tv The Daily Show Comedy Central March 29, 2017 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT
11:00 pm
they'll see. and they'll say, "wow, that city wok owner, why, he wouldn't even harm a fly." [suspenseful music] ♪ >> march 29th, 2017. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. >> trevor: welcome to the daily show, thank you so much for tuning in, i'm trevor noah. my guest is a rapper and activist, you probably know him from-- residente, everybody, really excited for that. but let's begin tonight's show with the world of thought.
11:01 pm
>> we are less than a week from baseball's opening day but president trump will not be heading to the ballgame. >> the washington nationals said president trump has declined an invitation to throw out the first pitch when they host the marlins. >> a little history lesson, william howard taft threw out the sermon yal first pitch in d.c. for the senators on opening day back in 1910. sparking a new custom that 13 future presidents including george w. bush and barack obama would par take in. >> trevor: oh no. why isn't donald trump going to honor this classic presidential tradition? it's throwing a baseball, not releasing his tax returns. come on, trump. so president trump says he has a scheduling conflict. that's why he says he can't do it. i'm like yeah, sure. donald trump does not know how to throw a baseball. that is what is going on here. that is what is happening. which is weird because he also doesn't know how to run a country. but he's not embarrassed to try
11:02 pm
that. like i wish he had a scheduling conflict for that, you know. you want to be president, i'm way too busy. oh, that's fine, thank god, thank god. i could try to move-- no, don't worry, that's fine, that's fine. i bet a trump pitch would get about as far as his health-care bill. just drop halfway down to the plate. now donald trump has actually thrown a sermon yal pitch before. sermon yal pitches, in fact. we haven't been able to find the video to prove that he's done it or prove that he's bad at it. but these still photos-- they make it pretty clear. look at this guy. he's the only person, he's the only person who looks like he's afraid of being hit by the ball when he's throwing it. like that's the same face he made when the eagle attacked
11:03 pm
him, remember that? they are lake baseball, eagles, eveything american scares donald trump, this is like oh, oh. oh. but, but i said maybe he doesn't want to throw out the first pitch because what he really wants to do is sing. ♪ root for the home team. ♪ if they don't win it's a shame. ♪ for the it's one, two, three strikes you're out. ♪ at the old ballgame. ♪ >> trevor: yeah. he was struggling with pitch there too. (laughter) kelly ann conway had to come out and expain that he was hitting alternative notes. but moving on. let's talk about kohlhepp.
11:04 pm
for a hundred years america has had a love affair with kohlhepp. it was a fuel behind mark's electricity. it po powered steam trains across the continent and has been the only accessible way for white people to do black face. now even though there are only about 75,000 kohlhepp mining jobs left in america, many of them are concentrated in presidential swing states which is why we heard so much about old king kohlhepp on the campaign trail. >> we're going to save the kohlhepp industry. we're going to save that kohlhepp industry, believe me. >> we're talking clean kohlhepp. >> clean kohlhepp. >> clean kohlhepp. >> we're going to put our miners back to work. >> those miners get ready, because you are going to be working your asses off. i like hard hats, let's see if it is a hard hat. it's a hard hat. (applause) (laughter). >> trevor: you know, president trump might destroy the world but goddam he's cute. you can't deny that. i mean look at him, fake mining. this reminded me of last week when he got into that truck and
11:05 pm
pretended to drive. look at him, look at him. yeah, he looks like an extra from mad max. you realize that's all trump ever wanted was to play president. we should have just given him a fisher price president's, we have had so much fun. what are you doing? what are you doing, donnie? what are you doing over there. and he would be like i'm signing an executive order. good job. and now what are you doing. >> i'm building a wall. >> wow. and now what are you doing? >> i'm grabbing pussy. >> no, no, no! bad touch, bad touch, trump, bad touch. but as much as we lost, as much as we lost, trump knew that mining the kohlhepp, that is how you win the look torral college. because i don't know if you remember but hillary clinton also got a chance to win over
11:06 pm
kohlhepp voters. but instead, she did this. >> i'm the only candidate which has a policy about how to bring economic opportunity using clean renewable energy as the key into kohlhepp country. because we're going to put a lot of kohlhepp miners and kohlhepp companies out of business. right, tim? >> trevor: she didn't mime it but she was also digging a hole. in factk you can see in that moment she was thinking oh, that reminded me, i got to go buy hiking boots to go live in the forest. so trump's message of not having said that really resonated with swing state voters. and yesterday as president, he repaid their faith in him. >> president trump rolls back the obama legacy of combating climate change. >> the president's executive order scraps six obama era actions in tackling climate change and calls for reviewing the clean power plant, put in place to restrict greenhouse gas emissions from power plants,
