tv The Daily Show Comedy Central November 15, 2017 1:40am-2:10am PST
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- heh heh heh! dude, humancentipad is awesome! - sir, sir, we have a problem! - what? what do you mean we have to take it apart? the boy's agreement isn't valid? - sorry, we have to recall this. - what? hey, that's mine! - i don't care what the geniuses say! damn it, i'm trying to create the future here! - we are all trying to create the future! i'm part of the future now too. i have sat with the council of geniuses, performed the toran ra, and i've even been to me. mr. jobs, you have done so much for the world. you have helped connect everyone to each other. clearly, this is the future. but--but can't we just slow down and enjoy the present a little longer? - you know something? i agree. audience: aww! [smooch] - come on, we'll get you separated, little boy. guess you won't be eating japanese food
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for a while, huh? [chuckles] - hey! hey, what is this, some kind of sick prank? i get the greatest thing ever just to have it taken away? why did you do this to me, god? next time you're gonna get my hopes up, could you please take me to a grease monkey? 'cause i like to get lubed up before i get [bleep]! huh? some lube would be nice! or at least a courtesy lick, god! how about a little courtesy lick next time you decide to [bleep] me? [sobbing] november 14, 2017. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york. this is the daily show with trevor noah. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome to the daily show. i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for shooting
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in. our guests tonight promoting his viceland show most expensivest hip-hop 2 chainz on the show. but first breaking news from the world of medicine and technology. >> running the fda's approved the first ever digital pill. it's a medication imbedded with a sensor that's activated by your stomach fluid. >> it's designed to help patients properly take their medication an implanted chip contains minerals. the chip sends dosage and ingestion time to an app. that information can be shared with doctors. >> trevor: really? a pill that's going to send information to an app. have we learned nothing about hacking. because i mean this is going to be great until wikileaks tells the entire world you've got pancreatic herpes which is a thing. although honestly with the right feachesz i'm not going to lie, i will probably do. i will be like screw you doc, i'm not taking -- snitch pill. it also turns your stomach into
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a wi-fi hot spot. okay give me that. mm-mm, stranger things. let's move on to international news. people of asia are celebrating the departure of donald trump who just wrapped up his 12 day trip to asia making his last stop in the fill pans to meet with president rodrigo duterte. aka filipino trump. he has ordered the killing of thousands of his citizens without arrest or trial under the guise of a drug crack down so actually he's worse than donald j. trump. because the only thing drum has killed is the english language hashtag kofeve. they have been managing his style from afar and it seems like they've gottenn't better in person. >> president trump and duterte seemed like the two leaders hit it off. they said it was a warm and friendly meeting. that's been joking with the press. the president's calling him by his first name.
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>> we've had a great relationship. >> say needing the u.s. commander, say needing you are the light in my world. ♪ [laughter] >> trevor: that's how you know duterte is a stone cold killer because obviously no one ever told him he shouldn't sing. there's probably one guy but he accidently ran himself over with a truck. maybe that's why trump doesn't confront duterte, right. every time trump says we need to talk about human rights, duterte is like ♪ i see -- trump is like leave it alone it's line. this was the end of president trump's first asian trip. according to the critics it was amazing. and by critics, i mean trump.
