september 25. there's one for the character i haven't introduced you to yet. do you want to meet him? >> yes. >> tosh: all right. it looks like a classic. and finally a few weeks ago i invented brand new internet challenges and asked you to come up with better ones but of course you did not. fail. epic fail. so here the best of the worse. >> this is a stupid talking to your pet challenge. starting now i'm going take the don't leave your house challenge. >> the random piggyback ride challenge. >> this is a deep throat popsicle challenge. >> this is the [indiscernible] [ coughing ]

>> we're going to do george washington challenge taking george washington and getting it red hot and burning your ass with it. >> my internet challenge to watch "tosh.0" without getting a boner. >> tosh: all right. that challenge is impossible. nice croakies by the way. all right, good night. i hope no one [bleep]s in my cereal. >> i'm going [bleep] in your cereal. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much, everybody! thank you for tuning in. i hope you like that. that was my donald trump dance.

( laughter ) our guest tonight, starbucks c.e.o. howard schultz is joining us! he owns it all! yes! i really actually hope he came for the interview and not just to use our bathroom. ( laughter ) before we dive into our top story. let's look at other news. in the u.s. open, serena williams continues to dominate women's tennis. won her 309th grand-slam match and on her way of breaking steffi graf's record of 210 titles. serena williams. her brother cat must be so proud. ( laughter ) north korea's leader and biggest baby kim jong un made a big announcement. >> kim jong un banned the country's citizens from using sarcasm in their everyday conversation. >> no! no! don't laugh! poor kim jong un! it seems he's being a dick, but you realize he's been hurt. that's the only reason he would

do that. clearly, he discovered everyone's been making fun of him the entire time. everyone in his country would be, like, yeah, yeah, that's the body type everyone aspires to. yeah. why do i feel it started with his barber? no, kim, everyone is rocking the mustache as a haircut. you look sexy, trust me. ( laughter ) we have a great show. before we get into the main story, say hello to "the daily show" band! ( cheers and applause ) thanks, guys. that was amazing. let's get into today's big story. last night, here in new york, nbc hosted a special commander-in-chief forum, which was momentous for two reasons, one, it would give u.s. voters a unique opportunity to see how each candidate would run the biggest military in the history of mankind and, secondly, because it was the first time hillary clinton and donald trump were in the same venue. i mean, that's if you don't count when they both went to

star jones' wedding, or if you don't count, like, when they went to melania's thing. or if you don't count his visiting her in the white house. i mean, if i didn't know any better, i would say these two were friends... ( laughter ) but last night, they were back to playing enemies, and what better place than a warship. >> the commander-in-chief forum live from the carrier intrepid in new york. here now is matt lauer. ( applause ) >> good evening, everyone. the decision the commander-in-chief makes can have a profound and lasting impact on all americans. after a coin toss yesterday won by mr. trump, he chose to go second, so that means we begin tonight with the democratic nominee for president. >> trevor: i'm sorry. wait. they flipped a coin? ( laughter ) you would think for an event so serious they wouldn't use such a basic decider. and how did hillary lose a coin toss at trump? you would think it would be

easier to beat him at a coin toss because when they say heads or tails, he would say, titties! ( laughter ) trump would say, you see hillary making a bad decision, folks. they asked her which side and she chose the wrong side, folks. i would go in there and do it right. ( laughter ) here's a bit of trivia for you. during world war ii on multiple occasions, kamikaze planes crashed into the intrepid and last night matt lauer continued that tradition because i don't know what the (bleep) he was doing, and neither did he. ( laughter ) because with just 30 minutes to ask hillary about her national security strategy, he spent one-third of that time digging through her inbox. >> concerning your use of your personal email and server, some of the e-mails you sent happened

while you were overseas and were some of your e-mails sent or received were referring to our drone program and you said those were fairly choice. you were communicating on highly sensitive topics. why wasn't it more of a mistake? why wasn't it disqualifying? >> trevor: matt lauer asked so many questions about email i thought i was stuck in line at the genius bar. don't get me wrong, it is important to question hillary about her e-mails. maybe if she did more than one press conference than every nine months, it would have died down. trump talks to the press so much they get tired of challenging him. he does press rope-a-dopes. that's what he's doing. the problem with spending so much on hirlt's e-mails last night, when we got the military questions, this happened -- >> how will you determine when and where to employ troops in harm's way especially to the combat i.s.i.s.?

