be thankful we got you here in time. your parents are here to see you. this itches, give me that calamine lotion. hell no, you get your own. stanley, how are you feeling today ? pretty good. the doctor says that maybe you can go home tomorrow. yeah, isn't that great ? wow, cool ! how are you, kyle ? are you doing okay ? i'm better now. ( laughing ) what's so funny ? we gave you guys herpes. what, what, what ! you did this ! we got you back. we had a prostitute use your toothbrushes and stuff. i can't believe you gave us herpes. you little rascals ! well, i guess it serves us right. we should have been honest about wanting you to get chickenpox. we were wrong for deceiving you. how come you don't have sores on your lips, ma ? i have them somewhere else, booby kins. hurray ! stuart, i owe you an apology. i shouldn't be so cold towards people that are less fortunate than me. hell, i'm sorry too. oh phillip,i'm so glad everything turned out for the better. well, i know one thing for sure.

what's that, eric ? we're all gonna need a lot more calamine lotion. ( laughing ) ( flatline tone ) oh my god, they killed kenny ! you bastards ! ( all laughing ) captioning made possible by comedy central captioned by soundwriters™ >> trevor? trevor? trevor? trevor? trevor? trevor? trevor?

♪ ♪ danke schön ♪ ♪ darling, danke schön ♪ ♪ thank you for all the joy and pain ♪ ♪ picture show ♪ second bal balcony ♪ ♪ was the place we meet ♪ second seat ♪ go dutch street ♪ you were sweet ♪ danke schön ♪ ♪ darling, danke schön ♪ ♪ ♪

>> hi. how you doing? desi lydic. desi lydic. >> come on! >> get your own ride, newbie! >> pay your d dues! >> you're newer than me! whoa! you want me to go through somebody's house uninvited in suburban chicago as a black man? taxi! ( laughter ) ♪ ♪ >> hi! hi! hi! hi! hi! hi! hi! hi >> hold it! come on! ♪ >> from chicago, a city with a giant mirror people seem to be into, it's "the daily show"

undesked with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome! welcome! welcome, everybody! thank you so much! thank you so much, everybody! thank you for tuning in! my name is trevor noah and this is "the daily show" coming to you straight from chicago! welcome to it! take a seat, everybody! sit down, enjoy yourselves, welcome to it, chicago in the house! cubs! cubs! cubs! cubs! yeah, cubs, baby! and if you're watching in l.a., dodgers, dodgers, dodgers! ( audience booing )

i'm really excited. all week, the "the daily show" is going to be here in chicago the entire week. ( cheers and applause ) and you may notice that the set looks a little different, right? we don't have the desk. we wanted to bring it, but it wouldn't fit into the overhead and i refuse to pay $35 to check it in. we might not have the desk but we still have a show. we still have a guest, rapper/actor/amazing person common is joining us on the show tonight. ( cheers and applause ) that's right. he is a native of the windy city, baby, which can i just say is not the best nickname? i just have to acknowledge that the windy city is less of a nickname and more of a fact, okay. ( laughter ) nicknames are supposed to be edgy, give you something different, like atlanta, hot-lanta. detroit, motor city, varoom, i

can feel it! new orleans, the big easy. chicago, the kite, bring it. it gets kind of breezy! there is another nickname for some people and they choose to use it for chicago and it's way worse than the windy city, it's the murder capital. did you know how many people said that to me when i said we're going to chicago? oh, wow, good thing you're wearing a suit, trevor, you will save the undertaker some time. nicely tone. which is (bleep). i come from south africa and i know what it's like to come from a place where everybody labels you for the crime. it's true, chicago has a lot of violence. this is a real cartoon i watched in south africa, called sharky and george, and it's about fish who are police who fight crime

