment last night for ted cruz. take a look at this, he accidentally hit his wife in the face after announcing he was suspending his presidential campaign. heidi cruz was elbowed as her husband was leaning in to to hug his fatherment she appeared to shake it off and then he hit her again. o-w. >> trevor: nothing is sadder than trying to fight your way into a hug with ted cruz.

it's such a shame. her face must have felt like one of those bricks in mario brothers. i don't even know what that was. then today john kasich dropped out too. and for trump, meanwhile, it was clear that last night marks a new beginning. >> this country which is very, very divided in so many different ways is going to become one beautiful, loving country. and we're going to love each other. we're going to cherish each other. we're going to take care of each other. >> trevor: you know, it sounds really beautiful. but if there is one thing i have learned from history, if a crazy white man says we should come together, you should make sure you ask him to specify who the "we" is. but we really need to take a second to let what has happened here really sink in. does everyone here understand

how historic this is? the last time either major party nominated a total outsider, someone who had never held elected office, was dwight d eisenhower. and that only happened because he beat hitler. so back then you had to win world war ii. now you just have to win twitter. it's become a totally different race. when i first started "the daily show." a lot of people asked me the same question. hey, are you ready, trevor, are you ready for american politics, "the daily show," are you ready, are you ready? but now seeing all of this [bleep] happen i think i should have asked if you were ready. yeah, because i'm from a third world country. it looks like you are headed to one. (applause) and here's how serious this has become. when someone becomes a nominee of a major party, i didn't know this until today. they start getting classified intelligence briefings from the cia. which means america now has to give donald trump secrets about u.s. and foreign military

operations. this is the same man who leaked lindsay graham's private phone number because he thought it was funny. and don't get me wrong. it was funny. but there's a big difference, there's a big difference between lindsay's phone number and the location of sale team 6, a big difference, people. there is another reason it is hard to truly absurd trump is the nominee for president of the united states. and it has something to do with the fact that we have been told again and again and again. >> donald trump is not going to be the nominee. >> trump is not going to win the republican nomination. >> donald trump is not going to be the nominee. we all understand this. >> he is going to go down. is he not going to be the nominee. >> to be clear. >> ald trump. >> will not be the republican nominee. >> there has never been a universal in which donald trump was going to be the republican nominee. >> trevor: so confident and so wrong. kind of reminded me of the republican nominee. now all of those professional pundits and analysts knew that this wouldn't happen. they felt it in their bones. and in some cases even felt it in their digestive tract.

>> done all trump is not going to be the republican nominee. if that happens i will come on your show and eat my shoelaces. >> i will eitan entire colume 20 colume inches if donald trump is the nominee. >> i will eat my right hand if donald trump is the republican nominee. >> trevor: why does everything have to be about eating in this country. what the hell. you know, it's not just other news sources. even our people got it wrong. take a look at what ronny cheen predicted last fall. >> trevor, donald trump is a joke. he has zero chance of winning. look, if donald trump becomes the republican nominee, i will chop off my right hand. >> trevor: ronny chieng, everybody, ronny chieng. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: thank you for joining us, ronnie. >> thank you. all right, trevor, all right. like everybody else, i got it wrong. ha, ha, guess i look pretty stupid now. >> trevor: you know what, ronny, you win some, you lose some. >> what the hell will you doing? >> trevor: well, you said you would cut off your right hand. >> yeah, i was just saying thatment i didn't mean it.

