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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  September 12, 2016 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT

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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: thank you so much, everybody! welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah. so excited. our guest tonight, a fantastic hip-hop artist and star of hit vh1 show "t.i. & tiny: the family hustle," we have t.i. in the house, people! ( cheers and applause ) but first, let's start with a phrase i never thought i would say -- good news out of syria. >> u.s. secretary of state john kerry announcing the u.s. and russia have agreed to a cease fire he says could be a turning
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point in the 5-year-old civil war in syria. >> as reports, we're waiting for word on this landmark agreement. russian foreign minister sergei lavrov comes in with a special delivery, two pizzas and a bottle of vodka. pizza was from the u.s. delegation, the vodka was from the russian delegation. >> trevor: all it took to get the u.s. and russia to agree on a cease fire in syria was a peace party! do you know how pissed the syrians would be now? you should have told us all along! we could have called papa john's! their pizzas can block gunfire! why didn't you tell us? ( laughter ) my favorite part, look how excited this one guy is coming in with the pizzas. the russian guy is, like, i feel like a pizza man in an american pornography film, look at me!
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yeah, if pizza not fill you up, itch kolbasa for you! bow-chick-wow-wow! ( laughter ) we have a great show, but first say hello to "the daily show" band! ( cheers and applause ) nice one, guys. oh, man, you guys are really amazing. so house of your weekend? laugh a laugh it was the funniest. there is nothing there. some of you are looking, like, what is he talking to? ( laughter ) here's a question, have you ever had one of those weekends where it was so horrible you thought, man, i should have just canceled the weakened and stayed at work? well, hillary clinton had the weekend, all started friday. >> hillary clinton facing a major backlash from republicans after opening up a new and biting line of attack against opponent donald trump and his
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supporters. >> the ray racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic, islamophobeic, you name it, you could put half trump supporters into what i call the basket of deporables. >> trevor: damn! grandma exclaim! you know when hillary said that all the greys in their clip lost their mind! they were, like, damn, hillary! ( laughter ) on the real, a lot of people were upset by her comments, and actually i agree. she can't be running around generalizing about large groups of people. that's trump's vibe. even if polls show 670% of all trump's supporters want to ban immigrants and say blacks are lazy, you can't call his supporters a basket of
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deplorables. they're a basket of dip (bleep). ( applause ) if over the past few weeks you have been wrapping the news nonstop or can't find the remote, one of the big conspiracies going on is hillary clinton is dying and not in the we're all dying kind of way. no, no, no. in a death in s imminent kind of way, like the grim reaper is wearing a hillary shirt kind of way. that's the d.o.t. we're talking about. everyone has different theories, but the bottom line, she gonna die. >> traumatic brain injury is very likely. >> she coughed on the asian spit something up. >> may have arthritis. >> possibility of a mini stroke. >> rumors about brain damage, coughs and i hate to say it, even syphilis. >> it's obvious hillary's had
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parkinson's disease for ten years and one year to live. >> where do you get those facts? >> off facebook. >> trevor: oh, yeah, off of facebook... that's really what this campaign has become. voters making their most important decisions based on what they see on facebook. and i don't understand why. because the people on facebook are the people we know in real life. we don't trust them in real life either. but when we see their comments on facebook, all of a sudden we're like you know what, drunk uncle billy? you have a point. maybe hillary is dying and i bet that was an inside job. we would be so quick to dismiss those theories but sunday happened. >> concern raised this morning about the well being of hillary clinton after she left the 9/11 memorial service earlier than expected. >> the reason was a medical episode, as one witness told me,
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she appeared to faint. >> clinton then take ton her daughter chelsea's apartment three miles away. >> about three hours later, clinton appears smiling and waving. >> according to our campaign, she overheated -- >> trevor: here's the thing, hillary faints at the 9/11 memorial and comes out and waves and, hey! you can't just come out and make it like it's normal, hillary. you fainted. we want to know what happened. you're walking out like, dropped it like it's hot... if you think america is going to accept overheated as an answer, you don't know how divided the country is. people can't even agree on the weather. >> the weather is horrific. very hot, extremely humid temperatures. >> it was not as hot as it has been in new york, i can tell you that. >> it was very humid out here, i have to tell you. >> it was a beautiful september morning. >> just miserable outside.
