[yelling] all: ♪ happy birthday to you - everybody has a birthday. all: ♪ happy birthday to you - men, women, boys and girls, it's a time to reflect on your life. all: ♪ happy birthday dear lawrence ♪ - the past and future happenings. all: ♪ happy birthday to you - i am very happy because today is my birthday. let's hustle! [cheers and applause] [funk music playing] comedy central >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: thank you so much!

welcome, everybody, welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you for tuning in. our guest tonight, maker of some of the funniest comedies around, judd apatow is here with us. first, real quick, do you guys remember nigel farage, trump's b.s.s., and the anti-imglant politician against brexit, the guy who looks like a muppet and smokes? that guy? well don't worry about him. just watch the kid. >> her majesty, it's time to knight mr. farage. if you would like to kneel there. >> don't hurt me. well, thank you. >> you are now sir nigel farage. >> thank you very much. i'm honored. >> my mommy said you hate foreigners. >> no, no, listen, girl, no, no, no. you're not supposed to say that. that's very naughty. >> trevor: no, no, no, no, no! i don't normally like kids, but that one can stay.

that one can stay. how did they find the only five-year-old with a hard opinion on immigration? and look at her, she's all cute being so royal. the only difference between her and the queen is the keen keeps it inside. but that's not what the queen is thinking inside-- asshole. we should get that girl to come to america to speak with trump. >> coming out of that new immigration order president trump signed yesterday. >> the new 90-day ban includes six muslim-majority companies. iraq is off the list. >> green card holders are exempt. religious minorities are exempt. >> trevor: damn, donnality, back at it again with the travel plan. look, it's pretty much the same ban, right. but this time, trump just cleaned it up, you know. he took it to kinkos. put some nice binding on it. signed it with ink instead of blood. it's pretty much the same thing

trump did with his speech last week. same madness, just toned down. the biggest change, really, is that this revised ban doesn't include iraq. and the story behind this i find hilarious because iraqis have been helping u.s. troops fight isis. and when the original ban came out, those iraqis were not happy because they had been promised that they could come to america. you can imagine in the middle of a mission, the troops were trying to get information, you know, and they were like, "hey, iraqi gay! what is the prisoner saying?" and it was like, beep, beep. "first you tell me what is your guy saying. i get "new york times" alerts, buddy!" ( laughter ) it's all madness. but polite bad madness but still the same. speaking of polite madness, last week ben carson was confirmed as secretary of housing and urban development or as president trump calls him, "the secretary of blacks." now, as is custom aircraft secretary gave his first official speech to lay out his

vision, and you know normally a ben carson speech is a bed time story in a suit, but after this speech, everybody was woke. >> a sharp reaction to ben carson's remarks. >> the housing secretary under fire for comparing slaver tow immigration. >> that's what america is about. a land of dreams and opportunity. there were other immigrants who came here in the bottom of slave ships, worked even long eeven harder for less. >> trevor: that's one way to describe slavery. it makes them sound like they work at walmart. ( laughter ) , the problem with slavery wasn't that they were underpaid. it's that they weren't paid. it's not like they got to the interview were and like, "all right, now let's talk to bmy salary." and the guy was lining, "oooh! no one told you about that?" "i'm not getting paid? i'm leaving." "oh, no one told buthat part, either." look, i love ben carson, but calling slaves immigrants is like saying, "it's not

kidnapping. that person just got a free vacation in a basement!" so, obviously, everyone jumped on ben carson for this, and like a surgeon who forgot his sponge in someone's stomach, last night, ben carson went back in. >> slaves came here as involuntary immigrants. if you come from outside to inside, you're an immigrant. i think people need to actually look up the word "immigrant." >> trevor: okay, ben carson. challenge accepted. let's look up the word "immigrant." ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) siri, as a slav is a slave an i" >> no. >> trevor: look, the dictionary defines immigrant as a person who comes to a country to take up permanent residence. a person. firstly, slaves weren't considered people. they were considered property. secondly, they didn't come to

america. they were brought here by force. eddie murphy came to america. ( laughter ) kunta kenta was brought. big difference, people, big difference! i get where ben carson is coming from. he grew up in the ghetto, and against all odds he went on to become one of the most respected brain surgeons of all time and then joined trump and surgically separated himself from his reputation. he believes you can do anything if you put your mind to it. it's seductive to believe african american can take part in the story. president obama said something similar in tbept 15. >> certainly, it wasn't even for those of african heritage who had not come here voluntarily, and yet, in their own way, were immigrants themselves. >> trevor: you could tell before he said that part he was thinking, damn, my speechwriter

