ral, fucking losers. - eat a black dick! - here go one right here. - yeah, nigga, that's right, we took all y'all oriental shit. we got bruce lee, kimora lee, sara lee, and w we 'bout to take y'all video games. - you know, you talkin' a lot of trash to be rolling dolo. - man, ain't nobody worried about being dolo, you wide-faced bitch. ow! oh! i think i pulled all my ass muscles! - come on, 'trel, stop messin' around. this is my shot at finally beating you and getting your respect. - sorry, lil bro-bro. looks like we both assed out. chance the wrapper break! ♪ break me off a piece of that kit kat bar ♪ we're both chance the wrapper. no, i get it. have a break, have a kit kat.

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that's idiot. - damn, you the worst big brother in the world. - now, when i called you a bitch earlier, it was simply an idiom. but, cuz, you really is a bitch. - man, you know what? it doesn't matter anyway. - now, hold up, grove. we all know there's no way you could ever in your life whup my ass in anything. but i can help you whup this other bitch, though. [upbeat music] ♪ all right, little bro, now, if you gon' beat this bitch, you gon' need my secret move. [whispering] - let's go, grove. - yeah, grover, you got this! - bust that breezy's ass. - whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! - and in three, two, one. game time! - [chittering] - damn, little girl. - [giggles] so sorry. - ha! get 'em a body bag, suzy! [machine gun fire]

- in yo' mouth! - bust that thang open! - yeah, grover, you my nig! - now hit her with that secret sauce. [whooshing] - man, my dick is so hard right now. - cook her, nigga! - [giggles] [smooches] [squelching] so sorry. [applause] - aye, man. bitch cold. - so what was good with that elite basketball camp? - dem meatballs! - aw, man, we was way too league for that bullshit. it was like playing with a bunch of mark-ass benchwarmers. - aye, man. even though you got that ass spanked, i still respect you. i would have given you my secret, secret move, but i ain't no snitch, though. - you know what 'trel? you ain't the smartest,

but you ain't such a bad brother after all. - oh, nigga, i know. that's why i got you this. - suzy gave you that? - naw, i robbed that ass. now let's dip. i think suzy's management called one time. we gotta bounce out this bitch. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," thank you so much for tuning in, i'm trevor noah pie guest conservative commentator for the blaze and probably all over your facebook feed, tomi lahren is joining us, everybody. but first, do you guys remember mitt romney. do you remember him? no, no, no, no, come on, that's in the nicement i get it, he's superwhite, black people don't

[bleep] but put up his real picture. there were a lot of mainstream republicans during the primary who were hashtag never trump. but romney, do you remember? he outed them all. >> mr. trump is a con man, a fake. >> i wish everybody in the republican party had reject pld trump and chosen someone else. >> his promises are as worthless as a degree from trump university. >> i don't want to see trickle down racism. >> when it comes to foreign policy, he is very, very not smart. he has neither the temp iterment nor the judgement to be president. he's playing the members of the american public for suckers. he gets a free ride to the white house, and all we get say lousy hat. >> trevor: come on, it's a pretty cool hat, give him that, it's a nice hat. but well done, romney, that was the end of donald trump, yeah. but that right there is why romney is a-- he spent a year slamming trump and never once ditched his appearance. do you know how hard it is to ignore that looking at trump. do you know how hard to ignore the fact from the side trump looks like a full pelican. do you know how hard it is to

not say anything about that. romney a is that guy. he ve mmente was against trump, he was never trump. but in the wise words of a canadian fill os fear, you should never say never. >> it must have been quite a dinner. >> the long time rivals were greeted with applause as they entered the pricey french restaurant, the menu, garlic soup with sauteed frogs legs. >> on the side, conversation about romney. who called trump a fraud during the campaign. as a potential secretary of state. >> trevor: wow. trump and romney having dinner, smiling it up like chumps, can we just agree that white people are passive aggressive as [bleep]. you know you [bleep] each other but when you meet you are just like hey, jim, congrats on your promotion. >> oh, you saw that? ha ha ha ha ha. black people dopt play those games. you say that [bleep] for a year and then let's meet for dinner, be like what did you say about

