- he's right. the strength of this country is the ability to do one thing and say another. - yeah, if it weren't for all you guys protesting, everyone around the world would hate the american people instead of just the president. - and if it weren't for you people flexing your arms, america could easily get taken over by terrorists or china. - i guess we owe you an apology. - i guess we owe you one. all: aw... - cartman? cartman saved the day? - it can't be. - the founding fathers want you all to know that we can disagree all we want, as long as we agree that america kicks ass. - ♪ hey, i'm a little bit country ♪ - ♪ and i'm a little bit rock n' roll-a ♪ - ♪ i'll be the muscle of america ♪ - ♪ and me, i'll be the caring soul ♪ both: ♪ and when you put us together ♪ ♪ you get a nation with one goal ♪ ♪ to thrive and prosper ♪ with a little country and rock n' roll ♪

- come on up here, everybody! all: ♪ we're a little bit country ♪ ♪ we're a little bit rock n' roll ♪ - we can be a nation that believes in war... - and still tells the world that we don't. all: ♪ let the flag for hypocrisy ♪ ♪ fly high from every pole ♪ 'cause we're a little bit country ♪ ♪ and we're a little bit rock n' roll ♪ - well, good night, everybody. it sure has been great bringing you 100 episodes. - we wanna thank our guests, the pro-war people... [applause] and the anti-war people. - what the hell are they doing now? - i don't know. all: ♪ for the war, against the war ♪ ♪ who cares? 100 episodes ♪ [fireworks crackling] - i hate this town. i really, really do. captioning by kristi at captionmax www.captionmax.com

captioning sponsored by comedy central >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to the "daily show." my name is trevor noah. my guest tonight, he used to be a drug dealer, then he became a cop, and now he's written a book about it, retired n.y.p.d. inspector, cory pegues, will be here to join us. first, let's talk about brazil, a land where thousands of years ago, jesus christ was cursed by medusa and now waits for true love's kiss to awaken him. read your bibles, guys.

it's a crazy, crazy book. in the last couple of weeks, brazil's government has gone through some dramatic changes. >> brazil has seen their share of scandal, but this is just too much. >> a huge government shake-up. >> tonight, it is official, embattled president dilma rousseff will face an impeachment trial. >> brazillians woke up to a new president on friday. >> michael temer is now in charge. he is now the acting president. >> trevor: i'm sorry, woke up to a new president. how does that happen? things are not going well for your country when every morning you have to be like, who's president today? the only people who should wake up to a new president are people in a coma. that's it. no one else should. like captain america can wake up to a new president. not the the rest of us. so it's beenab unbelievable two weeks in brazil. earlier this month, brazil's president, who is also apparently some sort of space commander judging by that picture, was to be impeesmed for allegedly manipulating some budget numbers. now the whole country is in turmoil. a new intertim government comes

in, and yesterday, someone released a secret recording, showing that the people in the interim government conspired to impeach the old president in order to hide their own much-worse corruption. and we, we at the "daily show" managed to get that secret recording. that's not the secret recording. ( laughter ) or it is, but you can't tell the difference in brazil. it's always a carnival. all of this ( bleep ) is hitting the fan. and right now, it couldn't abe worse time. >> the olympics in brazil are less than three months away. >> the big question is will brazil be ready to host it? >> trevor: will brazil be ready to host it? brazil's government is in chaos. in fact, in the street, there's rumors it might even have been a military coup, and now, just like that, they have to pivot to the olympics. all of a sudden, people are like, "it seems every single person in our government is a

backstabbing criminal. anyway, long jump!" ( laughter ) it's crazy. the whole world is getting ready to go to brazil, and they're just going to carry on like everything is normal. it's like your friend inviting you over while he's in a huge fight with his parents. and you're like, "hey, is this a good time?" "yeah, come on in, come on in. shut up, ma! i hate you! you want to play mario cart! i wish i was never born. #white people. ( applause ) now, if you thought brazil's government looks ( bleep ) right now, you clearly haven't seen where the actual events are taking place. >> athletes could be swimming and boating in waters that are highly contaminated, polluted by sewage, viruses, and fecal matter. >> more than half the water that flows spot bay is actually sewage. >> trevor: more than half the water is actually sewage? can we just all agree that if your water is more than half sewage, it's not water.

