tv The Daily Show Comedy Central August 1, 2017 11:00pm-11:31pm PDT
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my hidden godfather tattoo. also, my wife is gone. and then, there is nothing day 9. then day 10. all right. this is just a hand sprint of what i can only assume is human feces. well, some great insight into the trump's administration. i'm jim jefferies. and we could all do better. good night, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪
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>> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah. thank you so much, everybody. my guest tonight, i could not be more excited, the man who makes you feel guilty for leaving the light on in the kitchen, former vice president al gore is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) but first, a major event is coming to los angeles in the summer of 2028, no i'm not talking about the opening of the 17th fast and furious movie. >> big news this morning. los angeles reached an agreement monday to host the 2028 summary games. mayor eric garcetti called it historic for los angeles and the united states. >> trevor: oh, so optimistic that they think there is going to be a 2028. ( laughter ) a lot of people are concerned about the olympics in l.a. many people are saying the traffic will be insane which is
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why the city announced there will be a temporary ban on synchronized highway car dancing. that will end. ( laughter ) because this is hollywood, there will be big changes to the olympics. for example, the entire chinese olympic team will be played by white actors. very controversial change. ( laughter ) in order to give the games a true l.a. feel, they will be introducing a couple of new events called the white bronco chase. very challenging. ( laughter ) also the l.a. decathlon which is like the regular decathlon except you hire a mexican immigrant to do the actual work for you. ( audience reacts ) that's how it works. but that's it. congratulations to los angeles who will have the summer games returning after many years. fun fact for you -- the last time the olympics were held in l.a. was in 1984. yeah, that was at the height of the cold war, and russia boycotted those games. good news, it may happen again. ( laughter ) because, while we know that the
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autocrat billionaire brothers from another mother badly wanted to improve u.s.-russia relations, seems like it's not quite going that way. >> senate approved tough new sanction force russia and heads to president trump's desk. the bill was passed by a 98-2 vote. >> trevor: they've effectively also put sanctions on donald trump. that's what they've done. that's a strange thing, when you think about it. ( applause ) because it's almost like congress are these parents going we don't want you playing with that boy anymore. ( laughter ) i cannot wait to see him sign that because he loves them. he's going to be, like -- and this one, folks, is gonna be... here -- uh, me protecting america from myself. there you go, there you go, there you go, ladies and gentlemen, there you go. ( laughter ) and, by the way, it wasn't close. not only did the sanctions pass
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the senate by 98 to 2, in the house the vote was 419 to 3. yeah. that is insane. every one in congress went up against russia like it was ted cruz. ( laughter ) do you want to know how much they hate russia, just for yourself, imagine how you would feel if gaga binks starred in godfather 3. i thought i was out but they're pulling me back in! actually, i want to watch that now. ( laughter ) congress hit russia with sanctions. when you hit russians, they always hit wack. >> russia is ramping up retaliation against the u.s. over new sanctions. russian president vladimir putin told the u.s. yesterday to slash its staff in russia by 755 people. >> the u.s. will also lose access to a storage facility and its beautiful country house and leafy property on the outskirts of moscow.
