music] - good job, my nig. looks like she wants you to smash. - a freshman beatin' a senior's cakes? - ooh, you know what that means. - yeah, we gonna be legends. [hip-hop music] - that's what i'm talking about, my nig. ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central september 14th, 2016. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: thank you so much, everyone, welcome to the daily show, i'm trevor noah. so excited, my guest tonight from youtube and the new movie dirty thirty, hanna hart is joining us-- hannah hart is here

with-- yes. but but first some alarming news coming out of rushan within scientists trapped bipolar bears at a weather station in the arctic may have to wait an entire month for help to arrive. the bears have encircled a weather station, this is north of sigh beria. >> trevor: no! the russians have the most fun. so yeah, that's right. polar bears have trapped climate researchers inside an arctic weather station. and let this be a lesson. this is what happens when you give bears too much coca cola. that's what happens when they are all hopped up on the sugar, they go out of their mind. the same thing happened to me at my nephew birthday baryt, i gave eight year olds one sheet cake and i was trapped three months on the monkey bar, the most horrible experience of my life. all joking aside. bears are seriously dangerous animals. i know they don't look like it because they are always softening your laundry or wiping their butts with your toilet paper but even cute bears can be

dikheads especially the cute ones, you think teddy bears are cute, have i a teddy bear that i bought, listen listen to the things they say now. >> go back to africa. >> trevor: what is that? what is that? listen him. >> i wu v you. >> trevor: aah. i can't stay mad at you, teddy. >> don't give me as. >> trevor: damn you,-- aids. >> trevor: don't damn you, teddy bear, i told you we use condoms. the russian scientists aren't allowed to shoot the polar bears because the bears are an endangered speers. so instead they are i trooing to scare them off with flair guns. you about i think there is something else they could do. they could do better than that. think about it, you are climate scientists, are you trying to frighten the polar bears, just show them your research. this is what is happening to you. this is what is happening am are you afraid now. are you afraid? now let's-- that bear is a fraidz. look at him. let's move on and talk about america. here is the thing about america that always surprises me.

i don't know how many different ways you can spell the name caitlyn, it is how big this country is. i mean russia is physically bigger but america is the biggest country in a different way. this country is so big it can go in two different drekszs at the same time-- shall directions at the same time. for example, take guns, right? that is what half the country wants to do, take guns, right? but while that is going on, the other half of the country, they're doing the exact opposite. >> today a controversial gun bill will be back at center focus in the missouri state house. it allows almost anyone to carry a concealed gun, even without the training required to own a gun. >> trevor: why! why! missouri wants to let people carry guns with no training, none. you realize even when you play pokemon they start you off with training. even pokemon, the app is like you can't just be running around the streets with pokeballs.

squirrels could get hurt. even pokemon is like you need some training. and missouri is like nah, have a gun, have a gun. (laughter). >> trevor: and this is so irresponsible. and it's not just me saying that. the poke ball saying that, not just me. the people who know what they are talking about, they are against this too. >> police chief sam dodson has been blasting there bill for montds. >> what we will have now are individuals who have no real vetting process, are able to go out and walk our streets with fire arms, that have no real training. >> trevor: yes. the police, the police are against it. and that's why there are police all over the country want more gun restrictions, not fewer. because in makes their job harder. loosening all of these laws make the policeman's job so much harder than it already is because if [bleep] goes down and suddenly everyone pulls out a gun, how does the cop know who to shoot. well, obviously the black guy first but after that, who do they shoot. i know that people in america are going to have guns.

i understand that. but why specifically eliminate training requirements that make life in missouri safer. like unless for some reason you find that the danger exciting. is missouri trying to spice things up, you know. just like why don't they go to the extreme. if we stopped inspecting our meat, hmmmm. it's not like missouri is against training in general. because in missouri, we looked this up, you need 16 hours of training to serve on a school board. yeah. 16 hours of training. you need 48 hours of training to receive your certification as a master naturalist. in case you are wondering what a master naturalist does t is things like assisting with tree plantings and the creation of butterfly gardens. i don't even know you needed help to create a butterfly garden. i didn't know that. although it might explain why my butterfly grave yard is so large. that is something i never considered, yeah. and there is another part of this bill that is, how can i put it, it's just weird. >> it would also allow house

