it's almost like he's not even there. gee. if i'm in a foxhole, i want it full of atheists. what about you? you should stay out of foxholes altogether. just fly drones. did you know you can only follow 1,000 new people a day on twitter? make sure i'm one of them. physically go to our blog. we just opened a brick and mortar location in marfa, texas. if you don't have any money to buy a ticket to the great nor'easter tour of 2015, you can pay me in lobster meat. and finally, there's been lots of internal speculation about whether i'm going to accept the offer to take over for jon stewart. i'm not prepared at this time to rule it out. but sadly, i will be leaving tosh.0 in one to seven years. make it nine. in the meantime, i'm excited to announce that i am taking over fashion police on the prestigious e! network, replacing the recently deceased kathy griffin. i'm tweaking the format. no more talking. the verbal warnings about fashion faux pas are over.

it's time for action. oh, no she didn't. this is not gonna work. [woman screaming] stop resisting! get the fuck off of me! stop resisting! give me that fucking camera. thanks to fashion police brutality, i learned my lesson. i don't know what i was thinking wearing that. these flats are amazing! yes. love it. love it. love it. and sensible. and affordable. i learned those moves back in fashion police academy. all right, i've got to go feed my meter. good night. does anyone have quarters? >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause )

♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you, everybody! i'm trevor noah. so excited. from the cnn series, "this is life," lisa ling is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) but we begin with exciting news from the world of tec technologd medicine. >> facebook c.e.o. mark zuckerberg and wife dr. percilla chan, $3 billion toward curing, preventing and managing all disease by the end of the century. >> this was a big goal. we thought this was really aggressive when we got started but we spent the last few years by going out and talking to dozens and dozens of top scientists and experts who really believe this is possible. >> trevor: wow, man. i dream of having one of those billionaire t-shirts one day.

they look simple, but they're not. but that's right, people, facebook is going to cure all disease, yes. you know your old racist uncle? good news, he's immortal now! ( laughter ) but it makes sense that mark zuckerberg wants to cure every disease because think about it, once old people die, there is going to be no one left using facebook! yeah! ( laughter ) this new project is called the chan-zuckerberg initiative, not to be confused with the four chan-zuckerberg initiative which just makes fun of people with diseases, a completely different organization. not saying it's not admirable. it's admirable. the sheer ambition is funny. i feel like it probably started with mark zuckerberg saying i'm going to cure one disease, and then justin timberlake was, like, you know what's really cool? ( laughter )

ah, no. but on the real, kudos to mark zuckerberg for being a billionaire who's trying to help people. it truly is a wonderful thing to see. if he is as successful at fighting disease as running facebook, i think he can do it. look at what facebook has become. it's no longer just for baby pictures or engagements or baby engagements. that's right, people. that's right, even your ex-'s baby found love before you did. yeah. but facebook is now the most popular new source for people under the age of 50. in fact, a lot of people are watching this right now on facebook. by the way, if you are watching this on facebook, please click the like button. oh, and also click the smiley face, and also put a comment, a nice one preferably. thank you very much, thank you. and if you're watching this on tv, thanks for actually paying the bills unlike those free loading dixon facebook! thanks for offwatching this on tv like it should be watched where the ratings -- sorry,

sorry. if you're watching this on facebook, please, share this with your friends and family you guys are truly the friends of the future, you figured out how to watch for free. regardless how you watch this, just wanted you to know, i appreciate you to. sorry about that (bleep) on facebook. where was any so good people are engaging with the news on facebook, but like the tv news there is a fair amount of (bleep) in the mix. the only problem is, unlike tv news, yount always pinpoint where the (bleep) came from. for instance, you've probably seen this image online. you've probably seen it. an image showing you how white people are five times more likely to be build black people than -- by killed by black people than white people. it looks legit. it's got numbers. ( laughter ) it's from the crime statistics bureau of san francisco. mmm! and it has a black man aiming a gun like this, which you know the legit because that's the

only way players play! pow, pow! ( laughter ) just one small problem with this facebook image -- it's bull (bleep), yeah. because 82% of white murder victims are actually killed by white people. yeah. white on white crime, man. that's what that is. you know how else i know this is bull (bleep)? the crime statistics bureau of san francisco doesn't exist. there is no crime statistics bureau of san francisco. it's made up. someone wrote it on the image to make it seem legit. bureau, bureau, hey, bureau. you might as well share crime stats from the dallas unicorn authority, which is also not real because the last unicorn left dallas for austin years ago, long time ago. ( laughter ) it's one thing if your grandmother believes these fake posts, but even a presidential candidate fell for this, people. granted, he's also the same person who fell for the deluxe upgrade package of the tanning

