tv The Daily Show Comedy Central March 17, 2017 1:40am-2:11am PDT
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targeted religion. trump went back to the drawing board and came up with something totally different. old ban. new ban. wow! so different. so the white house said this new executive order has nothing to do with muslims, and yesterday a hawaiian judge told donald trump aloha! >> breaking news, a federal judge just put a temporary halt to president trump's new travel ban. >> derek watson, a federal judge in hawaii, ruled that executive order amounts to discrimination, writing a reasonable objective observer would find it intends to disfavor a particular religion. >> hawaii was the first state to file suit against the president, but the battle is nowhere close to being over. >> trevor: damn! hawaiian news is (bleep)! look at that guy! evening the local news looks like a tourism ad.
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i bet that studio is just floating on a surf board the whole time. we think it's indoors. ( laughter ) the anchor is, like, for channel 4 news, shakah brah! ( laughter ) so a hawaiian judge blocked president trump's new travel ban. people in hawaii have been waiting, they have been waiting to stick it to trump for a long time now. i bet the judge was, like, hey, you know that birth certificate you were looking for? got it right here. i found it. ( laughter ) not like this is going to change how donald trump feels about them. donald trump never liked hawaii. i don't trust coconuts, they stole my look! i don't like it! ( laughter ) so just a recap, the judge blocked the latest travel ban because he said trump was basically trying to pass off the old ban as a new ban. and when donald trump heard this, he stood up and he told that judge, you are absolutely
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correct. >> the order he blocked was a watered-down version of the first order. i think we ought to go back to the first one and go all the way, which is what i wanted to do in the first place. >> trevor: whatever you think of trump's policies, the man is his lone worst enpi. the judge says the reason i know it's a muslim ban is that you keep saying it's a muslim ban. then trump says again, it's a muslim ban. i think he's never going to change. four years from now, it's going to be like, okay, mr. president, this is attempt 57 at the travel ban. this time it woman targets three people named wafeek. it is not moms ban. "got it! here's a new muslim ban! same as the old one!" ( laughter ) let's move on to the main story. the netherlands, aka the land where no one can sneak up on anyone, held it's election. that's normally all we would say
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about it but this time the world was watching. >> voters are heading to the polls in the netherlands in what's seen as the first of several elections testing the populous sentiment in europe. >> turnout was the highest in decades, 82% of voters cast ballots. >> the prime minister's party won the country's parliamentary elections, able to fend off a fierce challenge from far right candidate geert wilders. >> trevor: we don't really care prime minister microgergen won reelection. that's not even his name, i don't care, google it. most people were more concerned about the guy who finished second the dutch party for freedom candidate geert wilders. >> geert wilders has been called the donald trump of the netherlands. >> a fiercely anti-muslim far right candidate -- >> campaigning to curb immigration to the netherlands from muslim countries, combating what he calls the islamization of europe. >> promised to ban the qur'an and close all mosques.
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>> he's compared the qur'an to "mein kampf." >> do i have problem with islam? yes, i believe islam is a violent and dangers religion and culture, but i have nothing against muslims. >> trevor: wow, wait till he fands out what religion muslims are. that dude is going to be so pissed. ( laughter ) as hateful as wilders message clearly is, many dutch people find it appealing because they say, a, muslims are stealing their jobs and, b, they say muslims are trying to muslim-ify the netherlands -- a real word -- that's why they put their trust in a guy who looks likes christopher walken when he was a batman villain. what is it with the villains and their hair? they all have the same hair.
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i'm not the only one who sees this. obviously what's going on here, we have been invaded by mine controlling aliens who look like bad hair! that's what it is! it's aliens -- like it's happening before our eyes! like if this was a movie and we were watching ourselves, we would be like, this movie, it's obvious, how do they not see it? how do they not know? they look so different! and the muslim guy would go, i don't know, everything seems fine to me. i don't know what's happening. clearly the hair! the muslims! the hair doesn't even look real! titit's the aliens. you can see how successful this movie was because even mainstream poll sixes changed their message to sound like him. >> he already pulled the famously tolerant left-wing country to the right.
