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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  June 14, 2016 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT

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it is rolling. [ laughs ] we're on the same page about boobs. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! (cheers and applause) m♪ ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah. we've got a great show for you tonight. we have two guest. first up the writer of "fresh off the boat" and author of the new book "double cup love," eddie huang is here, everybody! (cheers and applause) also joining us with some perspective on the events in
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orlando, erred at large of huffpo queer voices, michaelangelo signorile is also joining us! (cheers and applause) first up, breaking news. >> today is donald trump's 70th birthday. >> trevor: yea. 70 years of donald trump. yes, the man was born in 1946, or as it will be known after he is elected, the year zero. and look at him, like a cheap cheese, he's barely aged. he could easily pass for 63. so congratulations, donald. more importantly, congrats to milania who is one year closer to freedom. (laughter) (applause) now, one of the strangest celebrations for trump's big day didn't even take place in america. in india, and this is real, an anti-muslim nationalist group threw a party in donald trump's honor. they made him a cake, prayed over it and then they fed it to a donald trump poster! people, you're literally feeding
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the troll! (laughter) now, this group called hindu sena could not be more excited for trump's birthday and more importantly the possibility of his presidency. >> when donald trump becomes the king of the united states then we will not be scared to speak or minds. he will stop us from having to kill islamic terrorists, too. >> trevor: okay. the king of the united states? this is such a strange story. these people cannot wait for donald trump to become president because then they think he will kill islamic terrorists for him and they won't have to do it themselves. that is so insane. i never tha thought i would seee day when indians would be outsourcing their jobs to americans. (applause) (laughter) quite a thing. now, everyone celebrates their birthday differently. some people go to a bar, some people have a nice, intimate dinner. some people wait for a surprise party that never came. but donald trump had his own way of celebrating.
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>> donald trump this morning suggested on two separate occasions that president obama may be purposely allowing terror attacks to take place. >> we're led by a man that either is not tough, not smart, or he's got something else in mind, and the something else in mind, you know, people can't believe it. there is something going on. >> trevor: are you (bleep (bleee in donald trump, the republican nominee is saying the president of the united states is a secret agent for i.s.i.s. he's accusing obama of treason! if ever there was a way you know that president obama is not an african president, this is it, because if you pulled this (bleep) in africa, we would not know where donald trump is right now. (applause) we would not know! (cheers and applause) an i.s.i.s. agent?! really, an agent and bombs i.s.i.s. banks, killed bin laden, drones constantly -- he's the worst sleeper act of
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all time, then. donald trump is a deceitful, shameless birthday bow and, by the way, if you ask me, there's only one sleeper agent in this race, and we all know who that is. (laughter) (applause) look, people, the stakes are getting high now. the republican and democratic party primaries are over and we now know that the next president of the united states is definitely going to be either the she wolf of wall street or an expired bottle of sunny delight. (laughter) and yesterday america had a rare opportunity to compare them in almost scientific conditions because both hillary and trump gave major speeches in the wake of the orlando shooting, but the vibe of the speeches were very, very different. hirl's speech was calm and mature. she didn't even mention donald trump once. instead, she focused on policy. >> we also have to use all our capabilities to counterjihadist
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propaganda online. as president, i will work with our great tech companies from silicon valley to boston to step up our game. we have to do a better job intercepting i.s.i.s.'s communications, tracking and analyzing social media posts. >> trevor: that is a great idea, hillary. why don't you set up a server and -- actually, you know what? no. i'll handle the server, you analyze the results. (laughter) every time there's a terrorist attack in america, there is only a matter of time before the anti-muslim rhetoric fires up. hillary did her part to present an alternative. >> millions of peace-loving muslims live, work and raise their families across america, and they are the most likely to recognize the insidious effects of radicalization before it's too late and the best position to help us block it.
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so we should be intensifying contacts in those communities, not scapegoating or isolating them. (applause) >> trevor: it's a powerful statement, and it's true. so looking at the speeches, what if we learned? under these conditions, our research shows that our first test subject, hillary, has exhibited signs of compassion, resolve and restraint and, yes -- and, yes, so what if compassion, resolve and restraint were the stage directions in her teleprompter, being human isn't easy for everyone, okay? but it's now time for us to look at our second test subject, the donald. >> but the muslims have to work with us. they have to work with us. they know what's going on. they know that he was bad. they knew the people in san bernardino were bad. but, you know what? they didn't turn them in, and we had death and destruction. >> trevor: yes, donald! yes! every single muslim person knows
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exactly what every other muslim person is thinking! (in middle eastern accent) no, you're thinking of bees, or as you call them buslims. so the second subject exhibited signs of paranoia and late' stage jaundice. let's cut the crap. this guy is crazy dangerous. he's not trying to move america forward. he spent most of his speech lying and laying out his plan to turn america on itself. >> we have a dysfunctional immigration system which does not permit us to know who we let into our country -- >> trevor: not true. actually, america has a very strict immigration process -- trust me, i know. you were saying? >> hillary clinton, her plan is to disarm law-abiding americans, abolishing the second amendment
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and leaving only the bad guys and terrorists with guns. no good. not going to happen, folks. not going to happen. >> trevor: you know why it's not going to happen? because hillary's not trying to abolish the second amendment. that's also a lie. if hillary basically said anything, trump would go against -- if hillary said jaywalking was bad, trump would be, hillary clinton wants to cut everyone's legs off. is that the candidate you want? someone who believes your legs should be bloody stumps? her plan is to disleg law-abiding americans. not good, won't happen! not good! try again. >> the bottom line is the only reason the killer was in america in the first place was we allowed his family to come here. that is a fact and it's a fact we need to talk about. >> trevor: yeah, you know what, trump? let's talk about that fact. his parents came to the u.s. from afghanistan in the '80s. i assume to see a go-go's concert. then they said.