>> trevor: you see, ronnie, you are a journalist and we all have these people that are watching the news and you are making declarations that turn out to be wrong. there is no account ability. >> oh, okay, i see what you are doing. yeah, you have a point there. all right, i got it, you got-- oh my god! [bleep] my hand! my hand! [bleep] [bleep], what about the other correspondent. i'm not the only one without got this wrong. >> trevor: you know what, you are not, let's get desi out here. desi lydic, everybody. (cheers and applause) >> hi, trevor. >> trevor: desi, you too made a prediction if i remember correctly. >> please don't play that. >> no, play it! that's what is fair. >> trevor: okay, well, let's play it. >> trevor, it is never going to happen. i will tell you what, i swear that if donald trump is the nominee, i desi lydic will chop off ronnie's other hand. >> wait, what?

how did you know there would be an other hand? >> well, at least i was right about something. >> wait, no, no, no, no. >> my other [bleep] hand! god dam it. >> trevor: [bleep] you both learned your lesson today. before you go any prediction ds hillary and bernie. >> no, more predictions for me. >> hang on. mark my words, bernie sanders surges in california and takes the nomination. and if i'm wrong, i will burn my dick off with a blowtorch. >> trevor: how will you hold the blowtorch, you don't have hands. we'll leave it there. we'll be right back.

excuse me, have you seen my lipton sparkling iced tea? it's delicious fruit flavored tea with smooth, crisp bubbles. well, thanks anyway. lipton sparkling iced tea! and i can't wait to startlanta telling people how switching to geico could save them hundreds of dollars on car insurance. but first, my luggage. ahh, there it is. uh, excuse me, sir? i think you've got the wrong bag. sorry, they all look alike, you know? no worries. well, car's here, i can't save people money chatting at the baggage claim all day. geico®. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance.

(man) that show.t to record (woman) now we have to wait forever to see it. (jon bon jovi) with directv, you don't. ♪ you see, we've got the power to turn back time. ♪ ♪ that show you missed, let's just go back and find. ♪ ♪ and let's go back and choose spicy instead of mild. ♪ ♪ and maybe reconsider having that second child. ♪ ♪ see, that's the power to turn back time. ♪ (vo) watch shows you forgot to record. call 1-800-directv. fans promised to do lots of their favorite burritos. i was just kidding! a promise is a promise, patrick. grab the cheesy double beef or the beefy crunch burrito for just a dollar. you brought 'em back, we made 'em a buck. you earned it. [sfx: bong] a superior hard apple cider inspired by the cider the pioneers drank. and they traveled this country... ...on foot. smith & forge. hard cider the way it's 'sposed to taste.

thhit the road with.ather... no one i'd rather have dinner and a movie with. no one i'd rather lean on. being in love is an amazing thing. being in love with your best friend... ...is everything. the ever us two-stone ring. one diamond for your best friend... one for your true love. for the one woman in your life who's both. ever us. available at zales, jared and kay. who's the genius who puts a girl in heels on a subway grate? miss monroe, eat a snickers. why? you get a little cranky when you're hungry. better? much better. this scene will never make the cut.

>> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. let's talk about women soccer players. they are the big stars in the statings with all the money and the glory of the men. well, except for the money part as hasan minhaj reports.

>> superstar athletes have the life. we're talking cars, jets, even their petal bieno tigers get cars. but not all proathletes are happy with the big bucks. in fact, the women's soccer team is taking legal action because they want more! >> players on the u.s. women's national soccer team say they are being discriminated against because they make less than members of the men's team. >> filed a federal complaint against the u.s. soccer federation. >> i sat down with three members of the u.s. women's soccer team to find out why they're being so greedy. >> we're not being greedy. we're just fighting for what is right. >> our contributions to the federation should be seen as equal to what the men have done. >> fine, whatever. but you immediate to understand that the men made it to the round of 16 in the world cup. >> we have won three world cups. >> well, they are ranked 30th in the world. >> we're ranked number one. >> they play with so much-- passion. >> we have four olympic gold medals. >> humble brag, but hey, how

much less could their pay possibly be. >> if we win a match we get $1300. the men get around $17,000. >> whoa. >> if the men's team loses they make $5,000. >> $5gst if he lose! could you imagine having that much money? >> can't really imagine it because we don't get paid anything if we lose. >> maybe that's why you guys don't lose. >> [bleep] kidding me? >> why don't you just take sk job, uber driving, after your game, search pricing will definitely be high, boom, are you driving fans home at 1.5, maybe 2, 3x. >> there are time no time to be an uber driver. we put in our time to win gold medals for the team. >> while the u.s. soccer federation has their own interpretation of the pay differences, the bottomline is the women want them to level the playing field. observation and they also want them to literally level the playing field. they are constantly forced to play on astroturf even at the world cup, something that the men's team has never had to do.