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centrist p.m. mark rutte sounding populist notes, taking out ads saying act normal or leave. >> trevor: that's really worrying, not because to have the xenophobic sentiment, but because a lot of people smoke pot in amsterdam, and if you are high, you know, and one of them was in front of you -- imagine that, you were high and you saw a giant newspaper ad that said, act normal or leave, you would (bleep) your pants. oh, god, the newspaper knows i'm high! ( laughter ) now, look, just because wilders lost doesn't mean he's not popular. if he made one mistake, it wasn't his platform, it was picking the wrong role model. >> the trump effect, because to have the chaotic nature of the trump administration, a lot of voters here in the netherlands
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seemed to have looked at the united states and say, is that what we want? let's look at what our options are. we want something a little more stable. >> trevor: i think that's a low bar to set for yourself because anything is more stable than donald trump. a toddler in high heels is more stable nan donald trump. an ikea chair on a high wire over niagara falls is more stable than donald trump. a bowl of pudding using a vibrator is more stable than donald trump. ( laughter ) you see what happened, hypothetical trump seems like a lot of fun, but once the dutch saw an actual trump, they were, like, hey, you know what? we will vote for mike gergen or whatever his name is. ( laughter ) isn't that a nice feeling? america is still the shining city on a hill but now it's this kind of shining and you're freaking the rest of the world out. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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where's the car? it'll be here in three...uh, four minutes. are you kidding me? no, looks like he took a wrong turn. don't worry, this guy's got like a four-star rating, we're good. his name is randy. that's like one of the most trustworthy names! ordering a getaway car with an app? are you randy? that's me! awesome! surprising. what's not surprising? how much money erin saved by switching to geico. everybody comfortable with the air temp? i could go a little cooler. ok. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more.
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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! now, we still don't really know what the trump presidency means for america. all we do know is he's promised a lot, including this -- >> on november 8th, we are going to do something so special, it will be an amazing day. it will be called brexit plus plus plus -- ( laughter ) >> trevor: you know, i always wonder, is this just how donald trump has always used language? like when he was a di kid and someone asked him how old he was, was he, like, i'm this many, plus plus plus plus plus, plus plus plus plus plus. what's that, eleven? 14. don't say that that way to me. why is not? i will be president one day. oh you think paul ryan will stand up to you. you think that now.
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( laughter ) trump says we'll have brexit plus plus plus. what does that mean? what better they to understand that than to bring in an actual brex-pert. our brand-new british correspondent gina yashere, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) welcome, welcome. >> thank you, trevor. before we get started, let's acknowledge the elephant in the room. yes, there are black people in england. ( cheers and applause ) idris elba is not the only one. ( laughter ) we are everywhere! >> trevor: i knew that it was you, idris -- ( laughter ) anyway, brexit inspired donald trump. what do you think americans can expect from brexit plus plus plus? >> let's start with the economy, one of brexit's major selling points.
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>> if we leave eu, we can create more jobs for british workers and cheaper prices for british consumers. >> we are trade as much if not before. we will not lose influence in europe or the world. on the contrary. you could argue we'll gain in clout. >> and those promises sounded great. but let's be honest, americans, anything in this accent sounds great. listen, listen, your children have just been eaten by a wolf! ( laughter ) see? that sounds fantastic! ( laughter ) but let's look at the reality, retail sales in the u.k. have fallen for three consecutive months while import prices skyrocketed, and that hurts businesses including a bunch of jamie oliver italian restaurants because he can no longer afford the spices from italy. no spices is death for british restaurants. no one has ever tasted english food and said, you know what this means?