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afghanistan was not a terrorist-harboring country at the time. in fact, they were helping america in the fight against communism. so there is no way you could have known that their american-born child would have grown up to do what he did. there's no way to know that. there's no box on the immigration form that says, do you plan to accidentally raise a child that could be a danger to america? that box doesn't exist. if it did, when your mother immigrated to the u.s. from scotland, she would have checked yes and yes! that's what we should have done! (cheers and applause) no way you could have known! okay. that's not fair, though. i guess because she's scottish, she would have checked aye, aye, aye, me wee donald is going to destroy all of it! he's me little dragon! he'll breathe fire on your two-party system! (laughter) even when donald trump was speaking up for the lgbt community, he turned it into an oddly-placed attack on hillary clinton.
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>> ask yourself who is really the friend of women and the lgbt community? donald trump with actions or hillary clinton with her words? i will tell you who the better friend is, and some day i believe that will be proven out bigly. (laughter) >> trevor: bigly? that's not a word. (laughter) if you're going to invent a word, don't put it at the end of the sentence. what you need to do is you slip it in the middle while no one is paying attention. and, by the way, there are plenty of words that mean big. i mean, colossal, large, huge, gigantic, considerable, enormous, immense, tremendous. like, how do you pick literally the only one that you can't had an ly to? the only one?
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(laughter) look, people, at the end of the day, i understand that both of these were speeches, right? but campaign speeches are sort of like wedding vows. they are a promise. a promise of a shared future. and right now, one of those futures threatens to (bleep) america -- bigly. (laughter) we'll be right back. ♪
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my first guest is an author, editor at large of huffpo queer voices and host of the michaelangelo signorile show on sirius xm. please welcome michaelangelo signorile! (cheers and applause) thank you so much. >> thank you. >> trevor: may i say you have the most amazing name ever. you sound like the person who knows where jesus is really buried. michaelangelo signorile -- he knows where it is! welcome to the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: thank you for being here at, honestly, one of the most horrific moments in america's history. you have always been one of the most outspoken voices in the gay community in america. apart from the core of the tragedy which people are saying is terrorism, what does this tragedy mean to you?
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what has this meant to you and your community? >> it's yet another attack on an lgbt space, a place, a sanctuary where people meet, where historically people have gathered in bars and clubs and gone there to, you know, find refuge because their families didn't accept them, and we've seen attacks on bars going way back, you know, into the '60s, the '70s, the '80s, in the '90s, and just last fall attacks in dallas as well. >> trevor: yeah. >> so we've seen this over and over again, and it's by people who hate gay people, and sometimes it's religion-based, sometimes it's just run of the mill hate coming from those who hate black people and everybody else. >> trevor: run of the mill hate. (laughter) >> but we've seen it over and over again, and we now see this one, the worst ever, and it's
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just horrifying to people. it scares people. it frightens them, but i think it also makes people wake up and see that it's still out there and that, because we won marriage equality, it didn't mean that hate went away. in fact, we're seeing the backlash all across the country. >> trevor: we really allude to this book. you talk about the fact that it seems like gay people are i in a great place. but there is a lot of homophobia and backlash. is that true, though? >> well, people have a tendency. i think it happens after every minority group, after a big win and they've moved forward in a dramatic way to really want to believe it's over. i mean, you're fighting against this bigotry for so long, and i call it victory blindness in my book, the idea that you've suddenly arrived after so much
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hatred. but you can see the backlash, and i saw it. in the book, i researched what was happening at these anti-gay conferences and whatnot. you can see it building and you can see them planning on ways to thwart us even as we were winning. now you can see the backlash. you can see the states across the country these religious liberty laws, right, meant to protect the religious people and allow them to keep discriminating -- and i don't mean all religious people, i mean religiously bigoted people -- allow them to continue to discriminate. >> trevor: a lot of people in the world look to america as a prominent member of the gay community. what do you see as a path forward? what do you see as a path we need to try and take? >> i think that there's an impulse, often, among members of the community to say -- and again, they buy into this idea that we're winning, we've won, it's over -- to be magnanimous,
