you've got to support the troops. even the racist brother[bleep]ers from alabama. now, here's your worst employee of the week. good night. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in. my guest tonight with a new album "big fish theory," rapper vince staples is here, everybody joining us on the show. ( cheers and applause ) but before we get started, we have to take a moment to acknowledge what happened this morning in virginia.

now, you probably know what i'm speaking about by now, but a man armed with a rifle shot five people, including republican congressman steve scalise. now, were it not for the capitol police on the scene, the situation could have been much worse. and, honestly, for me personally, what was heartwarming to see today was members of congress united as human beings. >> we are united. we are united in our shock. we are united in our anguish. an attack on one of us is an attack on all of us. >> it's in the family. it's an injury in the family, for the staff and for our colleague. >> it's deeply personal. we know each other. often our families know each other. and despite all the differences you see on display, many of us are friends with each other. >> most people don't realize we actually get along under that dome.

one of the nicest things said to me was one of my democrat colleagues came up on the floor after speaker ryan and leader pelosi spoke, and she said, "i tried texting you. i tried calling you to see if you're okay." >> trevor: i won't lie, watching all those congresspeople speak like that really made me hopeful. and i'm glad they found what was right way to respond. so, kudos to all of them. oh, and if you want to know how not to respond, it's like this: >> as you saw, the one sign this guy was holding, you had an increasing intensity of hostility on the left, whether it is somebody holding up a-- a so-called comedian holding up, you know, the president's head in blood, or right here in new york city, a play that shows the president being assassinated. or it's democratic-leaning. national politicians who are so angry they can't-- they have to use vulgarity because they can't find any common language. this intensity has been building, i think, since election night.

>> with respect, though, even if everything you are saying is true, to talk about it in those kind of terms of left and right right now in the wake of it, does that make sense? does it make it worse? >> do you want to know the truth? >> well, but do you rise above it and say-- >> no. >> trevor: look at newt's face. you can see in that moment he felt betrayed. he was like, "i didn't come to fox news to get housed on moral standards. come on! i came to fox news to be me!" so, that was the start of the day. this day has been insane because towards the end of it, we found out that bob mueller is officially going to be investigating donald trump for obstruction of justice. ( cheers and applause ) which is insane. i don't know what this means. i don't know where it's going. i don't even know how i feel about it right now. all i know is before we make a show about it, we will wait to see what trump tweets at

3:00 a.m. ( laughter ) and we'll talk about it more tomorrow. ( laughter ) so let's move on to some other news and talk about sexist men getting fired. as you may have heard, uber has not exactly been getting a five-star rating recently. they've been dealing for months with accusations of sexual harassment and discrimination, which is why this week the board of uber announced that cofounder and c.e.o. travis kalanick will be stepping away for a while. and it was especially awkward because his dramatic exit did not go as planned. you know, he was trying to be crazy with it. he was like, "i don't need any of you, so good-bye! ha-ha!" in two minutes-- ( applause ) ( laughter ) yeah. hold on, now it's five minutes. hold on. why is he calling me? hello? where are you at? yeah. i'm at the uber building. ( laughter ) how do you not know where the uber building is! ( applause ) now, after kalanick's

announcement, uber had a staff meeting to discuss the need to change its culture and to add a second woman to its board of directors. good ideas. now, at the very moment when you're talking about sexism, what's the one thing a dude should definitely not make a joke about? >> listen to this astonishing exchange obtained by yahoo! at a staff meeting between uber board members arianna huffington and david bonderman. >> there's a lot of data that shows that when there is one woman on the board, it's much more likely there will be a second woman on the board. >> actually, what it shows is it's much more likely to be more talking. >> audience: ooooh! >> trevor: oh! you can tell this guy works for uber because he does not know when to shut up. ( laughter ) seriously. how stupid is he? the sexist insult is bad enough, but interrupting a woman who is talking about sexism to make a sexist insult-- that's like bill cosby trying to slip quaaludes to the judge at his trial. that's what that's like. and even bill cosby knows better

than that. even he knows better. although, although, yesterday, out of nowhere, cosby did something-- he was-- he was coming out of court, and he did something that was super weird. >> as he was leaving the court, cosby mimicked one of his characters, fat albert. >> mr. cosby, any comment about the jury deliberations? >> hey, hey, hey! >> trevor: what are you doing? ( laughter ) like, what are you doing? now i can't stop imagining fat albert rufie-ing mushmouth. so that was weird. and this uber guy making that sexist joke, that was weird, too. i mean, guys, can we all just agree? it's 2017. men like this saying these things about women, they don't belong on corporate boards, you know. ( applause ) yeah, they don't. they belong in the white house. ( laughter )

for more on this, i'm joined by someone who has been in many ubers, michelle wolf, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) michelle, i'd love to get your thoughts on this. what do you think? >> well, trevor, looking at this whole uber saga, i'm just glad this board member resigned. >> trevor: obviously, because he's sexist. >> no, because he's an idiot. ( laughter ) the least he could have done is play it off like, "women talk too much... is what a sexist would say. and that's not me. i'm not sexist. i saw 'wonder woman'. who needs a tampon?" ( laughter ) >> trevor: you know, michelle, the truth is, his joke wasn't even funny. women talking too much is such an old, played out stereotype. >> oh, no, my friends, that stereotype is still somehow everywhere. it's like ryan seacrest-- it just keeps popping up. ( laughter ) the truth is, men talk way more than women, statistically. professors at princeton and brigham young, two very smart schools, did a study about how

much women talk in meetings versus men. and guess what they found? men talk more than women. men treat talking like they treat farting: when they do it, it's just part of their day. but when a woman does it, it's like, "ewww! burn that farting whore." ( laughter ) >> trevor: oh, geeze, michelle, you have some mean ex-boyfriends. >> ex-boyfriends? that was my grandfather. ( laughter ) it seems like a lot of men just don't like when women talk. maybe that's why they interrupt us so much. and it doesn't matter how important of a woman you are. even the women on the supreme court get interrupted more than the men do. that's not cool. stuff like this is exactly why people got so mad when they saw kamala harris getting interrupted recently. >> kamala harris, the former attorney general of california, pressed attorney general rod rosenstein during his testimony before the senate intelligence committee last week. she was scolded. then at today's hearing, the same thing happened. >> i'm asking--

>> i'm unable to answer these questions-- >> --and you would rely on that policy-- >> mr. chairman. >> did you not ask your staff to show you the policy that would be the basis for you refusing to answer the majority of the questions-- >> mr. chairman, the witness should be allowed to answer the questions. >> senators will allow the chair to control the hearing. senator harris, let him answer. >> that is so frustrating! every time a woman gets close to finishing, men are like, "that's enough. we're done here." ( laughter ) ( applause ) "no! i wasn't done! let me finish!" >> trevor: i feel like you're not talking about the senate anymore? >> oh, well done, detective trevor. ( laughter ) the point is men have had their turn to talk, and they used it to get us into wars and financial crises and windowless vans. ( laughter ) so if there's anyone who needs to be interrupted, it's you! so just shut up for a second and let us drive! ( cheers and applause )

>> trevor: thank you very much, mi-- >> i wasn't done! ( laughter ) let us drive the metaphorical car that is society! okay, i should have been done. that would have been a better out. let's stick to those ads! you can talk now! >> trevor: thank you, michelle. michelle wolf, everyone. we'll be right back. this is the new henry's hard sparkling. it's a lightly fruit flavored, low carb, spiked sparkling water. so now you can make the ultra light choice. henry's hard sparkling. the ultra light choice.

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can work out. recalculating. in 300 miles, break up with the distance... ...keep the relationship. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." now, today wasn't all bad. there were also some exciting things that happened. first, after more than 20 years-- and this is real-- fox news announced they will no longer be using the slogan "fair and balanced." ( laughter ) yeah, i guess after all this time, they were just like, "who the (bleep) are we kidding? come on." and there are some great new slogans that they're considering at fox. one is "for chance old people." another one they have is "ruining thanksgiving since 1996." and i think the odds-on favorite is "no espanol." ( laughter ) ( applause ) that's it. so we'll see what wins. but that wasn't the only nice thing about today, because you know what june 14 is, people, yeah? it's president trump's birthday!

everybody sing. ♪ happy birthday to you happy birthday to you ♪ you guys are out of tune. you're out of tune. it's ♪ oooo wo, you guys are harsh. it's his birthday. the man is 71 years young today, people. everyone should be celebrating him. in fact, everyone is celebrating. i personally saw thousands of muslims in new jersey celebrating on rooftops. it was unbelievable. he's 71 years old. that is impressive, yeah. and i feel like i can relate to him, because since he took office, we all feel 71 years old. ( laughter ) i feel like we've aged so much. ( applause ) the big question, though-- the big question, though, is what do you get the man who grabs everything for himself? ( laughter ) well, the democrats have an idea. >> nearly 200 democratic congressional leaders are filing a lawsuit against president trump over his business dealings

with foreign governments. it is the largest number of lawmakers ever to sue a president. >> accusing trump of violating the emoluments clause. >> trevor: i like how he says "emoluments clause," like we've always known what that is. can we all just agree, it's not a normal word-- emolument. it sounds like something dr. evil would say, "emolument." ( laughter ) it sounds like an ingredient that someone is allergic to. "oh, does this have emoluments in it? oh, man, i need to go to the hospital. oh, my tongue. emoluments! my tongue, oh, my god." that's why this lawsuit is so unfair to trump. i mean, it's hard to say, and he has to learn what the emoluments is. now, i totally know what it is. i mean, that was my thing when i was growing up. you know, i was the emoluments guy. ( laughter ) the kids back home in africa were like, "hey, trevor, the emoluments guy." and i was like, "yeah, mr. emolument." so, like, i mean, i know what it is, but for those who don't, like, what is it again? >> it is the premiere

anticorruption provision of our constitution. it forbids the president from taking any payment, benefit, advantage of any kind whatsoever, without the consent of congress-- any payment, benefit from a foreign government. >> trevor: right. i like how the founders wrote the clause to say "any payment of any kind whatever." like, they specifically anticipated donald trump trying to weasel out of it. ( laughter ) like, the founders were just-- just there, like, "no emoluments of any kind. no emoluments of any kind." "just a little?" "any kind, whatever! ( laughter ) any kind at all!" ( cheers and applause ) but, seriously, though, couldn't the democrats have waited until next week to sue trump? i mean, no one should get sued on their birth date. trump is probably all excited. they bring out a big cake, and then he thinks a stripper is going to bust out, but instead

she jumps out and she's like, "you've been served!" ( applause ) you know, this is going to be so horrible. although, to be fair, maybe the reasons the democrats got trump this particular birthday present is because, like any good gift-giver, they just listened for clues to what he's really into. >> donald trump loves to use the courts. he loves to sue. >> we're going to have people sue you like you never got sued before. univision-- i'm going to have to sue univision now. we can sue them. we just sued them for $500 million. i'll probably sue rosie because she doesn't tell the facts. he was born in canada, so i will bring that lawsuit if he doesn't apologize. now, we've all been sued in business. even papa john's, probably. people sue to get their money back. they sue for this. they sue for that. they sue for a million different reasons. so, what we'll do, i guess we'll sue them. let's sue them, right? let's sue them. ( applause ) >> trevor: trump talks about lawsuits like he's ordering a side of fries, doesn't he?

"should we get some? yeah, i'm going to get some fries. i'm going to get some fries. should we get some fries? i'm going to get them for the table. yeah, put them right here, right here yeah, we're all going to sue. we're all going to sue." listen, i don't care you who are, a lawsuit is a terrible thing to get on your birthday. that's why we at the "the daily show" got president trump a gift he will actually like-- an entire presidential library dedicated to his tweets. that's right. we care. we care, people. ( applause ) this is a real place you can visit. it's going to be at 3 west 57th street, right across from trump tower. it will be this weekend, free and open to the public. and, president trump, you are invited to our grand opening. hopefully, we'll see you there. ( cheers and applause ) so, yeah. happy 71st, mr. president. and on your big day, keep one thing in mind: you're never too old to switch careers. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )

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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a critically acclaimed hip-hop artist whose new album is called "big fish theory." please welcome vince staples. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> who gave you this? >> trevor: who gave me this? i made this for myself. >> i need one. >> trevor: i'm going to make one for you. i was like, that's the album cover, and i'm like, "i'll just make it myself to put on a thing to show the people." >> i appreciate it. >> trevor: that's effort. that's what that is. >> it's all about effort. that's what life is about. >> trevor: welcome to the show,

man. "big fish theory," i'm fascinated. what is "the big fish theory"? >> i mean, it depends. one thing i look at music as is something that is digestible for the people who want to partake with it. so, when you go to a museum, when you see a painting on the wall, usually, on the side of it, it has the ayerst's name, when they created it, the name of the piece. as far as with my music, i don't ever want to tell somebody exactly what it's about because it's what it means to them. they can figure it out. >> trevor: for me it means teach a man to fish, and he will eat forever. give him a big fish and he'll be like, "i don't know if i like fish." >> exactly. ( laughter ) >> trevor: it depends on how you see it. >> now, how did that make you feel? >> trevor: it made me feel good, vince. ( laughter ) ( applause ) that's what that is. ( applause ) what was interesting was at one of the launch parties, you gave people goldfish. >> they were actually beta fish. beta fish last for two weeks. you don't really have to feed them much. >> trevor: what do you mean,

wait, let's go back. you said they last for two weeks? >> yeah, fish don't live that long. >> trevor: you can't say fish last for two-- what do you mean? >> well, i mean, if you have a fish in a tank-- not like a tuna or something crazy, unless you have money like that, or something like that. what i'm saying is beta fish for the children. you can put it in a flower pot, give it a little bit of water, a little oxygen. >> trevor: and then it dies after two weeks? >> allegedly. >> trevor: why would you give this to children? >> well, children don't come to listening parties. so if you give it to a child, it's your decision. i gave it to you to do what you want-- >> trevor: i see, you gave it to the adults. >> i gave it to the adults. what you do with it when you get home is your business. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i don't know if this is the best gift or the worst gift in the world. i mean, this is-- >> it's subjective. >> trevor: that's what it is. >> you have to teach your children about loss. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i mean, in two weeks, i feel like i would go for something like give them time to get to know-- maybe two weeks is a good time to let them die because then they don't get too attached. >> exactly, think about it. ( laughter ) >> trevor: you're going to be a great dad, man. you're going to be a great dad.

>> thank you. >> trevor: when you talked about the album, someone asked you what the album is about, and you said it was afro-futurism. >> i like saying stuff about black people to white people. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: that doesn't mean anything? >> of course not. ( laughter ) >> trevor: do you know how many journalists have been like, "well, it's about, afro-futurism." >> got a lot of headlines, happening every day this week. they don't know who grace jones is. so you take something somebody else black did, and they're like, "that's your stuff." no, it's not. you know what i mean? look up grace jones. her brother is actually a pastor at a megachurch. think about that. ( laughter ) >> trevor: that is the most random fact ever. you are just like-- you know what i love, you just spew random thoughts and ideas. >> so it's grace jones, who was and international pop star, in james bond movies-- before my time-- a lot of leather.

her brother is bishop noel jones. he has a helicopter. >> trevor: right, which, again, is a random fact, like beta fish dying after two weeks. ( laughter ) can i tell you, if people didn't want to listen to the album before, everyone is going to be buying it now. they're going to be like, "i want to go where he's going." >> that's important. >> trevor: you have the most random stream of consciousness. i check out your twitter and, for instance, you tweet about sprite-- you rap about sprite, which is weird, because as a rapper, you don't drink. you don't do drugs. and so, like, you talk about sprite a lot. >> well, you know, a lot of times you connect to things, and i connect-- sprite is a company that's based on that, you know what i mean? great color palette, right product. we actually have things with them in correlation with the album. i can't tell you what, because that's a breech of contract, but what i can tell you is it's going to be delicious. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: you know what, man? i don't know if any of this is real.

i don't know if i believe anything you say. all i know is i cannot wait to listen to the full album now because you are the most interesting man i have had in that chair. thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: "big fish theory" will be available june 23. vince staples, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) you wanna know the secret to victory? fail to make the varsity team. start your career as a walk-on. take a perfect team and blow a perfect season. spend 108 years as, "a lovable loser." be on the wrong side of the biggest upset in your sport. you really wanna know the secret to victory? (announcer) heartbreak for matt ryan who is in utter disbelief. defeat. yeah! alright, again. ♪

i may be dead, but let me tell myou one last thing.d! get the new ipad pro! it has the powerful a10x fusion chip,

so you won't miss me at all! thanks ghost computer. whoops, forgot my power-cord, coming back down. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. we'll be back tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is, your moment of zen.

>> other urgent breaking news wire following right now. "the washington post" is now reporting that the special counsel, robert mueller, is investigating president trump for possible obstruction of justice. captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> ladies and gentlemen, the 45th and final president of the united states. ( cheers and applause ) >> hit me with your worst, guys. i'm lawyered up. and unlike that tall drink of dog piss, james comey, you can ask me absolutely anything. >> was mr. comey's testimony accurate? >> no! i don't know! ( laughter ) look, i don't know a lot of things, like whether or not we have troops in q