>> they don't play on turf. >> not one game. >> other was argue that the women's sock are team should be grateful just to play. like gavin mcbegin is, sure he looks like an art school dropout with a shins cover band but he has his own show and is a fox news contributor. >> women do earn less in america because they choose to. >> yup, not surprisingly he thinks the women's lawsuit is a waste of time. >> men's soccer has been getting ten times the eyeballs. >> you know what, i will let the ladies handle this one. >> we actually broke the record for the most watched soccer game in the history of america between men or women. >> you are playing a man's game, buy man's rules, this ised way it is in our world. you have got to earn it. >> no, we've brought in what, 17 million this past year. >> the men lost $2 million in profit for the fed racial this last year. >> u.s. men's soccer still gets a lot more enthusiasm. why is that? is that because men's soccer is more interesting, more exciting. >> are you down 2-0. let me try to help you. name three u.s. men's soccer

players. >> current we have bobby daniels. >> bobby daniels, let's check the list. nope. not a player. zigler norris. >> also not a player. >> and a guy known to everyone is junebug. >> come on, man, if are you going to make up fake names, do better than june bug. if lunatics like this are against the women, who is on their side. >> she has done so much for women's sports. >> who is that? >> tennis player. >> i don't. >> tennis star billy jean king has long been campaigning for women's rights. >> damn. >> turns out bill yoa jean king is a bad ass tennis player but also she paveed the way for equal pay in tennis when she defeated bobby riggs in the 1973 battle of the sexes. >> let me get this straight. all you did was defeat a man and now you have equal pay in tennis. >> it wasn't es peasy, when i played bobby riggs that was about social change. our ratio of price was about 8

to 1 and the think the women is soccer is 34 to 1. >> i know will you say improvement. >> improvement is not enough. we're supposed to be so happy if we get one crumb, oh, thank you, i'm so grateful. we deserve the cake, the icing, the cherry on top too just like the boys. >> let's put om cleats on you, play the men and get them ladies paid. >> you're missing the point. >> okay. >> i will play the women. >> do you honestly think you could keep up with the women's soccer players, seriously? >> we will do a battle of the sexes, b j.k. style because we work. >> no, we trust you. >> bobbie riggs was a champion in his sport. >> we didn't even know who you were until today. >> u m, i played two years of al. >> and i have also won trophies for effort. >> definitely a different level than that. >> okay, fine, so the battle of the sexes is a bad idea. what else can we do. >> people have to get to know us

so we need to really get behind women, get behind them with money, exposure, give them more commercials. >> a commercial, yes. i could see it now. >> you can defy the odds. >> the odds. >> i became one of the best players in the world at the age of 17. >> you can be grate. >> great. >> i scored a game-winning pk in a world cup. >> you can make history. >> we within three world cups and four olympic gold medals. >> you can aspire to be less than. >> less than. >> wait, what did you say? >> you can be just as good as any other person as long as that person doesn't have a penis. >> a penis. >> are you kidding me. >> for all that hard work you can make four times less than a man. >> i don't think so. you can treat us equally. >> you can give us grass to play on. >> you can pay us what we deserve. >> just [bleep] do it. >> please do it! (cheers and applause). >> trevor: thank you, hasan. >> trevor: thank you, hasan. we'll be right back

t-mobile is spreading some unconditional love, just in time for mother's day. buy any of our hottest lg smartphones. and get the latest lg tablet - free. that's right. buy a phone, get a free tablet. this love won't last forever, so head to t-mobile today. if you have a garden, you know... weeds are low-down little scoundrels. with roundup's sure shot wand, you don't need to stoop to their level. draw the line. the sure shot wand extends with a protective shield to pinpoint those pesky bedfellows. it lets you kill what's bad right down to the root while comfortably guarding the good. draw the line with the roundup sure shot wand and target weeds more precisely than ever before.

