speaking of pink and juicy, i have planked salmon to tend to. good night. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: thank you so much, everybody! thank you so much! thank you, everybody, and welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in! our guest tonight from "the atlantic" julia ioffe is joining us, everybody. we're going to have a fun conversation with her. ( cheers and applause ) but first, facebook just announced a new way for you to worry about your kids. >> a new facebook app for children ignited a debate about

kids and social media. facebook unveiled its messenger kids app for children 13 and under. parents must approve who children chat with through their own facebook accounts. parents say many children are too young to process social media interaction. >> trevor: i think donald trump proved adults aren't able to process social media access as well. ( laughter ) i don't know if this is a good idea about kids having social media. maybe i'm bitter because no one's biting on children's linkedin idea just because of child labor laws. whatever. they should make separate apps for kids. an uber for kids. someone rides you on a tricycle from one side of the playground to the other. timmy, you the one with the big wheel? which one? six big wheels! shazam, a nursery rhyme, you want to know the artist, oh,

mother dwoos, yeah! we can have an acially madison for kids -- ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: is that an aw, really? i'm going to put it in my ooh jar. okay. put it away and save it for later. ( applause ) it's actually madison for kids. you discreetly find another mom to pack your snacks and your mom never has to know about it. ( laughter ) moving from the youngest americans to toldest, congress. >> dodged by sexual harassment allegations the longest-serving member of congress representative john conyers today announcing he was retiring effective immediately. >> trevor: ooh, the longest-serving member in congress. interesting story -- do you want to see the longest member in congress may also be how he started his staff meetings. ( laughter ) so conyers will now go back to detroit, and he told his staff that if anyone wants to come with him, he can give them a mustache ride. ( laughter )

the crazy part, while stepping down, conyers endorsed his son john conyers iii who is running to replace him, which seems suspicious, especially when you see the picture of the young conyers. i'm just, like, uh, yeah, yeah. i don't know about that. so while the house is losing a democrat due to sexual misconduct, the senate might be adding a republican pedophile because in one week the people of alabama will head to the polls to choose between an alleged child molester and a democrat. yeah. for them, for them, that's a real catch-22. although we are talking about roy moore, so it's technically a catch-14, i guess, if you prefer it that way. ( audience reacts ) i've got the jar. i'm going to be here all day. take that, put it in. i'll be here all day. ( applause ) oh, and another group is wrestling hard with the race, the national republican party. after multiple women accused moore of sexual misconduct, they were quick to take a stand.

>> a growing number of top republicans now saying moore should drop out. >> if he cares about the values and people he claims to care about, then he should step aside. >> i believe the women, yes. i think he should step aside. >> i think it would be best if roy should step aside. >> pressure mounting on roy moore to drop out of the alabama senate race. the r.n.c. joining the committee and pulling funding from his campaign. >> trevor: damn, the republicans didn't just condemn him, they actually pulled money out of roy moore's campaign. yeah, you know they must hate a thing when they treat it like medicaid. none for you! ( laughter ) and there's no surprise the g.o.p. would disown roy moore because even a month in, his scandal keeps getting worse. >> eight women have accused moore of a range of inappropriate behavior including two who said moore sexually assaulted them when they were teenagers. >> beverly young nelson says moore signed her year book shortly before the alleged assault calling her a beautiful

girl. >> debby wesson gibson says she was 17 and moore was in his 30s when they dated. she says he penned this note to her when she graduated from high school. >> let me state once again i do not know any of these women, did not date any of these women, have not engaged in any sexual misconduct with anyone. >> i felt like this was the first thing that i've seen that i know personally for a fact to be a lie from his mouth, and he's spewing the lie from the pulpit of a church. >> trevor: roy moore told this lie standing in a church. that is disgusting and also efficient. ( laughter ) committing sin in the same place you are forgiven. yeah. it's like eating on the toilet. it makes sense. it makes sense. ( applause ) now, you see, that's another reason the republican party disavowed moore. he had no reasonable defense. even the people he pays to