(bleep) up. ( laughter ) but, still, he said it. and the truth is, it doesn't matter who says it. slaves weren't immigrants because an immigrant has choice. they choose the country they're going to because they hope it will bring them a better life. saying that sliefs are just another group of immigrants eraises how black people are uniquely oppressed in america, and justifies african americans for their hardships. you can't ignore the deficit. it's like judging white people for bad twerking without acknowledging their asses are historically disadvantaged, people. we have to acknowledge the stain. ( cheers and applause ) look, everyone has to admit-- african americans weren't originally part of the american dream. and no one should deny that. sto have a future together doesn't require us to pretend that our pasts are the same. i mean, look at "beauty&the beast." she's a french peasant, and he's a less-hairy steve ban orange but they're going to make it

work. they're going to make it work. i will say this-- as much as i disagree with ben carson's philosophy on this, you must admit, it must be a wonderful way to see the world. i wish ben carson made a slave movie. i mean, why wish. we made it ourselves. >> from a hard-scrabble village in africa, he came to america with only shackles and a dream. but he got a whole lot more than he bargained for. from the revisionary mind of consider ben carson, comes the voluntary journey of one man's self-discovery. >> i will not fall into despair! >> because sometimes you don't get to choose your own adventure. the adventure chooses you. "12 years a new gief gooi in town." >> trevor: it's just not the same. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) there are way too many things on my desk.

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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." when a story falls through the cracks, we do a segment we call "back in black." >> back in my day, getting around town was a pain in the ass. but now, you just press a button on a phone, and suddenly you're in a dodge caravan with tiny bottles of water too small to quench your thirst, but just big enough to ruin the environment. ( laughter ) i'm talking about uber. the $68 billion company that is revolutionized the car service industry, but it turns out some of their employees may have trouble keeping their hands at 10:00 and 2:00. >> uber is also facing claims of sexual harassment. >> a former uber engineer, susan fowler, outlining her time at the company. >> "my new manager sent me a string of messages over a company chat. it was clear he was trying to get me to have sex with him."

fowler says fellow women engineers told her they had experiencedly the same problem with the same supervisor. >> surprise, surprise! someone who works with computers in a creep around women! and the only thing worse was the way the company reportedly handled it. >> fowler says she immediately took descreen shots of the chat messages and reported him to uber resources. she says upper management called her manager a high performer and they wouldn't feel comfortable punishing him because it was "this man's first offense." >> did feel comfortable about punishing him? god forbid sexual harassment makes upper management feel uncomfortable. i haven't been this disgusted by something car related since i walked in on herbie taking a dump. ( laughter ) but it's no surprise that uber didn't respond to these claims faster. it always takes these guys twice the time they say it will.

i don't trust that little car icon. first it's over here. then it's over there. and now it's back there again! tonight toy with me! i'm late for pilates. but this type of mismanagement makes sense. uber has been playing by their own rules for years. >> more trouble for uber this morning, this time accusations it is evading authorities with its technology. "the new york times" reports a tool called greyball uses data from the uber app to circumvent officials. >> first off, greyball? thanks for stealing my stripper name! ( laughter ) so uber dismissed sexual harassment claims, and evaded law enforcement officials? who the hell is running this thing. >> an uber driver got into an argument with a passenger who happened to be uber's kec.

>> at the end of the ride, he also gets an earful from the driver. kamel tells kalanick drastic cuts in uber rates hurt him. >> you keep changing every day. >> hold on a second. what have i changed about black? >> you changed the whole business. >> what? what? >> you dropped the prices. >> on black? >> yes, you did. it was $20. it started with $20. how much is the mile now? $2.75. >> some people don't like to take responsibility for their own actions. >so the c.e.o. of you're, who is a billionaire, on his broke employee for wanting 20 cents more per mile. he's riding in each uber individually to tell them they're not getting a raise. that's that's a dip (bleep) who goes the extra mile. ( cheers and applause ) and by the way, you're the c.e.o. of a $70 billion company. why are you riding in the bitch seat? now, in light of uber's bad publicity, a lot of people have

taken to deleting the app. that's why i've decided to offer an alternative. introducing lewber. we're not just about convenience. we also promise you a nice, relaxing ride. do you need an iphone charger? i guess i'm not just a cab. i'm a (bleep) apple store! trevor. >> trevor: i think he just found your first customer. lewis black, everybody. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ ♪ so tasty. my new georgia gold make regular gold jealous.c my georgia gold is hand prepared with tangy honey mustard barbecue sauce. and gold is only gold.

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this is truecar. ♪ >> trevor: welcome back. my guest tonight is a writer, director, producer, comedian and the cocreator of the netflix series "love." >> how often do you think that happens, like, really happens? >> women marrying old men for money? >> yeah. >> every 15 seconds. >> no!

>> you think that jerry hall married rupert murdoch because she loves him? >> yeah. i believe she loves him. >> he's living on borrowed time, and she knows it. >> he's a cool guy. >> uh-huh... >> he's, like, smart, charming, witty. >> okay, you're making a pro-rupert murdoch argument right now. >> if rupert murdoch didn't exist there wouldn't "the simpsons." >> i'm willing to live with that. >> trevor: please welcome judd apatow. ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you sir. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> it's great to be here. >> trevor: good to see you again. how has life been treating you, well? >> no problems at all in the world. i'm enjoying it all. i was thinking of moving to south africa. >> trevor: you were? >> yes, where should i move? which section? >> trevor: we have a lot of fun. it's totally different from