>> as briefly as you can. >> trevor: as briefly as you can? are you (bleep) me?! this event was called the commander-in-chief forum, it's the reason we're watching, and because matt lauer spent so much time on his questions about e-mails, the actual questions from the actual veterans about the actual commander-in-chiefing gets reduced to a speed date and because you don't have time you don't get to push back on things like this. >> we are not putting ground troops into iraq ever again, and we're not putting ground troops into syria. we are going to defeat i.s.i.s. without committing american ground troops. >> thank you very much for your question. >> trevor: we'll remember this moment. yeah, we won't send any ever again. you ask a follow-up? she says not ever, which everyone knows is international politician speech for "we'll talk about it later."

( laughter ) genuinely, matt lauer and the nbc forum were not good last night because if he wasn't good with hillary clinton, he was terrible when handling trump. he just let trump get away with platen lies. >> i was totally against the war in iraq. you can look at esquire magazine from 2004, you can look at from before that, and i was against the war in iraq because i said it was going to totally destabilize the middle east, which it has, it has absolutely been a disastrous war and, by the way, perhaps almost as bad was the way barack obama got out. that was a disaster. >> people talk about you and commander-in-chief and not just secretary clinton but some of your republican opponents in the primary season and they wonder about your temperament. >> trevor: did you not hear the answer to the question? how did he just move on? first of all, trump is answering the question like a toddler being questioned by his parents and i didn't see -- i didn't say no -- and also -- and barack, he was bad -- and also -- i don't go into -- and me, i would

never -- and, and, also, it was bad -- ( applause ) but he blatantly lies and lauer moves on. i would love to date matt lauer because getting busted would be impossible. it would be, like, who's thirsty lisa? my mom? all right. let's move on and talk about dinner. and by the way, people, i don't know how many times we have to go over this, but real quick, donald trump didn't oppose the war in iraq. when asked about it in 2002 on the howard stern show, he said he was for the war. look the interview up on line. trump points to the esquire magazine 2004 interview that he didn't want to go into war. having an article would be proof unless it was published 16 months after the war started. the war is already a disaster and it's, yeah, we shouldn't have gone in. everybody knows that. you pose the thing after it's

happened. next year a lot of people will be voting against trump in the 2016 elections. that's what's going to happen. ( applause ) and i know some people are saying, well, what did you expect, man? it was matt lauer. okay? he's just the host of a morning show. he doesn't know how to push back. but that's why this is so disappointing, because that's not true. matt lauer can take tough guess to very powerful people. and we've seen it before. >> i'm counting chairs and i see four. normally we see five. where is zayn? >> liam payne: yeah, he's got a tummy bug. >> matt lauer: is it something more serious than just a minor illness? there have been rumors of substance abuse. what's going on? >> no o he's okay. >> trevor: that's journalism! look at that! he could have moved on when liam

spun him that story! he could have moved on and liam was, like, oh, oh, it's a tummy bug! but matt lauer knew zayn's tummy was fine! so he called out one direction in front of the fans, a an army way stronger than hillary and trump will ever possess! come on, matt lauer, you didn't flinch in front of a bunch of rich, powerful children, i can't believe you couldn't face down just one. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) ♪ my brother and i have always been rivals. we would dream about racing each other, in monaco. ♪ we were born brothers. competition made us friends. wish bold in the 2017 camry. toyota. let's go places.

people spend less time lying awake with aches and pains with advil pm than with tylenol pm. advil pm combines the number one pain reliever with the number one sleep aid. gentle, non-habit forming advil pm. for a healing night's sleep.

my fellow americans... they say we're a nation divided. that's not true. we agree on a lot. like paul rudd. everybody loves paul rudd. i didn't know this was going to happen! you know what else everyone loves? emojis. no. beer! that's why we're forming the bud light party. just wait till you see our caucus. we've got the biggest caucus in the country! ooooeeeyyyyy! i'm really inspired right now. america has seen the light... and there's a bud in front of it! sfx: crowd cheers, fireworks ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! for more on what donald trump said that matt lauer should have called out, here's desi lydic with "what the actual fact." ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you, trevor. well, donald trump spoke last night. so... here we are. ( laughter ) let's start with trump's relationship with his bro-bushka, vladimir putin. >> when referring to a comment

