- and now back to jakovasaurs on comedy central. - hi, honey, i'm home! whoa! [laughter] boy, it was rough at work today! i've never seen so much coffee! - booooo-wooooop! - no... in the boss' lap! [laughter] - hello, dad! - hello, son! how was your day? - oh, not so good! something really strange happened! - what, you mean mtv played a video that wasn't will smith? [laughter] - no, dad! a man in a blue suit and a bag came to the door! he just left this sealed piece of paper with a stamp on it. - that's called a mailman! he takes care of mail! - oh, he took care of mom too! [laughter] - you're a nut! let me see that letter!

it's from a game show! the mayor has invited me to compete. - hi, jakov! [applause] - what the hell is that? [laughter] who's laughing? - eric, the mayor has invited us to compete on a game show in south park! first prize is an all-expense-paid vacation. - wow, that's cool. i can help you get ready. - whoop! whoo! [laughter and applause] - come on, come on. [telephone rings] hello? - mayor? this is jakov! i'm the tall fellow down the block-- - yes, yes, jakov, you're calling about the game show. congratulations. will you do it? - sure, if a free trip is involved. can my whole family go? - of course! that's the point! just be ready this afternoon at the public access building. and good luck. hope you win. - cool beans! - we got him. all right, the boys here will keep little eric cartman distracted. meanwhile, we get rid of the jakovasaurs and bring some normalcy back to this town! ready? all: break! [jakovasaurs whooping]

- hey, ned, a package came for you today from voice box express. - [belching] oh...boy...oh...boy. - now, remember, barbrady, all you have to do is lose. - right! - okay, let's quiet down, people and jakovasaurs. now, as you know, the winner of this little game will get an all-expense paid trip for himself and 50 of his closest relatives to lovely france! and all one of you lucky contestants has to do is answer only one of these questions. are you ready, players? - ready! - ready! - okay, hands on your buzzers. [buzzer sounds] - 47! - you have to wait until i ask the question first. - sorry! - that's okay. hands on buzzers. - turkey sandwich! - damn, he's quick. - oh, sorry! - no, i'm sorry. - no, it's my fault. - no, it's all me. my bad. - sorry. - sorry. - will somebody please unplug the goddamn buzzers? - got it. - now can we get on with this? first question: what color is blue? - blue? - what? - blue is blue? - aw, did i lose? - what, lose? no, no, hang on. you're supposed to lose, you idiot! - where am i?

- just don't answer any more questions, got it? - okey dokey. - sorry, folks. a little mix-up. we're playing best out of three. - what are we doing out here, you guys? i want to see if jakov wins that game show. - oh, he'll win. don't worry. - we just have to show you this new species because you're the department-of-interior guy now. soon they will all be eaten by bears. - let me get out my notepad so i can classify this new species. that should be fine, just fine. just fine. fine. - there it is! that must be of the antelope family. - that's kenny with branches on his head. why did you bring me all the way out here, you guys? - cartman, jakovasaurs are making south park suck. you have to understand that. - what does that have to do with me being all the way out-- wait a minute, you're distracting me! that game show is a fix! - cartman, wait! - [muffled] hey, guys, what-- - what's two plus two, jakov? - i don't know! - four? [bell dings] - jakov, what is your name? - jakov. [bell dings] - oh, screw it. jakov wins! - i do? [all cheering] - you and your entire family are going to wonderful and exotic france! - hooray!

