for some reason, they really love fish tacos. [engine revs] [tires screech] - damn, today was a big ass dookie burger with cheese. - yeah, i don't think going after these kicks was worth it. i guess it doesn't pay to be a slave to the shoe game. i'm just glad this night is finally over. - [laughs] what are those?! [mellow r&b music] ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: thank you so much, welcome to the daily show, i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight internet entrepreneur and cofounder of linkedin, reid hoffman is here, everybody.

(applause). >> trevor: but first, let's talk a little bit more about monday's presidential debate. because that wasn't just a big news event in america, people around the world were watching this event. and i mean everyone. >> more than 84 million americans watched the first presidential debate. but they were not the only ones paying attention. the taliban was also tuning in, a spokesman for the group says they were quote very interested and wamped from a secret location in afghanistan. >> trevor: that's right, people. the taliban watched the debate from a secret location. or like a literal man cave, that is what this was. (laughter). >> trevor: although like taliban, you don't have to say you are in a secret location, you're the taliban. we just assume you are in a secret location. hey, describing her new boyfriend as new, we get t we get it i wonder what the taliban thinking, you know, watching that debate. even just seeing hillary clinton up there, how does the taliban process that information. they probably have to cut out a

burqa and just tape it over her side of the screen. and by the way, by the way, my favorite part of the story, and this is all true, is that the taliban releasessed a statement. this is completely true, calling donald trump a nonserious candidate who says anything that comes to his tongue. this is the taliban. the taliban. (applause). >> trevor: the taliban sees donald trump, and even they think he is crazy. they're like we may be serious, but donald-- terrorists but donald trump is going to end the world. have you not seen this? what are you thinking? you put him in charge, what are we going to have to below up, nothing, there is nothing for us. truthfully, the taliban wasn't really happy about anything that happened at the debates. >> in the end the taliban was disappointed because the canadian-- candidates did not discuss plans for their country. >> trevor: you see? americans and the taliban aren't so different after all. both complaining after the

debates. i wonder if the taliban even planned to watch the debate in the firs place or maybe it's the same thing that happens in america. maybe they turn on the tv to watch something else that got preemed like jalalabad or something and they were like oh, damn, it's on every channel. we're just going to watch. they are like it's probably a great show. every episode is like, how do you think he died? probably a suicide bomb. that's usually what it. and then there is like one guy would comes in, i guess you could say is phone was really blowing up. wow! man. i'm not surprised that even the taliban was talking about the debate because everyone is still talking about this debate. and not even really the debate as a whole. it's just this one moment in the debate that hillary set up like a pro. >> one of the worst things he said was about a woman in a beauty contest, he loves beauty contests, supporting them and hanging around them.

and he called this woman miss piggy. then he called her miss housekeeping because she was latina. donald, she has a name, her name is alecia machado. >> where did you find her? >> and she has become a u.s. citizen. >> oh really? >> and you can bet shetion's going to vote this november. >> okay, okay. >> trevor: wow. that say crazy statement. i mean hillary, that's a lot of pressure to put on this woman. she's going to vote this november. what if she wants to sleep in, huh? now she's walking through the streets and people are like hey, aren't you supposed to be voting. and on trump's side it is disgusting to refer to a woman as miss piggy because of her weight and to call her miss housekeeping because she is litin-- latina. and can we go back, and appreciate this line one more time. >> he loves beauty contest, supporting them and hanging around them. (laughter). >> trevor: you know what i like about hillary, beause she doesn't smile you don't realize what she's doing, but that was

sneaky. because trump owns the beauty contest. but she made it sound like trump was just some guy lurking backstage at pageants. just creeping around. (applause). >> trevor: hiding in the background like, ladies, anyone need any help getting oiled up? i can get those hard-to-reach places with these tiny little fingers. anyone? now if you were paying attention during the debates, you probably noticed that hillary waited until the very end to trick trump into talking about how he treats women. because everything else, she accused trump of saying, he was like wrong, wrong, didn't say that. yeah, i know you are, but what i am i. everything, everything. but you can tell she caught him off guard when it came to this because this time he didn't say that. he was like, where did you find that? who told you? were you reading my diary, where was that? in fact, he was so dizzy from walking into that trap, that the next morning on fox news, he walked into it again. >> i know that person. that person was a miss universe

person. she was the winner. and you know, she gained a massive amount of weight. and it was a real problem. we had a real problem. not only that, her attitude, we had a real problem with her. so hillary went back into the years and she found this. this was many years ago. and found the girl and talked about her like she was mother teresa. and it wasn't quite that way. but that's okay. >> trevor: believe me, folks, this girl was no mother teresa, folks, because mother teresa was a size zero, come on, folks. real, real things, folks. donald trump truly has no self control. because those friends on fox didn't even ask him about miss universe. he brought it up on his own. to correct the record that he only called the woman miss piggy because he thought she was fat. he thought he was doing a good thing. it's not what it looked like. i thought she was fat, folks, that's why i said it. he could have spoken about something else, or not called. cohave lied. he was doing fine with that during the debate. instead he doubles down.

and by the way, you know you are going too far when the fox news staff is cringing at your treatment of women. that's when you know you have gone too far. and since that debate, since that debate, we're learning more about exactly how trump treat alicia machado, the 1996 winner of the miss universe pageant. >> within months alecia gained up to 40 pounds. rumors swirled that the crown would be taken away. trump demanded that she lose weight calling her an eating machine on the howard stern show. he even took her to a gym and invited the media to watch her workout. >> she weighed 118 pounds or 117 pounds. and they went up to 260 or 70. so this is somebody thattic loos to eat. >> trevor: i'm sorry, man, that is just disgusting. especially because i think a little stress eating is to thally normal in this girl's position. i mean imagine if at just 19 you were put in charge of the whole universe. on the first day, people run in,

hey, miss universe, the sun is dying. we need you to make a plan. you would be stressed out too, people. now some people might argue that trump's criticisms of machado's weight was valid, the entire point ever a beauty pageant is to judge women solely based on their appearance. it is not the only factor that goes into pageant judging, but let's just say, looks is the top priority, is what i am saying, all right. and people make a choice about participating in them. if you want to compete in a beauty pageant, that's up to you. if you want to watch them, that's up to you. and if you want to own them, that's also up to you. but even if that's all true, it's not exactly the most presidential thing to have on your resume. you know, there is a reason lincoln was never seen judging a wet t-shirt contest. it is just not something you think about, him there like, time to emancipate those boobies, baby. it's not presidential. (applause) now this isn't just a one off. after the break we'll get into more examples of trump, boobs,

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physical appearance of miss universe, reports of even calling her miss piggy which many people were not impressed by, including the actual miss piggy who was like oh, i didn't hear you complaining when you were tapping this, donald. now to me that's not fairness, you would never have sex with donald, i'm sorry, miss piggy. to be fair, it is common for people in many fields to be held to high standards of fitness and beauty. and not just in miss universe pageants. obviously women face a lot more scrutiny in that department, even my contract for the show says i'm not allowed to have certain things. like i'm not allowed to rock my trademark soul patch, yeah, because apparently it tested badly with millenials, baby boomers and single women, and married women, and minorities and white people and men and children and animals. but still, i miss you every day, patchy. but even if you grant that point. the thing we are learning every day about donald trump, is that he doesn't just treat beauty pageants like beauty pageants. in fact, during the campaign, he treated his fellow candidates

like they were running for miss president. >> this year secretary clinton became the first woman nominated for president by a major party. earlier you said she doesn't have quote a presidential look. >> the billionaire businessman taking heat for comments he made about carly fiorina in a rolling stone article published yesterday. trump reportedly saying, look at that face. would anyone vote for that? >> trevor: well, it turns out, no. no. but not because of her face. there was an endless bownt owe-- bowntee of reasons not to vote for carly fiorina that have nothing to do with her face. and this beauty standard of trumps isn't just a personal thing with him, all right. he applies these principles to his professional life as well. here he is on stage explaining his hiring policy to a young woman who has just asked for a job. >> a beautiful girl who was aa plying to be beautiful, like a world class beauty. and my people said, she has no

experience. so i didn't hirer her. i said let me ask you, do you have any experience. she goes no. i said when can you start. >> trevor: e-- e-w is correct. experience doesn't matter. if trump thinks are you hot, then you are hired. so i guess now we can stop speculate being what trump's supreme court would look like. only difference is no more lifetime appointments. as 35 you're gone. but that waitress' appearance is what trump is focused on, all right, because that is what he does. every time. as "the daily show" revealed earlier this year, this was even the case when trump was asked about his own one year old baby. >> donald, what does tiffany have of yours and what does tiffany have of melania. >> i think she has a lot of issues, she is a really beautiful baby. she's got marla's legs. we don't know whether she has

got this part yet but time will tell. >> trevor: i don't care how many times you watch that, it never stops being creepy. it is like seeing photographs of dogs wearing panty hoses. no matter how many times you look at it, it never stops feeling like you just walked in on your grandma in the bathroom. there is no context in which trump will not zero in on a woman's looks. and we discovered a clip the other day that exemplifies that perfectly. it is december 2004. and america is in a tizzy over a sex scandal in which a 23 year old middle school teacher was arrested for having sex with a 14 year old student. aka, a sex crime. and in an appearance with a morning radio show, donald trump was kind enough to share some of his thoughts. >> how would you like to be the husband of the wife that was, you know, playing around with a 14 year old kid. unbelievable. >> by the way, did you see what

she looked like. >> not bad. >> not bad, yeah, i would say so. >> no. >> i know a lot of guys that are trying to date her right now. >> i don't know what your t-shirt-- teachers looked like when you were in school. >> none of them looked like that, believe me. so do you think this 14 year old kid is scared forever. he mietd have put the move on her. it might have given him confidence, actually. >> trevor: for a man who is so pessimistic about america, about humanity, he has a surprisingly-- perspective on adults banging middle schoolers. wow s there anything that donald trump doesn't judge by how hot the woman is in god forbid america is ever invaded by sweat en. he is like i'm okay with this, get me a white flag and a bot old-- bottle of come cologne. we'll take it but let's be share, he is isn't alone, for men, many boys hooking up with their hot teacher it was the dream. not me though, because my teacher was a giraffe. it was a totally different world, no, don't laugh, because

this was the village's smartest giveoff. we didn't put any old giraffe off in charge. give us credit. africa joke. i only say them because some of you believe them. the point is, a lot of men probably have the same reaction to the hot teacher story but a lot of men also probably shouldn't be president. especially a man who thinks life itself is nothing more than a beauty contest where every woman alive is a participated whether they want to be or not. because let's be honest here, folks there is only one pig in this whole story. and it is the one without got slaughtered at the debated on monday. we'll be right back. (applause)

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(cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show, my guest tonight is

an entrepreneur who, and investor who cofounded linkedin. please welcome reid hoffman. (applause) welcome to the show. >> great to be here. >> trevor: first things first. stop spamming my in-box. that's your friend doing that. >> that is my friend. >> trevor: those are not my friends, those are my enemies. >> they like you anyway. >> trevor: that is what they are. welcome to the show. thank you for being here. it's strange because renot here to chat about linkedin, are you not here talking about your products at all. you are on the road encouraging people to not vote for donald trump. why? >> well, on the road today is not-- is is-- it is essentially this. there is a good candidate for president, who has spent years preparing, who has the skills to do this. >> yes. >> trevor: there is another one who is a reality television star show. >> uh-huh. >> trevor. >> that makes great television.

makes great entertainment. is not great for governing. so i think it's really important that we as a country make the right decision and, enough so that this is the first time i have actually really ever spoken up politically. >> trevor: let me ask you this. donald trump is running on one major platform and that is i'm not a politician. i don't want that experience. i'm an outsider. but most importantly, i am a businessman. i am the man of business. right? and he says, i know what to do to make america like a business. you are a businessman. >> yeah. >> trevor: you are a real billionaire. when you look at trump-- well, cuz i don't really believe he has a billion. when you look at donald trump as a billionaire and as a businessman, do you go oh yeah, that's my dude, or do you think something completely different? >> well, obviously something completely different. i think what mayor bloomberg said at the democratic national convention. >> trevor: yes. >> he wants to run the country like his business. god help us. i think that is actually the right angle. and you know, if you look

at-- like i've actually talked to people he has done business with, lawsuits, breakages, not keeping his word, not paying his suppliers. that is not good business, right. bankruptcy, that is not good business. offloading that debt to the public, and saying here, you guys take the blame for this, that is not good business that is not what makes a good business. what makes a good business is someone who constructs something that essentially has a growing, healthy role within society. those are the kinds of businesses that we aspire to. >> trevor: now you decided to put your money where your mouth is. you issued a challenge. was it $5 million? you said you will give $5 million to a veteran's charity if donald trump releases his tax returns. >> i found a crowd funding site called crowd pack, yeah with. that actually i know about this site. i found a campaign honor from a former marine in iraq. he said we have everybody ised. we have a given risk, in life and limb. so you should do so if you want

to serve as well. you should be as transparent and open about your taxes. >> so i will raise up to a million dollars as a challenge. i thought this was a great idea. i said okay, i will five x match this, right. and actually, frankly, i don't even need the matching. if he releases all of his income taxes the way that presidential candidates should, they should be open, they should be transparent, they should be trying to serve the country. i will donate the $5 million to the charities that pete has identified. >> (applause). >> trevor: so what are you saying is-- oh, it's nice, it's nice to applaud but what are you saying is you are not going to donate any money. because donald trump is not going to-- hand in those returns. >> here is a question i have for you as somebody without works in silicon valley, someone who has a lot of money, someone who is, withouting in very successful fields. donald trump claims as a businessman the reason he tries to pay as little tax as possible if maybe no federal taxes is because the government is going to waste it. and because he is doing what he does because he's smart.

so you are in the private space. would you argue that you could do better things with the money than the government can? is there an argument from that side? >> well, i mean, i think that there's lots of places of government which are great. police, fire, medicare, social security. there are a bunch of things that are super important. and thoses are things that we should all feel our spobilityds and honor as american citizens to pay our taxes. >> trevor: uh-huh. >> claiming it is not smart to be contributing to the american system, is simply terrible. so now are there clearly areas where government and bureaucracy gets infectionive and you say i could, on those areas, i know how to allocate capitol better, sure. but that's a natural part of what happens in a government system. when we try to create an education system for all of us, when we try to create a medical system for all of us. that is a natural part of it. and we should try to fix it. but we still need to have those systems. that is what gives us the society that we are all part of.

you are having a lot of fun with this as well. you have got a little game that you made. and really for no reason other than to mess with trump. it is called trumped up cards. and st a game of just dissing trump, basically. why would you do this? >> well. >> trevor: cuz you realize if he becomes president, you're dead. >> yes, mi aware of that. i first made it for friends. cuz i thought it would be hilarious it is a little bit, actually, inspired by your show, and like-- . >> trevor: oh, don't involve me. no, no, no. no, no, no. that's why you-- no, you carry on. >> i will hide behind you, you know how this works, right? and so we made it for friends. and we were shipping it around. and we started getting even from one of my republican friends saying oh, this is little hilarious, you should make this available to other people. >> trevor: and all the proceeds are going to. >> some charities. we're in the process of working it out. we may do it democratically,.

>> trevor: people choosing where it goes to but are you not getting that money. >> i'm not going to make a single dime of profit on it. >> trevor: you are a billionaire, you shouldn't. >> my thought too. >> trevor: i appreciate that. thank you so much for being on the show. >> pleasure, thank you. >> trevor: trumped up cards, go to trumped up cards.com. reid hoffman, everybody. we'll be right back. this beer is tough... but fair.

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of bad breath germs% for a 100% fresh mouth. feeling 100% means you feel bold enough to... ...assist a magician... ...or dance. listerine®. bring out the bold™ >> trevor: that is our show, stay tuned forrate midnight at 11:30. here it is, your moment of zen. >> i'm looking at a lot of you reporters and i can't believe how many showed up. but a lot of you folks have

weight problems. i hate to tell you. >> it doesn't include you. but a lot of you folks that i'm looking at right now aren't in the greatest of shape. . [cheers and applause] ♪ >> chris: it's 29 minutes until midnight and the day resets and all your likes, favs, and shares become more meaningless than they already are! i'm chris hardwick, this is @midnight. lex luthor with a hair transplant, elon musk, just unveiled his plans to send human the proposed spaceship would hold 100 people, who judging by every sci-fi movie, will be brilliant scientists and engineers who are also [beep]