that putin made about you, i think he called you a brilliant leader, you said it's always a great honor to be so nicely complimented by a man so highly respected within his country and beyond. do you want to be complimented by that former kgb officer? >> i think when he calls me brilliant, i'll take the compliment. if he says great things about me, i'm going to say great things about him. >> wait, if he says great things about me, i'm going to say great things about him? trump is confusing the presidency with instagram. um, she's a fascist bitch, but she liked pli brunch selfie, so you look gorgeous, girl, like! trumputin called trump a yarkii. means bright. it means flam buoyant. so putin meant ronald mcdonald

brilliant, not einstein brilliant. the compliment is false. sounds good but means something totally different than you think like a chinese character you get at a strip mall. i thought the tattoo meant serenity, turns out it meant menu -- ( laughter ) lauer asked trump the question on everyone's mind. you might be president, how freaked out should be we be exactly? >> when you're comander-in-chief, you can spark a conflict, destabilize a region, put american lives at risk. can we afford to take the risk with you? >> i think absolutely. i think if you saw what happened in mexico the other day i went there, had great relationships. look at the aftermath today where the people who arranged the trip in mexico have been forced out of government. that's how well we did. >> yes... after trump visited mexico, their finance minister was forced to resign because mexicans were so angry that he

invited donald trump to their country. in other words, trump says he won't cause global turmoil and then, to prove it, he points to the global turmoil he just caused. you know, it's almost as if donald trump is a total (bleep) nutjob, and i'm checking his so-called facts and he never even means or knows anything he's talking about. so weird. trump's claim is supposed to be comforting but comes off as really disturbing. i give this a teletuby. why does it have a penis on its head? ( laughter ) finally, let's look at donald trump's criticism of hillary clinton's support for military action in libya. >> again, she made a mistake on libya. she made a terrible mistake on libya. not only did she make the mistake, but then they complicated the mistake. i mean, she made a terrible mistake on libya.

>> like augustus at willy wonka's chocolate river, that's where matt lauer should have jumped in because we've all talked about this before, back in 2011, donald trump demanded intervention in libya. but to be fair, how do you expect matt lauer to know he woul -- howwould he know he sai. >> i would support a "no fly" zone you can't allow something like this to happen. this is like the holocaust. >> he just said it to his face. so let's see, trump supported the libyan invasion, and matt lauer was in the room as he did it, but everyone's pretending like it didn't happen. so i give this a walking in on your parents (bleep). ( laughter ) turns out my mom also has a serenity tattoo. trevor. >> trevor: thank you, desi.

we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )

♪ my brother and i have always been rivals. we would dream about racing each other, in monaco. ♪ we were born brothers. competition made us friends. wish bold in the 2017 camry. toyota. let's go places. mike, you'venope.to let it go. i'm saving it for my man cave. we're turning the basement into a playroom. i know we talked about that but i didn't think we, like, officially decided. okay. let's sell it on letgo. you just take picture and post it. saw your post. that's perfect for my man cave.

it's time to snap, post, chat and sell. it's time to letgo.

( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the chairman and c.e.o. of starbucks. please welcome howard schultz! ( cheers and applause ) welcome. thank you so much for being here. first of all, i have to apologize, howard. i got your name on your cup written wrong. ( laughter ) we were trying to write -- and i don't know who did that. i don't know even know how that happens. i'm so sorry. i really -- >> no problem, trevor. no problem. >> trevor: that's just a horrible, horrible mistake that happened. ( laughter ) welcome to the show. thank you for being here. ( applause ) let's jump straight into it. i want to go back for a second. i mean, you are at the head of honestly one of the most recognizable and successful franchises in the world.