11:07 pm
scrapping regulations that make it tougher to mine kohlhepp on federal landings and no longer forcing the government to consider the cost of climate change when making policy decisions. >> trevor: wow, wow, wow, wow. every single thing of obama pus go. that is what it feels like, feels like a white house yard sale, everything of obama has to go it's going, obama's basketball, it's going. michelle's vegetables, going. joe biden who was still there for some reason, going! but yes, trump got rid of so many energy regulations. i know what you are thinking, this is going to be bad for the environment and the air quality, more carbon emissions. and you know what, you are right, you are right. but what you are not considering is that this is going to be great for the country. just not the country you are thinking of. >> the trump administration's rollback of climate change opens the door for china. tuesday's executive order gives beijing an opportunity to become the global leader in environmental protection despite being one of the world's biggest
11:08 pm
po lawsuiters. >> china is fun elling more than $260 billion into clean energy. far outstripping u.s. efforts. >> and they ship these wind turbines across the world. >> trevor: that's right. president trump's deregulation is actually going to help china, or as he calls them, gina. now whenever trump opens a fortune cook quee it is just going to say, thank you. okay, but look, but look, let's get back to what we are talking about, if it happens to help china or destroy the planet, that is beside the point. the point is what trumped talked about yesterday when he announced his plan at the white house. >> my action today is the latest in a series of steps to create american jobs and to grow american wealth. my administration is putting an end to the war on kohlhepp. >> trevor: the war on-- how many wars is america fighting. there is a war on kohlhepp? and if trump was genuinely trying to keep hardworking
11:09 pm
americans employed, i would understand that. you know, he made the promise. but it feels like he's just using these kohlhepp miners as political pawns. and the only reason i say that is because everyone seems to agree that kohlhepp jobs won't ever come back. >> the industry is moving on a long-term path away from kohlhepp, that is not going to stop. >> automation and the availability of natural gas from high drawlk fracturing has made kohlhepp production less competitive. >> some top kohlhepp executives warn jobs may not return. >> robert murray who runs a big kohlhepp company, he's on record as saying what the president is trying to do for the kohlhepp mining industry, quote, can't bring mining jobs back. >> trevor: yeah. i never thought i would say this, but we should listen to the kohlhepp mining boss. deregulation isn't going to help. energy production has moved on. kohlhepp jobs are like those dads who went out to get cigarettes. they're not coming back. they're not coming back. there, it doesn't matter how well you do in school, it doesn't matter what late night
11:10 pm
show you are host. it doesn't matter if you buy the cigarette company. i have the cigarettes right at home, dad. why won't you come back?s so infuriating. it's not that there is no jobs in energy. it is just that the jobs are not in kohlhepp. >> we don't use kohlhepp like we used to in this country. we use oil number one, natural gas, number two. kohlhepp is now number three. there are only 70,000 jobs actually linked to kohlhepp. more than 650,000 are now in renewable energy. talking about wind, solar and of course biofuels. >> trevor: yeah, if donald trump was really trying to make america great again, it would be all be innovation and progress. because moving the world forward is what america has always been about. think about it, america went from candles to the light bull
11:11 pm
be, right? america went from covered wagons to airplanes. unemployed girls to instagram models. the point is progress, and now you want to go back to kohlhepp? like thank god john f kennedy didn't think like trump. can you imagine what that would have been like. because instead of going to the moon he would have gone what? the russians are going into space. then i pledge that in this decade we'll find a horse path to india. we'll be right back. (applause) how do they make starburst taste so juicy? they use wicked small fighter jets to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] it's about to get juicy. whoo! i feel so aliii... it takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. unexplainably juicy. [car[clicking of ignition]rt] uh--
11:12 pm
wha-- woof! eeh-- woof! wuh-- [silence] [engine roars to life] [dog howls] ♪ dramatic opera music swells from radio ♪ [howling continues] it's a lightly fruit heflavored, low carb,g. spiked sparkling water. so now you can make the ultra light choice. henry's hard sparkling. the ultra light choice. mohi teddy.s teddy. oh you're a hugger, huh? i'm a bear. say hello to teddy. a new treat baked to perfection using quality ingredients. like flour, milk and eggs. discover teddy soft bakes.