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less flavor! ( laughter ) >> trevor: gina, i can only assume it's been bad for your currency. >> it's been horrible. brexit has crushed the pound. it used to be worth nearly $2. but now it's only one $1.20. let me put this in perspective, the pound was so strong, i used to fly to the states just to buy reebok pumps. me and my friends used to come out here for weekends with our empty suitcases and fill them up with leather jackets, sneaks, gold chains. then we got back to london and we were, like, brooklyn! you must remember the big gold rings back in the day that went across your fingers with your names. now the pound is so weak, i have to tell people my name. ( laughter ) >> trevor: this is really hard. seems like print cutting themselves off from the world
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hasn't helped the economy. >> things haven't been so bad for britain since piers morgan came back. ( laughter ) you can have him back if you want. the brexit people promised if we voted for them, we would get more money for health care. >> every week we send 350 million bounds to brussels, enough to build a new hospital every week. >> this message was emblazenned on buses, we send 350 million pounds a week, let's fund our n.h.s. instead. >> trevor: people were promised if they voted for brexit, 350 million pounds a week would get pumped into health care. did that actually happen? >> no! ( laughter ) and it probably never will, which is ridiculous because they even had it written on the side of a bus. they put it on a bus, trevor! i don't trust buses. that's how i know the voice will be on at 8:00, 7:00 central,
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buses don't lie! >> trevor: between the health care and economy, sounds like brexit is making everything go down. >> no, trevor, not everything. one thing has come up nicely. >> trevor: i feel like you're going to say racism. >> it's racism! ( laughter ) let's not forget, racism was the secret sauce in the brexit burger. >> the number of reported hate crimes jumped significantly by 58% following the brexit referendum. >> and i say we want our country back! >> it's all about immigration. if they stop the muslims from coming into this country, simple as that. >> that was a racism mic drop, islamophobia, bitches! ( laughter ) >> trevor: i don't get it, though. of all the parallels between brexit and trump, this is one of the most terrifying because, if that has gotten that bad in the u.k., and america is getting brexit plus plus plus, then what do you think's going to happen here? >> well, it's not going to be good.
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( laughter ) look, america has a history of taking things from britain and super sighs them. you did it with slavery, and you did it with "the office." and both the american versions went on way too long. >> trevor: damn, gina. you know what? i'm going to put itut there, i'm glad you're here to help with the fight. so glad you're here. >> fight? i ain't fighting for (bleep). trump is your problem. i'm just here for the reebok pumps. >> trevor: gina yashere, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) (whistle blows) work for it! work for it! (whistle blows) come on now! (whistle blows) (whistle blows) you ready to quit!? (whistle blows 2 times) tired? good.
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you think this is hard? this is the warm up. play time is up. (whistle blows) lets do it again. my advice for looking get your beauty sleep. and use aveeno® absolutely ageless® night cream with active naturals® blackberry complex. younger looking skin can start today. absolutely ageless® from aveeno®.
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>> trevor: welcome to the show, donna. >> wow. i mean, what took so long? you lost my number? >> trevor: what do you mean what took so long? >> you should have put your number on the bottom of my shoe. >> trevor: i never lost your number. >> baby, you still have my number? ( laughter ) >> trevor: let's talk about what happened in and around the d.n.c. you were serving acting chair after debby wasserman schultz left the d.n.c. >> thankless job. first time i was chair was over easter break and it was really nice. this time it was over the break from hell because the russians invaded us. >> trevor: did you know it was the russians at that tame or just that you'd been hacked. >> i was told initially we were hacked by a hostile foreign policy. i'm, like, okay, who? later when i received my briefing, i received a really thorough view and picture of what was going on, and it really, at one point i was just fearful because, think about it,
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i mean, i've gone up against republicans, i've gone up against libertarians, independents, but i've never gone up against a hostile military force. and how do you run a campaign when you have somebody not only going into your e-mails but ripping through all your files, harassing your donors and staff every day? anlet me just tell you something, i am grateful not just for the staff work but also the donors and everybody who stood by us because it was a really tough campaign to try to navigate. now, remember, hillary clinton was our nominee. we had a contested primary. but attend of the day, bernie and hillary came together after the convention and then you started seeing this wikileaks and this drama is that i will ask you a question many millennials were asking and that was donna brazile, if i'm a millennial voter, i was on the internet, i saw some of the wikileaks and the hacking and i know that it was illegal, but i happen to come across an
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email where you were giving hillary clinton the answers to a town hall debate. >> no, no, not the answers. >> trevor: the questions. the questions. >> please, please. >> trevor: okay. >> i get enough trouble -- ( laughter ) you know, and news the season of lent so i can do some confession here. >> trevor: donna. >> bless me, father, i've sinned. i promise not to do it again. >> trevor: let's do it. >> okay. well, first of all, i didn't have my hands in the kooky jar. i'm an operative, i'mo strategist, and part of what my role was, in addition to being a "political pundit" was to help advance the cause of justice inequality. okay. so think about, we have six debates. i started to fight for more debates. i started to fight to ensure bernie and hillary had an opportunity to talk about these issues, talk about the flint water crisis, talk about criminal justice reform, and that was my role.
