they're probably all watching me, the japanese. let them. i'm not even gonna swat that fly. they'll see. and they'll say, "wow, that city wok owner, why, he wouldn't even harm a fly." [suspenseful music] ♪ [suspenseful music] - august 8th, 2017. [patriotic music] from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, "the daily show with trevor noah" presents... [russian traditional music] - once again, donald trump grabbed the spotlight, and this time not for tanning purposes, no. he used it to address concerns that the russian government may have orchestrated the dnc leaks.

so all we really wanted to hear from trump was that he's not working with russia to subvert the american election. - i will tell you this. russia, if you're listening, i hope you're able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. i think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press. let's see if that happens. that'll be next. - are you [bleep] me? [audience boos] did this-- did this guy, a man running for president, just ask russia to hack america? you know, for a person who's claiming, "bring jobs back to america," he sure started outsourcing them real quick. reporters are, if you can believe this, actually starting to ask questions of trump and his russia-linked campaign manager paul manafort. like, for instance, whether donald trump has any financial ties to the russian government. - trump tweeted yesterday that he has zero investments in russia,

but does russia have investments in trump? would mr. trump be willing to release his taxes to provide transparency on this issue? - mr. trump has said that his taxes are under audit and he will not be releasing them. it has nothing to do with russia. - so to be clear, mr. trump has no financial relationships with any russian oligarchs? - that's what he said, i-- that's what i said-- that's obviously what my position is. - [imitating dj scratching] that-that-that's what-- that's-that-that's what-that-- that-that-that-that-- [imitates record scratch] that-that-that-that-that... remix! ♪ - all right, we're back now with our breaking news, and this is big breaking news. michael flynn has resigned. - flynn's shocking departure comes after just three weeks on the job. - he is the shortest-serving national security advisor now in modern history. - yeah! [cheers and applause] yes! trump! trump! trump! trump!

donald trump finally draining the swamp of the people he brought to the swamp. president trump is a genius, people. he hires a cabinet full of terrible people, fires them one by one, looks like he's a man of action. drain the swamp! down to the previous levels! drain the swamp! down to the previous levels! it's not as catchy. it's just not as catchy. how big is this story? the national security advisor, fired after just three weeks. who, like, who could've seen this coming? - a red flag was raised late last month by then-acting attorney general sally yates, yates telling the trump white house she believed flynn was potentially vulnerable to russian blackmail. - remember after obama put sanctions on russia for election meddling, all right, to help trump win, you remember that? well, after that, flynn called the russian ambassador and told them not to sanction the u.s. back because trump was gonna cancel america's sanctions after he took office. uh, which is illegal, obviously.

i mean, it even sounds illegal. you don't even need to know the laws. just be like, "you called the russians, "and yeah, that sounds illegal. i don't even know the law. sounds illegal." this was flynn at last summer's rnc. - we do not need a reckless president who believes she is above the law. [audience booing] all: lock her up! lock her up! - lock her up. that's right. all: lock her up! if i did a tenth, a tenth of what she did, i would be in jail today. - amen, brother! [cheers and applause] preach, pastor flynn, preach! so powerful in your principals. "a tenth!" ♪ - i've now decided to recuse myself from any existing or future investigations of any matter relating in any way to the campaigns for president of the united states.

- [rapping] ♪ "allow me to recuse myself ♪ my name is jeff" [laughter] ah, jeff sessions is out. that's right. he announced that any investigations into russian interference in the election will not be handled by him but by somebody totally independent, and that person will be? his friend yuri. yeah. everything's gonna be fine, people. ♪ yesterday, former acting attorney general sally yates was called to testify before the senate. - sally yates says she had two separate meetings and a phone call with white house counsel don mcgahn about michael flynn's conversation with the russian ambassador sergey kislyak. - we were giving them all of this information so that they could take action. - but despite her warnings in late january, the white house waited more than two weeks to fire flynn. - it could be that despite flynn being a confirmed national security threat,

trump had no intention of letting him go because it would look bad and the only reason flynn was ever fired was that two weeks later, the "washington post" wrote the story of his ties to russia. trump doesn't care about national security for [bleep], but he will not tolerate a pr problem. and what makes this matter worse is that trump was warned about flynn even before he hired him by flynn's previous employer. - president obama warned trump against hiring flynn just two days after he was elected when the two men met in the oval office. - mr. obama cautioned that the new president would be wise to stay away. trump aides say he was suspicious of mr. obama's motives in coming forward. - so sally yates and obama warned trump, but he didn't listen, although i'm not surprised that donald trump doesn't listen to women or black people. [laughter] dj: siri: ok, 10 minutes andr 10 counting.es.

