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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  February 7, 2017 1:40am-2:11am PST

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...and get your kiss on. ♪ every kiss begins with kay. ♪ [crunch] ♪ yeah! [laughter] ♪ [crunch] [ alarm weather.eping ] ♪ [ laughter ] cartoons.
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wait for it. [ cat screech ] [ laughter ] ♪ [ screaming ] [ laughter ] make everyday awesome with the power of xfinity x1... hi grandma! and the fastest internet. [ girl screaming ] [ laughter ] [upbeat music] - [panting] - freeze! - [grunts] - [stammers] [gun cocks] - well, well, well. - easy. - looks like you're toast, detective. aah! - looks like you're toast... covered in strawberry jam. - ♪ small time crooks, but this cop is even smaller ♪ ♪ if you're in heat ♪ he'll bring you back hotter ♪ all you bad guys are going down ♪ ♪ he's one adjective and one proper noun ♪ ♪ he's lil' nubbins ♪ the smallest private dick in town ♪ - you're under arrest!
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- [laughs] i like his funny, high voice. he sounds so stupid. - i'm telling you guys, i can feel it. we got something really special on our hands here. jeff, what's the matter with you? you don't want to watch the show? - i'm sorry, guys, i can't handle any more garbage comedy right now. why don't you check back in with me in about a week? - cut! >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you guys! you guys are amazing! thank you very much. i'm trevor noah! we have a great guest tonight, democratic congressman keith ellison is joining us, everybody! keith ellison on the show!
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but first, what an amazing game last night, people. did you guys watch it? ( cheers and applause ) it really was super. i don't think i've ever seen football that insane. it is a comeback i will never forget. on top of that, they've won their fifth championship! wow! congratulations, cameroon, the world champions of africa! ( cheers and applause ) >> a celebration as cameroon became african football champions for a fifth time. the winner scored by vanson aakar! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: so that really happened last night, (bleep) y'all. ( laughter ) we might as well congratulate the new england patriots! congratulations on an amazing victory. ( cheers and applause ) really was insane. hate or love them, an amazing
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victim r. it's like david and goliath if goliath got back up and tore off david's head. ( laughter ) it's nice to see things work out finally for tom brady. he suffered for so long. almost two whole hours before turning around and winning. it's a real riches to riches story. ( laughter ) i think the only down side for tom brady was, after the game, roger goodell gave him a four-game suspension for overinflating atlanta's hopes. ( laughter ) i didn't expect that. i also genuinely loved lady gaga last night. she was phenomenal. ( cheers and applause ) amazing performance! yeah, apparently trump's immigration ban doesn't apply to women from outer space, and i'm glad. ( laughter ) her performance was amazing. i loved it. from the time she itsy-bitsy ga-ga'd her way down the stage -- yeah, it's like if elton john reimagined "mission impossible." then she dropped her mic,
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herself -- what is that? it's like she jumped into super mario and came out in the underground world. ( applause ) i don't know what that was. beyonce has set a trend. half-time show stars can no longer wear pants. this is a trend she set. so see you in 2018 toby keith. ( laughter ) let's turn to the continuing saga that is the travel ban. aka the muslim ban, aka it's not a ban but it is a ban. ten days ago when his excellency donald trump banished all nationals of certain countries, he took for granted the fact he's not a (bleep) king. >> on friday a federal judge blocked the travel ban reopening entry for people from the seven countries. >> i find a temporary restraining order is in the public interest. >> trevor: damn, trump got shot down like he was one of his
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h own casinos. ( applause ) trump is a lot like the knicks -- he's from new york, he's orange and always finds a way to lose on the court. always. ( audience reacts ) the only difference, i like the knicks. did you say that ain't right? ( laughter ) this werld judge james robot put a stop to the muslim ban. donald trump took it to the highest court he knows, twitter. >> the president already argued his own case in a string of seven tweets saturday, even lashing out at the judge. the opinion of this so-called judge is ridiculous and will be overturned. >> trevor: what do you mean so-called judge? he is a judge! whenever someone disagrees with trump it's automatically conspiracy time. get me this court guy's birth certificate. i'll bet it doesn't say judge anywhere! was he born in kenya? he probably killed j.f.k. after
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inventing autism! ( laughter ) no, no, the man was appointed and confirmed and is in every way fully and legally a judge. trump heard the decision and he was, like, oh, yeah? who are you to judge? i'm literally a judge! ( laughter ) look, you know, i know trump is not a checks and balances guy, but the president takes an oath to uphold the constitution, and judges are specifically the people whose job it is to tell him how to do that. judges are basically democracy referees. now, you can complain about a call if you don't like it, but you can't complain the ref is not a ref unless the ref works at foot locker which is different in which case you shouldn't have brought your divorce suit in front of him to begin with. just saying. a problem with trump dumping on judge robot. the problem with this particular judge is there are no problems with this particular judge.