guests like babysitters to use deadly force against intruders. >> trevor: so anyone you invite to your house in missouri, anyone, could come to your house with a hidden gun, right. that they don't know how to use. and then they shoot anyone that they think is an intruder. this is what the law is now. like what if you are having a party, what if those parties where not everyone knows each other. what happens then. ding dong, oh, can you get that. pop, pop, pop. what happened? i didn't know the guy, i didn't know who he was. he was pie guest, who are you, wait, what? pop, pop, pop. well, this is a horrible dinner. now all missouri evites are going to have say from 7 p.m. until tomorrow stone, toam stone. >> as far as your babysitter being allowed to shoot someone, like is that really something you want to allow? i mean i'm a single guy so i don't know if this is just me that it doesn't appeal to. but i know one new mother who is

excited about the law. >> we're just going to dinner, we shouldn't be too late. no tv for kate yoa before bed. and help yourself to anything in the fridge. god, what am i forgetting? oh, you ever use one of those. >> not really. >> you'll figure it out. if anyone comes in the house, you take that mother [bleep] down. you don't take any chances. when when he is down on the ground, two in the head, pop pop, right. i'm coming! he is so impatient. like to bust a cap in his ass. any how. late night-- date night! >> trevor: yeah what could go wrong. wrong. we'll be right back.

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wood, jr. tell you. >> school is back if session which means college students are stocking up on text books, cargo shorts and in texas, ammunition? >> texas will allow people with concealed handgun permits to carry their guns into public university buildings, classrooms and dorms. >> that's right. now the freshman 15 is just how many bullets your gun can hold. with campus shootings on the rise, cj grishham says it is about damn time. >> wherever i plant my feet as a free man, i should be able to carry my fire arm. >> so everywhere but space. >> yeah, pretty much, i should be able to carry my gun into that classroom, into that cafeteria, into that stadium. >> the place where there is all the alcohol. >> people carry it into olive garden all the time and they serve alcohol there and we don't have shootouts. >> of course nobody is shooting at olive garden. when are you there, you are family. >> we're not talking about anybody being able to carry it, we're talking about 21 year old

students who have been trained. >> okay. >> but even in cowboy country, not everybody was welcoming the new locked and loaded classmates. lady that hates gun, jess can. >> guns should not be on college campuses. >> but this is texas. you know the texas state moto, if it moves, shoot it. >> i don't think that a student has the capability to react appropriately. in in the unlikely event of a mass shooter. >> but they have a gun, they're trained. >> in texas it only takes four hours to get a concealed handgun license. >> four hours to learn how to shoot a gun. >> right. >> i was at bas kin robins it took them a week to teach me to scoop ice cream. okay. maybe the training is a little lax. but what are these millenials going to do about it. >> we're fighting guns on campus with dill goa-- dildos. >> carrying dildos. >> we are dropping goi dan particular dildos to our backpack. >> in is a family show. you don't bring-- pamma turn the channel. my mama watch this pleep bleep. >> we're fighting absurdity with

absurdity. >> or at least that was the plan. it turns out that it is illegal to openly brandish a dildo in texas. >> dildos. >> yes. >> so this is legal, this is illegal. >> welcome to texas. >> that is blurred out. it is illegal on comedy central too. >> even though it was only the rebellious dildo protest caught fire and spread like an std on a college campus. >> students proudly showed off their del does so gun activists-- oh, my god, he's that is a lot of dicks. >> bringing dildos on to a college campus is very vulgar, it's very obscene. i think waving a penis around is quite immature. i mean we are talking about college students who probably haven't matured yet. >> this dude is going to give me a mie grain. >> should you have a gun if you haven't fully matured. >> yes, immature people can still be very responsible. >> but grishham still had more to prove.