defend him can't come up with anything better than this -- >> if he did date a teenager, he didn't know about it. i can't tell you how many times i have been on a date and didn't ask a girl how old she was especially after i asked their momma if i could date 'em -- ( laughter ) >> trevor: i know it's rude to ask a lady her age but if she's wearing a dora the explorer backpack, maybe you want to do a little homework before you help her with hers. yeah. ( laughter ) and if you ask a woman and her response is this many, maybe wait a decade or two, yeah. but let's entertain the defense. there's no way roy moore could have known their age. yeah, that's plausible, except for the fact he literally signed their high school year books! that is the book of underage! that's the o.g. kids facebook, people! you're signing the thing! ( cheers and applause )

so with all of that, with all of that, the republican party did the right thing, and abandoned roy moore. the only thing was republican voters clearly didn't get the memo. >> republican roy moore with a six-point advantage over democrat doug jones among likely alabama voters. >> his team claiming momentum is on their side despite the sexual misconduct allegations that rocked his campaign. >> doug jones is spending a lot of money on television, a lot of money on radio. >> with about a week left in the contest, it appears to be a dead heat. >> trevor: how is this possible? you know, honestly, if doug jones can't beat someone with that many allegations from minors, he should have to go door to door introducing himself to his neighbors. he should have to say, hi, my name is doug jones and i legally have to tell you i lost an election to an accused child molester. shame on you, sir! timmy, lock the door! i'll deal with this man! how did you lose?!

it's so crazy to me after all this roy moore still has supporters. what kind of person would be so morally degenerate that they would actually back this man? >> the president making the call from air force one to officially endorse moore, who is accused of molesting teenage girls. >> roy moore denies it. that's all i can say, and bay the way he totally denies it. >> trevor: trump tweeted, go get 'em roy! that's a thing you don't want to tell a man who chases young girls, go get 'em, roy! go get 'em! ( applause ) and you know what's funny in all this disgustingness is that earlier in the race trump doesn't even endorse roy moore. back then roy moore's reputation was a bible-thumping defender of christian values. then the sexual misconduct comes out and trump's, like, my man! america, huh? this guy (bleep), am i right?

yeah! ( laughter ) if you're the republican party, what do you do in this situation? do you go with trump and his pedo-pal? that's exactly what you do. >> the r.n.c. has jumped back into the race in support of moore. >> i support him and will support him. >> regardless to have the allegations? >> that's correct. >> do you believe judge moore should be in the senate? >> i'm going to let the people of alabama make the call. >> trevor: ba-ba-ba -- you can see mitch almost choked on his puke there for a moment but then remembered who he was, ba-ba-ba -- the pouch is for holding the vomit for all the decisions he makes. i realized that essentially donald trump has set the republican party free. yeah, he's basically their christian gray. the playboy billionaire who came

along and was, like, i'm going to show you republicans who you really are deep down on the inside. because republicans were, like, we're the party of conservatism and family values. we don't say bad things and donald was, like, why don't you just grab 'em by the pussy? oh, we can't do that, donald! he's, like, come on, it's just locker room talk. they've, like, i guess. we can't submit on the deficit, it's destroying the nation. he said, i'll show you the debt with the capital d. ooh, donald, the debt is so good! just give it to me, baby! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) that was just a'ight for me. yo, checi mean,t dawg. you got the walk. you got the stance.. but i wasn't really feeling it. you know what, i'm not buying this.

you gotta come a little harder dawg. you gotta figure it out. eh, i don't know. shaky on the walk, carriage was off. randy jackson judging a dog show. i don't know dawg. surprising. what's not surprising? how much money lisa saved by switching to geico. wow! performance of the night. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. ♪ music ♪laying ♪ ♪

