>> live from new york city, it's the daily show with trevor noah. the president goes an hour without watching tv. (cheering and applause) >> trevor: welcome everyone, welcome to the daily show. i'm trevor noah!

and we are live, people! later we'll be with david remnick with the state of the union address. just a few minutes ago, the president made a grand entrance, he shook hands to people he pretended to recognize, look at him there, white purr, yeah. i love that, you know, about paul rhine and mike pence are in like. read the words. the state of the union is an annual speech where the president gives the congress ideas for what he wants to do in the coming year. then, of course ted cruz was watching from his usual seats seat, far away from humans who will never love him and a special appearance from ben

carson who was watching there from the sunk l place. but, this year, there were a number of empty seats. >> some democrats now saying that they don't want to, quote, honor the president by attending the state of the union address. >> flash, there is a lengthy list now including maxine waters, a democrat, who says the president doesn't deserve her attention. frederica wilson, another rep, says that it would be an embarrassment for her to be seen there. >> trevor: that's right, about a dozen democrats boycotted the state of the union. there were so many black women missing, boko haram tried to take credit. >> as for the democrats who didn't show up, a number of them wore black in sol at a dairlt with

the time's up movement. either that, or they or they thought they were attending a funeral for the english language. it's unclear. an the designated survivor, you know who that is? god forbid, someone has to stay behind in case something goes wrong. the secretary of agriculture. secretary, north korea has launched the attack, bring me the cabbage. let's get to the speech itself with started with donald trump praising himself for thinks that he got done this year. >> just as i promised the american people, 11 months ago, we passed the biggest tax reforms in american history! (cheering and applause) >> trevor: oh mitch looks so

happy. although he's the only person that his mouth gets smaller when he smiles. am i the only one who thinks he's been poisoned, when he's sipping it, these tax cuts were not the biggest in american history. this is a lie, nowhere near it. but this wasn't a night for facts. you came here for facts? you came here for wrong thing. this is all about celebrating president trump. he was in such a good mood he reached across the aisle not just to grope someone but to get something done. >> i seek common ground and summon unity we need to deliver for people. this is really the key. these are the people we were elected to serve.

(applause) >> trevor: so now you want common ground? trump is like the troublemaker, okay we're not fighting not fighting anymore, ah ah ah, chuck and nancy's faces, they looked like trump also cheated on them with stormy daniels. we're live, baby! because working together, almost every single time democrats and republicans have managed to agree on an idea, trump has come back from the golf course just in time to screw it up, like fore! again i'm getting caught up in the facts. it is about what trump has done for people and the black people. >> after years and years of wage stagnation, we are finally

seeing rising wages! (applause) is unemployment claims have hit radio 45 year low. african american unemployment stands at the lowest rate ever recorded. (cheering and applause) >> trevor: damn, i haven't seen that many disappointed black people since i told my uncle i was dropping out of school to become a comedian. they're saying, enjoy your life. it's like reverse show time at the apollo. you know what it looks like? before they got to the state of the union blue ivy was, you know the deal, relax, relax. now because the state of the union is live just like it is here you're bound to make mistakes, i just made one here when i was telling you these

jokes. watching a trump speech is like watching him cover mistakes. he screws up all the time many, it's normal. but for him, it's not a mistake, it's an opportunity to redefine reality. he's introducing a homeland security agent, cj. his name is only cj. >> here tonight is one leader in the effort to defend our country. homeland security investigation special agent celestino. he said he goes by dj or cj. call me either one. be we'll call you cj. >> trevor: what? so confusing, i'm going to call you the name you already had, that's what i'm going to do, irfix it folks.

now tonight donald trump talked about a few things he would like to do. he would like to reduce prescription drug prices, didn't say how. he said he would like to have some nonwall infrastructure stuff but the big thing he talked about was el immigration. >> a bispart sedan approach to immigration reform. here are the four pillars to our plan, a path to citizenship, a path for 1 million immigrants who were brought here by their parents, the visa lottery, that hands out advice as without ending chain migration. >> trevor: those are the four pillars of migration. is it reminds me of my four

kids. eric is, like, dad you have five kids. like i said, four pillars. what he was really saying was, i'll give you the dreamers and we shut everything else down. basically dreamers, close the door behind you. in fact president trump has an interesting take on what a dreamer actually is. >> my duty and the duty of everyone in this chamber is to defend americans protect their safety their communities their families and their right to the american dream because americans are dreamers, too. (applause) >> trevor: damn, can this guy all lives matter, the dreamers, americans are dreamers too. don't get me wrong i'm not saying americans aren't dreamers but the term dreamers is used to

