[exciting news theme] - from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york... "the daily show with trevor noah" presents... ♪ - aah! - aaaah! [dramatic music] - let's get straight into it-- the big news everyone's talking about. - we have some breaking news to report to you. fox news anchor bill o'reilly will not be returning to "the o'reilly factor." - parent company 20th century fox says it came to the decision after a review of the allegations of sexual harassment and verbal abuse coming by the host. of course, he's settled a lot of lawsuits. no word yet what will happen to his show, "the o'reilly factor." one would assume the name changes. - we assume that they'll change the name of the show. but we also assumed that fox would have fired o'reilly after the third time he was accused of sexual harassment. so you never know. and now, here on "the daily show,"

we wanna give o'reilly the sendoff that he deserves because, let's be honest, he's not gonna get it on fox. that's for sure, you know. those guys are probably gonna pretend nothing is wrong. just be like [anglo accent] "no news to report here. "everything is fine. "back to you, megyn. "i mean greta. "i mean gretchen. i mean bill. i mean, who's left?" [laughter, applause] so let's give bill his proper due. because you may not know this, but bill o'reilly was the biggest figure in the history of cable news. at one point, no one even came close because they were afraid that he might sexually harass them. his prime time show was the top cable news show for 16 years with as many as 4 million viewers a night. but before o'reilly was a huge star on fox news, he was blowing up on "inside edition" as shown in this infamous clip. - i don't know what that means, "to play us out." what does that mean? to end the show - yeah. yeah. - tomorrow, and that is it for us today, and we will leave you with a...

i can't do it. we'll do it live. - okay. [background chatter] - we'll do it live! [bleep] it! do it live! i can--i'll write it and we'll do it live! [bleep] thing sucks! [laughter] - wow. wow. all of that just because bill o'reilly had never heard the expression "play us out"? that is the angriest i've ever seen someone get from not knowing a phrase. some of us watch that clip, and we see madness. but in the mid-90s, a man by the name of roger ailes watched it... and he saw greatness. and he reached out and said, [as ailes] "come join me at fox, o'reilly, "and together we will build a cable empire "fueled by white christian resentment. "and then, as our master stroke, "we will both be forced to leave "because we couldn't keep our penises "in our white christian pants. allegedly." bill o'reilly talked about a lot of issues over 20 years.

but it's important tonight to remember that he had a special place in his heart for black people-- prison. - with african-american youth-- - but how are you gonna get jobs for them, and many of them are ill-educated and have tattoos on their foreheads. - there's an outreach-- i don't even know what that means-- by the obama administration to african-americans. - right. - what does that entail? are they gonna be on "soul train"? slaves did participate in the construction of the white house. slaves that worked there were well-fed and had decent lodgings provided by the government. say you're a cocaine dealer-- and you kinda look like one a little bit-- audience: oh! - [laughing] and can i just say, bill o'reilly's lucky that black people aren't all the criminals he thinks they are, otherwise, that guy would have popped a cap in his ass. he would have bust a cap in his ass so fast! [applause] but no, he had to go and be

a highly-educated college professor. boring! sometimes...he was so racist it somehow became funny. [crowd commotion] you-- you know, guys, this is so racist i can't even be mad about it. because you realize in bill o'reilly's mind going to a black restaurant was basically

going to be like walking into the middle of the rodney king riots. like he thought people wouldn't be ordering food. they'd just loot the kitchen and run out with their order... you know, the waiters would be doing drive-bys: "you want some catsup, [bleep]?" pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow-pow-pow-pow-pow! pow, pow, pow! get some pepper, yo! [laughter, applause] what do you think? and bill o'reilly wasn't just a famous newsman. you know all that anger and victimhood you hear from trump voters? a lot of that started with him. like a lot of people said that jon stewart was the yoda of cable news. well, bill o'reilly was the sith lord. and you know what they say about the sith: there is much anger on the dark side. - you're either gonna stop talking, or i'm gonna cut your mic off. - wanna know what i was doing? - shut up. you don't know anything-- he doesn't have a right to be in this country! oh, none of this was your fault--oh, no! people lost millions of dollars--it wasn't your fault.

