♪ every animal big or small ♪ christmas means the world to us all ♪ [patriotic music] from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, "the daily show with trevor noah" presents... [dramatic music] - hurricane season continues with devastating effects. - breaking news from overnight. it's now the most powerful hurricane ever recorded in the atlantic and now on a collision course with florida. - hurricane irma is leaving a path of destruction in the caribbean. - and she is still churning at this hour. - it is scary to get such a massive hurricane

so soon after harvey. you know, luckily for americans though, the president is there with his soothing and poetic words. - there's a new and seems to be record-breaking hurricane heading right towards florida and puerto rico and other places. we'll see what happens. we'll know in a very short period of time, but it looks like it could be something that will be not good. believe me, not good. - got it. "not good." okay. yeah. i hope donald trump does the eulogy at my funeral. "trevor, trevor was a man." as you know, victims in texas are in need of relief funding. at roughly 12:30 p.m. eastern daylight time, a true miracle took place. the thing you would never expect to happen actually happened. donald trump made a deal. - fox news alert for you. aboard air force one, president trump just announcing that he has reached a bi-partisan deal

on raising the debt ceiling and funding for victims of hurricane harvey. - we had a great meeting with chuck schumer, nancy pelosi, and the whole republican leadership group, and we walked out and everybody was happy. - it was a really good moment of some bi-partisanship and getting things done, no one standing in their corner. - the government has shown that it still can function. the bad news is that it takes a hurricane to get them going. the good news is that there's more hurricanes coming. the bad news is that they're hurricanes. like, at this rate, americans are gonna be hoping for natural disasters just so their government gets [bleep] done. like, who knows? who knows? in the future, instead of getting the news from the news, americans might just be watching the weather. [upbeat music] - thanks, trevor. you ready for the weather smother? here we go, we're talking weather and politics, so get out your umbrella and your veto pen. bleh! we've got a tropical depression forming in the gulf

that could bring with it prescription drug funding for underprivileged youth with mental health issues. we'll keep an eye on that, you crazy kids, huh? john long, third grade, used to eat glue. wildfires are blazing hard in utah. that's good news if you're legalizing weed. don't touch the stuff. do more of the chemicals. molly, mdma. let's get back to weather smother, and this is the heatwave that's continuing across the south. we might just have to decriminalize sodomy. that's what i call hot. that's the weather smother. i'm michael kosta. come on, trevor! hit me right now! ♪ - the mayor of san juan slamming president trump's response to the disaster there. - so i am done being polite. i am done being politically correct. i am mad as hell. we are dying, and you are killing us with the inefficiency. - president trump responded, "such poor leadership ability "by the mayor of san juan and others in puerto rico "who are not able to get their workers to help. "they want everything to be done for them when it should be a community effort."

- wow, really? the hurricane-ravaged people of puerto rico are lazy? this coming from a man who's spent 71 days of his presidency at a golf course? really? a sport where you're so lazy you need an assistant. they're the lazy ones? because you see, the real victims of this hurricane are not who you think of as the victims of the hurricane. the real victim is donald trump. - "the mayor of san juan, who was very complimentary "only a few days ago, "has now been told by the democrats that you must be nasty to trump." - how are you a billionaire and the president of the united states and still the most insecure human being on earth? like, how? like, a mayor of a hurricane-ravaged city is begging for food and trump reacts like she slammed him on a diss track. and just to keep track, trump has now had beef with the mayor of a destroyed city, grieving gold star parents, p.o.w.s, and the pope. right. and the pope deserved it. he said some [bleep], but i mean, everyone else-- everyone else, really?

