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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  July 12, 2017 1:40am-2:10am PDT

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- [sighs] well, kids, who's up for a water balloon fight?! - yeah. - oh, hey, stan, where's your best buddy gary? - i'm not hanging around that kid anymore. - oh, no, you guys broke up? - you guys were right, okay? the new kid's a douche. now i just gotta find a way to keep him away from me. - hey, stan. - oh, brother. - uh-oh, the jilted lover returns. - listen, i just wanted to let you know you don't have to worry about me trying to be your friend anymore. - i don't? - look, maybe us mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense. and maybe joseph smith did make it all up-- but i have a great life and a great family. and i have the book of mormon to thank for that. the truth is, i don't care if joseph smith made it all up. because what the church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. and even though people in this town might think that's stupid, i still choose to believe in it. all i ever did was try to be your friend, stan. but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. you've got a lot of growing up to do, buddy.
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suck my balls. - damn, that kid is cool, huh? captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." thank you so much for tuning in.
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i'm trevor noah. here to talk about police community relations, former dallas police chief david o. brown is here, everybody. going to be a really fascinating conversation. ( applause ) but first, what do you get when you cross a russian, email and an idiot? >> explosive and very fast moving developments in the russian med lick. >> major breaking news. >> the very latest bombshell. >> breaking and stunning news in politics lead today, release of email chain between donald trump, jr. and this man rob goldstone. >> on its face, this is information that supports the allegation or the idea of collusion between the trump campaign or potential collusion between the trump campaign and the russian government. >> trevor: oh, cursed irony! ( laughter ) the e-mails giveth! the presidency and the e-mails shall taketh it away!
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( cheers and applause ) do you guys realize how bigly this is? ( laughter ) for a whole year, we have been wondering did the trump campaign collude with the revolutions to affect the u.s. presidential election and finally we have an answer. and i don't care why side you're on, we all wanted an answer for so long. for so long, everyone was, like, there is so much folk but no fire. we're on the ground dying from smoke inhalation ( coffing ) -- we don't know if there's a fire but now i know the truth, yes, it's a fire! finally! because, remember how just yesterday we learned donald trump, jr. together with jurisdiction and campaign manager paul manafort had a secret meeting during the campaign with russian lawyer lawferg dirt on hillary clinton. we learned that yesterday. trump, jr. had all sorts of
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explanations why that wasn't collusion. he didn't know what the dirt was, didn't know her name, was trying to help the campaign. today more of the story. >> donald trump, jr. just releasing a chain of e-mailed leading up to meeting with a russian lawyer. >> on its face, the email chain is proof of willingness expressed by donald trump, jr. to collude with russia to get information directly from the russian government. >> donald trump, jr. said he released the e-mails to be transparent but an editor said he only shared them after he found out the paper was publishing a story about them. >> trevor: this is the best comedy show ever. it really is. this is two-legged brain foreclosure thought the best way to get out of this mess would be to jump into it himself. ( laughter ) he was basically the guy in the
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movie cornered at the edge of the cliff and everybody says, we've got you surrounded! he says, that's what you think, and he just fell. hey, you're falling to your death! it's not death if it's suicide! you're dying! now, i can sort of see his reasoning here. trump, jr. thought if he could be transparent, unlike crooked hillary, and share his e-mails, people would be, like, huh, what an honest guy! the only problem is once you read the e-mails between donald, jr. and his contact rob goldstone, they prove the collusion junior's been denying all along. >> goldstone writes "the crown prosecutor of russia offered to provide the trump campaign with official documents and information that would incriminate hillary and her dealings with russia and would be very useful to your father. this is obviously very high-level and sensitive information but is part of russia and its government's