- all right, everybody. let's get them to the airport. let's go, people. there's no time to lose! - but what about our clothes? shouldn't we pack first? - jakovasaurs don't wear clothes, jakov. - oh, yeah! well, good-bye, everybody! we'll send stuff from france! all: good-bye! - whoo! [light laughter] - jakov! - close the door! - open this door! - eric, this is for the best. - i am department-of-interior guy, and i have authoritah! no! jakov, don't go! - hi, eric! okay, bye, then! - come back. - eric, it's important for you to understand-- - don't, mother. just don't. - i know it's hard, eric, but i've learned something today. you see, animal species come and go. it's all part of natural evolution. - the jakovasaurs would have gone extinct if we hadn't interfered because their particular form of life simply wasn't practical. - [speaking clearly] we can't go around saving every form of life any more than we can kill them all.

we have to let nature run its course. - ned, that voice box sucks! - i know; i'm still trying to find my old one. - well, then, what say we all go get some ice cream? all: hooray! - no, that's okay. i'll see you guys. - dude, i've never seen cartman care so much about something. - yeah, i guess he finally found something that's as annoying as he is. - bonjour. - bonjour. - cafe? - oui. - come on, kids! let's go find the pyramids! whoo! aah! [crash] [all laughing] - [speaking french] - [speaking french] - [speaking french]

>> from philadelphia where you probably won't get punched more than once, it's the 12016 democratic national convention. let's not get crazy. night two. every minority the cameras could find. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome, everyone, to the daily show. i'm trevor noah. so excited to have you. thank you so much. we're in philadelphia, people, we are in philly officially

covering the democratic national convention. i'm so excited, our guest new york senator kirsten gillibrand is joining us, everybody. good time, good times! and speaking of excitement, is everyone excited about having the first female nominee for president? (cheers and applause). >> trevor: america's first female-- because i am. i am not going to lie, i am. yes. it's so great to be here when america takes these major steps forward. it's also exciting because it is a first. first anything are exciting, you know. yeah, first day of school, you know, first comment on instagram. first. first time you had sex. (applause). >> trevor: yeah, first time you had sex right. (laughter) the point s the point is, yesterday was a historic occasion. and now we're joined to celebrate that history with desi lydic, everybody. desi lydic. hello, desi.

>> trevor, let me tell you something, in this country a lot of bars give women free drinks on tuesdays and call it ladies night. but last night was the real [bleep] ladies night. (cheers and applause) you realize before yesterday america had 131 male presidential nominees, 0 female nominees and 0 squirrel nominees. and after 240 years and 56 elections, women have finally edged out squirrels. (applause) look, i know hillary kept it low key and accepted the nomination by video because she's classy like that. but this was so huge. she deserved to ride in on a shooting star like katy perry at the super bowl! >> trevor: she really is a fire work, desi. an people must have been losing their [bleep] in the convention? >> yes, they still are! i wish i could stay in here

forever because outside people are just kind of like oh, first female nominee, cool. hey, look, trump is doing an ama on reddit. >> trevor: i feel you there. i feel you, even some major american newspapers in fact used pictures of hillary's husband when talking about how she made history, or should i say hers-story. >> no, history is fine. but seriously, what the hell? this is a huge deal for this country. you know, every one talks about how advanced america is compared to the rest of the world. but we suck at having women in power. want to know who got here before us? pretty much everybody. argentina, germany, mongolia, liberia, [bleep] pakistan's already assassinated a female leader. might have gone a little too far down progress lane. there is a real [bleep] spot you want to stay in. >> trevor: desi, it is funny you say that because when obama won, even black people in africa were losing their [bleep] and he's only half african. >> yeah, exactly. trevor, hillary is full woman.

plaws. >> god! and look, look, i know maybe some conservative women don't exactly feel like celebrating at hillary's victory. but you can hate hillary and still love what happened last night. (cheers and applause) >> yeah. because her victory and power-- empowers all women. even if you want to use that power to say that hillary planned benghazi from a secret e-mail server that she bought with goldman sax donations. you can do that. hillary busted through that glass ceiling and you can follow her through it. even if it is just to take her down. this is just really beautiful, when you think about it like that. >> trevor: it really is beautiful. an it's long overdue, men have been running the white house for a hundred year, they have screwed a lot of [bleep] up. >> yeah, and now it's time for women to screw some [bleep] up. >> trevor: des ir-- desi