♪ whenever i'm around you ♪ i go home a little bit ♪ there's just something about you ♪ ♪ where the pieces all fit ♪ there's a lightness that surrounds you ♪ ♪ and it guides me like a star ♪ ♪ oh i am, who i am ♪ because you are, who you are ♪ can i have one? sorry storm, i'm saving those for a rainy day. yeah! you heard the man, he's saving us for a... rainy day. i think you made your point! bacon supreme omelet breakfast sandwich, loaded with peppers, onions, and potatoes and topped with two slices of cherrywood-smoked bacon and cheese all on a freshly baked croissant. america runs on dunkin'.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

give extra. get extra. in all kinds of conditions. like the ocean, the sun... in the pool... and even 100-degree heat. stays on in 7 conditions banana boat. we've got you covered.

(cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. my guest tonight is a musician in the band best coast whose latest album is called california knight. please welcome bethany cosentino! >> hi thank you. >> trevor: thank you so much for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: do you go bethany all the time?

>> bethany was sort of like when my mom was mad at me. she would be like bethany, but it became the professional known name. you can call me bethany, i know you're not mad at me. and beth, annie, whatever. >> trevor: i didn't know whether to go with theanie or the beth. >> any, fan, fanny. >> trevor: fan is a nice name. >> nice to meet you, than. nice to meet you. >> trevor: su have a lot of fans in the music world because you are, indeed, a musician. but recently there was something that really thrust you into the spotlight for a different reason and that was the story with amber kaufman. >> uh-huh. >> trevor: and just to catch anyone up who doesn't know, amber kaufman tweeted about having an incident with music, i guess he was a producer. >> publicist, yes. >> trevor: and he had sexually assaulted her. and you came out and your voice made it heard. it was really a tough conversation to have, i mean it

seems like an obvious thing but why did you feel like it needed to be amplified. >> well, i mean, let's be real. like sexism and sexual harassment and sexual, you know, this idea of women being sexually assaulted, it's everywhere. it doesn't exist just in my industry which is music. but as a woman, i felt it was so important to support my peer, my female peer. and i didn't realize that it was going to become such a huge thing when i-- . >> trevor: you didn't? >> i really didn't. i thought like, you know, what, i'm going to back amber because that is what i feel i should do. this is an incredibly important conversation that needs to be had. and the next morning i woke up, it was huge. and all of a sudden i was like okay, i'm a spokesperson for this now. but i'm so happy for that because it is a huge, important thing. >> trevor: it really is. here is a question i have. as somebody that comes up in that circumstances, it is not the easiest conversation to have. >> yeah. >> trevor: how did you feel

when people chimed in online and trolled you on twitter and people saying things like oh, why didn't you come forward earlier, why do you only come forward now? >> well, i mean, that is something that i think happens to a lot of women. and i think the reason why a lot of women don't come forward is because of that. and i think that when somebody like me or somebody like amber or any woman out there comes forward and says this is the situation. i am not okay with it. the world should not be okay with it. that gives other women braifery to come forward and stand up and say i've experienced this. we really need to put an end to this kind of behavior. and so when it happens, i didn't really answer the question. i was just like hey, i did something. i hope that there is one woman out there that is now standing up to her boss or standing up to a man in the world that is making her feel less than because she's a woman. because that shouldn't happen. >> trevor: it definitely shouldn't happen. talking about standing up to your boss, a lot of musicians