and obviously there was a big backlash to trump's response. people were furious. lin-manuel miranda even tweeted that trump is "going straight to hell on the fastest golf cart he ever took," and i don't know if you know-- [cheers and applause] i don't know if you know, lin-manuel is, like, the nicest person you will ever meet in your life. and you can even see that he's nice because even when sending trump to hell, he let him take his preferred mode of transportation. look at that. that's a nice guy. and clearly donald trump is a "hamilton" fan because on sunday the president finally stepped up and did the right thing. - president trump dedicates president's cup golf trophy to the people of puerto rico. - on behalf of all of the people of texas and all of the people of-- if you look today and you see what's happening, how horrible it is, but we have it under really great control-- puerto rico, and the people of florida, who have really suffered over this last short period of time

with the hurricanes. i want to just remember them, and we're going to dedicate this trophy to all of those people that went through so much. - that's right, folks. don't say donald trump hasn't done anything for puerto rico. the dude dedicated a whole golf trophy to them, and you know in trump's mind that made sense, right? he was like, "this weekend, both the golfers "and puerto rico had to deal with water hazards. it makes sense. it makes sense." like, i can't-- i genuinely cannot believe that this guy dedicated a golf trophy. like, on the list of things puerto ricans needed, a golf trophy is somewhere in-between a vhs copy of "spider-man" and another hurricane. who are you? ♪ it's a good, good, good ♪ time to be alive. ♪ oh yeah. pizza with pepsi.

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is, other than the lives lost, is how i feel like people are becoming more accustomed to this type of news. every single time, i almost know how it's going to play out. we're shocked. we're sad. thoughts and prayers, and then almost on cue, people are gonna come out saying, "whatever you do when speaking about the shootings, don't talk about guns." - talking about gun control and whether we need more restrictive laws, i just don't think that that's an appropriate time for this to be happening. - there's a time and place for a political debate, but now is the time to unite as a country. - this is not the time to be talking about guns. sometimes i wish i had used this logic as a kid when i'd done something wrong, you know? my mom wanted to ground me. i should've just said, "is this is the time, mom, "that we politicize what's happening right now? "this is not the time to talk about my lack of discipline. "this is the time for us to unite as a family, "to focus on the fact that i'm stuck "in the kitchen window, trying to sneak back in.

come on, mom. this is not the time." when--like, when is the time? and also, if you say after a mass shooting is never the time, then you'll never have the conversation in america because there's a mass shooting almost every single day. so when is the time? think about it. with everything else-- when a plane crashes, we talk about plane safety immediately. when a bridge collapses, we talk about infrastructure immediately. when a lion attacks people, we talk about why there are so many lions roaming around. is that just me? africa? all right, cool. skip that one. skip that one. but like-- like, i don't know how to-- we seem to do everything to avoid talking about guns. i've never been to a country where people are as afraid to speak about guns. every time there's a shooting, you've got to look at something else. is it muslims? is it their religion? is that what it is? is it blacks? it's the blacks. it's the black-on-black crime. is it mentally ill people? is it white nationalists? every time it's a different question,

and now--and now after this incident in las vegas, we're asking a new question. is it hotels? - certainly hotel security will be revisited across the globe after this event. - there's no check of your bags. i'm not sure how one gets that many firearms up into their room, but that's gonna be now an issue. - who would've thought that someone would be firing from the mandalay bay hotel? so now we have to rethink security. - so just to keep track of the arguments. mass shooting, mass shooting, mass shooting, mass shooting, mass shooting, mass shooting, we have to take care of this hotel check-in issue. oh, and by the way, just to give you an idea of how far away america is from actual gun control, this week congress is going to vote on deregulating gun silencers. yeah, because i guess congress is thinking, "gun violence is out of control. "how can we make it quieter? yeah, how can we do that?"

so to the people of las vegas, i can't give you thoughts and prayers. i can only say that i'm sorry. i'm sorry that we live in a world where there are people who will put a gun before your lives. ♪ can you help me figure out guns in america? - look, dude. at this point, this issue is a lot of like john travolta's botoxed face. there's no movement. everyone's going with the same old arguments. the left wants changes, the right doesn't, but you know who had a unique view on this? bill o'reilly. he wrote a blog post on billoreilly.com, which, based on his sexual history, i assumed was a porn site-- - wait, it's not-- it's not porn? - no, it's, like, news and stuff. - oh. - but here's what he said about the vegas shooting. quote, "this is the price of freedom. "violent nuts are allowed to roam free until they do damage, "no matter how threatening they are. "the second amendment is clear that americans have a right to arm themselves for protection, even the loons." - yo, that [bleep]'s crazy.