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>> what? wait, so, russia retaliated against new sanctions by taking america's country house? really does feel like trump and putin are getting divorced. (in russian accent) okay, donald, i'm making the country house. no! we just renovated the bathroom! i know, and i'm sure syria will enjoy the heated bathroom seat. you bastard! i picked it out myself! ( laughter ) they're not just taking the country house. russia is hazing an army-sized middle finger to the u.s. >> the "new york times" reporting moscow will begin conducting massive military drills near several n.a.t.o. members that can include as many as 100,000 russian soldiers. >> the drills believed to be a show of force and intimidation. >> trevor: i know it's really serious the military drills that take place, but, when you think about it, military drills are
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like geopolitical versions of gangs driving by their rival gangs' turf. you just go to the border and give each other dirty looks. like sitting in the car, yeah, yeah -- ( laughter ) i can picture the russians at the border intimidating the other side. i'm picturing the russians driving their impalace. you know the important part of the drive-by is the music, so russia's playing their music full blast as they're driving by (humming brung russian anthem) ( laughter ) and right now, i don't know if the u.s. can afford to get into another cold war because the scary news is there may be a hot one that is starting right around the corner. >> north korea is making far greater progress on its missile program than officials ever imagined. their second test of an
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intercontinental ballistic missile in the past month traveling farther than any missile they have ever launched. >> the north korean icbm blasted 2300 miles straight into space, but experts fear north korea could angle the missile to potentially travel as far as washington, d.c. or new york. >> trevor: and flight to africa booked. ( laughter ) i don't know about you, but this (bleep) is starting to scare me. they have a missile that can hit new york? like, if it can make it here, it can make it anywhere. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i will say, though -- i will say, though, the joke's on kim jong un because, if he tries to send a missile to new york, we'll all have time to evacuate because the missile will get stuck in traffic in the lincoln tunnel, it's just going to be
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there trying to get through. the easy pass won't be working. picture the toll booth lady, mister, mister, i don't care what you say, if you don't got your money, you got to black up. yeah, everybody threat tons blow up on me, you gotta go back. yeah, your easy pass working bye-bye. first question, how did north korea get a missal? they don't have sandwiches. what country develops an icbm before they get a b.l.t.? ( laughter ) as much as we joke, north korea having the ability to launch a nuclear weapon is serious. before president obama went kite surfing, he warned trump north korea would be the biggest threat to the united states, obviously before he knew about scaramucci and stuff, but, still, he warned him. so, now, as much as i hate to admit it, it's all in the hands of donald trump. i hope that he has a well
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thought-out plan. >> we'll handle north korea. we're going to be able to handle them. they will be -- it will be handled. we handle everything. thank you very much. >> trevor: and flight back to africa, booked. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) ♪get up. ♪get down. ♪you're gonna rock the party. ♪get down. ♪party up. ♪always fun. ♪get up. ♪rock this party up. ♪get down. ♪you're gonna rock the party. [siri tone] the rock: hey siri, read my schedule. [crash] [tires squeal] ♪ rock. [siri tone] merci, gimme some. ♪ hey siri, take a selfie. [siri tone] ♪ [siri tone] plus the crisp taste of apples. a great combination. like spanglish.... where it'd be something like "manza-beer".
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to the "the daily show." with al gore on the show, we wanted to check in on how our planet was doing and decided to do it with senior science correspondent, ronny chieng, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you! there are two problems of climate change. one it's going to melt the earth and destroy civilization and, two, nobody listens and nobody cares. all right? because they still think it won't affect them. well, for better or worse, the plan is starting to hit us in ways everyone can relate to. >> a new study says climate change could keep you from getting your morning cup of joe. ethiopia is the fifth largest coffee producer and they could lutes 60% of their farming land due the climate change by the end of the century. >> the latest estimates warn climate change may mean as much as half the land now used for coffee production around the world may no longer be suitable
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for it by the middle of this century. >> no coffee? how am i supposed to drink my whiskey in the morning? plain like some kind of alcohol income ( laughter ) also, you should be extra concerned about this, trevor. how am i supposed to help kids in africa if i don't even have the one cup of coffee a day to give up? come on, ethiopia, help me help you, all right? ( laughter ) coffee's out, if you think you can escape your caffeine headache by going someplace else, think again. >> climate change could van effect on vacation plans. planes grounded at phoenix because it was too hot to fly. it will only get worst studies say. >> airlines perform in cool better because of lift. they need longer runways and lighter roads to take off in meet heath. >> they're such divas!