come on, you coward. say the truth! - what do you mean, coward? - you're a coward! - damn, i... i don't know if he should have ever had a tv show, but i do know he would have fit right in in an imaginary black restaurant. i'll tell you that much. [laughter] he would have been perfect. "you're the coward! you're the coward! where's my food? [bleep] it, i'll do it live!" [laughter, applause] unlike bill o'reilly, we'll be right back. [dramatic music] - aah!

it seems like dwayne johnson can't possibly take on any more. the rock: oh, that sounds like a challenge. [crash] ♪ hey siri, get me a lyft ride to lax. [siri tone] [crash] [tires squeal] [jet engine] [siri tone[ painting, painting, painting... siri: mr. nakamura can discuss your fashion line. i'm out. ♪ rock. hey siri, take a selfie. [siri tone] ♪ [siri tone]

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to stay in the game. to sacrifice taste miller lite, always brewed to have more taste and be less filling. miller lite. hold true. [mellow pop music] ♪ - for the past 20 years, alex jones has hosted radio and internet shows. he's on 150 radio stations, he has 8 million people who visit his websites every single month, and he has a billion views on youtube. he's basically like the gangnam style of the far right. and to his millions of followers,

he's always been this guy. - i-i know all of this. i know they're spraying us every day, i know they're spraying my family. i know we're all filled with heavy metals. i'm broken out of the trance. i'm angry. i'm freaked out, i'm--"my god, they're terraforming! "my god, sodium fluoride in the water! my god, they funded hitler!" i read their eugenics documents. the hair on the back of my neck's standing up right now. i wanna warn you--they should all arrest them! arrest the bankers! they're robbing-- i can't believe it! - yeah, so he's a pretty chilled out guy, pretty... i'm gonna tell you something that's probably gonna shock you. a little while ago, alex jones' wife divorced him. i know, i know, people, i know... i know it's crazy to think someone would leave that. now, it gets even crazier, because she also thinks that, for some reason, he shouldn't have custody of their children. which means... now he has to go to court. which means... - the "infowars" host in a legal battle for custody of his children. his lawyers say the fire-breather on the web

isn't the real alex jones, that he "is playing a character," that he's a performance artist. - all right, let me-- let me stop you right there. you're not a performance artist, okay? jugglers are performance artists. and they also shouldn't have custody of their children. but still... but still, they are artists. alex jones is a fake. which, by the way, people have a right to be. 50 cent, be a "billionaire." hulk hogan, have a "massive" penis. the problem with alex jones is that his act has real consequences, right? his fans don't think he's acting. when he says 911 was a government conspiracy or when he says mass shootings are fake or when he says there's a pizza show in d.c. full of pedophiles-- which is a real thing he said, by the way-- his fans wanna do something about it. one "infowars" fan even armed himself, went to that pizza shop, and shot at people. now, the scariest thing about alex jones is that that fan only had one gun. one of his biggest fans has an entire army.

- donald trump, i hope you can help uncripple america. - you'll be looking at me in a year or two years. let's give me a little bit of time to run things. but a year into office, you'll be saying, "wow. "i remember that interview. he said he was gonna do it, and he did a great job. you'll be very proud." - so, look, at the end of the day, alex jones may not get his children back, but at least he has custody of the most powerful child in the world. ♪ so quick question--do you guys remember megyn kelly? [crowd whooping] yeah? yeah, you do? if you don't, she was the woman at fox who roger ailes sexually harassed-- well, one of them. one of them. and last night was the premiere of her new show on nbc, and she landed a blockbuster interview with the russian president and professional nipple model vladimir putin. and you know what, guys? kudos to megyn, because she did not hold back. - many americans hear the name vladimir putin, and they think he runs a country full of corruption,

a country in which journalists who are too critical could wind up murdered, a country in which dissidents could wind up in jail or worse. to people who believe that, what is your message? - you could tell that megyn kelly was getting under putin's skin. you could tell... because he quickly went from friendly to frenemy. - [speaking russian] - there were no meetings. i--you understand? there were no meetings. i have no idea--i'm being completely honest with you. i don't know. you people are so creative over there. good job. your lives must be boring. - oh, wow. wow. [russian accent] "your lives must be boring." wow. you know what i realized last night? a translator can really change how you view a world leader. no, 'cause normally i [bleep] my pants when putin speaks, but this translator just makes him sound like a russian mean girl: [accent] "your lives must be "so boring, bitch! honestly, i feel so bad for you!" for more insights on last night's interview, we turn to our very own michelle wolf, everybody!