in a city called sea-cago. roll the tape. >> meet sharky and george defenders of the seven seas! >> sea-cago, the city of wealth! ( gunfire ) >> trevor: i always think apartheid was the worst thing that happened to us and then i remember that hoe "the daily show." ( laughter ) that's how famous chicago is for violence. as a kid in south africa, i was thinking, if i go to chicago, i'm going to get shot by fish in a cowboy hat! ( laughter ) yeah, and that was even before i knew fish could legally own guns in america. ( laughter ) to be honest, that's pretty much why we're here. this week we're in chicago because we figure chicago is a microkossum for the issues the rest of the country faces. so we figured why not come out

the to this great city and explore it for ourselves? if i just believed what i saw on tv, i'd never want to come to chicago. it's not just the cartoons. according to the president, chicago is basically syria but with different pizza. >> look at chicago, what the hell is going on in chicago? what's that all about? chicago is worse than some of the countries you read about in the middle east. afghanistan is not like what's happening in chicago. it's terrible what's going on in chicago. i have property there. i don't want to have thousands of people shot in a city where essentially i'm the president. ( booing ) >> i like how he says he's "essentially the president." no, donald, you are the president. ( cheers and applause ) you are the president. like, in that moment, in that moment, he exposes how, in his mind, he's not president of the

places that didn't vote for him. like some reluctant step father who's basically, like, i guess i'm essentially your dad now because your mom (bleep) me but, i mean, this is not how i wanted it. ( laughter ) ( applause ) it really sucks people call chicago the most dangerous city in america especially when it's not really true. ( cheers and applause ) does chicago have the most murders? yes, but it's also the third biggest city. if you want the talk about cities that are the most dangerous, right, you have to look at murders per capita, the amount of violent crime relative to the size of the city. think of it this way, would you rather be in a big city with 5 penny wise the clowns or in an uber pool with just one? right? that's per capita. that's all it is. ( laughter ) ( applause ) that's what it is. and now, please, don't get me wrong. i'm not saying people shouldn't be concerned about murders in chicago, i'm just saying it's

weird people in politics, especially on the right, they always point fingers at chicago. it's weird because there are other cities with higher murder rates. you know, stat st. louis, balti, cleveland. people aren't, like, don't go to cleveland -- well, they do but not because of murder. ( laughter ) ( applause ) if other cities in america have more violence per capita, then why would the right be so obsessed with chicago in you gist tell me if you can figure it out. president obama failed so miserably to curb violence in his own home torn. >> look for example what's happened in chicago, the president's hometown. >> chicago,ist like the wild west out there. >> chicago's more dangerous than afghanistan. >> mr. president, you own chicago, and that failure son you. >> i don't hear a damn word out of obama's mouth about the debts in his hometown in chicago! >> trevor: oh, now i get it.

when there is shootings, obama's from chicago. all the other times, he's from kenya. now it makes sense. ( cheers and applause ) now it makes sense, yeah? ( applause ) and that's basically what most of this is about. these people don't care about chicago's murder rates, they care about how they can use chicago to score political points. ( applause ) look, ultimately -- ultimately, it doesn't matter whether chicago is ranked number one in murders or number nine in murders. what's is stopping the murders ( cheers and applause ) right. luckily, unlike us haters and losers, president trump has ideas. >> but we were in chicago and we have massive motorcycle brigades. you could see a really respected police officer, he was at the head, he was the boss. i said, how long would it take you to straighten out this

problem? he said, if you gave me the authority, a couple of days. >> trevor: wow. trump's imaginary friend can fix chicago in a couple of days. yeah, and you know trump was, like, not only will i give you the authority, i'll also give you my top two guys, sharky and george from sea-cago! ( cheers and applause ) you can have them all! the best! ( applause ) look, you can't solve chicago's problems in the same time it takes to fall in love on the bachelor, but if you put in the time, you can make a difference and, after the break, roy wood, jr. visits the south side of chicago to meet people who are trying to do just that. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you, guys. ♪