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they need just the right temperatures to take off. do they also need a bowl of m&m's with the brown ones taken out? ( laughter ) i expect my flight to take off on time global warming or not and if it doesn't i'm going to raise holy hell. what are they going to do? drag another asian man off another flight? ( cheers and applause ) we already had our rodney king. he took it for everybody. you should see asians on the planes now. we own the joint. they let us do whatever we want! fastened my seat belt? no, you fasten yours! i'm on the phone, talking with my friends at takeoff. i order a kosher meal. halfway in the flight, i go to first class. they say, return to your seat. i say, oh, i guess someone wants to go viral today, let's do it! that's right, we own the friendly skies. so frea breakfast sucks, vacatin
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isn't happening. you may say all i need is my family and health. bad news. >> fertility study says sperm counts among western men is declining. >> sperm counts are higher in the winter, lower in the summer. one of the hypotheses is that global temperature change is adversely affecting fertility. >> this is how you know mother nature is pissed off, okay, she's literally kicking men in the balls. ( laughter ) she's the only mother in history who doesn't want you to have kids, also a side note western men only. so suck it! that's right! ( applause ) my sperm is still at full power. i can still give a woman an unplanned pregnancy anytime, anyplace, anytime you want. you're pregnant, you're pregnant, you watching at home, you're pregnant. that's how powerful it is.
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( laughter ) infertility might actually be our best hope. >> if you want to save the planet, don't have kids. according to a new study that looked at just how destructive new life can be for the environment. researchers say by not having kids, our carbon footprint is drastically reduced. >> this is great news for guys who aren't ready to settle down, okay? just tell your girl, baby, hey, i want kids, too, but think about the carbon footprint, right? ( laughter ) here's why i don't get it. we're supposed to be saving the planet for our children, but now they're saying for the sake of your kids, don't have kids? how the hell am i supposed to solve that riddle? i'm just a simple man, right? a simple man with a very lot of powerful, powerful sperm. ( laughter ) trevor? >> trevor: ronny chieng, everybody. we'll be right back! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause )
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documentary "an inconvenient sequel: truth to power." >> i want to show you some of the areas that used to be like this that now we've raised roads, put in pumps and seen dramatic results. >> what level of sea level rise is this designed to protect against? >> we're building in about a foot of sea level rise, and i'm sure the projections will going to continue to move. >> kind of hard to pump the ocean. >> that's why we're going to raise above it. >> yeah. >> yep. >> scott and i grew up here. this was opportunity case 40 years ago. if anyone wants to argue it's not happening, it's happening. it's happening. >> trevor: please welcome former vice president al gore. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> thank you, thank you! thank you very much. >> trevor: thank you so much for being on the show.
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>> oh, it's great to be here. >> trevor: i know you are very busy trying to save the world and i appreciate you making the time to pop by. %-@? ( cheers and applause ) %-@? >> trevor: well, thank you, i appreciate that. let's get into it. this is a strange film for me to watch because i go, the first nillum was almost the world is sending, and now there's a sequel? >> yeah, well, the solutions are here now, and that's part of the change that's taking place in the decade since the first film. the climate-related extreme weather events are way worse and more frequent now, unfortunately. but we really do have the solutions available now. >> trevor: right. >> electricity from the sun and the wind is getting so cheap, in many areas it's way cheaper than electricity from fossil fuels. the cost is come doing for electric vehicles, batteries and all kinds of things we can use to solve this crisis. >> trevor: when you make a film like this, are you preaching to the choir or do you think there is a small chance
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somebody would watch this film and go, oh, okay, maybe you've changed my mind? >> there is a new participant in the discussion that's more persuasive than i am and it's mother nature. these extreme events like unfortunately superstop sandy here a few years ago have really gotten people's attention. there really is no debate. the large carbon polluters have taken the play book from the tobacco company years ago. when they linked cigarettes to lung cancer, the tobacco companies hired actors and dressed them as doctors and put them in front of the camera to falsely assure people there were no problems. the carbon polluters have done the same thing with pseudoscientists and fake false doubts and all that. but people are seeing through it. more than two-thirds of the american people know it's a crisis and we have to solve it. way more trump voters than not believe it's a crisis and wanted us to stay in the paris
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agreement. a big majority of republicans disagree with trump on it. >> trevor: trump voters or many of them or some of them may believe in it. the problem is the person they support does not. donald trump has been very vocal and at one point saying it's a hoax by china, it's like a really elaborate prank. ( laughter ) which is what china does. you know how they are. ( laughter ) he went against paris because he felt it was a raw deal for america. essentially the president argues that the cost to the united states far outweighs the benefits of going up against global warming. it seems like an obvious argument but how do you respond to something like that? >> it's a false argument and proven to be false over and over again. actually the biggest source of new jobs is solving the climate crisis. solar jobs are twice as new as other jobs and growing the fastest.