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>> judge robart is a superb judge and one of the best we have and one of the better judges in the country. he is an active republican in washington state, a good, solid judge, main stream jurist and lucky to have him. >> the george w. bush aponentee confirmed in the senate 99-0. >> trevor: the senate confirmed him unanimously and they never agree on anything. even when they watched la-la land, they didn't agree. (chuckles) agree.chuck schumer and ted cruz like it. jazz doesn't belong to white people! ( laughter ) trump may have not known it but he was criticizing a republican judge lauded on both sides of the aisle. bush appointed him so you can't say this is a partisan decision. but if there is one thing you should know about the trump is he has the impressive ability to take a bad situation and make it
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worser. ( laughter ) alternative words. ( laughter ) disrespecting and delegitimizing a judge was just the start. trump took it from being dickish to dictatorrish. >> later tweeting i can't believe a judge would put our country in peril. blame him what happens, people pouring in, bad. >> trevor: if something happens, blame him? wow. you realize that judge is doing his job, right? his job is to uphold the law. but now trump's threatening the judge by blaming any future terror attack on him. that's not an accident. it's a strategy, and a strategy straight out of the authoritarian's handbook, which, by the way, is his favorite bedtime stories. read me the one about the mustache man! ( laughter )
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because you realize, when trump says, if we get attacked, blame this judge, he's playing the groundwork to subvert an entire branch of government the judiciary. because god forbid if something does happen, you know trump is going to come out and say, see? the judges stopped me from protecting you. what do you want, safety or judges? dictators use the fare of the people to convince people to surrender their rights. if you don't think the trump administration would exploit a terror attack in that way, don't take my word for it, just ask the survivors of the bowling green massacre. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) new belvita sandwich breakfast biscuits are for everyone. like the hottest guy at the office. or the second-hottest. it's a small office. made with a peanut butter or
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♪ nature made it delicious. we made it a snack. chobani flip. ♪ shocked by your wireless bill every month? additional fees. tacked on taxes. come on! with t-mobile one, taxes and fees are now included! get 4 lines of unlimited lte data for 40 bucks each. that's right - all unlimited. all in! and now, for a limited time save more than you pay in taxes on all smartphones. so switch to t-mobile and save hundreds vs. the other guys. it's better than a tax holiday! and it's only at t-mobile. this is how many people were born here. this many are fifth generation. this is how many are named hiawatha kitty mcgee.
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he keeps the town dry. they'd prefer it a little wet. this many are proud of what we make here. this is how many will go around bragging about it. this is our town. if you can't get here, just look for one of our postcards. we send them all over. they look like this.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! thank you very much, everybody! thank you! let's move now to washington, d.c., something melania trump will never do.