- i agree, but you've got to appreciate that honesty. that'd be like six flags saying, "yeah, you might die on a rollercoaster, but do you want to meet bugs bunny or not?" - like--like i--but my thing is i just don't understand why, when guns are clearly a problem, people still don't want to talk about guns. - dude, you're thinking about it wrong. they're not arguing about guns. they're arguing about freedom. guns are just the symbol. do you ever get in a fight with your girlfriend and you're like, "babe, what's the big deal? i just dropped socks next to the bed," and she's like, "it's not about socks. "it's about your need for a mother figure, and i don't want to feel like i'm [bleep]ing my son." [cheers and applause] too personal? - maybe a little bit. okay, okay. so what you're saying is guns are actually just a symbol of freedom? - yeah. everything in america is about symbols. that's why the colin kaepernick kneeling thing got so crazy. for a lot of people, he wasn't protesting against police violence. he was protesting the national anthem,

and that's the symbol for everything. the troops, bald eagles, mattress sales, tom hanks, type 2 diabetes. you know, america. - okay, so if guns are that powerful a symbol, then no one will ever get gun control. - that's where you're wrong. the only way to fight a symbol is with a symbol, and what's the only symbol as powerful as guns? - my--my face? - rhymes with face. starts with an r. - oh, race? - that's correct. - oh, blackness. - yes. blackness. i don't know if you've picked up on this, heavily symbolic in this country. - but what do black people symbolize in america? - how about you start? - i don't know. for some people, black people symbolize physical strength. - mm-hmm. - a threat to white dominance. - mm-hmm. - big penises. - that's what i thought, then we went to the gym together. - that was a cold-- it was a cold day.

- and i've seen your sex tape. - that's not a real thing. that's not a real-- that's not the point. okay, here's what i'm saying. how are black people powerful enough as a symbol to fix the gun issue? - it's happened before. back in 1967, a heavily armed group of black panthers marched into the california state capitol, and wouldn't you know it, within 12 weeks, the state of california, under governor ronald reagan, passed a new gun control law called the mulford act. - damn, less than three months? they might as well have called it the these [bleep] got guns act. - agreed, and that's the point. if we want gun control, here's what we do. nfl players, listen to me. this sunday, instead of taking a knee, stand during the national anthem and, above your head, hold an ar-15. we'll have new gun control legislation by halftime. - neal brennan, everybody. we'll be right back.

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[hip-hop music] [dramatic music] ♪ - let's get to the big story today, people. it's the united nations week, everybody. are you guys excited? yeah? [cheers and applause] yeah. well, clearly that's because you don't live in new york. now, the big event today was president trump's first address to the general assembly. - as president of the united states, i will always put america first, just like you, as the leaders of your countries, will always and should always put your countries first.

- but ever the showman, he saved the end of the world for last. - the united states has great strength and patience, but if it is forced to defend itself or its allies, we will have no choice but to totally destroy north korea. rocket man is on a suicide mission for himself and for his regime. - okay, i don't--i don't know what's more insane, the fact that donald trump just stood in front of the united nations and threatened to wipe out a country of 25 million people or the fact that he followed that up with "rocket man." like, you're gonna follow it up with, like, a little catchphrase joke? that's like walking into a crowded space, pulling out a gun, and being like, "did i do that?" yeah, you did. you know, honestly, when you watched this address,

it felt less like a presidential address to the u.n. and more like an insult comic roasting the world. in fact, if trump didn't have power or nuclear weapons, i think that would be a pretty dope show. [hip-hop music] - the problem in venezuela is not that socialism has been poorly implemented but that socialism has been faithfully implemented. the united states has stood against the corrupt, destabilizing regime in cuba. the criminal regime of bashar al-assad. we will have no choice but to totally destroy north korea. rocket man. ♪