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i want a bigger train next year. (vo) give the gift of any iphone and get up to $300 off. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." you know, these days, it's hard not to feel like the world is

ending. north korean missiles, rising sea levels, and we've just entered the sixth season of vanderpump rules, which may be why there's a new group worried about armageddon. desi lydic has more. >> doomsday preppers. they're a paranoid army of -- >> conservative, right wing patriots. >> angry at the liberal establishment and arming themselves to the teeth for the apocalypse. >> it's time to be prepared. >> we can fight off a tyrannical government. >> meaning this guy. i went deep into the wilderness to meet rick austin, a veteran right wing prepper who believes -- >> hillary clinton is running the biggest crime syndicate in the world. >> so he's fortified himself in an off-the-grid compound because -- >> doomsday could be just around the corner. >> and he's serious, even with his guy in office. but now there's a new type joining the race, a fringe of

anti-government reactionaries. >> i am a liberal prepper. you can't trust the government with your rights rmpleghts you sure you're not a conservative? >> yes. >> what's the msnbc lineup. >> rachel maddow, chris matthews, my cay ca mica kaczyn. >> very good. we protected his identity because he's worried. >> under trump, this could end up being a modern civil war. >> but there can't be that big a difference between the two camps of survivalists. surely the right wing has a few more years to prep but they're basically on the same side. >> liberals will be the first too die because they are afraid of guns. >> how many guns did you buy. >> i have no guns. >> seriously. >> a baton, 28 and three-quarters inches, it slices and a chops.

>> where you preparing for the apocalypse? >> this is absolutely practical. >> you need this. >> that's the stupidest thing i've heard of. you draw that. bang, you're de. >> you're not accounting for the 30 seconds where you're, like, whoa, cool sword. >> bang. >> luckily our liberal prepper was trained. >> i'm not trained with it. >> you're not trained. >> not at all. >> at least-studied kung fu panda. >> if you spin around like a tornado, you can suck your enemies in towards the blade and slice them to bits. >> so conservatives are definitely more well armed but prepping is also about surprise right? >> you need a backpack. >> a camo backpack full of food and shelter and -- oh, right, a vibrator. >> it's not a vibrator. >> personal massager. >> the cats. >> the cats are the first thing i would abandoned in an

apocalypse. >> in all sincerity, you might have to eat one. >> seriously? >> mm-hmm. >> he was prepared. in addition to the bag, an escape plan. >> my tail is to hi tail to it the west side of the rockies and meet the other people who had the same plan. >> yes, have you talked to anyone else about this plan? >> no. >> shouldn't part of prepping be finding out if other people have this plan if it's dependent on that? >> yes, but talking about your plan is typically not what a prepper would do. >> you wouldn't go on national tv and talk about it? >> no. ( laughter ) >> but kung fu panda isn't the only liberal prepper. the movement is catching fire. a help l.a. survival company is selling $5,000 luxury bugout bags. who would buy that? >> ben affleck is a client. >> ben affleck has a client? >> yeah. >> when batman as a doomsday back we're (bleep). his bag had nothing but

necessities. >> caviar and champagne coozie. >> after i dropped five gs i was ready to show rick austin that liberals can be just as prepared for the apocalypse as conservatives. >> that's useless, worthless, won't work, won't work, that's a piece of (bleep). >> this, poker. >> that's the most useless thing i've seen. >> i'll play online poker. >> with what? >> uh, my phone. >> in a doomsday scenario, the phone's already dead. >> it's okay, i was going to upgrade it to the 8, anyway. how would a conservative replace my bad-ass liberal survival bag? >> i can show you how to ced up a shelter. i'm going to crawl down in here. >> how long do you have to stay under there? >> we can stay under here and sleep all night if you want to.

>> cool, i'll keep prepping. what was that? >> you could live in this indefinitely. >> yeah. >> it will keep you warm and safe. >> that's so cool. part of prepping is exhausting. if the world is sending, can't both sides prep together? as rick prepared ramen noodles and was determined to give it one last shot. maybe in the apocalypse there won't be on served and liberals, there will just be people that survive. >> exactly, and dead liberals. >> right. >> i think the noodles are done. >> so am i. >> trevor: desi lydic, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ music playing bye scout! ♪ ♪ where is it you wanna go? ♪ where is it you wanna go? check it out! ♪ oh, dude. i'm sending it to him.