me? what did you say about me! light some [bleep] on my hat, is say some [bleep] about my hat! going to be smiley, acting like are you friends, trurch and romney sat down for a meal and just take a look at the menu. the menu. young garlic soup. yes, a young garlic soup with thyme. i love that it is young garlic soup, classic trump, even his garlic needs to be young. what is that about the man. and sauteed frog legs. yes, well played, donald trump. all through the campaign taking pictures with kfc buckets, with taco bowls, the minute he wins he is like frog legs at jean-georges, that is the most elitist food there is. that has got to bother a few trump supporters at least. probably really going to piss off pepe the most. seriously, after everything i did for you, trump? but while trump is still deciding between romney and the world's angriest egg for secretary of state, he's already

made his picks on some other key cabinet positions. so let's take a lack at some of these people in our new segment profiles in tremendousness. >> i have the most dedicated people. >> i know the best people. >> we're going to use our best people. >> i have the smartest people in the world. >> i know guys that are so good. >> now one of trump's more important decisions has been his attorney general pick, jeff sessions f you are not familiar with jeff sessions he say senator from alabama, and a former alabama attorney general and his full name is actually jefferson bureaugard sessions the third. that is his real name, yeah. that is almost too southern. let's be honest. jefferson bureaugard, come on. that's like if my name was trevor giraffe apartheid safari mufasa the third. too much. to be fair, my middle name is mufasa but that is different.

for more on jeff session gets' go live where jordan clep certificate standing by. >> thank you, trevor, thank you. trevor, jeff sessions is a great pick for attorney general. i'm proud of trump for making such a bold choice. >> trevor: hold on, before we move on, what the hell are you wearing? >> oh, you know, trump doesn't trust the media so the only way can i get close enough to trump to we are without getting noticed is to dress up as a hot dog vendor. >> trevor: i don't think are you blending in. you look like you are selling hot dogs in the 1950s. >> well, that is where most of trump's policies come from so i thought i would fit right in. and that and the costume store is still empty from halloween. either this or a slutty minute on. lord knows i don't have the hips to pull that one off. >> trevor: that's true, your hips lie so hard, anyway, let's talk about this, a lot of people are worried about jeff sessions, he is so anti-immigration. between him and trump, where does this end? there thrb mass deportation of illegal immigrants. >> well, sure, some people might call it mass detor -- deportation while others call it

opening up late night hosting opportunities for hardworking legal americans. >> trevor: i keep telling you, i'm not illegal. >> that's not going to matter in a couple of months. >> trevor: what about the allegations of racism, jeff sessions is denied a federal judgeship in 1996 because he allegedly used the "n" word and may aid joke about liking the kkk. >> come on what white guy hasn't been accused of being racist for making a joke. i joke about the kkk all the time and i also go to the rallies t doesn't make me a racist. >> trevor: i think it makes you a member of the kkk. >> member, grand wizard, these are all just words. don't be so sensitive. >> trevor: but jordan, here is my biggest problem, jeff sessions is on the wrong side of voting rigs. heupported voter i.d. laws which we know unfairly tar et god minorities and poor people. he seen said it was good for the south when the supreme court struck down a key portion of the voting rights act. >> come on, trevor, stopping people were voting, half of americans don't vote anyway. he's prakly doing them a favor. think about it. to vote you have to get time off

work, wait in line for hours, now i've got to choose who is going to represent me for the next four years, have i to talk to that little old lady at the polling mace which i hate. i told you, mer ill trk was just a one-time, okay, a three time thing. and it took me a week to wash that lavender scent off. >> trevor: jordan, i condition believe you would defend jeff sessions. >> trevor, i have to go, stephen bald win is coming in the trump sto we are, wait, that is just a pile of wet socks. i'm going to did there go there anyway, mr. bald win, mr. bald win. >> trevor: thank you, jordan, jrd an klepper, everybody. we'll be right back. i don't understand.