salon. ( laughter ) but still, the point is even though it's not checked in any way, 44% of u.s. adults are now getting their news from facebook. and the other 56%, well they just can't remember their password. that's why they don't do it. fake information isn't the biggest problem. what's scarier is facebook doesn't give you the news, it gives you your news. right? so if you're a conservative, you will see more conservative news. if you're a liberal, you will see more liberal news. if you're donald trump, you will only get news about tiny gloves. it basically caters to what you want to hear. ( laughter ) same way cable news has its wolfs and megyns, facebook is starting to have stars of its own. for insans, meet tomi lahren. if facebook is the future of news, then this is the voice of the future. >> well, the bet awards were last night. notably very black. oh, but can i say that? with my whiteness and all?

well, too damn bad. ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: goddam, i have so much to say about that. much like facebook "the daily show" still runs on ads so we'll talk about this when we come back. ( cheers a i'm jamie foxx for verizon. in the nation's largest independent study by rootmetrics, again, verizon is the number one network. hi, i'm jamie foxx for sprint. and i'm jamie foxx for t-mobile. (both) and we're just as good. really? only verizon was ranked number one nationally in data, reliability, text and call and speed. yeah. and you're gonna fist pump to that? get out of my sight. (announcer vo) unlimited isn't a good deal if it's on a cutrate network. switch now and get our best deal. 20 gigs and four lines for only 160. all on america's best network. ♪ you say insane. i say i trained. you say freakish. i say frequent. insane. i trained. freakish. frequent.

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( laughter ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! ( cheers and applause ) before the break, we were talking how facebook is both dominating the news industry and and we saw one of the most popular voices at the forefront, tomi lahren. she's a conservative host with her own show on the blaze network. but what people really know her for are the short, punchy, daily attacks she posts to facebook called final thoughts. these videos routinely get millions of views. tomi's videos get shared more than the kardashians share the game. ( laughter ) a lot of viewers like you at home may have never seen her,

despite the numbers, because facebook doesn't think you want to see her because you probably listed your favorite things as fair trade coffee or missmissy elliott and the bird m bernie sanders podium who, by the way, is now also with hillary, sellout! ( laughter ) so, anyway, tomi is basically a super famous actor in a foreign country, except the foreign country is your country. if you haven't watched one of tomi's videos yet, you are missing out. you guys remember the speech jesse williams made at the bet awards? yeah, he spoke out on police brutality, racial inequality, the co-opting of black culture and a lot of people loved it, but tomi had a different take. >> i'm sorry, jesse, but i won't be apologizing for my whiteness just as you don't need to apologize for your blackness. it's not white people working to divide america, it's you and beyonce and jan -- jada pickett

smith and al sharpton. do you see yourself as a victim? if so i feel sorry for you. for someone who wants equal rights, sounds like you want treatment and a gold star for just being born. get over your so much! >> trevor: goddam! so much passion and energy! i'm black and i've never been that excited about the bet awards. she was at home and she was, like, oh, hell no! this speech is bull (bleep) and 2 chainz is last? oh, hell no! ( laughter ) we could go into the fact jesse's speech was anti-oppression, not anti-white people. but this is about a crazy white person named tomi lahren and her ability to take almost any topic and turn it into fire. >> make america great again means being able to say god bless america loudly and proudly. call me old fashioned but i think the thing in your pants isn't up for negotiation. we get it, you're gay.

please tell me in what way black americans are not equal. i'm waiting. i know the feminists will go crazy over this. guess what, beyonce, white people like your music, too. he is married to the biggest sack of lies. good night and take care. >> trevor: wow. that is the least woke, most awake person i have ever seen. ( applause ) and now i'm going to blow your mind. she's only 24 years old. yeah. and she's already angrier than 50 clint eastwoods. ( laughter ) tommy has this presence with an unnerving intensity. she may be young but she'll surprise you. she's like a child soldier. i didn't even know you guys had them in this country, because that bet video, that was good,