>> the left has this obsession with male again talia. they say that because i carry a gun, i am obviously compensating for something. >> i carry a normal size-- or average size .45. >> average. >> it is about average, about is about four inches, barrel length. >> is that about extending the barrel. >> the larger the gun, the hard ter is to conceal, that's for sure. >> oh, i know. >> grishham wasn't taking dildos laying down. so we set up a massive counterrer protest. all right it was [bleep] with a and a big rifle. >> there was a purpose to us open carry a gun to show we are not a threat. >> because of this protest i have the go endeath threats. >> these aren't casual threats. one progun advocate went so far as to release a film of someone murdering a dildo protester. but dildo haters in texas laws weren't enough to keep jessica's dicks at home. >> it doesn't foal good to walk around with a dildo on my backpack. but people have begun so numb to gun violence in america. our dildos are an object of

political resistance. >> to keep jessica out of jail i had to heap these illegal dick protestors. >> i will teach you the techniques of proper protesting as taught to me by a couple of civil rights movies there i wamped this morning. my solution, make dildos legal on a texas campus by adding a gun. >> who is the victim now? >> let's go! >> cyocks not globings cocks not blocks. >> who knows maybe we could bring these two sides together. >> if your fire arm makes someone uncomfortable, what should they do? >> close their eyes. educate themselves. >> take this, look at that. >> i'm actually a little uncomfortable holding it. i just don't like holding one of these. >> well, maybe you should close your eyes and educate yourself. (cheers and applause). (cheers and applause). >> trevor: roy wood swrr,

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>> trevor: welcome back. tonight's guest is the creator of the popular youtube series my drunk kevin. and one of the stars of the new comedy dirty thirty. >> i'm like 70% sure that party. >> i just thought like hey, who wants to wear a shirt that is spelled correctly, you know. we live in the digital age. spelling is like subjective, you know? okay. i did these last night after a guidance counselor show, i was super drunk. >> you can't keep messing up like this. >> remember last week with the all saints softball shirts you ruined. >> i changed my band name to the

all-taints. we sold out. >> i know, it is an awesome shirt. >> trevor: please welcome hannah hart. (cheers and applause) >> so cool, so cool. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: thank you for-- you know what, i think this is the wrong thing, i'm sorry, they made a mistake. they put cups of-- this is your drink of choice, this is your. >> yeah, it is. >> trevor: there you go. >> thanks. >> trevor: yeah, yeah, this is fun for you-- look, straight into it. >> i mean we did cheers, it is you have to take a tip. >> trevor: immediately. >> and icon tack. >> trevor: there are a lot of rules for drunk things. >> it's true. it keeps everybody safe. >> trevor: hmmmm. a-w. and then you cook afterwards. >> yeah, that is usually the best thing that can happen yfer wards. >> trevor: wow, that's real alcohol. i thought they put like iced tea or something. >> no, man.

>> trevor: that is legit. welcome to the show. thank you for being here. >> yeah. >> trevor: i love your show. it's fun, it's exciting. are you in a kitchen and you are drunk. not the safest thing to did. >> no, no, it's really not. and i actually, i don't really necessarily say that everybody should get drunk and cook. but i do think that when you do, as i do it, you have a really great time. >> trevor: you do. and you dispense life advice as well. >> yeah, that just seems to be like a habit that i can't break personally. i find that like in every conversation i have, i end up kind of going deep, like with every uber driver i have, once we actually prayed together at the end of an uber ride. >> trevor: are you being serious. >> yeah, he's like give me your hand. and i was like okay, then we talked about like the spirit and not going to lie, i shed a tear. >> trevor: was the uber driver still charging you when that happened? was that like-- because if is with the uber driver i would be yeah, we can pray, if the ride hasn't ended, let's pray, let's pray. did you check to see if the ride had ended. >> i was so moved by the spirit

i didn't. >> trevor: you see, you see. >> we see the world through two different lenses. >> trevor: we can pray about it. you are doing so much more than just youtube right now. you are one of the youtube stars who has been lucky enough to break out into many different worlds. you have written two dook books, injure second book, buffering, great title, by the way. >> thank you, i picked it. it sin tensional. >> trevor: i would hope so, it would be weird if that-- but what is special about this book is your first book was really an homage to the drunk kitchen. but this is a book about your life, literacy. >> yeah, buffering, unshared tales of a life fully loaded so it has got a little my drunk kitchen nod right there. >> it is really just about the time i spent prosession the events of my life that i haven't really wanted to share online or rather a 4-6 video tore mant is the appropriate for. i studied literature in college being an author was always my dream. and i feel really fortunate to be able to share my life experiences in this way. i say that when i wrote it i