you're also responsible for, i guess, most of the excitement in the world between the hours of, like, 6:00 a.m. and 10:00 a.m. >> we try our best. >> trevor: let's talk about politics and the world and everything starbucks is involved in. it would be so easy for starbucks just to be involved in making coffee, making money. but it seems like you hear starbucks involved in other conversations. there was the debacle about starbucks being involved in conversations around race which went horribly wrong. >> i'm not so sure about that. i don't think it was a debacle. we are still talking about it, and certainly there is a great need in this country to be talking about race and race relations and what still is going on in most communities in america. >> trevor: a lot of people don't want to talk about the hardships going on in america. what i loved about the series starbucks has come out with,

upstanders, an original series struks created, i guess showcasing people doing amazing things. the first question is why, the second question is what inspired it? >> given the backdrop of this political season and the lack of civility and respect, how vitriolic it's been, you would think the country is completely going south. that's not the case. there are great, ordinary americans doing extraordinary things. we want the stories to be told and we think it could be catalytic as emblematic as what we can do as americans and not just point our finger and washington and wait on washington while great people are doing great things that are just wonderful and some of them are here today. >> trevor: as a c.e.o. of starbucks you talk about corporations and ordinary citizens doing their bit. what's interesting is you found a way to merge the two. i think we actually have a clip of one of the fascinating stories. let's have a look. >> for a generation, good people working at food banks have

thrown away food. maria was the first person i met that actually went about solving the problem of internal food waste within the hunger fighting movement. >> we're now working with more than 800 individual organizations in 45 states. we're helping move thousands of pounds of food a month, both from retailers and in between food pantries, food that otherwise would have ended up in the trash. >> trevor: that is absolutely amazing! ( applause ) maria is actually here in the audience. thank you, maria, for coming! ( cheers and applause ) you know, and, honestly, this is not a joke, that is one of the biggest things that i have always grappled with is food wastage. >> and one out of six americans are food insecure, and maria is trying to solve that problem. >> trevor: it's fantastic. thank you. congratulations to both of you for teaming up. ( cheers and applause )

i've always been fascinated by something. in america, corporations, i guess, due to lobbying and all of the institutions around it, it seems like corporations have a lot more power than they do in other places, you know, around the world. you talk about using your power to influence what's happening on the ground, but is that something that a company like starbucks looks to do at a higher level so that we don't only look to washington but it's something that you as a c.e.o. say i have to do something to get these people to do something to change the world? >> there is a growing responsibility for business and business leaders to recognize we need to do more. we need to take care of your people and serve our communities. we just came back from johannesburg, we opened in south africa. i was sitting with a group of south africans, many who never had a job before and i kept hearing a word, i know you will know it immediately, i didn't know what it meant.

i said what does that mean? umbutu (phonetic), and that word nelson mandela used about i am because of you. >> trevor: yes. >> so i think that the country and the world is in dire need of humanity, dire need of civility and respect and umbutu (phonetic) embodies that. >> trevor: it's about stepping up and saying something. you've done what most don't. i guess you came out and you endorsed hillary clinton, which is a strange move. >> you think so? >> trevor: no, i mean as a person who's in corporate -- a lot of people go, hey, i'll stay out of it. i'm just a coffee guy. i don't get involved. you want it black, you want it white, it's up to you, man, up to you! ( laughter ) you could easily stay out of it. you stepped in and said something publicly why? >> because this is probably the most important election of my lifetime and she is i believe the most qualified candidate to be the president of the united states.

( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: thank you so much for being here. thank you for everything that you're doing. >> thank you! >> trevor: to learn more about upstanders, go to starbucks/upstanders! howard schultz, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ♪

i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. i know more about isis then the generals do. john mccain, a war hero. he's not a war hero, he's a war hero because he was captured. i like people that weren't captured ok.

donald trump compared his sacrifices to the sacrifices of two parents who lost their son in war. how would you answer that father? what sacrifice have you made for your country? i think i've made a lot of sacrifices, built great structures. i've had tremendous success, i think... those are sacrifices? always has to be who sat your desk? phone now, with one talk from verizon... hi, pete. i'm glad you called. (announcer vo) all your phones can work together on one number. you can move calls between phones, so conversations can go where you go. take your time. i'm not going anywhere. (announcer vo) and when you're not available, one talk helps find the right person who is. hi, john. (announcer vo) so wherever work takes you, you can put your customers first. introducing one talk-- another way verizon connects your business better. learn how at onetalk.com. >> trevor: thank you so much for tuning in and joining us! that's all we've got time for. stay found for @midnight coming up with chris hardwick. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> and the north korean leader

kim jong il is reportedly banning car it's 121 d 29 and 29, this happened on the dillee bail, put marshmallow dictator kim jungun is known for his brutal suppression of human rights in north korea like last year when he ordered the execution of a turtle farmer for inexens. your move, sch-- competence, your move, shredder. plus plaws but kim's newly