it's ( bleep ), with some water in it. those are not water sports. those are turd sports north to be cob fused with actual turd sports, like lacrosse. it's a very different thing, very different thing. ( laughter ) now, maybe you're thinking, hey, trevor, big deal. who cares about a little sewage? to which i say are you no longer invited to my monthly potluck. it is not a little sewage, my friend. it is an awe-inspiring amount of crap. >> we searched for viruses specifically linked to human sewage. those numbers that we found are off the charts, numbers they have never seen anywhere else. based on our data, there is a 99% chance that athletes will be infected by one of these viruses if they ingest three teaspoons of water. >> trevor: hey, science guy, just tell the people not to drink the poop water. ( laughter ) why are you being so specific-- "three tea spoons of water." you think somebody out there is

going, "so, two tea sproons fine? mmm! two tea spoons mmm. ah, no! ah! three, no. no." ( applause ) effectlicious. the political chaos and the ( bleep ) water aren't even its biggest problem right now. >> the country has also become the center of the south american zika virus outbreak. >> brazil zika crisis was caused by a single infected traveler coming to the americas. >> trevor: wow. that sucks for brazil. they've got zika on top of everything else. and the worst part is they got it from just one traveler? no one knows who brought zika into brazil. although, do you think it might have been this guy? ( laughter ) because if you do, that's racial profiling. ( laughter ) yeah.

now, mosquitos spreading zika virus is a problem for brazillians but at least they have generations of samba training to help them swat the insects away. so it helps. the problem is there's another way that you can catch zika. >> zika can be spread through sexual contact. >> australia plans to issue super-strength condoms to all its olympians in the help it will help stop the spread of zika. >> trevor: super strength condoms? shouldn't you always be using super strength condoms? what do australians normally use, half-strength condoms. what are they living on the edge? "you don't want to eliminate all the risk, do you? come on, get my shrimp closer to the barbie." that's not even a hine they say. it just works for the joke. zika is not just a problem for south america. it's a problem for real america because you know the u.s. can't stay away from the olympics, people, because it gives america both a chance to win and a chance to go on vacation. and americans love vacations. that's the reason why the u.s.

has already brought back 544 travel-related cases of zika back home. so now zika is slowly becoming an american problem. and that's yet white house has asked congress to alidate kate $1.9 billion to help fight zika and keep it from spreading any further. it's the kind of request only a fool would deny. >> congress has not passed the $1.9 million bl in emergency funding to prevent zika from spreading that the white house has requested. >> house republicans are arguing there is plenty of money left over from the battle against the ebola virus. >> trevor: are you ( bleep ) me! ebola money is for ebola. if you move the ebola money to zika, ebola might come back. if you're in a life boat and you're cold you don't set the life boat to keep warm. i think it's cheer what needs to happen here, people-- brazil has given us so much in the world, and it's time for the world to pay them back. i mean, not with money because that ( bleep ) is ours. but in august, the world is

sending the most elite, physically fit human beings to brazil. while they're there, why don't they use their skill to help brazil fix their problems. badminton players, swat the mosquitos. and olympic rowers, scoop all the poop out of the water. and remember, every teaspoon counts ?ch scoop away! we'll be right back. scoop 53! scoop 53! ( ap hey there, can i help you with anything? hey siri, what's at&t's latest offer? oh, i don't think that siri can... right now, switch to at&t for an iphone and get one free. wow, is that right? yeah, it's basically... yes. that is the current offer from at&t. okay siri, you don't know everything. well, i know you asked me to call you the at&t hostess with the mostest. okay, shut her down. turn it off. right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line.

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we make uplack in nature service.e, ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to the "daily show." so, i just looked, and donald trump is still the presumptive republican nominee. i just feel like we need to check that every day to make sure it's still real. but it's true, he is, which means it's time for trump to make the traditional pivot to the general election, to become a more nuanced, even-keeled presidential-seeming candidate, and leslike a six-foot pile of angry carrot cake vomit. or at least, we all thought it was time. >> donald trump, the pumpive

republican nominee for president, is dredging up a false conspiracy theor about want death of a close friend of bill and hillary clinton. >> trump told the "washington post" the 1993 death of clinton family confidant vince foster was "very fishy." >> to be clear, the notion that this was a murder is a fiction born of delusion and untethered to reality. to say otherwise is ridiculous and, frankly, shameful. >> trevor: thank you, jake tapper. wow. that was powerful. the only reason he's a newsman, so he couldn't just be like ( bleep )! but he said that pret much. he is so riled up right now and he has every right to be. although, jake tapper, you probably want to pace yourself. yes, trump just accused hillary of murder, but it's still only may. by november trump will be claiming she was the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs. you have to pace yourself. ( laughter ) now, in case you're not familiar with the story, vince foster was a you who aide who killed himself in 1993, but the conspiracy theorists from the

