or forgetting what you're about to do. wait...what was i about to do? or when people who say you look like... james lipton. oh man...it's uncanny. get more choices you love, now with all day breakfast. cno artificial flavors.. philadelphia® garden vegetable. rich, creamy... ...and delicious nothing else tastes like philadelphia®. [funky hip-hop music] - heard what happened with isis, but a bet's a bet. [laughter] by the way, it's called a niqab. see you mus-lames on the bench. ha! "mus-lames!" i kill me! man, fuck y'all. - it's too bad you didn't get that picture, my nig. - says who? - ooh. together: legend. [tires screech] - milton, nice to have you home.

- man, shut your bitch-ass up. so like i was saying, "jungle fever" is the dopest snipes joint, but "white man can't jump" is right up there, though. [as snipes] it's pretty, it's so pretty. - pound for pound, the best actor in the world. - ain't no question, my dudes. snipes be like... [karate sounds] [laughter] [funky hip-hop music] ♪ from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: welcome to the daily show. thank you so much, everyone, i'm trevor noah. so excited to have you. my guest tonight hip-hop legend

russell simmons is here, everybody. (cheers and applause) but first, breaking news from 150 million years ago. >> if you ask any toddler what a dinosaur would sound like, no doubt they would answer by roaring in your face. but it turns out that some scientists are now disproving that theory saying that dinos instead c cooed or quacked like ducks. (laughter). >> trevor: dinosaurs quacked? are you telling me these huge, tough creatures just sound ridiculous. congratulations, dinosaurs, you are the mike tysons of your time. (laughter) dangerous but you sound ridiculous. and this is a stunning revelation. you know, this is just me but i prefer scientists to look into why cell phones are exploding before moving on to dino sounds research. there are so many things happening in the world. and this really is crazy. i used to think, you know, dinosaurs were the most ferocious creatures to ever roam

the earth. now i just picture an old caveman on a park bench feeding dinosaurs bread and eat up, you look hungry. i'm so lonely, when will i invent fire, when. the worst about this now is you realize they have to remaster the audio of jurassic park. (laughter) (applause) all right, let's move on to some international news. overover the past few days the united states escalated its involvement in a war in the middle east, and that-- no, no, not iraq. no, no, not syria. i'm talking about yemen. yeah. and i am like you, i didn't even know america had anything to do with a war in yemen. you know, personally i kind of forgot that yemen was even a country. i thought it was just something a jamaican guy says when he's hungry, you know, like you want

the rest of my beef patty. yeh mon. >> the explaination, the dictator of 30 years was kicked out during the arab spring, not to be confused with arab autumn which is still an uprising but it's pumpkin spice, slightly different. but since then saudi a yaib-- arabia has been helping the governments of yemen squash the rebellians and the saudis are using weapons bought from america to do it. this week america decided why not just cut out the middleman. >> a u.s. destroyer launched a barrage of tomahawk cruise missiles hitting three radar stations controlled by rebel forces on yemen's red sea coast. this is the first time the u.s. has fired on these hautei rebel forces. >> you realize in any other country in the world, the fact that you bombed another country would be the top news story. but not in america.

yeah, america treats war like it's a casual hookup. it's just like yeah, i mean, i guess you could say that me and yemen are starting a thing now. like things are just like a little bit crazy with iraq right now. so i don't want to commit to anything. but we'll see. and i get that most americans are tired of hearing about wars in the middle east, especially when you have your own war at home against the tic tac sucking pussy monster. but, but this story is probably worth paying attention to. it's really worth paying attention to. because you realize, this is something actually a lot of people don't understand. the more wars america is involved in, the more mistakes you are bound to make. like last week, when saudi arabia reportedly using weapons america had provided accidentally killed 140 civilians. and that's not just tragic for those people, it's bad for america. because you are creating enemies. and what happens when people's family members get killed is they want revenge. look at that man. his parents were murdered by one dude. and he went crazy. he was like that's it, i'm going

after every criminal now. and i'm going to dress like a bat and live in a cave. and i'm going to talk like this. and alfred was probably like what, sir, i can harley hear you when you talk like that and he was like, my parents are dead, alfred, this is how i talk now. it drives you crazy. speaking of that man, america's joker has been having a tough time on the campaign trail recently. (applause) and it seems like every woman has accused him of shaking hands with their vaj inna. paul ryan asked someone else to spot him at the gym and in the presidential race his numbers have fallen faster than hillary at a 9/11 memorial. a this rate you realize hillary doesn't have to do anything to beat donald trump, she just has to run out the clock. she shus sit in a tree like ru e in the hunger games waiting for everything to finish. like ru e looking at hillary and-- and ru e is like stop pandering, hillary, stop it. now there say reason everything is going wrong for donald trump.