11:14 pm
i'm sure you know your profits are down 8%. so, just let me know if you want to change that. ♪ i believe in you! break through!, break through! . >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. we are down to the flagrant four in our ongoing third month mania tournament where you get to choose the greatest donald trump tweet of all time. voting is now open at thirdmonthmania.com and to analyze the bracket we turn wince again to roy wood, jr. and hasan minhaj. >> oh, hasan, welcome back to third month mania. we started with 64 trump tweets in our bracket. now we're down to the flagrant four. >> four. >> that's right, roy, let's check out the finalists starting with this jugger naught of a tweet. i would like to extend my best wishes to all, even the haters and losers on this special day.
11:15 pm
september 11th. >> this has all the classic elements of a trump tweet. >> arrogance, petiness and the emotional hairpin turn of a true sigh cotteddic. >> yep. now that tweet is going head-to-head with quote. >> are you allowed to impeach a president for gross incompetence, trump tweeted so much more better stuff than that, this didn't even make it past the firs round. quote. i don't like seeing the pope standing at the checkout counter front desk of a hotel in order to pay his bill. it's not pope-like. i hate to say st, roy. trump's right. >> yep. >> he's right. the bigger question, what kind of hotel is charging the pope? why would you do that? the man talks to god. you can't spot him a free sprite from the mini bar. >> that's sad. >> sad. >> but let's move on to the other matchup in the flagrant
11:16 pm
four. we've got this, quote, sorry,@rossie is a mentally sick woman, a bully, a dumby and above all, a loser. other than that, she's just wonderful. >> you know the rest of the world has to get on board to this kind of diplomacy, hey china, you got too many people, your air is poisoned, your so called great wall is average at best. that being said, i love your general tso chicken. >> do you ever notice that only military dudes are in charge of chicken, general s tso, general sanders. >> popeye was in the navy. >> it is a conspiracy. maybe they have the secret spices, area 51, who knew. >> that rossie tweet is up against a classic. nothing ever happened with any of these women, totally made up nonsense to steal the election. nobody has more respect for women than me. nobody? >> nobody. >> wait, no, no, no, hasan, we got to test that theory real quick. let's do word association. >> i'm down, let's do it.
11:17 pm
>> america. >> baseball. >> schools. >> homework. >> respect women. >> done all trump. >> oh my gosh, he's right. >> i guess he does respect women. >> oh my lord. >> now its up to you the voters to decide which of these works of art makes it to the championship round. >> go to third month mania.com to cast your be vote vote for the greatest donald trump tweet of all time. >> give me another one. >> horses erotic. >> let's do it again. >> no, no. >> trevor: thanks, guys, we'll be right
11:19 pm
11:20 pm
11:21 pm
11:22 pm
♪. >> every country has its own culture. we have our own culture here. something that we can offer to the world. music is a therapy. music is a healer, music unites a country, music unites a continent. we need music to heal the people, to create, we need music to make joy. >> trevor: please welcome residente. (applause) welcome, welcome to the show. you got a ton of fans in the audience, welcome. >> thank you. >> trevor: first things first. welcome to the show, congratulations on making it back from your documentary.
11:23 pm
i just want to say, i did not know how many grammy awards you had won. what is it now, 22, 23, how many now? >> 25. >> trevor: 25? (applause) >> but that doesn't matter, that doesn't matter. >> trevor: that doesn't matter. >> yeah, no, for me-- . >> trevor: yeah, because you won them all. >> yeah. no, but-- no, that's funny. but no, but when you think like i never thought that when you win a grammy, about like, i don't know, record of the year, i never think that my record is the best of the year. i just think that there are so many artists and musicians making great musk and they don't have the opportunity to submit to the grammys. so i don't-- you know, businesswise it's okay, it's good, to have 25 grammys. but you know, as an artist, it's good but it's not-- you know, i know that there are great artists out there, like better than me, making music and they didn't have the opportunity and they should have won.