but she was just warming up because her video about colin kaepernick not standing for the national anthem, that, my friends is her smash hit. >> colin kaepernick, i've got some final thoughts for you, bud. so let me go ahead and eviscerate this mouth diarrhea for you sentence by sentence. colin, i support the first amendment, your right to freedom of speech and expression. go for it bud. it's this country, the country you have so much disdain for that allows you the right to speak your mind, protects your right to be a whiney indulgent attention seeking crybaby and protects my right to shred you for it and colin if this country disgustous so much, leave. >> trevor: that statement is so ignorant. kaepernick can't leave. america is the only place that plays football. ( laughter ) ( applause ) but i must say, i do love this logic. shut up and be happy no one forces you to shut up because that's what makes this country

great, that you can can complain, so stop complaining. what do you care some random person on facebook says? 65 million views. that's way more than all of cable news combined plus network news plus the country's top newspapers. people, her video was more popular than that video of the turtle having sex with a shoe. way more popular than that. look at that! look at that! look at that! look at him go! look at him go! and again, the turtle finishes first. and i know how popular tomi's videos are. i know how popular all of it is because the truth is, i'm one of her fans. ( laughter ) yeah, i know, look, i know i shouldn't be because i don't agree with so many of the things she says, but still she's so good at what she does! you know, sometimes i wish i could be a guest on her show.

i wish we could be there together and -- i wonder what that would look like? >> maybe you should also decline a paycheck from the white owner of your team or the white fans that buy your merchandise and fill the stands to watch you play. there is a statement i don't see you making anytime soon. colin, who's getting away with murderer? i'd like to see evidence to back that up. that's a pretty strong claim. and what about the oppression of black people? >> trevor: you ask for that evidence, tomi, because there really is a lot of it, like the cop who got put on desk duty after killing derek garner and maxes more money now than before. i got carried away. your show. get 'em, tomi. i'm sorry, tomi. we're from two different worlds. it just wouldn't work. i'm from africa, you're from heaven, but, hey, we'll always have facebook. as soon as you respond to my friend request, i'm sure you just missed it.

we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ha-ha-ha! um-hmmm! hey! nikki! what are you doing here? you tell me, stephen. what? i'm snapping. you've been streaming my videos all morning. now you're with this thing? no! it's not you! it's verizon! they limit my data. i had to choose. come on, girl. let's get us a man with unlimited data. why pay verizon more for data limits? introducing t-mobile one. one price. unlimited data for everyone.

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i'm not in the market for a car but now i may be.

>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a journalist, the host of cnn's this is life with lisa ling. >> you are on egg shells. two cereals. (yelling) >> okay. i'll come back. >> do you feel fear when you're doing your job? >> every once in a while, but i love what i do. i have the patience for it, and i enjoy trying to make a positive difference in people's lives who are hurting. >> trevor: please welcome lisa ling! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to the

show. >> thank you. i'm such a huge fan of you and your show and your dimple. >> trevor: the feeling is mutual. ( laughter ) okay, now i'm on the spot. welcome to the show. big fans of your in the building. congratulations. this is the third season of your show ( applause ) >> thank you. >> trevor: let's get straight into it. you know, you say this is life, but is this really life? you go out there and you discover worlds i think a lot of people don't even know exist. >> honestly, that's why i feel so lucky to be able to do it. i really feel like by getting to know each other better, getting to know worlds you may be unfamiliar with, we become smarter people, we become better people, and i think ultimately that's our goal. we don't become tomi whatever -- god, 24 years old? how are you so angry? >> trevor: it's the same. if you live in a world where you only believe you should be angry, it makes sense. >> our show does the opposite. it gives you a chance to let

people talk and to get to know people rather than judging them off the bat. >> trevor: in this episode or the clip from the episode we saw, you went to i guess one of the largest prisons. >> the largest jail, my hometown of los angeles. it's the largest jail system in the country maybe the free world, also the largest mental health institution in the country. >> trevor: but that shouldn't be, though. >> it shouldn't be, but los angeles county alone is just massive, so, as a result of this population, the jails and prison system, they're just exploding. >> when you went into this environment, i mean, you obviously plan ahead and you know a lot, you have the information, you have the facts ahead of you. but what are the things you discover once you get into the jail? what are the things that blow your mind although you're expecting almost everything? >> well, this jail is unlike any jail system i've ever experienced. i've done work inside prisons in this country and jails in this