lydic, everyone, desi lydic. now after hillary clinton got enough votes to officially win the nomination the democrats spent most of the night impatiently waiting for bill clinton to show up. then they spent the rest of the night waiting for bill clinton to stop talking, no, i am kidding, it was a beautiful speech. >> those of us that have more yesterdays than tomorrows tend to care more about our children and grand children. the reason you should elect her is that in the greatest country on earth, we have always been about tomorrow, your children and grand children will bless you forever if you do. >> trevor: i just like there is some guy right now going my children and grand children will bless me forever, sounds nice but i already bought the hat. >> trevor: it was a really emotional night, it was a really beautiful, powerful, emotional

night. i mean nothing could ruin it. i-- yes,-- look, there was-- one weird thing. >> if you were as energized as i was and am right now-- take out that phone, fire up that laptop, pry that ipad out of your kid's hands and go to hillary clinton.com and give what you can. even $1 can make a difference. >> trevor: look, guys, i know you need funding to run a campaign, but you can't bring out movie stars to an arena named after a bank and have them ask the rest of us for the money. i mean come on! come on! you have some money. you have to admit, you have some money. mer ill streep is not staying at an airbnb, i know that. i'm not saying don't ask for money. but at least show me that you need it enough with the movie stars, why don't cut away to chuck sheumer in a garbage can or something, you know. the reason bernie raised $200

million was because bernie sanders looked like he owed someone $200 million. people saw that guy-- people saw that guy and everyone was like damn, damn, i got to help this dude out. i've got to-- i mean i have $27, is that enough? look, democrats, you should need zero dollars to win this race. because when you look at the two candidates side-by-side, it is embarrassing that this is even a contest. and i know, i know-- (applause). >> trevor: i know people will try and say oh, no, no, it's all about objectivity. yes, and any objective person can see that of the two options, one is not an option plawtion plaws. >> trevor: one is not an option. there are basically two life boats. one we have seen float. it's weathered many a storm and yes, it sprung a few leaks, metaphorically speaking.

the other life boat is made out of cheese dood els. (laughter) and it has a shark in it. and it is on fire. and it's underwater and its name is donald trump and it's show currently leading in the polls, people! which baffles me. because even if we remove-- no democrat, no republican, none of that, just two human beings, person one versus person two, and you know what i am not even going to do it. this is what their friends and the people who have known them forever, these are the best things that their people could say about them. >> when hillary graduated from law school, hillary went undercover going door to door, school to school, investigating discrimination. >> everything my father does is first class. he loves real estate. he loves building the greatest projects in the world. >> she also started the first legal aid clinic in northwest arkansas. >> it was a building called the ge building. i didn't like it. i said donald, stay away from

it. he bought it. made 2 or 300 million on the deal. that's what he does. >> after intense shuttle diplomacy with israel, the palestinian authority, egypt, she did it. a ceasefire. >> donald transformed a landfill into a championship public golf course. >> hillary introduced a bill, signed into law, that helped first responders get the benefits they earned. >> donald trump purchased a weinery in 2011, making it a world-class destination and the largest vineyard in virginia. >> trevor: yeah, that's right. now ask yourself, where would we be without the largest winery in virginia. where would we be, people. we would be forced to drink wine from other states or even, the second largest winery in virginia. and let's stop acting like a few of hillary's failures define and

tarnish her very successful career. for instance, in 20 12-rbgs hillary broke erred a ceasefire between israelis and palestinians. do you know how hard it is to get those people to stop fighting? it is almost assed assed about s eagles and giants fans. this is how mondaymentus it was. but look, if we are being on swrekive, we should look at bots sides, yeah. what was donald trump doing around the same time. well, it turns out he was dealing with a different international cries i while hillary was handling peace in the middle east he was tweeting at robert pattinson that he should dump kristen stewart for cheating. yeah, seven tweets, inct fa. seven tweets. if that's not commitment, then i don't know what is, people. that is commitment (applause) (applause). >> trevor: and look, if you were interviewing these two for president, you would probably look at hillary's resume and be like oh, i see you have quite a lot of experience here.