wrote it to fell like the things that have gone on in my life, i wrote it to talk about them in a way that made me feel less alone and i hope that for people that read it, they feel that way too. >> trevor: when you started out on youtube, this is a video you were creating for a friend. it was a little joke. and then it belowed up into something. did you ever think that making those videos on youtube would get you to the place where you are doing, you know, as you said, literature is something that you studied. did you ever think youtube is the thing that brings you back to everything? >> i don't think i ever thought that. but i do think that like, i do think that by what i studied, it kind of helped me get a sense of narrative which is why i think making videos is so fun. because it was telling many stories within every video. and when i started my drunk kitchen, back in 2011, youtube and the subculture of new video was totally unknown to me. i only knew it because people in the comment section were writing this is my new favorite show on youtube. >> trevor: back when people were writing nice things in the

comment section. wow, you and og, you like-- wow you remember those days. >> i do, yeah, i do. i actually am pretty forth navment-- fortunate. my comment serks are mostly nice. except once somebody said it looks like tina fey and a gerbil had sex or something like that. >> trevor: what looked like that. >> me, i'm the it. yeah, that one stuck with me just with the creativity alone. >> trevor: i'm trying to picture it i can't see it. >> you didn't see me back in 2011. things have changed. >> trevor: were you more tina fey or gerbil. >> i was more a combination of the two. >> trevor: thank you, thank you so much. dirty 30 is in theaters friday september 23rd and this beautiful memoir buffering unshared tales of a life fully loaded is available september 18th. hannah hart, everybody. hannah hart, everybody. (applause)

♪ ♪ ♪ can you say i love it? ♪ oh love it? ♪ can you say hey? ♪ hey! ♪ that's the spirit! oooooh.♪ ♪ ooh ooh ♪ wooh ooh ♪ wooh ooh ♪ sing sing, baby baby i love you. oh yes.♪ ♪ ooooh oooh. ♪ every little thing.

library break! shhhhhhhh. have a break, have a kit kat!

. >> trevor: before we go, there is one more thing i wanted to share with you. you know, we work a lot every day coming up with jokes and comedy. but sometimes you just want to put the emotions straight out there. even if it is a little raw. and this is one one of those tis so please enjoy. hey, welcome to the viral rant. you know what, i hear all the stuff about donald trump sayk is he the number one person that will make america great, number one person who will take this country to where it feeds to be. hey, doned a, let me talk to you for a secretary, donnie, come over here for a second.

let's chant mr. trump, mr. i have so many billions i can't even tell you how many billions i have because i don't want to release my tax returns even thoan an audit doesn't mean you can't release them because that has nothing to do with being under a [bleep] audit. let me tell you something, mr. trump, mr. oh my name is on everything even though i don't own most of it. let me tell but the greatest country in the world. the grattest country in the world is the country that accepts people would come from everywhere in the world, mr. donald trump. and i you think half the country is a deportables, not deplorables, the good people of america know the greatest country in the world is the country where you can come and create anything. i'm talking about coming and greeting google one of the most powerful companies in the world. let me tell but the greatest country, the greatest country in the world is the home of steve jobs, a man whose family were refugees who came to this country from the place that you are triking to shut down. you know what came from syria, the iphone came from syria, donald trump, the same iphone you tweet about [bleep] the rev gees on, every time with tweets with those fat tiny fingers you should be saying thank you for

giving you that same phone, mr. donald trump, mr. i don't like what is happening in this country, mr. i'm going to make america great again. let me ask you something, how can you make something great if it's already great, huh? what are you going to do make beyonce sexy again, no because you can't, donald, because you can't. because this country is already one of the greatest countries. it already is. do you know what that word means, donald, already. it means all ready as in we are all ready for you and your which is not right because it is all wrong. let that soak into your stupid hair. the fact that a south african can sit in this chair one runs by an american and tell you all of this, this proves how great this country is. you got your wife from a foreign country, mr. donald trump. oh what, you don't want refugees because you don't want everyone else having a beautiful wife. is that your big secret plan, well, if it is, well played, buddy, well plaired, because we are on to you and all of your bull [bleep] and for all you have been saying you have a problem with people of color, maybe you shd look in the mir wror ass hole because you have the most color of all. that is what was on my mind. i'm trevor noah!

stay tuned for "@midnight" coming up next. now here it is, your moment of zen. . [cheers and applause] >> chris: people have been asking a lot why we tweaked the show. chris why don't you say 11:59 and 29 anymore. i thought it was weird. we may get to stay here. i want the show. we want to get into the show