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support for mr. trump. >> trevor: you could not write a clearer, more narc-y email than that. it was like getting an email saying would you like by your own choi to speak illegal marijuana drawings in violation of local statute 22 section 3? ( laughter ) to be fair to don, jr., just getting the email is not proof of collusion. you're not responsible for the e-mails you get. you're on responsible for the e-mails you send. >> 17 minutes later trump, jr. responds, if it's what you say, i love it. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i love it. 17 minutes later. the russians said they wanted to team up with the trump campaign against hillary clinton in the american presidential election, and donald trump, jr.'s response is i love it? you would think as a patriot, you would say, i may not like hillary but i'm an american
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first -- not i love it! ( laughter ) and maybe don, jr. just doesn't know how to use the word love appropriately because he's never heard it growing up. ( laughter ) but still -- oh, okay. yeah, yeah, you might think, oh, that's not fair, that's not fair, donald trump loves his son -- but does he? >> trump, jr. says today he released these documents in order to be totally transparents. hours later the president put out a statement through his press office saying, "my son is a high-quality person and i applaud his transparency." >> trevor: my son is a high-quality person? ( laughter ) i'm sorry, that is not a statement of support. in fact, that's not even a compliment. just sound like he's giving himself props. my semen makes quality humans! my semen makes the highest
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quality humans -- and eric. ( laughter ) like it or not, people, this is a big blow to the president and his administration because the question has changed now. it's no longer was there collusion, it's now how much collusion was there? and all because of his own son. dodged, jr. is the first thing trump regrets putting his name on. ( laughter ) i bet you now he's going to have the name removed. sorry, jr., your new name the 60 riverside drive. ( laughter ) a good day. but to mow me the best development is how they showed that, once again, all these trump world masterminds are really just a group of low-rent pageant clowns. >> the meeting arranged by rod rosenstein, a publicist for a russian pop singer who worked with president trump on the miss universe pageant hosted in moscow in 2013. it was one of goldstone's client
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who wished president trump happy birthday and even appeared in a music video. >> i'm really tired of you. you're fired. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i have a serious question -- does the trump family know anybody normal? because everyone around them is a cartoon. there's a life-size minion, there's bachelor bowski, a white power walrus. is there anybody who's, like, hi, my name is bill, i'm just a guy? even their russian contact who should be super low key spends all his team, and this is real, posting ridiculous selfies of himself. this is what you find of him online. look at this person! ( applause ) he's a real snapchat filter. that's him! he looks like one of those
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character actors with a bunch of different looks on his head shot -- i'm a beauty queen! oh, i'm a sea captain! or my favorite -- old man malala. ( laughter ) and it's not like rob goldstone keeps quiet when he's shady, he's the one who took the russians to meet donald trump at trump tower because he typed on facebook, preparing for a meeting! it's not a high-level controversy. this isn't house of cards, this isn't even veep. it wouldn't even qualify for blues clues. it's so simple that wouldn't. wait, no, no! no, blue. no, blue, it's not necessary. we've already solved it. >> bark bark! >> yeah, we know it's a clue.
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we don't need you man, we don't need you. get out of here! go! go! ( dog whining ) >> trevor: i didn't mean it like that. sorry, blue! you're a high-quality person! we'll
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fless calories, and half the carbs, there's only one light beer to grab. miller lite. hold true. so, if anyone has a reason that these two should not be wed, speak now. (coughs) so sorry. oh no... it's just that your friend daryl here is supposed to be live streaming the wedding and he's not getting any service. i missed, like, the whole thing. what? and i just got an unlimited plan. it's the right plan, wrong network. you see, verizon has the largest, most reliable 4g lte network in america. it's built to work better in cities. tell you what, just use mine. thanks. no problem. all right, let's go live. say hi to everybody who wasn't invited! (vo) when it really, really matters, you need the best network and the best unlimited. just $45 per line for four lines.