11:24 pm
>> trevor: i was really interested to find that what you did was you took a dna test. >> yeah. >> trevor: to see your ancestry, really, and you found all these different places that in some way were connected to you through your blood. so you want to all of those places to make music there. what was the country that surprised you the most when you found you were, you know, you had some sort of lynn yaj. >> i think every country surprised me. i went to ossetia, i don't know if you know where is ossetia. i didn't know before. and it is in the south of russia. and it was a country that it was at war in 2008 against george ga. and there are no tourists there. i went-- i had to ask for permission. it was very difficult to go in. and it was kind of, at first i was kind of scared but then i realized that they were like nice, you know, nice people. but i did a song about war. so i-- i used like kids from
11:25 pm
ossetia, drums from ossetia, and then i used panduri from georgia that they were at war against each other. and i did a song with them together. >> trevor: wow, wow. (applause) >> you, not only went to all of these places, you also took a journey back to puerto rico which is interesting to me because at some point you called, you know, one of your leaders a son of a bitch. >> i was going to do it now but-- . >> trevor: that got you-- i don't want to get new trouble. you got banned for four years, your music was censored. you were banned. what was that like, you know, going back to puerto rico and being in a place where your music was off the radio and yet you had so many fans who resonated, your your music resonated with. >> it was crazy for me at that time. and i felt that like, you know, like bad all the time.
11:26 pm
the people said hi but i was like the bad guy. >> trevor: yeah. >> back home. but then the guy was-- he lost, you know, the governor. and then i was able to perform again and in front of 30,000 people. it was great. and for me, i cried at the end because i, i really wanted to perform. and they were happy to see me and me too. >> trevor: it feels like that's a story that is all too common with puerto rico and puerto rican. you have a lot of views on what you wish the feurt of puerto rico would be. >> yeah, i don't know. i am one of the five percent of the people from puerto rico that believes in the independence of puerto rico. and of course it's because i would like to be like the u.s., like with one flag, one national anthem and with a precedent. we don't have a precedent. we have president as a president but we can't vote for him so it's kind of weird.
11:27 pm
>> trevor: are you saying you would have voted for him. >> no. i like bernie. >> trevor: oh, you like bernie? oh, look at that. okay. >> i think he's a great guy. >> trevor: before i let you go, the album is coming out. what would be one thing you would want someone to take away from this documentary and from this album. >> no, its-- just listen to the music. and if you can, watch the documentary. and thank you for all the fans in puerto rico. the people, they are on strike and i am going to support you guys tomorrow. so yeah, i will be there. >> trevor: residente documentary will be available soon and his album comes out friday, march 31st. residente, everybody. we'll be right back. this is the new henry's hard sparkling.
11:29 pm
so now you can make the ultra light choice. henry's hard sparkling. the ultra light choice. are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool? try zyrtec® it's starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. ♪you're a crazy big fan of sports. and you don't wanna miss a thing.♪ stream all your live ncaa march madness games.
11:30 pm
get directv for $25 a month when you have the new at&t unlimited plus plan. ♪ ♪ get, get, shooo! ♪ ♪ hey! ♪ out! out! ♪ get, get, get! ♪ arrrrrgh! ♪ did you find everything okay, sir...? (panting) whaaaaat...? ♪ have a good day, sir! >> trevor: that's our show for tobt. tonight forget, we want to see your moment of zen, whenever you see something, in the u.s. or international, let us know on the twitter with the daily show zen. tonight's zen comes from. >> today we caught up with the owner and at paradise pulse
11:31 pm
fitnesses withst as they are preparing for their showcase april 29th at paradise-- the event it free. captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org comedy central >> chris: it's 29 minutes until midnight when the final piece of my sick puzzle will be complete. this is night three of the tournament of champions. ( cheers and applause ) last night, doug benson defeated jesse joyce in a nail-biter, which sucked because i bet 10 grand on jesse. he works here, too. i should have rigged that. goddamn it. the winner of tonight's drama will meet doug and moshe kasher
142 Views
Uploaded by TV Archive on