define a hope that young people brought to america by their parents had. now it's for trump, people who sleep i guess. what kind of scrooge is it, i'm sorry kids, there are only so many dreams to go around, bring them back. it wasn't about limiting immigrants coming in, he also wanted to hear stories, so many stories about ms 13 and alien terrorists and other antiimmigrant trips, i wouldn't be surprised if the teleprompter was tuned ofox and friends all the time. stoking fear about an entire group of people and in the very same speech wrap it up with a thought like this. >> so to every citizen watching at home tonight no matter where you've been or where you've come from, this is your time. if you work hard, if you believe

in yourself, if you believe in america, then you can dream anything, you can be anything. >> trevor: as long as you're from norway. all you other losers stay in your shit holes. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. (c yes! ours is still buffering. what's happening? you're experiencing a network delay. you both need to be watching that on the iphone with verizon. the best streaming network. how long have you been here? i've been here a couple days. (avo) get the best unlimited on the most awarded network. and now, when you buy iphone 8, you'll get one on us. woman: wow. the new world.

[music playing] no way. man: rated t for teen. playstation, the best place to play. if thwell, you'd be drowningers, in magma. wait, what? hot hot hot hot hot if the earth needs layers, so does your chocolate bar. get layers of crunchy and creamy. hershey's cookie layer crunch. get layered. you guys, this sucks!o long ago. keep it down, rob! but i'm hungry! you trying to get us killed?

yeah. you trying to get killed? no excuses. no. snap into bold flavoured protein. snap into a slim jim. (grunting) this is taking forever! i'm so hungry i could die! whoa, pete. maybe choose better words. at least he had time to eat. unbelievable. (grunt) no excuses. not cool, pete. snap into bold flavoured protein. snap into a slim jim. ♪ wow! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine ♪ wow! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine ♪ wow! ♪ and don't it feel good ♪ hey! ♪ alright now ♪ and don't it feel good ♪ applebee's handcrafted burgers. any burger just $7.99. now that's eatin good in the neighborhood.

(cheering and applause) >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. for more on the state of the union, we go live to check in with our own michael kosta everybody. michael, what did you think of the speech? >> it was fantastic, trefn. we're normal again. >> trevor: i don't know, michael. even if the speech was normal, this last year has been cheeseburger-fueled chaos. just yesterday trump pressured

what one person hears a semi normal speech and thinks trump is okay? >> just a normal american, with a penis that was described as oh fine. >> trevor: but michael -- >> i've got a $1,000 bonus from starbucks and i don't even work there. >> trevor: he didn't throw identity new policies for the future? >> you want to have new policies? how about put a roof on the wall you go crazy. accept that things are going great. >> trevor: michael i have to push backen that. be not everything is going great, especially for dreamers or puerto ricans. >> i'm a white man. can't you be happy for me? i'll be happy for you. i'll be in the movies yelling

for the black panther right beside you, my brother! beside you, my brother! >> trevor: all right fine,

c(puppy barks) you can do it duck. hurry up duck! you can do it duck. iams. helps keep your dog healthy at every stage. so you can always look forward to what's next. we can now repair complex at saortic aneurysmsare, without invasive surgery. if we can do that, imagine what we can do for varicose veins. and if we can precisely treat eye cancer with minimal damage to the rest of the eye, imagine what we can do for glaucoma, even cataracts. if we can use dna to diagnose the rarest of diseases, imagine what we can do for the conditions that affect us all. imagine what we can do for you.

♪[slam] [thinking] fries seasoned in mexican spices? [thinking] dipped in warm nacho cheese sauce? sounds delicious. someone doesn't want you to taste them. ♪ taco bell's nacho fries are a threat to their monopoly. why are they doing this? who's they? the burger people... they! they! [tires screeching] [engines accelerating] [slam] [bong!] ♪ [ laughs ] rodney.

bowling. classic. can i help you? it's me. jamie. i'm not good with names. celeste! i trained you. we share a locker. -moose man! -yo. he gets two name your price tools. he gets two? i literally coined the phrase, "we give you coverage options based on your budget." -that's me. -jamie! -yeah. -you're back from italy. [ both smooch ] ciao bella. (cheering and applause) >> trevor: welcome back. to the daily show, my guest tonight is a pulitzer prize winning author, david remnick. good to have you back on. let's jump straight into it. i know it just happened and we all just watched it but do you have any initial thoughts on the speech any themes that jumped

out for you? >> i think you're right. i think a lot of people are going to get on television and they're going to see a guy who didn't melt like the wicked witch of the west, didn't scream or go berserk, or didn't start tweeting in the middle of the speech, donald trump truly became president of the united states and grew into his job, no, no. he didn't just read from the teleprompter for what seems like three and a half hours. >> is it a statement of intent or should we look at it as a night where donald trump has a recital and we all go home? >> it can be extremely important this past presidencies and these are speeches that are labored over for months, not just the craft or the rhetoric of it but the policy direction of the country.