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you know, since trump's inauguration, here at "the daily show" we have been playing this game, called who's the real president? we sit around in the office and we try and figure out who's really running the country because you know it's not trump, right? we know it's not trump. i figured -- i was, like, let me show you the current standings of what we have here, all right? ( laughter ) so, as you can see, for week three, we have a whole bunch of people, donald trump's still stuck in number five spot, but there is been a lot of movement in the top three and that's what we'll share with you today. at number three, we have jay jarvanka -- jared and ivanka trump. ( laughter ) in the number two spot, fox news, or as trump calls it his daily briefings. but the number one spot in this
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week's edition of who's the real president goes to -- ( drum roll ) ( cheering ) ( booing ) >> trevor: steve bannon! yea! steve! yea! yes. donald trump's chief strategist who is the rormer radical editor of breitbart and the author of the best selling biography if eczema were human, the steve bannon story. ( laughter ) we've heard so much about the power and influence steve bannon has in the white house. >> where did the term muslim ban come from? >> how did the president decide the seven countries. >> bannon played a key role in crafting president trump's extreme vetting order, the ban on immigrants from predominantly muslim seven countries. >> trevor: what's going on in this photo? looks like trump is a little
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girl learning to dance by standing on her fatheras feet. i bet melania says, i remember when you used to look at me like that, donald! but, yes, even though the muslim ban has trump's name on it, once again, turns out he didn't really build it himself. it was bannon's baby, which shouldn't surprise anyone. it's in his name, people -- ban-non. ban-on-muslims! the whole name is a clue! what about steve? you can't spell steve without eve! adam and eve! the garden of eden, eden! steven is going to order takeout tonight! we have to stop him!
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maybe i got carried away, but still, ban-on! he's reportedly the person who told immigration to ban visa and green cardholders as well which, aside from being illegally dubious, is a dick move. you realize some of these people lived in america for decades. imagine leaving your home to visit your family and when you get back steve bannon won't let you in. and you're, like, but i live here! bannon's, like, i say you don't and i clogged your toilets! ( laughter ) steve bannon gave himself more power on the dl. >> steve bannon has been given a security clearance usually held by generals as a result offan executive order signed by president trump. >> according to the "times," president trump did not know the contents of one of the executive
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orders. he did not know he was giving steve bannon a seat on the national security council. >> trevor: this is insane. the president didn't know what was in the executive order. and bannon slipped himself on to the national security council. like a kid slips candy into his mom's shopping cart. everyone realizes steve bannon is the power behind the thrown, even the dishonest media. >> president trump's chief strategist appears on the cover of this week's "time" magazine accompanied by the title "the great manipulator." >> trevor: a sweet milestone for steve bannon. on the one hand, on the cover of "time" magazine. on the other hand, on the cover with this photo. what's going on with the face? that's like a professional -- the man looks like a satellite image of a storm on jupiter. ( laughter ) anyway, by the way, what kind of
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shadowy manipulator goes on the coverage of a mag zone to announce he's a shadowy manipulator. like the wizar wizard of oz posn the cover of a headline, it's just some dude! why would you do that? ego. seriously, everyone is trying to figure out whether bannon or trump is in charge. >> look at this "time magazine" cover. it's astounding that this soon into a new administration -- i don't know. i mean, maybe bannon's calling all the shots. >> trevor: now, if that wasn't true, then a certain cable news fan wouldn't have felt the need less than an hour later to tweet -- "i call my own shots largely based on an accumulation of data and everyone knows it ." largely based on an accumulation of data? come on, man. trump and data have less of a relationship than trump and
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tiffany. ( audience reacts ) come on, come on... but trump's defensiveness is telling. it shows even he realizes he needs to prove he's in control, and maybe some day he will be. but for now, let's congratulate steve bannon. as of this moment, you are the real president. the american people didn't elect you, but then again, they kind of didn't elect trump either. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) classic hershey's outside. with a new creamy, crunchy inside. new hershey's cookie layer crunch. classic reimagined. if you could see your cough, you'd see just how far it can spread. robitussin dm max is now better tasting, with the same fast powerful cough relief. robitussin dm max. because it's never just a cough.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! my guest tonight is a democrat who represents the fifth district of minnesota. please welcome congressman keith ellison! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to the show. before you say anything, before you go anywhere, i want to play this clip that always reminds me of you. >> anybody -- well, from the democratic side of the fence who thinks that -- who is terrified of the possibility of president trump better vote, better get active, better get involved because this man has got some momentum and we better be ready for the fact he might be leading the republican ticket. >> i know you don't believe that but i want to go on -- >> sorry to laugh. >> you know, george, we had jesse ventura in minnesota win the governorship, nobody thought he was going to win. i'm telling you, stranger things