it is because he is a terrible man who has done terrible things, and has a terrible plan for the country. (cheers and applause) but why is he. >> this whole election is being rigged. >> it's rigged like you've never seen before. >> the whole thing is one big fix. >> our system is rigged. >> you know it, they know it, i know it. and pretty of the whole world knows it. >> yeah, the whole world knows it. you went to a remote village in nigeria and said what do you guys know about america. they would say your elections are rigged. and chip ot lay makes you [bleep] for days. that is what we know, huh? just so you know, trump thinks everything in the world is rigged. for instance in 2012 he thought mitt romney lost because the election was rigged. he also tweeted that the electoral college wasn't legit and when the apprentice lost the emmy to the amazing race he said that the whole process is also

rigged which is stupid. of course it was going to win, it had the word amazing in it. you should have called your show the amazing apprentice, that is your fault. and claiming the presidential election is rigged is a serious and unpresidential thing to do and poisons the well for anybody whos whos about becomes president. but luckily trump has offered specific evidence of these crimes. >> hillary clinton meets in secret with international banks to plot the destruction of u.s. sovereignty. >> okay, wait, okay, wait, wait. so let me get this straight. hillary's been running for 20 years, just so that when she finally gets power, she can 457bd it over to the banks? clearly you haven't met hillary. hillary's been thirsty for the white house so much that every time she eats a turkey sandwich she pardons it first. she has been so thirsty for the white house, every halloween she

goes as the sitting president. that's what she doesment and by the way these past couple of years have been a little tricky for her, a tough one to pull off. by the way, if are you not into vaguely sant semmityic conspiracy theories don't worry trump has a-- one of his more popular stories is that black people have stopped stealing-- and now they are stealing votes. >> we have to make sure that this election is not stolen from us and is not taken away from us. >> go and watch these polling places. >> i hear too many stories about pennsylvania, certain areas. and we can't lose an election because of you know what i am talking about. >> oh! nicely played, donald. yeah, that speech-- the "n" word was right in the middle of the road and donald swerved around it at the last section. we can't lose an election because of you know what i am talking about. you know. you know. you know-- here say quick question. if you are genuinely trying to

warn america about one of the greatest scandals ever, why wouldn't you just say what you are talking about. why would you elude to it and beat around the bush. fire, fire 14r78 where. you know where. you know. you know. so he blamed the banks, he blamed the blacks but the thing he blamed the most is the thing he can't live without. >> the election is being rigged by corrupt media. >> the corrupt media is trying to do everything in their power to stop our movement. >> the crooked hillary clinton campaign-- and the mainstream media, which they control, and use quite viciously. >> oh, donald trump. the media is not rigged against you. they're just recording what you say and playing it back. that's all it is. (cheers and applause) if anything, you are rigging

your own campaign. does trump not realize that he's the one on tv saying the things that make him look bad? maybe, you know, we lost we laugh but maybe he doesn't realize. maybe he watches and goes who is that guy. he makes me look like [bleep] like maybe donald trump is like those animals, who don't recognize themselves in a mirror . trump is that gorilla. okay, i'm just kidding, trump is not a wild animal, come on. because if he was, his sons would have killed him by now. seriously, donald trump-- the media has given you billions of dollars of free air time, you realize that. billions of colors. how are they rigging it against. even your empty podium has been on tv more than gary johnson and jill stein combined, although at least your podium knows where

aleppo is. now we have got more to cover but unfortunately our show is rigged by advertisers. so we've got to do that thing where we go away for a little bit. you know, you know what i am talking about. you know, you know. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. you know. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ and they're off!

well, that took a turn. what's the speed limit in here? dad! should we tell them there are more? they'll figure it out, eventually.

>> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. now before the break, donald trump had exposed us to the realities of election rigging in the u.s to make sure that everyone knows that if hillary wins it's noted because trump say loser. it's because he's a victim, but like a cool victim, you know, with like a cool scar from being in a motorcycle accident with a shark. you know, i don't know how trump's mind works but the point is since there's no evidence for any of trump's claims, they may not make sense. until you realize that everything donald trump does, he frames through the lens of reality tv. cuz that's the world he is from.

the apprentice, beauty pageants, prowrestling, right? and if you measured this election like you measured those things, he would be winning big e. >> i had the biggest, nobody has ever had them like this. >> all of the online polls say i won the debate amount of lot of people thought i won the debate. >> we beat her by millions on television. millions. >> they won the ratings war in the last night. hillary clinton. >> by millions, george, by millions. >> by millions, george, by millions. i bet supervilans wamp trump and goes this guy talks weird. millions. hey, donald trump, do you realize that there is a difference between ratings and votes. trump probably wonder whys shelledon from big bang hasn't won the presidency by now. even i can't deny it, folks. that nerd is popular, he's superpopular. is he a total loser though, hangs out with that blond chick, can't close the deal. just grab her by the bazinga come on, come on, just do it,

just do it. >> so if you understand reality tv you understand why trump's world is falling part. think of it, in his mind he should be winning. he knows es-- if he is not winning, the contest must be rigged because that is how reality tv works. trump knows this, because he is the one that did the rigging. when trump made at present is he would just fire whoever he felt like. and his editors would have to go back and reedit the show just to make it look like his judgement had some basis in reality. which by the way is also what we're going to have to do after he's president. you realize that. trump will randomly bomb italy and we'll all have to be like well, i think it's because you guys put clams in the pasta? i don't-- let's go with that, let's go with that, it makes sense, go with that. but i genuinely do feel a little bit bad for donald trump. i don't think it helps that some people are lying. lying to his supporters about when the actual election is. >> make sure you get out and vote november 28th. >> november 28th, november

28th. >> oh, donald. you can't afford unforced errors like that, buddy? because you know hillary is not making those mistakes, right. she knows exactly when the election is. she probably has it tattooed on the inside of her bicep. but as good as you are, are you seeing it all slipping away, donald. and are you stressed and i understand. i understand how scary that can be. but take heart, because reality tv shows are not all about winning. what donald trump doesn't seem to realize is this, most times the craziest, most popular person, at the don't win the show, they lose in the finale and it sets them up perfectly for their even more successful spinoff. he's going to be around, folks. we'll be right back.

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welcome back to the daily show. my guest tonight is author, activist, philanthropist and cofounder of def jam recorder rings. please welcome russell simmons.

welcome, sir. >> thank you. >> trevor: thank you for being on the show. >> happy to be here. >> trevor: yeah, are you. >> i was watching you backstage, you tearing trump's ass up. >> trevor: i i think it is thank you very much for being here. you are the zen master of many worlds, i feel. you know, you are known for being a godfather of hip-hop, and then the recording industry. you are known for philanthropy, you're known for tv shows. but you are here to talk about today is really special. launching a new campaign but something you have been working on for many years and that is muslims speak out. >> yeah. i have a foundation, i have been working for 15 years or so. over the last eight or ten years we've been working on muslim jewish relations and islamophobia has grown so much over the last-- . >> trevor: a little bit. >> yeah, so that the worst scourge we have, a lot of

phobia, for god's sake. but islamophobia is the worst. and i think people's misunderstandings about the muslim community, like 99.9 of muslims are not radicalized, right. and probably more christians are radicalized. >> trevor: i like how you pointed at me when you said that-- i'm crazy like that, man. i [bleep] for jesus, man. >> i mean but this idea that muslims aren't speaking out, this renot our greatest ally in the the fight against terror is crazy. and i think we have to share that message. and i think that will elp america to get over this horrible hate that we have, for our muslim community. >> trevor: when you talk about speaking out, it's always a tough conversation. because something happens, people go why aren't muslims speaking out. and muslims always speak out. but when you are launching a campaign like this, when you are trying to get that conversation going, who are you-- who are you dreblging it towards? because it feels like there are people who made their minds up. they go muslims are bad.