oh, and you have also lived in this very office, oh. that's very impressive. and then you would look at donald trump's resume and be like oh, i'm sorry, sir, we're looking for a president. it looks like you're applying to be america's racist landlord. u m-- u m-- (applause). >> trevor: now don't get me wrong. don't get me wrong. i'm not saying hillary clinton is better than donald trump at everything. no. for instanceness, if america needs golf courses, then you can call donald trump, if america needs more buildings with the name trump on them, then you call donald trump f america needs another reality tv star, you know who to call. fanned america has dropped something between its car seat and that elbow thing in the middle, you call trump because his hands are the perfect size to fit in there, and get the thing out. but for president, but for president of the united states, we shouldn't even be having this discussion! and one of the most compelling reasons, one of the most compelling reasons why, just

happened today. and we'll talk about that right after the break. we'll be right back. (applause) ♪ my brother and i have always been rivals. we would dream about racing each other, in monaco. ♪ we were born brothers. competition made us friends. wish bold in the 2017 camry. toyota. let's go places.

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(applause). >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. now we were just talking about the two choices in the presidential election. it's basically a choice between grandma nixon and the fifth horseman of the apocalypse. like i said, it's really no choice at all. one of the clearest examples of that came in just today. we're in the middle of the democratic convention. all eyes on hillary clinton. and you know how when a toddler feels like someone else is getting the attention that he should be getting, so the toddler starts banging pots and pans and vomiting to see if it will get a reaction? yeah, well, imagine if that toddler could call a press conference. yeah, once again, donald trump grabbed the spotlight. and this time not for tanning

purposes, no. he used it to address concerns that the russian government may have orchestrated the dnc leak. so all we wanted to hear were trump is that he is not working with russia to sub vert the american election. >> i will tell you this, russia, if you are listening, i hope you are able to find the 30,000 e-mails that are missing. i think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press. let's'-- let's see in that what happens-- that happens, what be will next. >> trevor: are you [bleep] me! did this-- this guy, a man running for president just asked russia to hack america. do you know, for a person who is claiming bring jobs back to america, he sure started outsourcing them real quick. (applause) so let me understand. so donald trump called on a

foreign nation to commit a crime in order to hurt his political opponent. this is what happened, people. in real life, it's not a matter of interpretation. an here's why this worries many people. because during the campaign, trump has called to change american foreign policy in a way that directly benefits russia. on multiple occasions he said he wouldn't necessarily intervene if russia invaded a nato ally. on monday he said that the u.s. should have abandon a bunch of countries that have always been in line with the u.s. against russia. >> they have to pay. they got to pay. we're protecting germany, nothing but money. when i talk about reopro tect japan, which is great. you always have to be prepared to walk. oh, we may have to walk. >> trevor: you know, the fact that you can interchange a donald trump quote with a drunk bus driver, should make americans very afraid. you always have to be prepared to walk. we may have to walk, folks.

sorry, we may have to walk. (applause) it's almost hard to believe he's saying this stuff outloud. it's like you have ever seen that movie the manchurian candidate, about a russian mole who is brain wawshed to run for president. trump is like ifed manchurian ran as the manchurian candidate. so-- (laughter) so because of all of this-- because of all of this, reporters are, if you can believe this, actually starting to ask questions of trump and his russian linked campaign manager paul manafort. like for instance whether donald trump has any financial ties to the russian government. >> trump tweeted yesterday that he has zero investments in russia. but does russia have investments in trump? would mr. trump be willing to release his taxes to provide transparency on this issue? >> if mr. trump has said that his taxes are under audit and he will be not be releasing them it