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now, the wikileaks version is the russian version. my own version is that, had you saw my e-mails to bernie, you would have known that i was communicating with bernie just as much as i was communicating with hillary, martin o'malley. that's what you do. can i use this? >> trevor: you can use anything. >> you're my brees so i can't make you anything else. >> trevor: let's do this. >> you took my e-mails, brother. >> trevor: yes. >> okay. now you want me to tell you about this one. you only have this, you don't even have my e-mails. you have somebody else's e-mails you stole. so first of all this is the truth you're running with, but to get the real truth you've got to come to me, because i know the truth. >> trevor: so are you going to write a book? >> hell yeah! ( applause ) >> trevor: we want the striewt! >> but the truth is politics is a hard-fought game, and when you're in the battle of fighting to make sure that you have inclusion, to make sure you have diversity, to make sure you have
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the kind of not just communication by the kind of conversation with voters, you want to make sure those questions, those topics, that is out there. i want to encourage the next generation to run for office. trevor, you know, you can run. you know, look at that house, okay? >> trevor: i can't -- >> no, no, i'm talking congress, baby. >> trevor: oh, because i was going, my birth certificate -- i don't know -- >> we know about your birth certificate. >> trevor: donna brazile. >> i want you to run. i want you to encourage others to run, and then i will come out of retirement. ( applause ) baby, remember, when the sauce gets hot and when it starts boiling over, you know you're cookin' with grease! >> trevor: i hope you will join us again and again and again and again. >> yes ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: donna brazile, everybody. we'll be right back! oóñ?ç?oñ
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and we're gonna get the phone- i his phone,ry sorry. uh out of you... as soon as- [ringtone] [ringtone] i have to, i have to take this. just a little pinch... sweetheart, i left my phone insi- [inaudible muffled voice] i'm having phone...issues... bye! uh, we're gonna fix this, needless to say. [voice-activated double-tone] okay. resuming play... ♪oh mickey what a pity you don't understand♪ snickers® satisfies. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. over 3.5 million of you have already voted in third-month mania, "the daily show"'s online tournament to decide the single greatest trump tweet of all time. first round is still open, so go to third month mania.com and cast your votes. here it is, your moment of zen. >> the father called the waiter over and says, sorry, lad, my son spilled the water. and the waiter says, no problem, sir, i'll get you a new one. the father grabs twairt's arm but says, okay, but make sure
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this one likes hurling. ( laughter ) ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> chris: it is 29 minutes until midnight, i would have gotten away with it if it weren't for your meddling kids, march madness kicked off this week but since i don't know anything about filling out complicated brackets or even what they refer to, and also losing three months of rent to dave without works downstairs, tonight we're going to kus on the wonderful fursuit clad terror leaders the mascots am well, this is season one "@midnight," hey, everybody. i'm going to devour your children. does anybody know if ter pen tien gets gum out of feathers. it does. >> oh, good, good, good, thank
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you. i'm glad i asked. well, the new jersey newspaper which mostly reports on stoolie's name an anthony getting whacked and tump dumped by the turn pike listed the mascots, including the st. mary's gael which is a guy your girlfriend hooked up with on spring break. the providence fryer implicated on the class action suit from spotlight. our own favorite dry cleaning might nair like emmitt the mascot for mount st. mary's mountaineers who doesn't do steroids, his arms are just like that, okay. and the fact that he can't get hard any more is a total coincidence. emmitt is basically just fer-- fer el danny bonadu ce. that is what we figured out. comedians where did he go after the game. yass
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