have come out, female musicians especially who have said it is a top-down problem. they feel like the bosses in the industry turn a blind eye. is this something you would agree with or is it on a case by case basis. >> i mean, i think-- yeah, i think it is case by case basis. i work with a ton of men that are incredible. i work with a lot of, you know, men that are very sim pathetic to it. but there is a lot of people in the industry that do shady things, that treat you differently because you are a woman. if i play a show at a venue, everybody else in my band is a man, there is a sound guy that is like you don't know what you are talking about, you are a woman. maybe he doesn't necessarily say that but the way he acts is portraying that idea. whereas-- . >> trevor: just a general dismissal of who you are because of that. >> it's like you don't know how to work an amp, you're a girl. no, actually i do, watch, and you turn the amp on. >> i love that that is all it

was. i love that that is all it was and he is like whoa what! >> let me show you how to work an amp. you turn a switch and you do this. man, woman, probably dog, cat could do that, you know. >> trevor: cats, maybe, i have seen them on the internet but not dogs. in music itself, though, this is a question that people often ask. they go oh, but then+++ if youos in music, then why do you have female artsts singing songs about their bodies, how do you find the balance? how do we respect nicki minaj but then also find out what her anaconda needs to do with her? >> i mean+++ what ath0icki minas with nicki minaj's body is nicki minaj's choice. what nicki minaj sings about, how she portrays herself sexually, what she chooses to wear, that is her business. and you know what, i think that people are intimidated by it. they see a confident woman and

they think, you know, she's this or she's that. and that's not necessarily the case. i think it's really just like nicki minaj, beyonce, so many women out there, that are just out there being like i'm a strong empowered woman that does not make me, you know, promiss cue usu that does not make me any of those things that people assume you are because you are wearing a crop top or booty shorts. it's like girl, you look good. and you should be proud of yourself and you're smart and you're beautiful. go for it. >> trevor: and you know how to work an amp. >> yes, yes, yes. >> trevor: thank you so much for being here. >> thank you so much for having me. >> trevor: california nights is available now. is available now. bethany cos (ricky gervais) verizon is the number one network in america.

i know what you're thinking, they all claim stuff like that. yeah, but some of them are stretching the truth a little bit. one claimed to be four times better. we said, four times better than who? they said, four times better than we used to be. wh-wh-wha? if you're four times better than you used to be and you're still not the best, your tagline should be, "not as rubbish as we were." (vo) only verizon is the nation's most awarded wireless network ever. and now if you buy an lg g5, you get one free. ♪ with 5-door versatility, advanced hybrid technology and dynamic sport-tuned suspension... it has a side for every side of you. ♪ the lexus ct. it's up for as much as you are. this is the pursuit of perfection.

a superior hard apple cider this is smith & forge. inspired by the cider our forefathers drank. and they built this country with their bare hands. smith & forge. hard cider the way it's 'sposed to taste. thanks for coming today. i want each of you to grab a 2x8 and cut it. you'll have 2 saws to choose from. you all chose the best tool for the job. wouldn't it make sense to make the same choice, when it comes to your truck? absolutely. this is the 2016 chevy silverado. nice. a good-looking pick-up.

incredible. i love it. find your tag and get a total value of $9,000 on this silverado double cab all star. find new roads at your local chevy dealer. daddy! you done yet? one last screw sweetie... and we're done! (singing) lil sweet! ahhhhhhhh you deserve the (singing) sweeeet reward of a diet dr pepper. i do? you build this big ole' house with that (singing) tinnnny tool. oh yeah, i did! (singing) aoohhhhhh! hmm, that is sweet! (singing) ohhh yeahhh! you know the game is about to start if... [sfx: car horn beeps and cat meows.] that's my ride is that our cat? step on it! (singing) lil' sweeeeet diet dr pepper. (singing) it's the sweet one. >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. here it is, your moment of zen. >> that's why so many are incensed by it and so many others find it to be a breathe of fresh air, rachel. >> katie, thank you. >> that pretty much encapsulates the argument. to chuck todd in