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single fastest growing job is wind turban technician. if you look in the united states at all the electricity generating capacity built last year, three-quarters was from solar and wind. >> trevor: if we look at america as a world leader, in many ways, donald trump has given up that position, especially when it comes to climate change and fighting. so the world has moved forward, countries like india stepped in and said we will pull our weight in the paris accord. how important does the president of the united states become, then, in that conversation? will it stall because of donald trump or does there become something people can do without him? >> well, it's interesting. when he made his announcement that the u.s. was going to pull out of the paris agreement, i was really worried some other countries would use that as an excuse to pull out themselves. but right away, the entire rest of the world doubled down on the commitment to meet the paris agreement as if to say we'll
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show you, donald trump. and here in this country the governors and mayors and business leaders stepped up to fill the gap and said we're still in paris and looks like we're going to meet our commitments under the paris agreement regardless of donald trump. he's kind of isolated himself. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: when we speak about meeting commitments, the one thing that many skeptics raised, the one point is, even if the u.s. and all the other countries around the world meet the commitments, the magical number of 2 degrees celsius will still be reached in terms of climate change and the rising temperatures around the globe. so there are many people who say there is no point because, regardless of what we do, the temperature will change and it will rise to that 2-degree point where the oceans rise and then miami is no longer a thing. >> yeah. >> trevor: what then becomes the way forward?
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>> it is true that, no matter what we do now, there reason some continued temperature increases, some continued sea level rise, but we still have the ability to affect the pace of that change and to prevent much worse damage that would take place if we did not get control of this. >> trevor: right. >> so, despair is just another form of denial. it can be paralyzing. now that we have the solutions available, we can solve this crisis, but we need to get going on it. we need -- we've got the technology, we've got the solutions. we need enough political will. but political will is itself a renewable resource. >> trevor: interesting you say that. almost like people are saying why pump the breaks if we're going to crash anyway? we can at least slow down. >> i love that analogy. this movie tells people everything they need to know about the crisis, the solutions and how you personally can be a part of the solution.
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the movie opens this weekend all over the country. inconvenientsequel.com is where you can get tickets. did i just mention the web site? >> trevor: you just did. >> inconvenientsequel.com. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: thank you so much for being on the show. "an inconvenient sequel: truth to power" opens nationwide. be sure to watch "an inconvenient special" town hall august 2nd with al gore at 7:30 p.m. former vice presiden ♪
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vea. find your way to real. the rock: hey siri, read my schedule. [siri tone] ♪ rock. ♪ hey siri, take a selfie. [siri tone] want to see more of the rock and siri? just grab your iphone and say, "hey siri, what are you and the rock up to?" ♪ [siri tone] >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thank you for tuning in. joining us tomorrow night at 11. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> not an extremely hot summer so far. we yes, we've had hot days on the south coast, many in the b.c. interior, but it's the prolonged dry spell. now we'll continue with the dry spell and get the real heat. whoo! whoa! ( cheers and applause ) by comedy central by [cheers and applause] >> chris: it's 29 minutes until midnight, so tell mom she can shove it. we're staying up late tonight.
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