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>> the way they treated us, the respect that japan and china and south korea in particular because we went there, it was like nobody i think has probably ever received, i've made a lot of friends at the highest level from the moment we walked off the lane and back on to the plane. vietnam treated us incredibly as did, the philippine we just could not have been treated nicer. >> how can one man be so simple. you realize they have to be nice to you. you're the president of the united states. what, you think you're going to be walking around and people will be smacking your hands for touching thing. like hey, you break you buy. because you realize, for the president, this trip wasn't about policy or trade, it was just about the likes. that's all he want. he may not be a good president but he will make a gray instagram model. with his trip concluded it's worth taking a step back to look
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at how trump's policies towards asia are actually working. while donald trump is gaining friends, america is losing money and power. for instance, and he's very first week as president, trump pulled out of the transpacific partnership, a decision many people agreed with because there was a chance that the tpp would sent more american jobs overseas. the problem is when trump canceled the tpp he didn't replace it with any other trade tele. so suring trump's asia trip, nature took its course. >> the remaining 11 countries in the tpp as it's called is heading toward an agreement only without the u.s. >> this is a roughly one sixth of the global economy. >> we're not going to benefit and this is also going to strengthen chinese influence in the region. again we're the big loser. >> americ.>> trevor: american ig loser. let me break it down, tpp is a lot like tp, i'll tell you what happens to me with my roommate once. he insisted on big [bleep] his
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cheap toilet paper that you could find. i hated it. i was like we got to get rid of the toilet paper. well he did, but he didn't replace it with anybody elsement if you don't replace what you don't like with something else you're going to be in deep pleap [bleep] literally. when you can't wipe your butts, who benefits? china. it makes sense in my head. the same with pulling out of the paris climate accord. literally every other country is in it. again when america steps aside, guess who benefits. >> the world's two biggest polluters swechin switching sid. >> u.s. no longer against climate change. >> they're going to benefit the most from u.s. pulling back. >> china plans to build 600 million dollars on renewable energy which will creates 6 million new jobs. >> trevor: where air quality
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as menthol could now beat america as climate leader. the chinese government is subsidizing with hundreds of billions of dollars because they know huge energy is a business opportunity that china can sell to the rest of the world like everything else at wal-mart. trump is so good for china they are using his presidency as procommunism propaganda. >> china is using trump the media said donald trump has proved democracy didn't work. >> you have china state media pointing toward donald trump trying to think that's the chaos democracy brings you. >> they say book at the buffoon who is running the world's most powerful country and look at the replies plunged leader we have that planned 30 years ahead of time. trump doesn't seem to be control what he will write three hours ahead of time. >> trevor: three hours ahead of time. i don't think trump thinks three seconds ahead of time. i think like every morning he
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wakes up, picks up his phone and it's like all right thumbs you take it from here. aaahhhh. sent. for more on china's growing global influence, we turn to our very own ronnie chieng, everybody. [cheers and applause] china is stepping up in a big way ronny. should america feel threat upped. >> first of all i want to make it clear i'm not from china. it's just a coincidence. just like you, you're plaque but you're not from -- black africa. you're from black australia wherever the accept is from. we're watching china become number one which is great news for america. being number one sucks. you have a constant on your back, everyone expects you to solve everything and complains when you [bleep] it up. >> trevor: when you're number one you have power you come on to tension. >> exactly. now china has to deal with that [bleep] china has to solve climate
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change. china has to get clean drinking water for everyone, they have to investment the next iphone because being number one is suck. have you ever played mayo mariot coming for number two. number two is the best position to be in. trust me, i've got a wedding. being the best man terrible. being a groom's man, awesome. groups men get free whiskey and cigars. the best man has to buy whiskey and cigars for free loading grooms men. >> trevor: ronnie because of trump's policy america is effectively getting demoted. >> it's the best thing that could happen. trust me america. embrace number two. take a back seat. it's nothing to be ashamed of. all you have to do now is sit back, relax and get that accidental back seat car boner from the vibration. you know what i'm talking about, write, trevor? back seat car boner from a when vibrating and there's no one around and you're just chilling
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can it take a selfie just by saying take a selfie? yep. take a selfie. what happens if i snap this? it gives you info. what happens if i snap her? she likes it. do i still have to sit here for ages? no, it charges in fifteen minutes. will it ever do this? never. what happens if i squeeze it? try it. google pixel 2: "hi, i'm your google assistant." "how can i help?" hello. so...it's a phone? well it's a phone by google. ♪ heineken has been they know about tradition.3. my favorite tradition? you shouldn't have... exchanging gifts. i actually brought these myself. ♪ there's more behind the star. (vget great phones during thes! sprint deal spectacular! you can get the new titanium crafted essential phone for just $5/month. and get some of our hottest samsung galaxy phones also starting at $5/mo. hurry in while supplies last. for people with hearing loss, works for me. visit sprintrelay.com.