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a journalist who covers politics and foreign policy for "the atlantic." her upcoming cover story is titled "what putin really wants." please welcome julia ioffe. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ welcome to the show. >> thanks for having me. >> trevor: let's get straight into it. "what putin really wants." it feels like vladimir putin got what he wanted, or is donald trump not what he wanted? >> well, he was what he wanted and now having a little bit of buyers remorse. the thing about vladimir putin, we think of him as this omniscient, only nip tent villain mastermind who's detail oriented, but actually he thinks

in very short-term ways and a lot of his victories are peeric victories and you see what happened to the olympics. >> russia had a plan to get every single athlete doping and into the olympics and could be banned because of it. is it basically how russia rolls, cheat in elections and everything. is this a putin thing or a russian thing? >> it's kind of a russian thing. >> trevor: it's cultural? >> yeah, you live in a society where everything is stacked against you, like the laws are all written in a way that there's a law to contradict every single other law and you can get in trouble at any point, so you have to survive by constantly kind of getting around things, and at the government level, i don't know, this olympic thing reminded me of talking to an old c.i.a. guy who used to work on russia stuff and he's, like, the russians were always playing

three-dimensional chess and devising these elaborate operations, and we were off being the u.s., who cares about you guys, but you had to kind of let them know you saw them doing the 3-d chess or they'd get upset and do worse stuff. you had to be, wow, that's nice. good job. >> trevor: soundless like spice and more like toddlers. wow! looking at you rigging our elections! wow! >> good job. >> trevor: that's what we have to do? >> i subscribe to russia more as the teenage boy theory. >> trevor: interesting. how do they see it? everyone absorbs a story from this side of the world. what do russians think about what russia may or may not have done in america's election? >> i think they think we've lost your damn minds, which we have a little bit. >> trevor: right. >> so even the people who acknowledge that the russians interfere in our elections, which we know they did, even those russians are, like, come on, we didn't throw your election. you guys created trump, fox

news, steve bannon, a stupid electoral college. you know, you created a racist backlash the first black president and they're totally right. the russians didn't create any of that or make 60-some million people vote for him, and we have to take a hard look at ourselves and ask ourselves why he's our president. >> trevor: it's interesting you say that because it feels like there is a disconnect at times between prince journalism and tell investigation, but it is difficult to get people into the story that is the weeds of what percentage of which tax cut will go to which person. do you think people could do a better job of that? do they have to ignore the russia story and go michael flynn is not a big thing? >> oh, no, no, it is a big thing. we have a hostile foreign government who interfered in one of the most sacred things we do as a country, right? >> trevor: right. >> and we have to get to the bottom of that. we have to figure out who did what that was illegal, especially if there was then an obstruction of justice, and we

have to think about it as a national security issue as opposed to will this story, will this headline make trump resign tomorrow. >> trevor: interesting. looking at it as a national security story and not as he will resign tomorrow, you don't think he'll quit after the tax cuts? >> i don't think he'll quit if he's not reelected. >> trevor: oh, wow. ( laughter ) wow, that was terrifying. i just got goosebumps and in a bad way. thank you very much for that. thank you so much for coming to the show. ( cheers and applause ) please come back and see us again. "what putin really wants" is in the january-february issue of "the atlantic" which will be out next week. julia ioffe, everybody. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause )

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tonight. "the opposition" with jordan klepper is up next. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> what do you feel like you've learned through this particular race? >> i think immorality has sunken to a new low and i think, in this race, i have been very much impressed with the lack of morality in political advertisements. >> jordan: get in here. the end of the year is coming and twitter is claiming that none of president trump's tweets made the top 10 list of most retweeted tweets of 2017. worse-- three obama tweets made the list. no way! no, no! trump is the king of twitter. the good news is 2017 isn't over yet. i've picked a random trump tweet from this year, and i want all opposers to retweet a.s.a.p. here it is: "president andrew jackson, who died 16 years before the civil war started, saw it coming and was angry. ( laughter ) would never have let it happen!" ye