>> trevor: right. >> you had lyndon johnson speak going race or all kinds of presidents laying out initiatives that are going to take you forward. >> trevor: right. >> and it's very striking to me that clearly the core of the speech tonight was about immigration. and you would think that the most essential part of immigration is our fear of immigration. he talked about mf 13 admitly a gang, a horrible manifestation or side manifestation of american life as if it were way more important than something he never mentioned once in the speech, climate change which is going to change change or planet, already change being our planet in terms of radical weather events, economies, the life and death of people in all kinds of countries including our own. not mentioned once. this is an existential question,

but mf 13 which has admitly caused trouble in the lives of people and is a real problem but not something that can't be solved. >> trevor: but isn't this a product of a president who schools most of his information from fox news. there's a lot of segments ced caited to the immigrants who are immigrants who are creating the crimes. >> we all have seems like ten years now but it's only a year of that morning phenomenon of the president watching fox and friends tweeting and then causing the country to be in an uproar for the next 24 hours. this is not a healthy phenomenon and it happens every single day. >> trevor: when you look at the plans trump had in the

speech, he may not be roblg them out, but he did have something interesting, he did say he wants to work on prison reform. >> absolutely. >> trevor: giving prisoners a second chance at life. there are ideas in the speech where it seems like donald trump was trying to strike a conciliatory tone, is that lip service or do you think highly of he'll remember what he says today? >> in certain times of life, donald trump was kind of semi liberal. he used to be pro-choice for example until he was not pro-choice. >> trevor: he chose not to be. >> all right, so -- be (laughter) >> and it's noted that both on the left and the right, now in america, there is some recognition that mast incarceration is a horror, we

put people in jail that far outstrip anywhere in the world, across the board, conservatives and liberals recognize that this is a disaster. he is paying at least some rhetorical lip service what he'll do about it was not suggested tonight but maybe there will be something, i don't know. same with infrastructure. that is not a ideological question, fly into kennedy and you feel like you're flying into somewhere else, one airport after another, a train station, a bad road. it's just not worthy of an economy like ours. so that is not an ideologicallyl question. the republican congress had no interest in doing things like improving rail service along the east coast. >> trevor: he has some ideas contrary to what republicans

have espoused for a long time -- >> credit for things that were obama administration initiatives. for example the policy of the assault on i.s.i.s. it is the extension of the policy of the obama administration. the lowering unemployment with a trend line that came right out of the obama administration. he took credit for all kinds of things having to do with the automobile industry tonight. last i looked, the obama administration rescued the automobile industry in the way that the republican party wanted no part of as you recall. i don't think he mentioned that tonight. >> trevor: he definitely didn't mention obama. >> no but he dissed him a number of times. >> trevor: i was surprised he didn't mention the fbi, i'm surprised he didn't mention the memo that the lawmakers had voted to release to the public. >> tonight was not the night. that will come on tweets

wednesday, thursday, friday. >> trevor: that's my point, that's an interesting idea, should we compartmentalize trump into two, three different people? it's like hyde and hyde or jesse cooorjeckyl and jeckyl. >> you read off the teleprompter, you get a lot of narratives that touch the heart, we saw a number of those. that's a pattern that you have seen in these speeches since the reagan administration. that is set in stone. and they wanted no disasters. but meanwhile what's happening behind the scene? you've got a president that's facing obstruction of justice charges. you've got a president who has said nothing of any substance whatsoever, that our russian adversaries interfered with the

democratic process with the democratic elections. >> trevor: even voting against the advantages saying he's not going to impose sanctions against russia. >> he opposed the regime of iran and -- >> trevor: it's mmentf 18 and . we're running out of time. good to see you. you could also hear david every weekend ton new yorker hour. david remnick everybody, we'll david remnick everybody, we'll be right back.