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[hip-hop music] [russian traditional music] - stunning late-breaking news. president trump has fired james comey as director of the fbi. - trump fired james comey, the man who happened to be leading the investigation into whether trump's campaign had colluded with russia to win last year's election, the man who, as director of the fbi, is supposed to be politically independent, almost untouchable. people, i'm not gonna sugarcoat this. this is bad for democracy. - president trump's firing of fbi director james comey

sending shockwaves through washington. - only the second time in american history a president has taken that step. - trump's seismic firing-- - a little whiff of fascism tonight. - it looks like a banana republic, america, not a democracy. - you'd think this would happen in a third world country. the idea that this happened in the united states is stunning. - this is the kind of thing that goes on in-- - africa! just say it! [laughter and applause] say it! just say it! "this is the kind of thing that only happens in africa!" comey wasn't just any old bureaucrat who trump fired. trump fired comey just as comey was starting to actively investigate trump's people, which you've gotta admit makes trump look hella suspicious. a lot of people are distraught by this decision. the other people are russians. - does the comey firing cast a shadow over your talks, gentlemen?

[audience groans] - "you're kidding. "no, really, you're kidding. "who could have predicted such a crazy thing "that we ordered your president to do? ha-ha! you're kidding. you're kidding." - breaking news tonight: president trump reportedly revealed highly classified information to russia's foreign minister and russia's ambassador in a white house meeting last week. - i mean, once again, this sounds like a story that we would invent, right? trump invites the russians into the oval office and then, in his meeting, starts bragging, "i get great intel. i have people brief me on great intel every day," and then proceeds to give them the intel. he probably doesn't even know what intel is short for. "my intellivision is the best! "it gets the highest ratings! best ratings of all." [laughter] so the good news is, trump listens during intel briefings, and the bad news is, trump listens during intel briefings.

♪ if there's one word that has been synonymous with the trump presidency, from day one, it's been "scandal." all right, in fact, now everyone who works in the white house has changed their ringtone to "dun-dun-dun!" last week, it was firing fbi director james comey, who was coincidentally investigating trump's ties to russia, and then monday we found out that trump revealed national security secrets, coincidentally to the russians, and then last night, to complete the trilogy, yet another trump scandal dropped. - there's more breaking news. indeed, another blockbuster revelation. the reports saying that president trump asked then-fbi director james comey to end the investigation of michael flynn, the president's former national security advisor. - now it turns out that director comey has notes, notes and memos that document what he says the president said to him in private. - james mothertruckin' comey. [laughter]

first, he helps trump get elected. now he could be the reason trump gets kicked out. comey... [cheers and applause] comey reminds me of every black mother. "i brought you into this world, and child, i can take you out of it!" [laughter and applause] and comey's memo may in fact take trump out of it because of a little thing known as "the law." - three words: obstruction of justice. - oh... the old obstruction of justice, yes. it's not just an impeachable offense. it is the impeachable offense. it's what got bill clinton. it's what got richard nixon. so in a way, trump is becoming presidential. - is there anyone that's watching this or in anywhere that can believe anything that james comey's saying about any of these matters? - yeah. yeah. [laughter] yeah. whole bunch of us. yeah. yeah. yeah.

yeah, because there were only two people in that room. two people. one of them took notes. the other one is the world's most famous liar. like, forget about lying. forget about lying about what happens in private conversation. trump lies about things we can see! the size of his crowds. the margin of his victories. the real color of his skin. there are two things that donald trump tries to avoid at all costs: the truth and his son eric. we know this. [audience oohs] ♪ now, while this comey scandal is going on, it's easy to forget the other trump scandal going on, all right, from two long days ago, where the president reportedly gave classified information to russian diplomats in the oval office. now, of course, no one is sure what was said in that meeting, mostly because the american press was barred. the good news is, trump has someone that is coming to his defense.

the bad news is, it's probably not the person he wants. - vladimir putin is claiming he can prove president trump did not reveal classified information to those russian officials in the oval office last week. mr. putin is offering to send congress his transcripts of the president-- trump's conversations with russian foreign minister and ambassador-- - putin, get the [bleep] out of here, man. [laughter and applause] is this guy being for real? for real? so you meddled in america's election, fine, but i mean, now you have to meddle in the impeachment too? just let america have something for itself. i bet you next week they're gonna make him the new first lady. "i'll handle this. i'll handle this. i have the figure. i have the figure." [laughter and applause] you know, you have to say this for donald trump: he is keeping his promise to totally disrupt how government officials do their job. yeah, and not just in the american government.

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[hip-hop music] [russian traditional music] - james comey may have already been fired by president trump, but as it turns out, he may not be the last one packing his bags. - tensions developed between president trump and his attorney general after sessions recused himself from the russia investigation, a decision that paved the way for special prosecutor robert mueller to take over the probe. - a source close to jeff sessions says the two men have had several heated exchanges in recent weeks, with the attorney general even offering to resign. - wow. reportedly, jeff sessions has threatened to resign, and that would be insane, for two reasons: one, he was one of trump's first big supporters in washington, and two, i didn't know that house elves could leave of their own accord. i didn't know that that was a thing.

