audience: i love lucy. - nope, that's tosh.0. let's try it again. is that tosh.0 or 7th heaven? audience: 7th heaven. - come on, it's obviously tosh.0! is that tosh.0 or blossom? audience: blossom! - nope, tosh.0. you guys suck at this. interesting. is that tosh.0 or sesame street? audience: sesame street! - you're right, it's sesame street. no, i'm just kidding, that's tosh.0! all right, is that tosh.0 or murphy brown? audience: murphy brown! - murphy brown.

- i thought it was gonna be murphy brown too. it's not, it's tosh.0. all right, last one. if you listen closely you should be able to get this one. it's pretty easy. was it tosh.0 or m*a s*h? audience: m*a s*h! - come on, it's tosh.0! they mention my name in the note. well, i think we can all agree my censors are doing a great fucking job. so good night and congratulations to the audience member of the week. [applause] from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! (cheers and applause) ♪

>> trevor: welcome, everybody, to "the daily show"! thank you for joining us! i'm trevor noah. tonight's guest is chuck klosterman, everybody! (cheers and applause) first up, today is national handshake day. as you all know, because today's also national knowing about fake holidays day. earlier this week, the very serious occasion was observed by the leaders of the united states, mexico and canada. >> president obama's visit to canada yesterday, he was there for the north american summit with the leaders from canada and mexico when this happened. (laughter) >> trevor: you see! this is why black people invented fist bumps! to avoid moments like this! and you don't even get the full gravity of this situation on the news because when you zoom in you realize how complicated this handshake really was!

>> trevor: happy national handshake day, everybody! let's turn now to the geopolitical equivalent of that handshake, brexit. after 52% of britain voted to leave the european union, many felt like they'd seen an m. night shyamalan movie. they were looking for somebody to blame. >> u.k. politics is an unprecedented amount of tour tu. >> unprecedented -- >> the labour camp is suffering turbulent times. >> jeremy corbyn lost a

confidence vote in parliament. >> will we see the labour party splitting into pieces? >> scotland is threatening to break away from the u.k. over the brexit vote because they want to stay in the e.u. >> trevor: oh! scotland is threatening to leave the u.k.! oh! if that happens, where else will england find music that sounds like a piece of carpet is farting at you? oh! (laughter) usually after a vote both sides have to regroup and retrench and that's why david cameron, against brexit, is stepping down. the winning side also seems to be losing. boris johnson, former mayor of london, scoop of human mashtd potatoes, was the face of the human campaign. when the question is who would replace cameron, everyone knew it would be business casual shrek. >> who is the next prime

minister of this country? well, i must tell you, my friends, i have concluded that person cannot be me. >> trevor: yes. so the person who basically convinced britain to leave europe now doesn't want anything to do with this whole fiasco. yeah, britain is basically knocking on his door like boris, boris, i did what you wanted, i left europe for you and now i want to be with the one i love. he's like yes, but i concluded unfortunately that person cannot be me. if boris was the face of the leave campaign, this guy was the ass. nigel farage, leader of the far right wing party ukip. has been pronationallisms, anti-immigrants and anti-european union. having won the cam spain to separate from europe, nigel went back to the european union to extend a hand of friendship.

>> nigel farage welcomed with boos to the e.u. parliament. >> i would like to see a grownup and sensitive attitude on negotiate ago different relationship. i know virtually none of you have ever done a proper job in your lives. (booing) you know, when i came here 17 years ago and i said i wanted a leave campaign to get britain to leave the european union, you all laughed at me. well, i have to say, you're not laughing now, are you? >> trevor: what a whacko. that's what this was all about, revenge? well, you're all not laughing now, are you! you realize britain still needs the e.u. for trade. once the brexit is official, they decide whether your economy lives or dies, your future is in their hands. like telling your surgeon you slept with his life weight

before you go under. careful what you put inside me, doc. by the way, i can tell you who i wasn't careful inside. anyway, good luck in there. (laughter) right now great britain is dealing with economic uncertainty, diplomatic turmoil and political leadership showing no signs of being able to lead. at times like this, it's a shame that in a time of such upheaval there isn't a singular figure for the country to turn -- wait a minute... they have a queen. they've a queen, people! surely that's the one time it can come in handy. earlier this week the queen met with a northern iceland politician and when asked what's been on her mind, turns out, no time for brexit in her calendar. >> quite busy. >> yeah. >> quite a lot going on. >> a lot of things happening. >> yes. i've had two birthdays, so we have been quite busy. (laughter) >> trevor: what?

brexit is happening and you're talking about two birthdays? that's suspicious, people. why do i get the feeling anytime the queen gets close to the news someone shuts her down? oh, look! looks like britain voted to leave the -- ♪ happy birthday to you ♪ happy birthday to you we'll be right back! inspired by a true stella artois story