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throughout history, the one meal when we come together, break bread, share our day and connect as a family. [ bloop, clicking ] and connect, as a family. just, uh one second voice guy. [ bloop ] huh? hey? i paused it. bam, family time. so how is everyone? find your awesome with xfinity xfi and change the way you wifi. >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. by now, we've all heard about
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roy moore. the republican senate canned death in alabama who has been accused by multiple women sexually harassing them when they were teenage girls and now we're learning it went ever further. >> we have a report today from the new yorker that people saying roy moore was banned from the mall where he was meeting these girls and reportedly trying to flirt with them in a harassing way. >> he was allegedly very well-known at the local mall for pursuing teenage girls when i he was in his 30's, he would flirt with all the young girls. every friday or saturday night we'd see him walking around the mall like the kids did. >> trevor: wow. it's one thing to be a creep at the mall. it's another thing to be the creep at the mall. and i know some of you watching are too young to remember the mall which roy moore probably thinks you're his type but malls were huge in the 80's. everyone went there.
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if a mall worker remembers roy moore 40 years later, he did something [bleep] it's basically roy moore and the guy who took a dump in the sun glass hut. that's what anybody remembers. this was a man in his 30's, right, walking around the mall. he's trying to look cool so he probably turns his cowboy hat backwards, using pick up lines like hey girl you tired because you been running away from me all day. hey girl, you got a coupon because my pants are 50% off. [laughter] and you know what, yesterday a new accuser, beverly young nelson came forward to say that roy moore had sexually assaulted her when she was a 16 year old working part time at a local restaurant. and roy moore immediately denied it hard. in fact almost too hard. >> this is absolutely false. i never did what she said i did.
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i don't even know the woman. i don't know anything about her. i don't even know where the restaurant is or was. >> trevor: wow. this guy's just denying everything. i don't know the restaurant . i've never been to a restaurant. i've never eaten food. i don't even have a mouth. mm-mm mm-mm mm-mm. but look, i get it. she says he assaulted her at a restaurant. he says he doesn't even know that restaurant. so it looks like a case of he said-she said. except that he also wrote down what she said. >> at the end of the press conference she held up her yearbook which she said roy moore had signed and in that earlier book supposedly she claims this is roy moore's signature to which he wrote quote to a sweeter more beautiful girl i could not say merry christmas, christmas 19 7, love roy moore, d.a. at the bottom of his signature there he wrote the date but he
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also wrote old hickory house which is the restaurant roy moore is claiming to not even have been familiar with or have been to. >> trevor: this guy is a legend. it's almost like his past self is snitching on his future self. because everything he denies, he already preconfelsed likconfess. now i never sat down in this restaurant. really. well this booth has your name carved into it. well i never eight there. there's a picture on the wall. both the senate and house republican leadership have called on roy moore to step down. and it looks like he might be expelled from the senate if he wins the election. now i'm not saying he's not a good fit for the senate, but 40 years ago, he wrote in a yearbook i'm not good for the senate. we'll be right back. [applause]
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>> trevor: welcome back to the dale to show. my guest tonight is a grammy award hip-hop artist who has a new show on viceland called most expensivest. >> what do you feel when you do it. >> like every second it's like tingling. >> your muscles turn on. >> so you don't have to do anything. >> sign me up. >> no, that's what i'm saying. both of you should get -- >> some of this stuff i do on this show, i do not even buy. if i ain't go got [bleep] >> let's look because i will make you do something. in terms of an actual workout. >> can you go higher on my butt. >> i bet white girls love this