[audience cheering] what's going on, michelle? uh, michelle, let's just get straight into it. what did you think about last night's interview? - you know what, trevor, seeing someone so conniving trying to manipulate the american public was disgusting. - yeah, you know what? i agree, michelle--vladimir putin is a slimy person. - oh, no, no. i'm not talking about putin. i'm talking about megyn kelly. - wait. what did megyn kelly do? - last night on her new show, she acted like she didn't spend the last 12 years of her life as a soldier in fox news's culture war. listen to what she said about cable news-- the place she used to call home. - we've seen a lot of rude behavior in the news lately. - you can yell all you want-- - you're the one yelling at me. - i think you should take a chill pill, dan. - we're actually gonna cut your mic if you don't stop talking. - can't we all just get along? - "can't we all just get along?" oh, i'm sorry--now we're all supposed to be friends? now that you're at nbc, you're acting all peaceful

like some sort of mahatma blondi? because let's not forget-- before she was nbc news's megyn kelly, for over a decade, she was fox news's megyn kelly, basically a pretty race-baiting puppet who roger ailes kept trying to put his hand up. - ooh! - oh, don't worry. she's on network now, and he's dead. they're both in better places. [applause] and seeing as megyn kelly doesn't remember what megyn kelly was like, here's a tiny reminder. - let me explain to you how it works-- i'm the anchor. you're the guest, okay? - you're bringing race into this. - you are! you clearly don't know what you're talking about. - did they get an injunction, megyn? - but you cannot debate what happened at that-- he is married to a mexican immigrant! you sound like, with respect, osama bin laden. - megyn was the tonya harding of cable news for 12 years,

breaking journalism's kneecaps over and over. and we were just the poor nancy kerrigans being like, "why? why?" and now you expect us to forgive you just because you made the olympics? i don't think so, tonya! - well, michelle, no, look, i mean, it's funny, but i think you're being a little hard on megyn kelly. - oh, really? five months ago, she was part of the problem. actually, she was the queen of the problem. now she acts all high and mighty, saying she doesn't watch tv news and she only consumes news by print? this is like finding out ronald mcdonald only eats broccoli raw. and it would be one thing if megyn were owning her past, but instead she's like, "who, me? oh, i never watch that garbage i used to put out." sorry, megyn, you're not the new barbara walters. you're that sprint verizon guy who just follows the money. [cheers and applause] "i'm on nbc now. can you hear me now?"

maybe you thought doing this interview with putin would be good because he's so skilled at making journalists vanish, but megy... we still see you. ♪ - aah! un. de♪ trois. three apple varieties for a perfectly balanced flavor. ♪ cidre. from stella artois. yo, tlook at this!

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♪ - donald trump gave his first speech to congress as president. and you know what? if the speech were president, america wouldn't have so much to worry about. unfortunately, the speech and the man reading the speech have nothing in common. - while we may be a nation divided on policies, we are a country that stands united in condemning hate and evil in all of its very ugly forms. [applause] we will provide massive tax relief for the middle class.

we have begun to drain the swamp of government corruption. my administration wants to work with members of both parties. to promote clean air and clean water-- - get the [bleep] outta here, man! everything in the speech-- climate, justice, the middle class, corruption-- this whole speech was a giant decoy for what trump's actually doing. and after trump performed his pivots, a lot of former enemies of the people, well, uh, they made a pivot of their own. - a more presidential trump. - it was noticeably different. - he sounded more presidential. - he pivoted. - he knows when to pivot. - even his critics admit he sounded more presidential. - this is a pivot to becoming a president. - tonight, donald trump became the president of the united states. - all trump did was read a speech off a teleprompter. [cheers and applause] that's all he did! that's all he did-- he read off the teleprompter without flying off the rails.