has nothing do with russia. >> mr. trump has no financial relationship with any russian oligarchs. >> if that's what he said, that's what i said. that is what my position is. >> trevor: that, that, that-- that, that, that-- that, this, that, that, this, is, is, that, that, that is what-- remix. here is how we know manafort is shady. when this same guy was asked about trump's investigation to the e-mail hack, he responded like a guy whose wife had caught him sexting another woman. listen that answer. paul manafort, are you cheating on me! >> we, we-- we have no relationship, this is an absurd attempt by the clinton campaign-- it's absurd, and, you know, no is ba is to it. >> trevor: the allegations are absurd, interesting way to put it. because remember when melania trump plagiarized michelle obama's speech, remember that? well, before the trump campaign admitted it, here is what manafort said. >> to think that she would do

something like that, knowing how screut niezed her speech was going to be last night, is just really absurd. >> trevor: oh, that thing that definitely happened was also absurd, absolutely absurd. smart, actually. because when you think about it, absurd doesn't mean untrue. it just means ridiculous. yeah. platypuses are absurd, but they still exist. so manafort is right. he isn't saying the russia accusations are false, he's just acknowledging that all of this is bad [bleep] crazy. (applause) but, but since the allegations are so absurd, trump felt the need to take the podium and reiterate how absurd they are. >> it is so far fetched t is so ridiculous, honestly i wish we had that power. i would love to have that power. will you russia has no respect for our country. and that's why-- if it is

russia, no one knows, it's probably china. >> trevor: i'm sorry, what? it's probably china? america is about to elect a president who treats foreign affairs like a game of clue? it's probably china with the computer in the library? what do you mean probably china? (applause) up to this point, up to this point nobody else had mentioned china. no one had mentioned china in connection with the e-mail hack. nobody. most people in a position to know said it's russia. but after about 30 minutes, donald trump then said this. >> we done even know who it is. i heard this morning, one report said they don't think it's russia, they think it might be china. >> trevor: i'm sorry, you heard this morning. you were the one who said it! how do you say that, oh, i heard, i heard this morning. i heard this morning, when i said it myself. you can't do that, sir, you can't do that.

you can't cite yourself as a source. and you know how i know that, because someone said it earlier in this show. me, i said that. you can't cite yourself, it's like editing your own wikipedia page, what the hell is wrong with you. this is [bleep] is getting scary. i don't understand how some people say they can't see it. because donald trump is almost like global warming right now. people are trying to deny that it's real. they think it's something we can worry about later. but it is happening right now. and it also involves a lot of cow [bleep]. so again, again, this should be no contest. because let's look at if, let's be honest, flat out, republican or democrat, the worst-case scenarios, with hillary clinton, worst-case scenario, you have a bad president for four years and america has had bad presidents before. you will get through it. but america, you have never had a donald trump before. a man who claiming to be leader of law and order and make america safe candidate, that man

who invites foreign hackers to steal files that he himself to contain american national security data, that man, that say leader you have never had. a man who publicly admires and now possibly colludes with vladimir putin. i man who is lovingly endorsed by kim jungun, a man who praises and doubles down on praising saddam hussein. these are his role models. and these people, what you have to understand, once they are in power, they don't go away. you don't get a chance to vote them out in four years. their rule ends when the country ends. so to all the people out there considering voting for trump, i hope you enjoy your vote, because on days like this, you realize, this could be the very last vote you will ever get. we'll be right back. ♪

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don't wait. get a free samsung galaxy for everyone. so get t-mobile now. because our most epic deal ever is only for limited time. hair is delightfully fragrancedl with notes of moroccan rose and the freshness of springtime unforgettable, wherever you go the scents you can't forget... from herbal essences, blooming now! new taco bell poll finds their breakfast versus no bacon. go figure. introducing taco bell's new $1 morning value menu. the only dollar breakfast value menu... that brings home the bacon. [sfx: bong] (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. my guest tonight is united states senator representing new york, please welcome senator kirsten gillibrand.