♪ it's a good, good, good ♪ time to be alive. ♪ oh yeah. pizza with pepsi. delicious. ahhh. from executive producer plamartin scorsese.] the killer calls himself "the snowman". he's going after women that he disapproves of. he's completely insane. they're trying to hide something. you can't force the pieces to fit. based on the terrifying best-seller. [ distorted voice ] mister policeman, i gave you all the clues. [ distorted voice ] by the time you read this,

[ screaming ] [ distorted voice ] i will have built a new snowman. [ gasp ] the snowman. rated r. introducing the all new with nine chicken tenders.. [slap] or six pieces of chicken. [slap] or twelve hot wings. [slap] or popcorn nuggets. now get out there and have fun! woo, let's go! it's finger lickin' good! - what's that? - well this is my equation foi've developed the 4 ps. politeness, patience, practice and... promotion! haw! ♪ yeehah! break through! break through!

you wanna call some real havoc? well, then you've come to the right woman. (energetic rock music) my brothers and sisters of the united states of america, we ask you to become one of us. - [announcer] rated m for mature. throughout history, the one meal when we come together, break bread,

share our day and connect as a family. [ bloop, clicking ] and connect, as a family. just, uh one second voice guy. [ bloop ] huh? hey? i paused it. bam, family time. so how is everyone? find your awesome with xfinity xfi and change the way you wifi. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show" coming to you from shuck all week! ( cheers and applause ) we're going to be here. now, while some people have written off chicago and it's crime, others have taken to the

streets to try and make a difference themselves. roy wood, jr. went to the south side to learn more. ( cheers and applause ) >> chicago has a crime problem. >> chicago is like a war zone. >> and our orange man in chief has the solution. >> president trump threatened to send in the feds. >> but there's another option for stopping violence in chicago. community engagement. that's the strategy of the grassroots program cease fire. ( cheers and applause ) >> the violence in chicago, it's not just the chicago police department's problem, it's a community problem. everybody have to be involved. >> floyd has been working with cease fire for 13 years. i spent the day with them to see what community engagement looks like. >> the red dots represent hot spots in the community. this is where you're going tonight. >> on the south side, one shooting always leads to another. so cease fire tries to stop this retaliatory violence through

mediation. >> we can mediate anything, man. who sold some bad stuff to somebody, whatever, who robbed somebody. >> it could be a relationship beef, a bad drug deal. let's see your girl gave your netflix password away. you pull up your netflix and it asks if you want to finish watching nashos but you weren't watching that so she was watching it with another dude. >> i'm an ex-gang member, ex-gang leader, ex-drug dealer. >> that's the key to this work. interrupters come from the same neighborhood as the guy they're trying to reach. kind of how mr. rogers stopped the puppet shootings in the '70s. even with that experience, this isn't an easy job. >> i have been shot at a couple of times mediating gang conflicts. >> you have been shot at? >> yes, while doing this job.

>> dispatch, 212 victor. >> that's a radio? you talking to real people, roy? >> i don't know. i hope it's on: armed with only flyers, they patrol the most dangerous neighborhoods like south shore where there were over 1100 crimes reported. guys warned us out here even talking can be dangerous. >> it could be i don't know you or i don't know you, it could be how i say what's up. >> how should i say hello in chicago? >> exactly. it could be, oh, your bag's too little. >> you buy an ounce, weigh it, it ain't a ounce, some of your weed got arugula in it. >> uh-huh. >> i needed to see cease fire in action so i created a scenario of a drug deal gone bad. pardon me, sir. i purchased weed from you earlier and it is not of the finest quality. perhaps a refund is in order.

>> no. >> pleat breathty please, sir. >> i'm going to take you out and buy you something to seat first. >> because i got the munchies? >> first of all, you arguing over drugs, it's escalating to something different. >> there's a bigger picture than weed around here. >> there's people who run and get guns because everybody else got one, but maybe there was more opportunities and more jobs because everybody is out here trying to survive. >> and that's what people outside chicago aren't getting. there's a bigger picture to life on the south side that violence is just one part of and shootings have gone down by an average of 43% where cease fire is active in one south side neighborhood, homicides went down from 49 per year to 34. ( applause ) >> i lived on this blocks grew up on this block and saw everything on this blofnlgt y'all cool. i see y'all care a little bit. i don't know how we're going to cease the fire. >> we're going to try. >> but we cool, i appreciate y'all coming through.