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>> it wasn't that hot. >> she's out in extreme heat. >> a day not particularly hot. >> unseasonably warm. >> very, very uncomfortable. >> very, very hot, i sweated through my entire suit. >> trevor: weather is not subjective. give us the report. one person says hot, another cold. depends on who you ask. if you ask me, what did you think of the weather yesterday in new york? personally, i thought it was one to have the coldest days of the year. why? because i'm from africa and my malaria has affected my perception of heat. that's why. africa jokes. ( laughter ) you don't know if i'm kidding. so it was hot outside or it wasn't hot. hillary was overheated or she was exhausted, no one really knows, and that's the problem. because then, after hillary' camp told their story, this video comes out on twitter and look at this video. hillary can barely stand. the van pulls up and she has to be hoisted into the van. now, putting your politics
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aside, this is a disturbing video to watch because hillary doesn't look fine. she looks like she just had brunch with bill cosby. ( laughter ) now only because this video came out, the clinton campaign had to admit something really was going on. >> clinton's doctors announcing eight hours after the democratic nominee left the 9/11 ceremony that clinton was diagnosed with pneumonia friday, news withheld from reporters at the time. >> trevor: yes, hillary diagnosed with pneumonia friday and her campaign didn't tell anyone about it. everyone, especially reporters, have a right to be angry as well as everyone hillary kissed and touched this weekend. look at her handing out pneumonia like a free sample at costco! have some pneumonia. it's contagious. you let me decide that -- my
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body, my choice, okay? this is the problem with the clintons. it's not the things they do that get them, it's the way they try to cover them up. if you knew friday, hillary, you mad pneumonia and you knew for a while that your opponents have been saying you were hide ago terminal illness you could end the speculation by being transparent, just by scwomming out and saying i have pneumonia. instead you walk out of your daughter's apartment acting like nothing is wrong. look at that, walking out of that apartment was hillary's chance to set things right. here are just a few of the things hillary could have said. i have pneumonia, you (bleep)! i'm going down! i'm going down again -- psych! ha ha ha ha ha! hey, everyone! so i have pneumonia and i decided to work today anyway despite my doctor's advice, so let's be honest, if i hadn't come to the 9/11 memorial today,
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you would have called me unpatriotic and chewed me out so i guess in tend it doesn't really matter! all right, bye-bye! >> trevor: just some suggestions for next time, use them, don't use them. yeah. but no matter what, if this happens again, hillary, please, just sit us down, look us in the eye and tell us the truth. but not that close. don't come close. you've got pneumonia. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." now, as you know, compared to most people in this country, i haven't been in america for a long time. of course, compared to native americans, most americans haven't been in america for a long time. as rev recently been remind out in north dakota. >> 200 native american tribes are fighting construction of an oil pipeline. >> over the weekend, ongoing protests took a violent turn. >> the clashes near cannonball, north dakota have at times been rowdy and physical. the dakota access pipeline would carry nearly half a million barrels a day, the native
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americans worry the line could leak, destroying their water supply. >> trevor: so it's true! native americans need water to survive! on friday, president obama ordered a halt to the construction. >> over 100 tribes gathered from all over the country to protest in sacred stone camp, north dakota. so i went there to ask them, why can't they just trust america on this one? name one time the american people have screwed over the indigenous people of the country. >> maybe when they colonized us. >> one other time. put that one off the table. >> in 1851, we entered into a federal contract with the government. before the ink tried, they broke the agreement. >> the trail of tears. >> 1872. >> black hills.
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indians screwed forever. >> in 1944, the flood control act where in 1958 all our lands were taken. >> so maybe they have a few reasons not to trust us, but what's the big deal about a pipeline anyway? just one additional little pipe and that's it. >> sounds good, you know, until it breaks, then it's going to be oily river. >> just one pipe. just like any leaky pipe, call the landlord, they'll fix it. >> it's one very long pipe. >> i'm the oil company, you're mother nature and the people who take care of mother nature. come on, babe, let me just lay some pipe. >> i don't know, you've just done it so many times, i don't think i could trust you. >> the leaky pipe thing? >> yeah. >> you know how it gets with age. >> we're done. >> one more time. >> no. >> please? >> no. >> baby, please, just one more time. i have an idea, what if we
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promise it will be totally okay this time and we'll write it down on paper and sign it and call it -- the treaty of the giant ass pipeline. if you sign it, you guys will be chill and it will be great. >> knits latin. >> they cut and cop idea the itunes usen great because they knew you wouldn't read it. sign it? >> no. >> please. >> no. >> ricardo -- >> this is -- >> no, stop. oh mix god. that's the spirits of the evil white men that can be forming. my god. >> don't be bringing me nothing to sign. >> i'll be honest, one indian to oorkts i don't think it's a big deal. >> what tribe are you from? >> what tribe are you from? >> the indian nation. >> indeliite -- the new deli-ite
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tribe. >> i think you need to leave. (foreign language) >> i think she was saying we're all with you hasan. come on, please! >> trevor: thank you, ma san . we'll be right back. ( (announcer vo) who says your desk phone always has to be at your desk? now, with one talk from verizon... hi, pete. i'm glad you called. (announcer vo) all your phones can work together on one number. you can move calls between phones, so conversations can go where you go. take your time. i'm not going anywhere. (announcer vo) and when you're not available, one talk helps find the right person who is. hi, john. (announcer vo) so wherever work takes you, you can put your customers first. introducing one talk-- another way verizon connects your business better. learn how at onetalk.com. can i get anyone a beer? make it a redd's apple ale! redd's apple ale. also for a limited time in ginger apple.