[dramatic music] - breaking news. north korea has tested an advanced nuclear device. this would make it north korea's sixth nuclear test. - so this is it, guys. the whole thing that the world has spent the last, what, 25 years trying to prevent north korea from getting, now it has, both a missile that can reach the united states and a thermonuclear bomb. i mean, a bomb more powerful than hiroshima and nagasaki combined. combined. this thing must look like the very face of death itself. - state propaganda showed kim jong-un proudly inspecting a peanut-shaped device. - well, i mean, there's just-- there's nothing more threatening than the phrase "thermonuclear bomb," and then there's nothing less threatening than the phrase "peanut-shaped device." like, just imagine if a guy's coming at you saying like, "i'm gonna kill you!" you'd be like, "oh, no!" "with my peanut-shaped device!"

"man, get the [bleep] out of here. "you legume-toting mother[bleep]. get out of here." it's not the same. the real time to panic is when you hear saber-rattling from the commander-in-chief. so i guess what i'm saying is panic. - we'll see? dude, you don't ryan seacrest nuclear war. what are you doing? "will the planet be consumed in a radioactive hellfire or will fantasia take home this season's crown? we'll see." tensions with kim jong-un loomed over the entire excursion, and it didn't help that north korea released a statement calling trump "an old lunatic," and donald trump was like, "i've got 280 now." - moments ago, president trump openly mocked the leader of north korea. this is what he wrote. "why would kim jong-un insult me by calling me old

"when i would never call him short and fat? "oh, well. i try so hard to be his friend, and maybe someday that will happen." - okay, it's a little weird for donald trump to diss kim jong-un's weight when they have pretty much the same body type. i mean-- yeah, i'm not judging, but i just think people who live in gingerbread houses shouldn't throw scones. also--also, i love that trump's response was, "how dare you call me old?" it's like--so the lunatic thing, you're okay with that? you don't mind at all? [cheers and applause] at all? [dramatic music] ♪ ♪ you are a city city wall, city wall ♪ ♪ ♪ she could be dancing down a hall, dancing down a hall ♪

♪ we're turning heads, we're turning heads, ♪ ♪ we're turning heads, oh yeah and nothing can stop us now ♪

♪ ♪

and roomba from irobot gets to work using two multi-surface brushes and power-lifting suction to grab and remove everything from fine dust to large debris. daily dirt doesn't stand a chance. you and roomba from irobot. better together. [hip-hop music] [dramatic music] ♪ - you know, i never thought i'd say this, but i miss president trump. - oh, amen to that. i thought there'd never be a worse president, and then came gorgon. - gorgon. - i'll admit, i thought washington needed a shakeup, but at the end of the day, you can't elect a giant gila monster with eight dicks. - not only that, a giant gila monster with eight dicks that said he was gonna skull[bleep] every american.

- i voted for gorgon. - bitch, are you crazy? you voted for that dragon-ass face rapist? - how could you? - what did you want me to do, vote for robo-president 5000? - yes. - of course. it's a robot specifically built to be president. - but that's the problem. it seemed too president-y, and it didn't have a clear message. - and gorgon did? his campaign slogan was "me love to [bleep] human skull." it could be worse. we could've elected mike pence. - mm, now that man [indistinct]. - [slurping] [dramatic music] - [coughing]

♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> jordan: hello, and open those ear holes. this is "the opposition." it's november 29, and my opponent tonight is virginia delegate-elect, danica roem. ( cheers and applause ) yes, now, listen up, because the world is ending. today is not the today you thought it was. ( laughter ) where in the world is matt lauer? i know! at the bottom of a shame spiral. ( laughter ) we will get to that. but right now, people aren't only shocked at home. they're also scared of a menace abroad. >> we're getting to a point i had hoped we would never reach. >> a clear and present danger. >> north korea says the ballistic missile launched yesterday can reach all of the united states mainland.