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"the daily show." tonight is a bittersweet moment at "the daily show." our beloved correspondent jessica williams is leaving us to create her own show on comedy central. fortunately, we have one final report from jess on a group of donald trump supporters who may surprise you. >> after an impassioned democratic primary between the curb your enthusiasm guy and mother of dragons, the voting is finally over. with hillary clinton as their

nominee the d. j. party united without controversy. j.k., y'all. i'm (bleep) with you! >> i won't vote for hillary. i can't vote for her. >> we're not just going to automatically vote for the demon because you're saying the devil is there. >> how can it get worse? >> one-fourth of bernie sanders says they will actually vote for donald trump. >> yep, that's worse. i gathered a bunch of actual loyal bernie sanders supporters together to see if this could possibly be true. >> probably i will be looking at trump. >> i'm going to have to go with trump. >> trump. >> why? >> he has diarrhea of the mouth, but a lot of things he says are things a lot of people may think. >> like racist things? >> racist things i would say, yeah. >> he is a bigot and a racist. however -- >> you don't have to continue with however. where are you going to go with that. >> i'm about to go there. hillary has been a scam artist all her life.

life. i hope the f.b.i. comes and indicts her. >> i was starting to suspect this wasn't about trump at all. >> hillary will bring us to war within 90 days of her inauguration. >> okay. >> hillary clinton is a stack of garbage. >> she's a stack of garbage is this. >> more like a leprechaun to me. >> what has a leprechaun ever done to you? >> they disgust me. >> hold up, so they think hillary is this? but they want to vote for this? >> money, money, i want more money, i don't even know why. >> how do you go from a left-wing progressive like bernie to a man who worships money only slightly less than himself? maybe i'm missing something. can you name one thing donald trump and bernie sanders have in common? >> bernie and donald do not have a super pac. >> actually, donald trump has, like, four super pacs. >> bernie and trump both don't have hair. >> anything else? >> they're both old. >> anything else?

>> they both want to be president. >> that's all it takes, huh? can't they see it's bernie and hillary who have similar policies and views? >> their views are totally opposite. >> hillary clinton and bernie sanders' views are totally opposite? >> right. >> what about bernie sanders and donald trump's views? >> okay. >> okay what? are they totally opposite? (laughter) hell, yeah... this is not a robot short-circuiting, these are people who are going to vote! so show them how opposite bernie and trump are, i'm going to play a game who yelled it best, donald trump or bernie sanders. first, when mexico sends its people, they're bringing crime, rapists and i'm sure some are good people. >> trump. >> good healthcare must be

effective. >> bernie. >> i would end obamacare and replace wut something terrific. >> trump. >> what gave it away? >> the third grade level wording. >> you will never learn what i am thinking. >> trump. >> hitler. sounds like trump, doesn't it? >> trick question. i got you, like a leprechaun. wow, except for the hitler thing, you did really well. you know why? they are literally the opposite people. >> it's not going to donald trump, it's going away from hillary clinton. >> okay. maybe an analogy will help. last weekend i wanted to go to this new restaurant but my friends wanted to go to an old restaurant. i got voted. instead of eating with them, i went to an alley and ate a pile of dog (bleep). >> at least i no it's doo doo. >> do these people just love doo doo? you would rather have a 100% turd than a maybe secret turd? >> yes. >> what if the maybe d o.a.o ky

is less okay and just a little less progressive than bernie sanders. >> we'll have to chew on that. >> there is no way to convince these bernie sanders to change their minds. at least one has his priorities in order. are you going to vote for hillary clinton in november? >> yes. >> snap! go on! >> so zero chance you vote for donald trump? >> i'm going to make sure i do everything i can to make sure donald trump is defeated. >> trevor: jessica williams, everybody! (cheers and applause) what with an exciting and yet sad moment at the same time. >> yep. >> trevor: we tried. we tried to put together all of your greatest moments, but the truth is no one show can do them

justice. you are the coolest, most awesome person. this building is going to suffer a severe lack of j. willieness without you. >> i got a lot of willie style. >> trevor: so to say goodbye, we tried to put together a tiny bit of what makes you as amazing as you are. so please enjoy. >> hey, guys. it's tv's jessica williams. ♪ arms and legs ♪ arms and legs (screaming) okay, okay, that's racist. brace yourself, might want to sit down, but beyonce is black... ♪ >> why would we need a tractor on this farm? >> fun. >> try this. is that pioneer choking that native american dude to death or

do i have something crazy in my eye? look at me! i don't know technology! what the (bleep) is going on? i just want to live in a world where i can ride a freakin' real hover board. you want to kick out a church that is homophobic. >> it would be a perfect place for our young people to live. >> whaaaaaaaat! >> trevor: jessica williams, everybody! (cheers and applause) wow, jessica, i think i speak for everyone on the show, especially your foreign correspondents -- >> whoa, whoa, chill out, african! >> trevor: it's the correspondents, everybody! (cheers and applause)