>> what cease fire does is not glamorous or action packed but this is what actual crime fighting looks like. how can we make people get that? same way we make americans get everything, make it a basic cable show. ♪ no tasers, no vests, no guns and definitely no explosions, but they do have flyers and their mouths. hey, bro! your life could be better! i need my flyers! ( screaming ) how you doing? just want you to stop the violence. >> the windy city just got windier. ( cheers and applause )

mouthside chicago. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: roy wood, jr., everybody. we'll be right back!

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i would like three two is standard. i'm not standard. three weeks. ok. which one of you the cheetos snacks? okay, i've given you guys a chance to confess. this little baby can detect trace amounts of cheetos dust. whaaaaat? gloria? kids? [meow] when did we get a cat? dangerously cheesy.

i rode shotgun in lead humvee and istop short. bombs. i don't see nothin' man. you don't see it, he feels it. you are my hammer out there. don't let these young guys see you fold. ♪ i'm only human, i make mistakes ♪ ♪ i'm only human, that's all it takes ♪ ♪ to put the blame on me i'm alive because of you. i'm not a hero. we're brothers, we look after each other. thank you for your service. rated r.

>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show" coming to you from chicago! my guest tonight is an award-winning musician, actor and producer. his new song with andra day "stand up for something" is featured in the new movie "marshall"! ♪ and i stand up for you ♪ and i stand up for you, yes i will, yes i will ♪ ♪ reach out and touch with the savior's hand ♪ ♪ on rock, we stand like this native land ♪ ♪ let the ways of love be the ways of man ♪ ♪ and it all means nothing ♪ if you don't stand for something ♪ >> trevor: ladies and gentlemen, please welcome common

( cheers and applause ) >> please, chicago! ( cheers and applause ) thank you. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> it feels good to be home. thank you. >> trevor: this is amazing, man. >> yeah. >> trevor: is this where you come home to all the time? >> no, i can't say i get this. but i get a lot of love when i come home and i have a lot of love for my hometown. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: right, right. before we talk about chicago, let's talk about a piece of the music video we saw there. the song "stand up for something" by yourself and andra day is really about fighting against injustice, something close to your heart, we've seen

you tweeting about that. when you talk about fighting injustice, what do you mean in particular? >> my fight against injustice really started for me by seeing people who didn't have. i grew up on the south side of chicago and i was fortunate to have an incredible mother who was a teacher and i had love, i had opportunities, but some of my friends didn't. it's basically the good samaritan mentality of saying, hey, if i see something going wrong, i need to step in because when we talk about equality and we talk about america being free and equal justice, it's us stepping in. so "stand up for something" is merely you just standing up for something you believe? in. it could be women's rights, equality, education, standing up against depression. it's just about empowering and

putting a spark in each human being that says what do i stand for in this world. >> trevor: you work on the ground. your foundation and your people work in chicago. what's something that excites you about chicago? >> starting with what we have been doing with common ground foundation is mentoring youth, giving our youth an stunt to experience things they never had the opportunity to experience. so many of us, we focusing on the administration but the people got the power to really be the change. ( applause ) anytime somebody starts -- anytime people start coming talking to me about trump, i take it in for a second and they will be, man, what can we do? let's figure out what we can do to better our communities in the state and local level just as human beings, and that's how we combat the ignorance and hatred put out in this world in this country, we combat it but putting it out to the people in this world who deserve it and

don't get it and we just up everything. >> trevor: you heard it from the man himself. thanks for being here in our first night in chicago. "stand up for something" is available on itunes and "marshall" is in theaters now. common, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause )