difficult for them to run away. good night! >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: thank you so much, everybody! thank you so much! welcome to "the daily show"! i'm excited to have you guys! thank you for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. our guest star, couldn't be more excited, knicks star carmelo anthony in the house! ( cheers and applause ) let's get straight into it. ted cruz is on the campaign trail. consider this a warning, folks, he might be calling your house. >> hi, this is ted cruz calling. i was calling to encourage you to come out and vote on election day. this election is critical for the direction of our country,

and i urge you to come out and support freedom and constitution and the bill of rights. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i feel so bad for this guy. no, because, i mean, you know if he actually reach as trump supporter, that call is not going to go out, right? he's goin going to on the phone, like, hi, this is ted cruz. mm-hmm. lying ted. i'm just surging you that -- mm-hmm, my father killed kennedy. mm-hmm, i want you to vote for -- well, okay, i don't see how that -- okay, fiefn, i'm a pretty little pony and i want you to vote for trump. okay, thank you very much. ( applause ) saddest thing ever. do you know what the saddest thing is? not that cruz made the call but as soon as he said, hi, this is ted cruz, the person hung up. of course they did. no one actually talks to ted cruz, that doesn't happen. the rest of the time because there was a camera, he was

faking it so people wouldn't think he's talking to no one. the phone wasn't probably plugged in, he was talking by himself. hi, ted cruz, i think this is how a conversation would go if i actually had friends. ( laughter ) speaking of bad phone calls, samsung, lately their phones have been having reception problems because it's hard to hear someone when your phone's just exploded. even after they recalled the galaxy note 7, still having issues. >> a man says his replacement galaxy note 7 phone started smoking on a flight forcing the plane to evacuate. >> i noticed smoke pouring out of my pocket. i threw it on the ground where it continued to smoke and burn and smolder into the carpet. >> trevor: they were, like, sir, this is a no smoking flight! that includes phones! that is terrifying, though. but this is the definition of white privilege.

you get on a plane, have smoke coming out of your pocket, then whip out the device and throw it on the ground and they're like, sir! are you okay? oh, my god! you poor man! are you okay? you must be so shaken up! you can't even hunt pokémon now! ( laughter ) you know if that dude was middle eastern, they would have tackled the (bleep) out of him! middle easterners get kicked out for having working phones! this guy is like, my phone is going to blow up! >> now word of trouble for another samsung product. exploding washing machines. >> trevor: really, samsung? you know you're doing something wrong when you're making a box of water explode ( laughter ) let's move on to the world of news media. joined by senior media correspondent ronny chieng, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> hey, trevor, i'm not sure if you're familiar with the internet or tv, but if you are,

you've probably seen this (bleep) that happened a few days ago on fox news. >> in the first presidential debate, china was mentioned 12 times, so we sent watters down to new york's chinatown to sample political opinion. >opinion. >> okay, first of all, let me get this straight -- they say china in the debate so you go to chinatown? in new york? so when they mention mexico, do you send someone to taco bell? chinatown is nothing like china! they have nothing to do with each other. it's like women's rights, i decide to go to fox news to get opinions. ( laughter ) as dumb as that premise, is it is nothing compared to the idiosy that followed. by the way, we haven't added anything. this is original footage from fox news. ♪ ♪ >> am i supposed to bow to say

hello? ( speaking foreign language ) >> i like these watches, are they hot? >> j.c. penney. >> who are you going to vote for? >> clinton's wife. >> what's her name? >> i forget. >> snap out of it. do you know karate? >> yeah. >> hit my hand. oh, that's the spot... is it the year of the dragon? ♪ cravat -- >> no, it's actually the year of go (bleep) yourself! ( cheers and applause ) what the hell was that? house of that on the news? in fact, house of that even on tv? everyone was wondering who was the target of 2016 worst racism, i didn't even know asians were in the running. if you're going to with racist, at least get your stereotypes

right, you ignorant sack of (bleep), chinese isn't japanese and you're doing it in a theater full of -- jackoff! serious, mr. miyagi, update your reference material. that's like me making fun of americans for saturday night five around mr. t. if you want to make fun of china, make fun of their high pollution or censoring internet. this may be good since no person in china will have to watch your garbage attempt at comedy. >> donald trump beating up on china at the debate. trump has been beating up on china, how does that make you feel? ♪ >> why don't you speak! >> asshole, they don't speak english, that's why they're silent. it's easy to make fun of someone when they can't respond. i'll show you.

door bag, why do you look like a guy who carries around a pack of roofies just in case? why do you look like you have a hooker on speed dial? and is it hard to fit bill o'reilly's entire scrotum in your mouth? ( laughter ) this might come as a surprise, but chinese americans do actually have genuine thoughts on this year's election. i went to chinatown to speak to people in language they understood, human. ( speaking in foreign language )

>> wait, you understand american politics enough to lodge a protest vote? >> definitely. ( speaking in foreign language ) >> queens. >> what are your thoughts on jesse watters video on fox news. >> the chicken (bleep) reporter who came here and thought he was funny because he talked to people who couldn't speak english? >> what about -- >> the one with no testicles? the one who came down hero who said let me talk to some old people and let me put them on camera without asking them and sort of put them on national television and made fun of them in the worst possible way, that asshole? >> i think we're talking about the same guy. >> what was the question again? >> i can't remember. ( cheers and applause )

thank you very much. we'll be right back.

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>> what do you all have in comen? >> i don't know, what do we all have in common? pshhhewwww, debris, debris. do you know what that is? >> i don't know. >> shattered glass in my eyes. can you help me? i'm bleeding! three women shattering the glass ceiling. >> it's no surprise this strong successful business woman was a hillary supporter. >> it's a no-brainer. this is an exciting time for us as women to show my daughter that she can be anything that she wants to be. >> yeah, that is why it's so amazing that you have a platform, you have a voice. i want to see some of your merch. how to make america great again with duct tape. yeah, shut up, donald!

whoo! good luck, hillary. don't blow it. you got it? yeah, it's a blow job joke. >> yeah, monica, do you remember her? >> yeah, i remember who monica is. >> okay. >> that's not all she says. i may vote republican, a democrat left a bad taste in my mouth. and this, lifeas a bitch, don't elect one. okay, who are you voting for again? >> hillary. >> i thought so. >> i am with her. >> you are with her. turns out, amy actually is with her, so with her that she and her family are actively campaigning for hillary, yet she's still selling to the other team. >> my father taught me many years ago, when it comes to money and business, you be bipartisan. >> you gonna put that on a t-shirt and sell it? >> if somebody wants to buy it, i'll put it on a t-shirt.

>> this sweet looking soccer mom was one cold-hearted capitalist. but there had to be other scum bags behind, this like her 8-year-old, her 7-year-old, her 4-year-old, and her 93-year-old grandma? come on! >> i made it! >> trevor: you made this? >> i made all of these. >> trevor: good worker. do these kids even have any idea what they're making? >> my daughter asked me what a blow job was. i told her. mommy just made $2. >> is this the only thing you do, blow job jokes all day? >> oh, no, i have a few other jobs. i'm a school nurse all the day during the week and a hospice nurse on the weekends. >> why did you have to bring hospice into it? all right, she's clearly a good woman, a hospice nurse, for god's sakes, whiekd she just not make offensive (bleep).

did you think about creating t-shirts that are positive for hillary? >> i have some positive. they're for sale. these just happen to be better sellers. >> how much of a better seller? >> probably 5 to 1. >> 5 to 1. >> 5 to 1. sexism sells, bottom line. >> maybe amy is right, sexism does sell and who am i to drag her down from the glass ceiling she shattered,? we live in a world where women can be anything they want, president, astronauts, even business owners who selma song n.i.s.ic -- no, i'm taking over. i'm going to make my own t-shirt and i'm not afraid to use child labor to do it. >> can i please go to the bathroom? >> let's move! this is for women! >> i'm a woman! >> sherry! don't get mouthy with me. >> yeah, this is it!

that's right, huge wall, tiny dick. maybe this makes me sexist but i like to think i'm leveling the playing field. i'm going to make america great again. keep working, all of you. >> trevor: desi lydic, everybody! thank you so much! ( cheers and applause ) i think that was a great piece, desi, but i can't help feeling sexism is sexism even if it's against donald trump. >> bitch, don't kill my vibe. who wants a free t-shirt? ( cheers and applause ) yeah! whoo! >> trevor: all right, we'll be right back. >> yeah! ( cheers and applause ) 30 bucks! 20 if you catch one! whoo! >> trevor: i think they'll love it. ( cheers and applause )