muslims should not northbound this country. they are all terrorists. >> look at it this way. america was moving toward a more peaceful, more loving community and collective. and then we have trump and we have these whole, this whole pushback, and partly because of obama, for whatever reason, people need to blame their discomfort on someone else. and so it happens very quickly. you know, what happened in nazi germany or rwanda, croatia, [bleep] happened overnight. and so this growing hate that we have here in america is something we are going to have to work on long after trump lose the election it is telling people like mart smart people like new the media, you can communicate it in a funny enough way that people will digest it and understand that all the people of abraham are the sames, muslims, jews, christian, buddhists, we all have the same aspirations and hopes and desires. and that is something that we should, as americans, we should want to give everybody the same right, the same kind of freedom, the same kind of happiness that we want for ourselves. that is how we become more

happy. and that is simple. (applause). >> trevor: you are some what of a. >> why are you taller than me like that. i can drop mine way down. is that good. can i do that. >> much better. >> trevor: comfortable now? >> much better. >> trevor: so why do you-- when you-- you are some what of a scholar when it comes to religion. you are some of what a scholar when it comes to religion. and there are people who say i disagree with you, russell. i don't agree. muslims don't want the same things christians want. muslims want sharia law, they want men to control women, they don't want women to have free dosm they don't want us to eat pork and people love bacon and that's why we need to shut the borders down. >> i am an an animal rights act-- i don't know why america's farming sphri is poisonings why we get cancer from it either.

i don't like any of that. > trevor: are you a vegan extremist, are you a vegan extremist. >> your children won't have a planet if you keep [bleep] it up. >> trevor: that's true. >> very true all my friends my age getting ass cancer, getting sick, getting all kinds of problems. real problems. >> trevor: you have been a vegan flow for how long? >> 20 years or so. but i mean, american farming, they never talk about t but the number one most threatening thing we are facing. >> trevor: i think isis is the number one thing. >> that's bull [bleep] kosm on, you condition believe that [bleep] >> trevor: i love that but that is the truth that is what the world has been lead to believe. we're fighting this, that is what the world is lead to believe. >> factory farming kills a lot of mother bleep bleep a lot of people and continues to kill people and poisoning our planet and all of its inhabitants and it's scary. >> trevor: not as scary as donald trump right now though. here is a question i have.

you have met with donald trump now and again in circles. >> i have known him for 30 years. we traveled together, hung out together. i went on his-- i know donald very well. he wrote the first to my first book. >> trevor: so you are the black friend he talks about. >> listen. >> trevor: i have heard him say, i have heard him say. >> i like everybody. i was occupied, far to the left of dennis kucinich, my progressive politics are what they are but it doesn't mean i don't love everybody. i don't have to a agree with them. and donald was a funny enough person. fine to do what he does. but president, [bleep] please. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: i feel like you jis came up with the greatest trump slogan for the campaign. trump for president, [bleep] please that is the greatest slogan of all. >> thank you. >> trevor: thank you for being on the show. russell simmons, everyone. we'll be right back.

(cheers and app [cellphone ring] uh oh, should have put that phone on silent. luckily, jay chews trident to help clean and protect his teeth, so he can hide his guilt with a convincing grin. that's it jay, they'll never know. trident. cherish your teeth. i spent many years as a nuclear missile launch officer. if the president gave the order we had to launch the missiles, that would be it. i prayed that call would never come. [ radio chatter ] self control may be all that keeps these missiles from firing.

[ sirens blearing ] i would bomb the [ beep] out of them. i want to be unpredictable. i love war. the thought of donald trump with nuclear weapons scares me to death. it should scare everyone. i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. two words: it heals.e different? how? with heat. unlike creams and rubs that mask the pain, thermacare has patented heat cells that penetrate deep to increase circulation and accelerate healing. let's review: heat, plus relief, plus healing, equals thermacare. the proof that it heals is you. sfx: hose being detached sfx: escaping airopper sfx: deflating plastic house sfx: air blower sfx: crunching and chewing these new chipotle thins are amazing. you really know how to throw a party, travis. you got that right. sfx: the thud of a rubber ball hitting dad mmmm. mmmm. guys! we should do this again next weekend. yeah. maybe at your house. this season you could be on the field for super bowl 51, and win other unreal experiences and awesome prizes from the nfl, madden nfl 17 and xbox. only at pepsiandtostitos.com

>> trevor: that's our show, stay tuned for "@midnight" coming up next. now here it is, your moment of zen.