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♪keep on the sunny side ♪always on the sunny side ♪keep on the sunny side of life♪
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♪keep on the sunny side ♪always on the sunny side ♪keep on the sunny side of life♪ >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." tonight's guest is a grammy-winning rapper and star of "t.i. & tiny: the family hustle." >> huh-uh, huh-uh, just put that down. >> what you mean? >> put that down. what you gonna do with that? what you smelling it for? it ain't been nowhere. >> making sure. you know, cutbacks. i got to pre-exam you ( laughter ) making sure everything is in its working order. >> you ain't going up in there
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with that. >> we're at the doctor for a routine check um on the little one. as many kids i have, i know how it works. i can do the exam myself. >> what you looking for first of all when you get in there? >> damn baby! ( laughter ) hey... >> if you don't get out of my office and put that down. sit down. ( laughter ) >> trevor: please welcome t.i.p. harris! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ welcome to the show. thank you for being here. a very successful show you have. you know, the family hustle. i've always wand to know one thing, when you're making a reality show, how normal are you back? >> we're doing things we normally do as a family.
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the cameras just happen to be there to catch it. there are some things that we do that isn't likely entertaining so no need for that. >> just chilling, nonconversations. >> sitting in awkward silence, eating, not interesting. >> trevor: i'd watch that. >> you would? >> trevor: yea, i think they should make a show of all the parts that have been cut out. the eating channel and we'll watch people eat. that was a fun clip. you have seven children? >> yes, i do. >> trevor: and i love the smile. that's your daughter heiress. that's a slightly mean name to give your daughter. the other six kids are going, so, what are we? >> my oldest son is messiah.
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>> trevor: which doesn't mean you get the money. >> my 12-year-old is king. >> trevor: still no money, but carry on. >> my 8-year-old is major. i think heiress, she had pretty bigs shoes to fill as far as the name is concerned. >> trevor: you have a fantastic career. >> thank you. >> trevor: grammys, hits all over the world, and now you've come out with a new album. i saw the music video that you just put out and it was quite interesting. quite controversial as well. you're not known to be a political person. you've always said your piece but you're not a political person. >> right. >> trevor: why did you make the video that you made? >> well, it was almost incoherpt. over the summer, all of the travesties that took place in this country, you know, i feel compelled to say something, do
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something and just out of a lack of other things to do, i just took to the studio and started speaking my mind, and it became a project out of nowhere. so i just really want to create dialogue, man, that will promote change. >> trevor: we actually got the video here. let's see a piece of the video. ♪ if god looks down, he'll understand ♪ ♪ we're living in a war zone ♪ guess you don't notice when you livin' in it ♪ ♪ like every weekend it's a man down ♪ ♪ ain't got no pity for the innocent so i'm represent it ♪ ♪ dead tatted tell 'em ♪ hands up, can't breathe >> trevor: that's strong imagery because basically the
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whole video is switching roles. >> sure. >> trevor: you have a black policeman and a white kid being mistaken and shot. you have a black policeman and you have white people who are shot down or strangled in the streets. >> sure. >> trevor: that's a powerful statement to make. is that the dialogue you want people to have? >> absolutely. i wanted them to take notice. as disturbing as these images may be to watch on your television, just remember these are fictional, you know. these things actually happened to people. these same events took the lives of fathers, sons, brothers, uncles, sisters. these things actually happened to us. so as disturbing as it may be for you to watch it on television, imagine how uncomfortable is for us to live through it in reality. >> trevor: there is always a tough question that gets thrown. i'm a huge hip-hop fan.
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>> okay. >> trevor: then you get people who will say, i hear you guys saying you want justice, i hear all hip-hop stars and fans saying this is not right. >> mm-hmm. >> trevor: but then in hip-hop people are talking about guns, shooting, people are saying things like (bleep) the police, and they go how is this helping the dialogue? as a hip-hop artist, how do you reply to that? >> first of all, i think people need the take into consideration that hip-hop traditionally has always been a reflection of the environment -- the environment the artist had to endure before he made to it where he was. so if you want to change the content of the music, change the environment of the artist, and he won't have such negative things to say. ( applause ) >> trevor: i can tell you, when i was asked that question, i didn't have as eloquent an answer. i will now direct them to this video man.
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>> right. >> trevor: thank you for being here, brother. greatly appreciate it. "the family hustle." t.i.p. as himself 9:00 p.m. vaich vh1on
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joining toys more night at 11:00. now here it is, your moment of zen. >> the reason why you see hillary clinton wearing pants all the time is because of the blood clots in her legs. so since she started wearing pants, that's the day she started getting sick. [cheers and applause] >> chris: it is time toe start "@midnight." this is what the internet's been yammering about today. after a case of pneumonia nearly caused her to collapse this past weekend, the conspiracy theorists of twitter believe that hillary clinton been replaced with a body double, which they've proven here usin a defunk version of photo shop and control v here. coincidentally, this also

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