>> we can speak for ourselves! >> i'll go first because i'm the white guy. jess, it has been an honor working with you. when i came in, i was so impressed by how young and talented you were, it almost made me angry. now as you leave, i'm honored to say that i am still pissed. >> you covered so many important stories about black women and gay rights and pastors who think there is semen in starbucks coffee. >> before you go, jess, there is one big reason we're on the show today, can i get your autograph? >> trevor: guys, i it was so beautiful. you should be ashamed. i'm getting jessica's office. jessica, we cannot say goodbye to you enough. it is farewell. you will be close by hopefully, your show is amazing and you're always welcome. jessica williams, everybody. (cheers and applause)

little miss muffet sat on eating her curds and whey. along came a burglar who broke into her home and ransacked the place making off with several valuable tuffets. fortunately geico had recently helped her with homeowners insurance. she got full replacement on her tuffets. the burglar was later captured when he was spotted with whey on his face. call geico and see how much you could save on homeowners insurance. bud light party here to discuss equal pay. women don't get paid as much as men and that is wrong. and we have to pay more for the same stuff. what? yeah. cars... what? dry cleaning... what? shampoo. what? you pay more but get paid less? that is double wrong. i'm calling everyone i know and i'm telling them about this.

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best-selling author whose new book is called "but what if we're wrong?" please welcome chuck klosterman! (cheers and applause) ♪ welcome to the show. >> great to be here. >> trevor: you are one of the smartest people i know. whenever i hear you on a podcast, read one of your eggs says or books, i'm, like, this man thinks about everything. how much l.s.d. or mushrooms have you taken? >> well, i think the right amount, which is enough but not too early in life. i got into life a ways. >> trevor: so you have enough to base it off of and the hallucinations make it work out? >> yeah, somebody told me your

life is like a boat and drugs are like the wind, and you can't get too much wind when you're young because your boat will cap size, so you have to be older. >> trevor: i feel like that's a weird just justification for . not too much wind when you're young. (laughter) let's talk about the book, "but what if we're wrong?." this is something i've spoken about for so long. i've asked my friends, how do we know we're right? in any decision, whether political, sports, how we perceive history, what if we're wrong, and you talk about it so many different ways in the book, you're saying we can be wrong, and people have been wrong, but surely this excludes oprah. oprah cannot be wrong, right? >> she has a lot of confidence and that sometimes is the same as being right. >> trevor: is that a thing? >> no, not true at all. (laughter) thing, is the history of ideas

is pretty much the history of people being wrong. >> trevor: yes. >> so even though in the present tense we have a general certainty of what reality is like, in all likelihood, unless we're living in a completely different time frame where the rules no longer apply, at some point, in 300 or 500 or 1,000 years, they're going to look back at this period and most of the most entrenched ideas will seem either mildly absurd or surprisingly accurate. like people will be shocked that we were right about some of the things that we based our understanding of the world on. >> trevor: what's a good example of that in history? what's the most glaring example where we go they were completely wrong at the team but they thought completely right. >> the easiest example was probably gravity. when i would go to scientists and people of disciplines, i would say, okay, man -- i'm cool, so i said it that way -- hey, man, i'm not trying to

contradict your view of reality because in all likelihood, your view is mine. i just want to know if there is any possibility or likelihood that we are essentially wrong about something that's really meaningful? then because i didn't want to seem like a crazy person, i go, i know some things are off the table like gravity. and one guy, brian green, was like, no, it's not. and i thought to myself, well, this book may work. if the thing i'm -- theme i'm using the unchangeable idea is changeable. 2,000 years, gravity was aristotle's idea, science interlocked with philosophy. a rock doesn't float because a rock wants to be on the ground. it has agency and craves the ground because it wants to be in the center of the universe and of course the earth is the center of the universe. they all then shifted with newton and einstein. this idea we have about gravity now, even though it seems so rational and kind of accepted

universally, it's 350 years old. so we were wrong for 2,000 years and now we're certain about something whose life span is still relatively short. is it possible that, in another 800 years, this period will seem crazy? seems very possible to me, even though i don't necessarily know why that will happen. >> trevor: that raises the question, donald trump. (laughter) could we be -- be wrong? >> yeah, well, that would be the thing. >> trevor: could we look back and go, wow, he made america great again?! (laughter) >> it is this sort of terrifying idea. no one is going around saying if we could just get him in office, it would be great. there is the assumption he's the least qualified person possible to be this far in the race and if he became president it would somehow destroy democracy and the thing is this is happening

because of democracy. we're worried about him destroying democracy but the way this is set up, anyone can be president, you don't have to be qualified. >> trevor: so destroy democracy to stop donald trump? >> it's the pa paradox of livin. >> trevor: i think it's the price worth paying. >> we believe democracy is great? we even question it. >> trevor: this is a powerful discussion. i should have taken weed before we -- man! you really need to read the book. fascinating. >> thanks. >> trevor: thank you so much for coming. so many questions, so many answers, "but what if we're wrong?" is available now. chuck klosterman, everybody! (cheers and applause) ♪ ♪

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