entertain's swampiest corners insist he was killed by the clintons for some reason, this despite five official investigations which said it was definitely a suicide, including one by ken starr, a guy so determined to get the clintons he managed to track down one of bill's old jizz stains. that's how determined he was. so i'm pretty sure, the clintons, if they had murdered someone, ken starr would have told us about it. but as odd as it is for a presidential nom tee nee to love such an accusation, it makes sense for donald trump. it is how he launched his political career. >> trump is ramping up the rhetoric calling into question president obama's birth certificate. >> check out the internet. many people say it is not real, okay, that it's a forgery. he may have one, but there's something on that-- it may be religion, maybe it says he's a muslim. >> there were contemporaneous reports that coopted you-- those are the facts.

>> george, they've co-opted you. >> who is "they?" >> obviously, obama and his mennions. ( laughter ) >> trevor: this guy is such an ass. i mean, first of all, that's like the worst jedi mine trick ever-- they corrupted you, they corrupted you. secondly, let's acknowledge that obama and his min yons would be an amazing movie. it really would. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) now, remember, remember, trump didn't just endorse other people's birther theories. he claimed to have found brand new information from his own investigation. >> you have people now down there searching-- i mean, in hawaii. >> absolutely, and they cannot believe what they're finding. >> he said, "they cannot believe what they're finding." >> see what happens. it's none of your business right now upon we're going to see what happens? >> have they found anything? >> we're gog see what happens. >> what have they done? >> we are going to see what

happens. >> when? >> george, next question, george. >> trevor: wow. even people in porn are like, what a giant dick. now, i'm sure there are lots of people out there who have, like, one crazy groundless false conspiracy that they believe in. maybe even two. but donald trump is special because trump believes in all of them. >> trump has already moved on to a new issue, questioning whether president obama's grades in college were good enough to get into harvard law school. >> i don't know why he doesn't release his records. >> trump speculated about a tabloid rumor linking cruz's father to j.f.k.'s assassination. >> what was he dwoog lee harveyg with lee harvey oswald, shortly before the death, before the shooting. >> he warned of syrian immigrants using cell phones with isis flags will stage another 911. >> who is paying for those cell phones? who are they calling? >> donald trump said the president has some kind of

secret plan with saudi arabia to lower prices until the election. >> i think saudi arabia is doing obama a big, fat, favor. i think he asked for that favor. >> donald trump expressed skepticism about how justice scalia died. >> i say they found a pillow on his face which is an unusual place to find a pillow. >> the beautiful child went to have the vaccine, came back and now is autistic. ( laughter ) >> trevor: that could be the next president? i don't get it. people say voters choose the person they'd like to have a beer with, but if this guy sat next to you in a bar, you would be like, you know what? i really have to go home right now." and they'd be like, "wait, i haven't even told you how the free maceons faked the moon landing." people, donald trump is a man who divorces himself from the truth so much he makes it sign a pre-nup. america is basically taking the weirdest, most conspiratorial nut job on the message board and saying give that guy the c.i.a.,

f.b.i., and the world's most powerful military. let's just see what happens. >> can you hear me? >> trevor: is that roy wood, jr.? >> trevor, trevor, hey, hey. i don't have a lot of time, man, but you're missing the bigger picture. the key to all of this is not trump. it's hillary. >> the presidential candidates talking candidly about opening up the government's files on u.f.o.s. >> i have sailed i want to opponent files as much as we can. but there are enough stories out there that i don't think everybody is just sitting, you know, in their kitchen making them up. >> you see? hillary promised to tell us the truth about area 51. you know about area 51, right? i think in africa you all call it district nine. >> trevor: that's a totally different-- roy what, is this all about? >> just follow me for a second! when hillary releases those files, everyone will know donald trump is an alien! that's not spray tan. he's dmoferred that mars dirt. >> trevor: oh, come oroy. you mean like an outer space

alien. >> i worked it all out. trevor, donald trump is an alien scout. that's why he's got us tearing ourselves apart to soften us up for the invasion. >> trevor: well, i guess that explains why he's such an asshole. >> or maybe, maybe his tweets are secret messages to the mothership, man. those aren't typos. that's how you spell ( bleep ) alien. >> trevor: oh, my word. >> or, or, or, maybe, maybe he's a narcissistic demagogue who shamelessly exploits long-debunked conspiracies to distract from the emptiness of his policies and ideas! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: come on, roy! that one's pretty farfetched. i think it's the invasion thing. i think it's the invasion thing. >> oh, no, they're here! they're coming for me! >> trevor: who is it, roy, the n.s.a.?