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have happened. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: i only have one question. like, if that happened to me on national television and i was as right as you were about donald trump, that would be my ring tone. ( laughter ) do you brag about that today? because you were completely right. >> i wasn't the only one completely right. i think you might have called that one yourself a little bit. >> trevor: yeah, but i was crazy because i was from, like, not here. this is different, you're a congressman. >> michael moore, van jones called it. people saw it coming. you've got to be talking about the issues that are pressing for american working people, and you've got to be talking directly to them as well, and i don't think we were really doing much of either one. so it came up and hit us really hard. you've got to campaign in wisconsin. >> trevor: yes. >> in ken know sha, wisconsin, they had $25 an hour job. plant went down and people are
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hoping to work at the amazon plant for 13. they're having tough times all over the country. this is going to on west, south. and if you're not speaking to them, you're talking to people who will elect these people. >> trevor: we see every day what donald trump is doing and dragging republicans along willingly, them joining in. >> right. >> trevor: but the question is what are the democrats doing? is there a plan? is there a mission statement? is there an idea that goes beyond "bad trump!" >> yeah. >> trevor: is there something the democrats are planning for 2018 and the next election? >> i think we have to unify and coalesce but there have been valiant individual efforts. i like what bernie sanders and elizabeth warren are going. ( cheers and applause ) honestly, what (chuckles) chuck schumer standing up on the supreme court
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thing, i think chuck deserves applause as well. >> trevor: but that for you, at some point, you have to acknowledge the symbolism of it. >> right. >> trevor: so you go the democrats do not have the numbers to permanently block that seat, so is it just about going we are block you at all costs, it does not matter what we can and cannot achieve? >> i think we've got to fight him at every turn no matter what the outcome is because, you know, look, there is a very smart politician, mary ellen otr imba from a very rural part of minnesota. she said people do not always expect you to be successful but they expect you to be faithful, they expect you to fight every day for them and to never stop trying to make their lives better. once we say we're not going to win so we're not going to fight, we lose confidence. that's why people don't feel like we have any fight or guts or backbone in us.
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when john lewis led us on the house floor on the firearm issue, people said this is what we're looking for. we know you don't have the numbers, but do you have any fight? that's what the democratic party has to show, courage, conviction, that we really mean it when we say it so when we say we're for working people, they say, yep, we believe that. >> trevor: do you believe there is complacency on the party looking at the polls, hillary, looking at the fact trump was laughed at by most of the mainstream media? >> i think the problems of last november started long ago. we have lost about a thousand state legislative seats across the country since 2008. we've lost governors. we're down to about a third. we've lost state legislators. this is why they can pass right to work for less in places like kentucky, new hampshire, missouri. what is the path back? be fierce fighters for working people every single day, never be on the other side so fight
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for social security, fight for the right to organize in the labor union. fight for better wages and fair trade deals. and then don't just fight for those things, go to people and talk directly to them and listen to them. go to the vfw hall, the union hall, the diner and say what is going on in your life? what would you have us to do to fight for you? and we do those things, we will win, but we can't just hope that we get a fumble from trump. we've got to have a plan and with we've got to be out there swinging. >> trevor: what i'm picking up between the lines is you almost saying the democratic party needs to realign itself with the people as opposed to the corporations. can the democrats truly be an organization that is not controlled by money? >> absolutely. and one of the most important things we have to do is show people that the democratic party is theirs. they own it. you know, whoever pays the paper calls the tune, right? and if the american people feel like this is their party and they're

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