country, even some overseas, and this place is just kind of a beast unto itself. the biggest facility, seven facilities, but the biggest is the men's central jail. and the architecture is entirely antiquated, and threr thousands of men, and it's just this teaming environment with such gang politics and so many issues involved. los angeles is the gang capital of the country and, so, navigating those politics is incredibly complex, and it's a system that has been mired in controversy for years, and there have been so many allegations of the abuse of inmates, and those allegations led all the way to the top, even to the sheriff. >> trevor: there is another episode coming up in the series where you go into the philadelphia police department and i think that, especially with what's happening right now in america, is particularly intriguing, because they gave you access into their world, and they seem to be acknowledging that they do have problems? >> well, you know, not a day

goes by, it seems, we aren't hearing about police-involved shootings. you know, charlotte, oklahoma, perfect examples, and the philly police department gave us very rare access to embed with them. and over the years they have been trying to implement new things that seem to be working, the incidents of violence by police officers has been reduced, and a couple of their main things, they are deploying police body cameras and the cops we spent time with seem to be if favor of that because often, they say, that when we see these images, we don't see them from when the police officers first arrive. often citizen cameras catch them a little bit later. but the police chiefs, the current chief and previous chief, they have implemented a lot more training, and the police officers we spent time with have been in the -- had been in the department for many, many years, and they said this training has really helped a tremendous amount. and one has to wonder whether police officers throughout the country are getting the same levels of training because we

spent time with six police officers, and most had been with the department for many, many years, and only one had ever discharged his weapon. >> trevor: ever? >> ever. ever in their entire career. so we see so many images of police brutality and officer-involved shootings. our assumption is it's happening to often. but i think -- >> trevor: the assumption is that a lot of police officers -- >> are aimlessly firing. yes, but i do think the majority of police officers do try to do the best job they can, but their image, obviously, gets tarnished by the news reports. >> trevor: was there a moment where, candidly, you were able to discuss this? it is true there are unions and institutions. it's very different because the public reacts viscerally. police are within a body. but are there moments when some of the police said to you, hey, i get there are bad cops and i don't know what to do about it,

or i understand why the image is tarnished? was there some sort of reconciling with what was happening? >> absolutely. the police officers we spent time with, they're feeling pretty demoralized. a lot of them went into police work because they really wanted to be cops, they really wanted to help people, and because of all of the news, and that's not to undermine the a greiges acts of violence that we've seen, but they have a hard time because they don't feel the pride that they felt when they became police officers. but one of the other things they're trying to implement in philly is when you graduate from the academy, for six months you have to be on foot patrol, so you have to go into the community and get to know the folks in the community, allow them to get to know you, and, so, you have to do that. >> trevor: so that you can see them as people. >> yes, those two things the body cameras, more training, and getting cops on to the streets seems to be working in philly,

and i hope other police departments take a page from it. >> trevor: i will say just watching a few of the episodes from your show opened my mind and i hope everyone joins in. congrats to what you're doing. thanks to many more seasons. >> thanks. >> trevor: the season premiere of "this is life with lisa ling" airs september 25th. lisa ling, everybo ♪ there's no one road out there. no one surface... no one speed... no one way of driving on each and every road. but there is one car that can conquer them all. the mercedes-benz c-class. five driving modes let you customize the steering, shift points, and suspension to fit the mood you're in... and the road you're on. the 2016 c-class. lease the c300 for $369 a month at your local mercedes-benz dealer. ♪ ♪ power, power to the lord

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he said he had a big screen.. i can't see. sfx: crowd noises. sfx: microwave beep dip-etizer coming in hot. spicy queso. delicious. sfx: football game noises. i love watching football here. sfx: chip crunch and chewing yeah! sfx: electrical sparks best game day ever. this season you could be on the field for super bowl 51, and win other unreal experiences and awesome prizes from the nfl, madden nfl 17 and xbox. only at pepsiandtostitos.com ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thanks so much for tuning in.

stay tuned for "@midnight" coming up next, at 11:30. now, today's moment of zen is specialty i will say, rumors of my death while amusing have been greatly exaggerated. >> some sadness about what's happened to comedy central. >> well -- >> two people who succeeded both jon and stephen are no longer going to be there. >> the two people -- larry? >> larry. >> who else is going? >> am i misunderstanding i thought trevor was going? >> i think trevor, unless you are following him live on tv, which is an amazing scoop, please don't follow me in realtime as well. >> hello, i'm done all trump and i'm sponsoring this episode of "@midnight," that's why it already seems classier and more relevant. t