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to allow a space for your enemies, those poor people that are defeated now. that's a trap. they're not poor people who have been defeated. they're people who have been funded with millions and millions of dollars and ensconced in the republican party, and the strategy is to actually keep being confrontational, keep pushing forward. keep demanding full equality. don't settle for crumbs or exemptions. they're looking for exemptions to protections for us. don't be magnanimous. say no, we want it all. we want full equality. that's what this country is all about. >> trevor: as you say in the book,ettes not over -- it's not over. >> that's right. >> trevor: thank you so much. the michaelangelo signorile show weekdays on sirius xm. michaelangelo signorile, everybody (cheers and applause) there are two billion people
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(cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! my next guest is the host of viceland's "huang's world" and he's an author, his new book is called "double cup love." please welcome eddie huang! (cheers and applause) ♪ welcome to the show, eddie. >> thank you. >> trevor: this is weird. i love your work and watt you do, but then i picture you as this lit boil who loves hip-hop and lives in orlando. >> the 12-year-old. >> trevor: is that still who you are? >> the 12-year-old kid on abc? >> trevor: yeah. >> no, i think hudson who plays my life character on abc is fantastic, but it's a different character than who i was at 12
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and who i am now. i think i still have the same shirt on. >> trevor: exactly the same shirt. before we get into the book, let's talk a little bit about orlando. >> yeah. >> trevor: in the first few pages of this book, you talk about how it is to get an ar-15. >> you can by a dora the explorer backpack and an ar-15 and put them in the same shopping cart in the united states. >> trevor: and both of them are as dangerous, let's be honest. >> yes nu dora is dangers. (laughter) dangerous. (laughter) you grew up orlando and have friends with guns like this. >> yes. in orlando, growing up, there is an out of control gun culture. there's a lot of gun clubs, gun ranges. i remember playing video games and friends of mine had guns hanging on gun racks over their couch. i remember friends watching sports, holding ar-15s. we talk about it in the book. >> trevor: here's the question i have. how do we move the conversation
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forward? they're your friends so i'm assuming they're not bad people. >> no, they're not bad people. >> trevor: how do you engage in that conversation with your friend about the guns? your friend is going, i'm not a bad guy, i just like gunnels. i also have a right to these guns. this is part of what my country stands for. >> yeah. >> trevor: how do you move that conversation forward yourself? >> i think all of us have friends who have guns in their homes, maybe under a mattress or somewhere safe in the home because you want to defend yourself. >> trevor: well, the mattress is not safe. >> yeah, the pa tress is not safe, but you see things on tv -- >> trevor: yeah. >> you see things going on, people get robbed, people with families, children, girlfriends, they want to protect themselves. i understand that. i would never fight them on that. but an ar-15 is an assault rifle. i just don't see phi need for this. something somebody told me, he said, if you don't have a gun, you're not going to have gun
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problems. very rarely do i hear stories of people who have a gun for defense and this they've successfully used it to defend themselves. most to have the times, whoever is pulling it first, they're doing what they're doing, you know. that's what he told me -- you don't have a gun, you won't have gun problems. i've never owned a gun. i know people who owned them, doesn't make them better or worse people. but i believe if gun control, i don't think we should have had access to ar-15s. i think we really kneed to take a look at this. (cheers and applause) >> trevor: your book is about finding love, finding yourself, (bleep) your pants. >> yes. >> trevor: do you ever find it challenging to be so vulnerable when you're telling your stories? that comes across in all your books. >> it's super hard. i had a panic attack a week ago after an event in oakland for the book because, you know, you end up talking about domestic violence, kids come to the book
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events and they ask, you know, how do i deal with domestic violence in my home? how do i deal with identity? a kid who was an ethnic minority in china, immigrated to oakland and he liked to make raw pork and beef salad and people laughed at him and he was asking how do i make it cool? i was, like, my heart goes out to you, brother, i don't know. put it on bread. americans like bread. i was saying if obama wanted the healthcare act passed he should have put it on cheddar biscuits. americans vote for things on bread is that americans vote for things on bread! >> trevor: that is an epic quote! a funny book, so insightful, the season finale of "huang's world" airs thursday on viceland. "double cup love" available now. i suggest you get it. eddie huang, everybody! (cheers and applause)
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we got another one. i have an orc-o-gram for an "owen." that's me. ♪ you should hire stacy drew. ♪ ♪ she wants to change the world with you. ♪ ♪ she can program jet engines to talk and such. ♪ ♪ her biggest weakness is she cares too much. ♪ thank you. my friend really wants a job at ge. mine too. ♪ i'm a wise elf from a far off shire. ♪ ♪ and sanjay patel is who you should hire. ♪ thank you. seriously though, stacy went to a great school and she's really loyal. you should give her a shot. sanjay's a team player and uh...
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪lost love is sweeter when it's finally found♪ ♪don't wake me i'm not dreaming♪
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( cheers and applause ) >> larry: hey! thank you very much! thank you so much! welcome to "the nightly show." i'm larry wilmore.

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