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[bleep] he go extra on my butt. >> everyone says that. >> trevor: please welcome 2 chainz. [cheers and applause] >> thank you, knowing. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: i think you have one of the most contagious names. everyone wants to shout it everywhere you go. >> every day. >> trevor: everywhere you go, 2 chainz. >> every single day. >> trevor: do you know the difference between fans and those genuinely trying to stop you because you dropped your wallet or something. >> i don't carry a wallet anymore. every day i think it's because before i come on a song, i announce myself as if the world is about to end. that's how people come at me like the world is about to end. >> trevor: i think the world is about to end now 2 chainz. more than ever. welcome to the show. let's talk about most
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expensivest. it's basically you having the great time seeing how the 1% lives. in that clip it was working people out. is that electric stimulation where you don't really have to work as hard you get electrocuted into shape. >> so they have a machine, they have first of all they have a club. they don't call it a gym they call it a club where you need memberships. it's about 50,000 a month to be a part of this club. >club. and it's about the size of this desk so a lot of people aren't in there at the same time obviously because a lot of people can't afford this. they have this machine they just showed you there, you put it on for maybe 10 or 20 minutes and it kind of does the workout for you, i was all about that because i'm kind of lazy sometimes. >> trevor: ha ha ha. i love where you get to do a show where you just go around like living the life-style. you are rich and famous so it's
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not like it's something that's new to it. is there anything you've done on the show where you've gone damn i don't know how somebody lives like this. there was one thing you did where even you was shocked. >> well yes. i went to this $40 million mansion up in, you know, northern nyc, northern new york. i've never been one to participate in golf activities. you all saw me, i'm six five. i like to shoot basketball. but the guy had, you know, a putt on his roof and we started shooting, you know, not shooting, that let's you know i want to play ball. putting into the ocean. that was his backyard. >> trevor: so you're playing golf off of somebody's roof. >> $40 million recycled house, it's a bunch of adjectives to describe what's going on and even what i was thinking. i enjoy these experiences.
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who else but me can enjoy stuff like this. like just being a part of all these like richest cause paids and eat -- escapades and eating like gold. i eat gold. >> trevor: ha ha ha. oh man. let's talk a little bit about the music. congratulations on your first grammy, i believe. >> yes sneevmen. >> trevor: congratulations on your first grammy. [applause] >> trevor: you're out and about. everyone knows you from hip-hop. one of the things i love about you is that you aspire to do i think things that a lot of people consider crazy. you've head that you were considering one day maybe running for mayor. >> that's it. i could do anything. i'm from college park, you know. it's a city right outside of atlanta, georgia. and i'm passionate about, you know, my neighborhood, my
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community. and the mayor that was currently serving, i was thinking about taking the crown from him had been there for 20 or 30 years. so they were eager for a change but they had a few prerequisites that i could meet like staying in the same county and things like that. because i just didn't want to stay in the same county. i was just about growth, just about maturation, do you know what i mean. but i feel like one day i could, you know, i could do something like that. >> trevor: i like the idea of you telling this to your constituents being like may look i want to be your mayor but it's all about growth, it's all about maturation. i'll manage you from afar. if you heard about cameras, i'll be watching you. we could tweet and dm. >> we could facetime. >> trevor: what would you do, what are the big change you would create in the city. two chain th2 chainz the mayor. >> this may sound edward. i may legalize marijuana for
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maybe, seriously. because i think it's depending on how much it is, i feel like it's not that severe. but if it's put on your jacket or whatever it could affect you for so many years to come. i would do something about legalizing it. i would have medicinal alternative instead of opium. something like that. i would do things in the community. i would also deal with finding a lot of the county programs, sports programs and things like that because i feel like kids. a lot of the kids, they don't come outside anymore. a lot of them play video games so i like to do things in the community to give them something to do, 24 hours a day. do you know what i mean. 24 hour a day establishment at three or four in the morning you can go play basketball, lift weights whatever it is. those are some of things. it will start with the kids, that's where we start now because once you've grown, it's
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