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tthat's why at comcast,t to be connected 24/7. we're always working to make our services more reliable. with technology that can update itself. and advanced fiber network infrastructure. new, more reliable equipment for your home. and a new culture built around customer service. it all adds up to our most reliable network ever. one that keeps you connected to what matters most. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." while it will probably be a long time before we know the full russia-trump story, one thing is clear, america is really divided right now. the big question is where is this headed, a civil war or
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danceoff? for more on this deep division, please welcome to the show our newest "the daily show" correspondent, mr. michael kosta! ( cheers and applause ) >> well, thanks, trevor. it's great to be here but, just so you know, it's actually dr. michael kosta now. >> trevor: wait, wait, you're an actual doctor? >> yeah, according to medical certificate online.com i am. >> trevor: that's a blank. >> now, trevor, as a professional doctor, i'm here to prescribe a cure for america's division, a spoonful of optimism. may seem americans are being driven apart but plenty are coming together. take right wing conspiracy theorist alex jones, he ones infowars. >> i was told by a genetic engineer about a project they were on in england once and i never told the story on air because it's so fan t.s.a.icle. they had in tanks people with gills, little babies, gulping, clawing at the sides. you see a turtle in the zoo and
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you feel sorry for it. they have humeoids crossed with fish and we're screwed, people. >> so you hate mermaids? who hates mr. maids? you wouldn't think that guy has anything in common with say gwyneth paltrow, founder of goop, where she offers an alternative brand of wellness that for some reason her followers pay actual money for. >> i've always been that person who has sort of introduced the culture of the media to things that people think are weird. >> i usually make my own smoothie with a lot of different moon juice powders. there's great proteins and adaptojens and things to help with protein and beauty. >> perhaps nothing more interesting than the topic vaginal steaming which goop
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endorsed in january. >> trevor: wow, vaginal steaming? that phrase is both too much information and somehow not enough information. >> pretty clear to me, frankly. >> trevor: i'm confused, why are we talking about gwyneth paltrow and alex jones? >> they show us how not divided america is. you think they have nothing in common but they do. on both of their web sites they push a lot of the strange dietary supplements, the exact same supplements, they just market them differently. take maca, a supplement said to increase sex driveway i bought but do not need. ( laughter ) on goop, you can find maca in their moon juice sex dust. but on infowars, it's super male vitality! sunday, sunday, sunday! both sites also recommend alternative remedies like active silver, and de-boned salmon enemas -- okay, i made the last one up. we know when you lose the bones, you lose the health benefits.
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>> trevor: dr. michael kosta, so gwyneth paltrow puts the same herbs in her green smooths with as alex jones puts on his pizza steaks but i still don't understand what this has to do with a divide america. >> of course not you. don't have a medical degree. ( laughter ) trevor, do you know what this is? a horseshoe? wrong, a symbol of a political theory named the horseshoe theory of politics. now, it states the far left and the far right, rather than being at opposite ends of a linear political continuum, in reality closely resemble one another much like the ends of a horseshoe, so it's actually a horseshoe. so -- ( laughter ) gwyneth is here, alex is here, pretty close. in fact, the extreme fringes have a ton in common, both don't believe in vaccines, both think 9/11 was an inside job, both liked birds. when you think about it, the movie bird man, isn't that really just a fancy duck dynasty? >> trevor: birdman nothing
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like duck dynasty. >> the point is maybe we can learn from the extremes and focus whoont brings us together -- a healthy skepticism of authority and, well, a powdered drink that gives you boners, okay? >> trevor: i mean, if it will bring us together in america. >> no, no, no, don't drink that, that kicks in immediately. what are you doing. >> trevor: so, what? is -- >> trevor, let's get you out of here. you've got to go. you've got to go. >> trevor: i can't stand up. ( laughter ) michael kosta. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) it's so... quiet. is it, too quiet? it's awful. yeah. feel at home, pretty much wherever you are. t-mobile is america's best unlimited network. do you remember when i took your [photo this morning?, [boy] yea! [intern] i'm afraid i have some terrible news.
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to be enjoyed from opener to headliner. miller lite. hold true. we deserve a girl's trip.ars, so let's go. she's ready - she's ready. yaas. girls, you know you got those friends... the ones that make you laugh... i'm about to get pregnant tonight. the ones that got your back... almost ready. you look like somebody's puerto rican grandmother. the ones that keep it real... can you move your arm? that's not my arm. damn daddy. girl's trip i slay it, i slay it all day, i slay. rated r. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show" my guest is the former chief of the dallas police department and author of his new book called "called to rise." please welcome david o. brown ( cheers and applause )
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welcome to the show. >> thank you very much for having me. my pleasure. >> trevor: it's a really wonderful story that you tell in your book. it is illuminating and it is sad and happy at the same time. before we get into the story, a lot of people may recognize you or may be familiar with you because, a year ago, you were on tv giving a press conference after, i think it was five policemen were fatally shot in dallas. >> yes. >> trevor: looking back at that time, looking at the stories that caused it -- alton sterling, philando castile and the protests that followed from that point -- where do you think the police are in america right now? >> it seems that, every time we take some steps forward, another viral video comes out and we take two steps back, or another cop is ambushed, and we go further back into our divided corners. >> trevor: right. >> so i'm always hopeful, but i
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try to keep it pretty factual and real. we're still divided around policing in this country, particularly in communities of color, particularly where young black men are. i'm hopeful i have some prescriptions in my book and the platform of the book on this show and other shows we can talk more about what we have in common more than what we have that divides us. as i'm an inner city kid growing up in the inner cities of dallas, poor, in a high-crime area, i can see both sides having been a police officer all my adult life. >> trevor: as someone who's been a civilian and police officer and at the highest level as well, you've seen the system and how it works. what was interesting in the book is how you talk about your love of action. you were part of the s.w.a.t. team initially. >> yes. >> trevor: and then you were reassigned to a different division where you would have to be part of community policing, something you were vehemently against. >> it was like pulling teeth,
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man. i hated sitting there connected with the community as i was a lieutenant at the time. i didn't see it being productive until -- actually, i was in the housing projects in dallas, in an apartment converted to a police storefront, from the s.w.a.t. team. so you can see i was torn apart at this assume until i met an older lady that remind med of my grandmother, and i was reminded i'm here to serve people not to serve myself, and the excitement of the job wasn't supposed to be self-aggrandizing. i was supposed to be making my community my priority, and that little old lady really reminded me because, like you, i have been black a long time -- ( laughter ) -- >> trevor: i started when i was seven. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. i been black so long, i can't remember when i started, man. ( laughter ) she reminded me the priorities ought to be the community, that there is no difference but for
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the grace of god go i that people live in poverty, particularly generational poverty and me, but for the breaks i get in life, the people that help me, to mentor me, and i should be lending opportunity to these people while keeping them safe. >> trevor: what difference have you seen it make, though? because some would argue community policing is a waste of resources. they say why should police be trying to make friends in these neighborhoods? shouldn't you just be enforcing the law? >> yes, let's contrast and compare facts. in the mass incarceration drug wars, the crime rates in this city were at the highest. i was police chief six years in dallas. i put forth the policing efforts, the lowest crime rates in history ( applause ) the lowest murder rate since 1930. >> trevor: you came out and made a statement after the shootings that took place in dallas, and what stuck with me and i'll paraphrase is you
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talked about how in america today police are tasked with doing so much more than they should be. they are social workers, counselors, psychologists, they're doing so many things that they should not be doing. what does that do to a policeman? >> what all of those tasks do is it exhausts people. because these are just people who join the police force who try uh to do good in the community and make people safe. but they get so many tasks and run from police call to police call to police call. the exhaustion makes you ineffective. >> trevor: you also talk about this from an experience at very few share. one of the most heartbreaking stories you talk about in the book relates to your son. >> yes. >> trevor: whom you lost at the hands of police. >> mentally ill. >> trevor: not any wrongful doing. if you don't mind sharing. >> my adult son, 27, living on his own at the time was suffering from atolt onset
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bipolar, and he had an episode and killed two people, one being a cop and was subsequently being killed. i was a month into the job and got notice of that. i was unaware he had began experiencing these mental episodes because he wasn't living with me anymore at 27. what i take away from that, it's the most unnatural thing to bury a child particularly under those circumstances, under any circumstances, by the way, but i had lost my first police officer, i had lost a brother and now i had lost a son, and then july 7th happens and i have to console five police families, i have to console the city, the country on the world stage and only upon reflection does any of my personal tragedies make sense, that it makes sense that i had been prepared to be able to say the right things at the right time during that particular crisis in dallas, and that's what i share in the book. >> trevor: oh, it's really an amazing story that you share, you know, as you say you had an
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illustrious career. thank you for sharing the story and being on the show. >> thank you so much, trevor. >> trevor: "called to rise" is available now. david o. brown, everybody. we'll be right back.

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