america. even though the president is involved in corruption and his family makes money from the country and he had sexual assault charges against him, but, yeah, totally different. you should come visit some time. >> i will, i will. >> trevor: let's talk about the show "love." cocreated the series. are you making a lot of shows right now, and they're all very funny shows working with a lot of young people. what is "love" about in a nutshell. >> well, "lot" is-- you have seen it? there are no ratings. nept flix doesn't tell you if anyone is watching. >> trevor: don't you think that's better. >>on who level i like it because i'm not nervous. on another level it's weird because i have to ask audiences. in my head i'm like we're as big as the last episode of "mash." >> trevor: do you walk around, are you watching "love?" people are watching "love." >> it's a romantic comedy, and people binge it, which is weird because when i make a movie people get mad if it's long. if i make a movie that's two hours and three minutes people

freak out, "this is 40 minutes too long." but then they'll watch 11 hours of "young pope" in a row. >> trevor: you know why? as people we believe-- like, you give us the choice. like, if you gave us your movie in snippets he would watch the whole thing and not complain. >> people want to pee. they of want to watch two episodes, pee, three, have sex with their wives, and go back with you. my wife say crazy binger. but she'll binge a show that was, like, 11 years and she won't watch any show but that show until she finish the binge. she'll be like,"i think i'm going to binge 'grey's anatomi'." >> trevor: is this what life is like inside a comedian's household? i feel like they're telling jokes all the time. >> my daughter, if i try any joke on her, she's like, are you

going to do that? and then she gets mad at me, "dad, all those things you think are fun renot funny, so could you not say them. >> trevor: that's what makes a good comedian. you need a family member to reign you in. in "love" it's about a young couple struggling to make things work. one works in radio, the other work as a tutor. what i found interesting in "love--" and this is something people criticize you for. they go, "why do you always have geeky guys getting beautiful women?" people are like, "that is not realistic judd?" why do you do that? >> well, my wife married me, so it happened once. we got one-- i feel like all women are kind of pretty and all guys are kind of ugly. ( laughter ) if i look at your crowd-- ( cheers ) i mean, that makes sense >> trevor: i remember the biggest backlash was seth rogue an and catherine heigl.

and people are like why would seth rogan be with catherine heigl? was that realistic. >> seth would get mad at me. "oh, yeah, it's so unrealistic that heigl would go up on the with me that you couldn't make a movie out of it." >> trevor: that's a pretty good seth rogan by the way. that's a pretty good seth rogan. let's talk about what's going on now, because in between make films and tv shows, you are also a stand-up comedian. i don't know where you find the time to be doing this stuff, but you do it nonetheless. with everything that you are seeing right now, like, what is-- what is the craziest part-- everyone i talk to goes like,"this is what i think the craziest part about trump is." do you have a unique thing that you look at and go, "is this it for me?" >> the thing i think is weird is that republicans try to convince people that rich people want people who aren't rich to be rich. i don't think rich people want other people to be rich. i think they want to be the only

rich people. it's not fun if everybody is rich. it's like if you have a big (bleep), you don't walk around going, "i wish everybody had a big (bleep) like this. the world would be better." you want everyone to have a small one so you're the king. right? ( laughter ) if everyone had a big one, they'd awbl the same size. then it wouldn't even be big. it would be regular. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i just pictured now, republicans in concerning like, riding bulls and using that as an analogy because they would. "we just want americans to have a big (bleep). every single american out there to have a big (bleep)." >> it's like the lie from rich people, give us more money and we'll create jobs." but rich people don't want to create jobs. i have eight employees. i wish it could be one weird dude, okay. no one wants to create jobs. people want robots because you'll work 24 hours a a day. you can sexually harass them. you can grab their robot pussy.

>> trevor: for now, robot rights are coming up. you can do that for now. let me ask you this, as a rich person-- because you have made a lot of money-- shouldn't you be a republican? wouldn't you want your taxes cut? you want more money so you can buy things? >> i don't think there's anything to buy. i feel like once you have a house and you can pay for your kids to go to school, there's nothing really to get. when i first made some money from the "40-year-old virgin" i lease aid porsche. it was a three-year lease, and i got it. i'm like,"i deserve a porsche. i make people happy." and i took it on the road and it drove like crap unless you're driving worn 45 miles per hour. so i got scared of it and left it in the driveway for three years because i realized money doesn't make you happy. it's free things that make you happy. things that are free make you happy. you ever been driving and someone is right up on your butt and tailgating you, so you slow down, you kind of block them in

so they can't get by you. that was better than having the porsche. ( laughter ) ( applause ). >> trevor: "love" premieres march 10 and judd will be performing live april 21. performing live april 21. arntiojudd apat everybody offers unlimited but it's expensive! now with t-mobile one, you get unlimited- with taxes and fees included. that'll save you hundreds.

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inside, you're an immigrant. slaves came here as involuntary immigrants. >> eddie, eddie, eddie. >> what are we doing going to do? >> chris: it is 29 minutes until midnight, now suddenly i'm the bad guy? yesterday congressional republicans unveiled their plan to replace obamacare called the american health care act, an it's basically just a wet sock filled with eib proveen and a post it note that says good luck. but jason chaffetz. the utah republican congressman who looks like a res