you know how they say you're not supposed to shoot the messenger? well, maybe also don't suck the messenger's [bleep] either. how 'bout that? [cheers and applause] look... [applause] don't get me wrong, don't get me wrong. if this was the first time that trump dialed it down, i'd get the hype-- i would get it completely. but he's pulled this [bleep] over and over again, and every time, the media falls for it. - he's getting more presidential, if you will, he's using notes-- - i think we've seen something of a trump pivot. - you don't have to be a genius to figure out that donald trump is playing you. you look at his record. you can study his previous actions. or you know what else you could do? you could just listen to him when he tells you that he's gonna fake it. - and i can act as presidential as anybody that's ever been president. presidential's easy. you know what presidential is? i walk on. here's what... [laughter, cheering] ladies and gentlemen of waterbury... [laughter]

it is a great honor to be with you this morning. - yeah. fake like you're presidential, and people will believe you're presidential. this was the plan all along. and last night was clearly its big debut. - presidential's easy. you know what presidential is? i walk on. here's what... [crowd commotion] [laughter, cheering] [whooping, cheering] [cheers and applause] - i'll...i'll give you this. it's not "hamilton," but it's a pretty good act. ♪ - the half-brother of north korean dictator kim jong-un was murdered today while traveling in malaysia. - police say an unidentified woman threw a cloth laced with liquid on his face. - but this is a really tragic story... not that you'd know it from the way cnn covered it.

- an un-expected death. the half-brother of north korean dictator kim jong-un dies suddenly overseas... - nooooo... cnn, why? and you've been doing so well recently. a man was killed here and you're going with "un-expected"? and that seems bad until you realize that wolf blitzer has an un-controllable problem. - an un-seen threat. north korea says it could launch an intercontinental missile... an un-stable... un-der...uh, close scrutiny. and un-con-tested.

♪ i should say un-contested. [laughter] - are you [bleep] kidding me? get help, my friend. ♪ [no sound] fless calories, and half the carbs, there's only one light beer to grab. miller lite. hold true.

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♪ ♪ [upbeat music] ♪ - since fox got rid of the woman who was coming between them and trump, they've since been on a long honeymoon with the president. you know, it's now his favorite channel, aside from the golf strippers network. but seriously, if you listen to donald trump, you can see that he loves fox news. - i saw this morning on "fox & friends," i watched--i like that group of three people. and fox has treated me very nice--

wherever fox is-- thank you. fox treated it great. they said it was great. "fox & friends" in the morning. they're very honorable people. they have the most honest morning show. - trump doesn't just watch fox. since he became president, trump has done more interviews with fox than every other channel combined. he's done "fox & friends," "sean hannity," "tucker carlson," bill o'reilly-- in fact, trump's been on fox so much, he's also been sexually assaulted by roger ailes. it's really sad. most of the press--trump won't even give you the time of day. but if you're at fox, it doesn't matter who you are. you get to sit with the president. he even sat down with bill o'reilly's sidekick, jesse watters. - let's do a watters' world quiz: chuck schumer, the president of cnn, and alec baldwin-- if you had to fire one person right now, who would you fire? - well, uh... i think the alec baldwin situation is not good. chuck i'm very disappointed--

i will say i'm disappointed in all three. - i love how seriously trump takes that question. you ask trump about north korea, and he's like, "oh, bad, very bad, oh, bomb them. who gives a [bleep]?" but here he's like, "uh, i would fire alec baldwin... "i would marry the cnn guy, "and i would [bleep] chuck schumer. yeah. "yeah. that's what i would do. that's what i would do." [applause] ♪ - [imitating tone, coughs] - your news anchors in america-- they smoke a [bleep]ton of weed. - today's a high holiday for your marijuana aficionado. - waking and baking! - 420! - whoo! - it's also national high... five day. - that was good. - yeah. - that was really good. announcer: ladies and gentlemen, the 45th and final president of the united states. (cheers and applause)

wow. unbelievable. -mr. president! -mr. president! -mr. president! -unbelievable. -mr. president. -mr. president. you're welcome. thank you. thank you. first, let me just take a moment to insult jeff sessions. jeff, you look like a melting gap kids mannequin. okay, jeff? you got it? moving on. how do you respond to criticism of your ban of transgender people in military service? like this: i'd like to introduce you to my favorite new team member who i will eventually betray, anthony scaramucci. (cheers and applause) -thank you. -wow. thank you. thank you. -wow. wow. -thank you. thank you. thank you. i love the president. thank you. -i love the president. i love it. -i love you. -i love you. i love you. -i love you. -i love you. -i freaking love you. (sighs) (cheering and applause) thank you. i'm gonna fire so many people. i don't know who it's gonna be-- reince--