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>> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. so before the break we were discussing the newest presidential appointments including controversial senator jeff sessions but there's another pic that happened overnight that is garnering a lot of attention. >> the president-elect has picked billionaire banker and his former campaign finance cheer steven mnuchin as the next treasury secretary. >> steven mnuchin career is one success after another. >> he spent 17 years in goldman sachs. then he went to hollywood to produce movies. >> trevor: are you certificate us where? a guy who spent his entire slief working in finance is now going to be the treasury secretary, i mean i guess that's fine, actually, that's fine. we are so ang real estate about these things, it's fine. it's easy to a knee jerk reaction to every cab net pick,

we have to take them withint a time. and the truth is mnuchin isn't an outlandish pick for trunt. other than his name, mnuchin, that is the only thing that is weird. sounds like a street fighter move, ma-mnuchin it is like mnu chi-- i bet every time he texts someone his phone auto corrects to munch kin, the phone is like no no, i know what you mean. other than that he doesn't seem like a bad guy. for more a nal disis on the trsh ree secretary, please we're joined by roy wood, jr., everybody. hey, trevor, is with just reading your new book born a crime. very nice job. (applause) trz thank you. >> you riding that apartheids train harder than mandela. get your money, bro. >> trevor: i guess that is one way to look at it. let's mf on. that is not what we are here to talk about. we are here to talk about the new appointment steve mnuchin. >> to be honest i'm not much of a fan of this guy. >> trevor: i was expecting you

would say that because he has ties to wall street, he spent years at goldman sachs. and those are very controversial institutions that the voters are against. >> that ain't the reason, trevor. i could give a [bleep] about all that. look all these finance guys have shady dealings on wall street. >> trevor: not all of them-- i get it, you don't like him because he is a hedge fund guy and that is specifically what trump rallied gns during the campaign. >> i don't give a [bleep] about that either, look. have i a problem with his movies. >> trevor: sorry, what? >> his movies, look, because munch kin is mot on wall street any more, all he produces is movies. and you can tell everything about a person by looking at which movies they put their money moo. principle i looked at all the movies you downloaded on i tune. >> trevor: how did you get into my account. >> seriously, all black fingerprints are the same. you got boyz in thed into hood, you got garden state and you have got the notebook. which tells may are you half black, half white, you love a good cry. >> trevor: that's true, boyzs

in hood get me every time, they killed ricky. >> he got murdered by a dude in a hyundai. >> trevor: worst way to go out. >> now to that same point, let's check out munchkin's movies. he put money behind jupiter ascending, in the heart of the seat and pan. pan so bad they named it after the thing critics do to a [bleep] movie. what is the sequel called, two thumbs down. and then don't get me started on in the heart of the sea. first of all, white people have got to stop fighting fish, all right. you can't win. it's been a losing battle since jaws. trevor, this is the man who is going to be in charge of the nation's finances. the same man who thought it would be a good investment to have channing tatum fly around with pointy earsnd a goatee. channing tatum is a sex symbol and they made him ugly. how is that being smart with money. just hire an ugly dude, it's cheaper. >> trevor: look, i hear what you are saying but if are you going to be fair and talk about

the povie he has produced about mnuchin made a bunch of hits including mad max. >> oh, a mf yea about living after the end of the world, yeah, a perfect pitch for trump. >> trevor: thanks, roy wood, jr., everyone, we'll be right back. back. (applause) ♪ back. (applause) ♪ 3,2,1... lumière, action! ♪ and you just need to say it out have somloud.g to say when something happens in the world that blows your mind or breaks your heart or your simply stoked about or makes you question everything

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guyscause this is my jam.n... showtime! ♪tell it to my heart ♪tell me i'm the only one... nailed it tim, nailed it. ♪ (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show, my guest tonight is a conservative commentator with her own show on the blaze network. please welcome tomi lahren. >> i'm in the lion's den, trevor. >> trevor: i'm not a lion at all, is that like an african thing, no. welcome to the show. before we get into it, i know who you are. because my facebook feed has new it. there are a lot of people without don't so if you don't know tomi lahren 24 say little stais taste of her show. >> the protesters are still out in force, so let's be honest.