♪ this is already what we knew. in the first days of trump's presidency, he invited then-fbi director james comey to the white house for a one-on-one dinner and then demanded that comey, who is supposed to be politically independent, give him a pledge of loyalty. then, later, in a private oval office meeting, he asked comey to drop the michael flynn-russia investigation, and then when comey didn't drop it, trump fired him. now, can we just pause for a second and acknowledge how bat[bleep] crazy all of this is? right? no, just think about it. it's normal for us, but if you just woke up from a coma and heard all of this at one time, you would be screaming down the street with your ass out in one of those gowns, like, "how is he still president? how is he still president?" [laughter and applause] and so, with all of that, today, the stage was set for possibly one of the most serious hours in recent american history: the senate testimony of james comey.

james comey took his place in front of the senate intelligence committee to give his testimony on the trump-flynn-russia saga, and since he's 11 feet tall, it took place in a room the size of nebraska, where everyone was gathered to hear the former fbi director say whether he was, like, mad at the president or... - the administration then chose to defame me and more importantly the fbi by saying that the organization was in disarray, that it was poorly led, that the workforce had lost confidence in its leader. those were lies, plain and simple. - today, comey gave some really impressive testimony, with details on every meeting, every phone call he had with trump, who, what, where, what facial expressions they had when they spoke, what they smelled like-- everything. and the reason comey was able to go into such meticulous detail is that immediately after every single interaction he had with trump, he wrote memos. yeah, which james comey should be awarded for.

he's the only person who wanted to remember his meetings with trump. according to republicans, trump did not tell comey to stop the investigations. it was just something he hoped would happen. [laughter] - regarding allegations that the president of the united states... obstructed justice, and, boy, you nailed this down on page five, paragraph three, that says, quote, "i hope"-- this is the president speaking-- "i hope you can see your way clear "to letting this go, to letting flynn go. "he is a good guy. i hope you can let this go." he did not direct you to let it go. - not in his words, no. - he did not order you to let it go. - again, those words are not in order. - no. he said "i hope." you don't know of anyone that's ever been charged for hoping something, is that a fair statement? - i hope this mother[bleep] didn't try just pull a fast one on us. i hope.

no, no, no. no, no, no. no, because, no, i'm sorry, i'm sorry. we are adults here. senator risch is making it sound like trump was innocently hoping. yes, like language doesn't have subtext. he makes it sound like trump was a disney character standing out on a balcony singing, ♪ "i hope my flynn will be free someday ♪ ♪ i hope he'll get away" that's not what happened. that's not what happened. trump ordered-- this is what happened. trump ordered everyone to leave the room. everyone was in the oval office. trump ordered everyone to leave the room. kushner. mike pence. even jeff sessions, who is comey's boss, by the way. he kicked them all out of the room, then turned to comey, when they were alone, looked him in the eye, and said, ♪ "i hope my..." ♪

[hip-hop music] [russian traditional music] - what do you get when you cross a russian, an email, and an idiot? - explosive and very fast-moving developments in the russian meddling. - the release of an email chain from last june between donald trump jr. and this man, rob goldstone. - on its face, this is information that supports the allegation or the idea of potential collusion between the trump campaign and the russian government. - oh, cursed irony! [laughter] the emails giveth the presidency, and the emails shall taketh it away! do you guys realize how bigly this is? for a whole year, we've been wondering: did the trump campaign collude with the russians to affect the u.s. presidential election? and finally, we have an answer. - donald trump jr. just releasing a chain of emails

leading up to his meeting with a russian lawyer. - on its face, this email chain is proof of a willingness expressed by donald trump jr. to collude with russia to get information directly from the russian government. - donald trump jr. says he released those emails today to be totally transparent, but an editor for the "new york times" said trump only shared the emails after he was informed the paper was publishing a story about that. - i can sort of see his reasoning here. trump jr. thought if he could be transparent, unlike crooked hillary, and share his emails, people would be like, "huh, what an honest guy!" the only problem is, once you read the emails, which are between don jr. and his contact rob goldstone, they prove the collusion that jr.'s been denying all along! - goldstone writes, "the crown prosecutor of russia... "...offered to provide the trump campaign "with some official documents and information

"that would incriminate hillary and her dealings with russia "and would be very useful to your father. "this is obviously very high-level "and sensitive information "but is part of russia and its government's support for mr. trump." seventeen minutes later, trump jr. responds, "if it's what you say, i love it." [laughter] - "i love it." seventeen minutes later. the russians said they wanted to team up with the trump campaign against hillary clinton in the american presidential election, and donald trump jr.'s response is, "i love it"? this is a big blow to the president and his administration, because the question has changed now. it's no longer, "was there collusion? it's now, "how much collusion was there?" and all because of his own son. donald jr. is now the first thing trump regrets putting his name on. [laughter]

i bet you now he's going to have the name removed. sorry, jr., your new name is 60 riverside drive. ♪ [man coughs] [spooky music] - master. you'll be pleased to know i've done your bidding. so much bidding. the best bidding. - spasibo, donald. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ - ah, killed you. - i blew your head off. - [muffled] - is cartman still in the bathroom?