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>> trevor: welcome back to the "the daily show." tonight's guest is an n.b.a. superstar who plays for the new york knicks. please welcome carmelo anthony! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ welcome to the show, sir. >> i'm glad i could be here today. >> trevor: we're glad you can be here. are you kidding me? this is a dream come -- i knew about melo my man before i knew what basketball was, man. thank you for being here. >> i like that. >> trevor: this is insane. you've been all over the world and done great things. before we get into it, congrats

on your gold medal. >> thank you ( applause ) >> trevor: was zika a thing you were stressed about at all? >> no. at first i was. >> trevor: yeah. >> but once i started talking to the locals and the people that was over there, they was, like -- they felt disrespected we kept talking about zika. so, you know, they cleared the air and then, you know, after the first day, you didn't hear anything about zika. >> trevor: looked like a blast. there was a big difference, i noticed, when watching the olympic basketball and that is you have fewer people on the sidelines telling you to do what they think is easy to do. because at the olympics, everyone was just like, oh, wow! but i have been to a knicks game and sat next to guys who said, melo, shoot it! just chuck it in, melo! do you hear those people? >> of course, you hear them. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: i was wondering, i genuinely want to know, when

someone signature on the side with his popcorn and giant drink, come on, melo, you could have blocked that! what are you thinking? >> be quiet. ( applause ) >> trevor: oh, i've had so much fun. i come to the games and watch you. you guys are amazing. it's one of the hardest things in the world. but even tougher than that is the stance you've taken as sportsmen. a lot of people saw yourself and wade and lebron come out open stage and paul, and you guys stood together and took a stand. that's a scary place to be. as a sportsman, you stood up and said, hey, with regards to violence and police shootings, everything that's happening in this country, we can do more. why would you do that? >> well, we actually wanted to kind of just use that platform. just to back up a bit, we didn't know we was going to do the espys. i had no intention of going to the espys at all. a couple of guys called me and

texted me and said, listen, this is a platform where we can really have our voices be heard and send a message and try to create some awareness of what's going on. >> trevor: you didn't come from a wealthy background. you didn't come from a world where you had anything. you're in a space where you've done really well for yourself. you have money, you have opportunities. you know that you could just keep quiet and play basketball. i mean, it's gone well now when people understand this is a movement that needs to be supported, but isn't there a split second where you as carmelo go, the fans and all could be gone. is that a fear? >> you have to put it in perspective. there are so many tragedies that happened in our country in the past several years. i can't speak up and stand for everything that's going on, but it's not until something really happens to you in your backyard and in this case it was a freddie gray situation in baltimore, where i was, like,

okay, enough is enough, it's affecting me. it's in my backyard and i know the people, the families and the community like that. so i wanted to get back there as soon as possible and really feel what the pressure was like after the riots and feel that tension going on back there and i tell you what, i will never, ever wish that on anybody. >> trevor: moving away from some of the sadder stuff, i guess what's really powerful on your side is you've gotten involved. everyone wants you to be involved in everything, but you've got your own stuff going on. you have the carmelo foundation doing amazing work. can you tell us about that? >> i started the carmelo anthony foundation almost ten years ago, and it took a while for me to figure out what i wanted to create, but i realized sports, in a lot of senses, is connected with a lot of things going on in the world. so i wanted to build basketball courts. we created courts for kids where we would go back into underprivileged neighborhoods,

we refurbished basketball courts, branded the community, let the kids cut the ribbons. it's a good thing because kids don't want to be outside no more. they want to be on the taplets and phones and all that. i know when i grew up, i was outside every day. my mom used to lift the window up and yell, melo, get in this house. >> trevor: every mom was doing that. >> i know. >> trevor: get your ass back in this house! did you also have to be back before sundown? that was my rule. >> i was in a little bit different situation, man. ( laughter ) you know, the way that i was growing up was a little different. >> trevor: yeah. yeah, man. you're an inspiration to many people, what you're doing, you know, the way you're putting yourself out there, and as someone who's been lucky enough to call new york my home, i'm a big supporter. >> i appreciate that. >> trevor: i'll be on the sideline screaming, telling you to dunk the ball. >> i won't tell you to be quiet. >> trevor: i appreciate that.

carmelo anthony, everyone! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ warning: this commercial contains brief moments of product nudity. stripped of chocolate, it's peanuts exposed around a soft caramel center. a payday bar will get you through your day. expose yourself to payday. also in bites.

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that's it jay, they'll never know. trident. cherish your teeth. >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. stay tuned for "@midnight" coming up next. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> do you know who i am? >> no idea. >> i'm watters. and you're my world. ♪

( cheers and applause ) it's 29 minutes numbering midnight. make sure you get your in while you watch this, i'm chris hardwick thrk is the "@midnight" program. bad news for fanned of illadvised man buns leonardo dicaprio might be going to mars. i guess there's just nothing for him left to [bleep] on earth. i don't don't know. now this is probably just a joke, he was making while he was talking about climate change and how the earth is soon going to be an uninhabiteddable tamale husk but his comments intrigued if leo d did venture on the stars on the he long musk rocket what would his first words be when he stepped on the red