they are not protestors they are cry babies with nothing better to do than me ander on the streets with their participation trophies an falsz sense of purpose this isn't for hillary. i'm not even sure this is against trump t is the same thing we have seen time and time again with these so called protestors and demonstrators. it started with the occupy wall street brats. moved on to the more militant overtly aggressive black lives matter more crowd, cycled through the dnc paid violence instigators and now here we are november of 2016 with president-elect donald trump and a crowd of misfit babies from every failed movement sandwiched together it become the largest group of whiners the country has ever seen. >> trevor: all right. >> which covers it, doesn't it, trevor. >> trevor: quick question, like why are you so angry? >> i'm actually not that angry. it's just there are things that need to be said, trevor. a lot of people are afraid to say them. >> trevor: in an angry way, you can't say are you not angry and this is what you are known for. it is a strange thing to say i'm not angry but that is the one thing-- it's like ellen saying i don't like dancing. yeah, you do, ellen, you do.

you are angry about everything, it seems. >> sometimes you just need to be called on [bleep] >> trevor: when you say [bleep], what in particular. here is the thing. >> when you are protesting a fair and free election, that is to me, you get called in your [bleep] a little bit. it's a time to clear the streets, accept reality, time to move on, time to make america great again. >> trevor: you consider yourself a conservative. >> i do. >> trevor: okay. >> i mean a millenial so i don't really like labels but i'm con serb tiff in thought. >> trevor: sorry my brain, you just gave a label to say you don't like labels. but anyway. >> we exist on a spectrum, trevor. would you consider yourself a liberal. >> trevor: that was just funny, just funny, a funny moment. >> i'm a millenial, it shouldn't surprise you. >> trevor: it's funny. in terms of black lives matter, like you know, you have quite a record. for somebody who is not racist, you have to spend a lot of time saying i'm not racist. what is your biggest issue with black lives matter? >> i think and i've said this many times, it started with good

intentions. i think it was. it was well-intentioned. the moment that they started pushing hands up don't shoot which is a false narrative proven time and time again to be a false narrative, the minute that became their slogan, the mib that protest iting turned into rioting and looting and burning and militant actions, that is when i lost respect for black lives matter. >> trevor: okay but here is my thing. let's address each of these one by one. when you go protest, turning into rioting and looting, that is not a black lives matter phenomenon. that is what happens when there is a protest a lot of the time. there are people who rioted and looted when teams won in chicago years ago. it doesn't mean that they are now bad people that is what happens. there are some bad people in every instance going back to black lives matter, though, for you to say that, you say they have good intentions, they had th good intentions. how are you labeling out the actions of a few and condemning an entire group? i don't understand that. >> because they subscribing be to the black lives matter movement. they say we are the black lives matter movement, fry them like bay con, f the police. they are saying those things. >> trevor: these are a few people, this is not the black

lives matter protest-- that is not the platform though. >> i thought in my city of $as am i saw what a black lives matter protest looked like. i saw five fallen sphefers because of it. >> trevor: that is not fair, and that is true. >> no, no, st favor because the shooters say point blank shooters said he is doing this because of black lives matter. >> trevor: and there are many things you can say, i mean if you go outside, you can say anything about doing something because you cannot deny that the man had mentdal issues as well and he was in a tough place, just because you say the thing doesn't mean it is what it stands for, right? because you are the same person, you are the same person who argued on your show that just because donald trump has supportedders from the kkk doesn't mean is he in the kkk. (applause). >> trevor: you can't say. >> he, the shooter said i am-- . >> trevor: but black lives matter never said go out and shoot people. i am saying are you saying this to your audience. i do not understand where you getting that from. what if somebody says i fell emboldened by tomi lahren so i went out and shot black