>> no, my uber's out front. i gotta get those five stars. >> trevor: we'll be right back. get out there, roy! get out there, roy! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

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welcome to the show, sir. >> thanks for having me. >> trevor: thank you for being here upon you have written quite an interesting book and you have lived an even more interesting life. you were a crack dealer and a member of a gang and then you went on to work as a police officer for the n.y.p.d. why didn't you just go into rap? were your rhymes not good enough? >> well, it's funny you say that because i write in the book, i tried to rap. it only lasted for one day. i was horrible. >> trevor: you were that bad? >> i was that bad. >> trevor: you were so bad you upon like, "i need to become a police officer?" >> yeah. >> trevor: let's talk through the story. it really is center tring because you were in a gang, upper on the streets. you were committing crimes. you went on to become a police officer, and what you realize in the book is nobody knew that you were a gangster because you had never been caught. >> right. i was arrested one time. and i admitted that, you know, during the investigation. but i wasn't convicted of the

crime. >> trevor: yes. and that was the reason you could become a police officer. >> yes. >> trevor: now, everyone has the argument that criminals are criminals for life. a lot of the time you can't rehabilitate people. you went on to become a police officer who was actually very successful in catching criminals because you thought like one. >> yes. well, i bucked the trend. i mean, you know, people want to box people in to what they are when they're young, and they don't give people time for change. i mean, you know, if you read the book, it's in three parts-- hustler, cop, executive. if you stop at the first part of the book and don't read anything else, you're going to see this guy is dead or in jail. but if you go on, you will see a phenomenal transformation of life. >> trevor: obviously, coming out and telling the stories you told in this book, you pointed out stories of corruption pup pointed out stories of, you know, systemic racism within the police force itself. with you coming out and saying these things now, you know america has a big problem with policing and the way the public

perceiving. when you write a book like, this some of the stories you talk about make you wonder how yand how is something not happening from the inside. police officers, if they are being spat on, is there no way to deal with this? is there no way to deal with police who may be agitated, people who are pulling out their guns unnecessarily? you were in a very high position. how do you see us moving forward? how do you see the community moving to a place where the police are no longer seen as a separate ententity, where they are protectin protecting and se. >> 90% of police officers are good cops. it's the 5% or 10% we have to really deal with. most cops just come to work and do their job every day and any home. leadership starts at the top-down, and policing is a paramilitary organization. i'm the boss, i tell you to move, that's what you do. if the leaders are allowing the cop-- i was commander of the one of the most violent precincts in new york.

i would address the cops and say when you go out into my community, you make sure you treat-- when you said my, the cops looked at me and said he's taking ownership. when you have kids, and you say don't eat no cookies and one eats a keek what, are you going to do? >> trevor: break their jaw. am i doing it right? ( laughter ) >> so if a cop slaps somebody, you know, we always want to punish the cop after a shoot, kill an unarmed person. what happens when you do the investigation? oh, yeah, 15 complaint. he did this, he did that. so when they slap somebody, you punish them. >> trevor: stepping in early and doing something about it. >> exactly. doing stuff early. >> trevor: if you were to reply to people who are critics, some of them police, who say it's easy for you to say these things now because you're out. you're writing a book. you're telling all these stories. and it feels like you're not on the side of the police anymore. how do you reply to that

criticism? >> when i talk about policing, i'm talking about bad cops, if you're a good cop and doing your job every day, my criticism is not directed towards you. i'm talking about the 10%. it's not a lot. the entire n.y.p.d. is not bad. the entire baltimore police department eye don't know if we can say it about chicago with all that stuff going on-- but most of these police departments, 95% of these cops are doing a good job. but the leadership has tow now make sure they're taking care of the role of police officers and disciplining them. because if you start firing them or giving them some heavy sentences or 30 vacation days or taking them off patrol and stuff like that, it resonates. >> trevor: it's a really fascinating book. it comes with a lot of controversy which makes for a great story. thank you very much for joining us. >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: "once a cop," available now. cory pegues, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )

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>> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thank you for tuning in. joan us tomorrow night a