♪ hello. smack-smack-smack (laughter) oooh. doritos. crunch (elephant roars) are we gonna talk about this? nope. smack

my name's dustin. hey, dustin. grab a seat. woman: okay. moderator: nice to meet you. have you ever had car trouble in a place like this? (roaring of truck) yes and it was like the worst experience of my life. seven lanes of traffic and i was in the second lane. when i get into my car, i want to know that it's going to get me from point a to point b. well, then i have some good news. chevy is the only brand to receive j.d. power dependability awards for cars, trucks and suvs two years in a row. woman: wait! (laughing) i definitely feel like i'm in a dependable vehicle right now. woman 2: i want a chevy now.

woman 3: i know! >> trevor: that's our show show for tonight. stay should not with the opposition with jordan klepper coming up right now.

here it is the moment of zen. >> that night our administration had already taken very swift action. don't laugh at that. forget everything you just heard. for the last minute this adorable man has been delling you dimpled lives. the daily show is a past. this is the opposition. this is the now and tonight we've got our marching orders. >> this in fact is our new american moment. there has never been a better time to start living the american dream. >> jordan: yes. a new american moment. that's what trump is all. democrat like registered republican bob mueller keeps living in the past investigating all dusty evidence including who colluded. not trump he never talks about the 2016 election. the future, you remember which

trump called people shit holes or had a relation with stormy manafort. that's the past. this is the new american moment. harken back to some better time in america like 2008 or 2012. find make a america great again or something stupid. americans would never vote for that. so stop dreaming about what donald trump did and wake up in a cold swept thinking about all all -- cold sweat things about all the thing he's about to do. wake up america because that moment is starting now. >> this in fact is our new american moment. 2.2 million new jobs. judge neil gorsuch and other things. isis, terrorism. democrats. kneeling during our national

anthem. i don't like mosquitoes. i alone can fix it. may god bless you and may god bless america. [ captioning sponsored by comedy central cheers and applause] >> jordan: yes. the union is strong. i'm jordan klepper, this is the opposition. it's already january 30th and we are live, everybody. can you feel it? [crowd cheering] yes. lots to get. my opponent tonight are lauren duca and cohost of the breakfast club charlemagne tha god. first it's official. the union has been sated. and opposers, we won. tonight donald trump gave the state of the union address with

the theme making america safe, strong and proud. which also happens to be the tag lie of our opposition bleed free or die maxi pads. safe, strong and proud. you guys know it. the state of the union is a big event. it's like the grammies but less political. everyone comes prepared. in fact msnbc has had the tie rod ready for the last 13 months. awaiting trump's departure from the white house. yes. i bet you are. get used to it msnbc you'll be using that once in the next 17 years. it's going to start big. trump enters the chamber led by his cabinet. got all the businessmen. rex tillerson. steve menuchin. betsy develocity. they turned straw into gold. jeff sessions that was literally his job. also in attendance my man neil

gorsuch. look at him looks like his head is on a dime. so stoic, stiff. joyless. the judge i wouldn't mind sharing a sobering nod with. betrump's speech tonight was a trial fant call for bipartisanship. he's a unifier. he's been a unifier for as many minutes as i can remember. >> tonight i call upon all of us to set aside our differences. to seek out common ground. i'm asking both parties to come together. i'm extending an open hand to work with members of both parties, democrats and republicans. >> jordan: i just think how much goodwill he could deliver with that giant open hand. you could fit a cruise ship in that mitt. the fact is trump was reaching across the aisle the entire time. he couldn't get the gent to stand and acknowledge his greatness. apparently we got obamacare back

because democrat legs don't work. probably why trump delivered almost his entire speech to the republican side of the room. trump's vision is like a t. rex. based on applause. now trump's speech was incredibly presidential. but there were parts that were a little too presidential. what was your big take away from the speech tonight. >> jordan, that speech was a total disaster. he used punctuation, conjugated verbs. who the hell talks like this. the die hard trumpers don't want this polished swamp speaker we want rally trump. the guy who talks to the common man the forgotten man and all the bakbasic bitches. [applause] >> no one really talks presidential out in the bars in wisconsin. that's where the common man lives jordan. we can't forget those people. let me take some presidential clips from the speech tonight and ma go maga them back into tp

speech. >> we all share the same heart, the same heart, the same destiny and the same great american flag. >> burn your passport because america's first and traveling is for traitors. also don't trust your fake news bank statement you're rich now, baby. hashtag maga. okay, next. >> america has also finally turned the pain or decades of unpayer trade deals that sacrifice our prosperity and shipped away our companies, our jobs and our wealth. >> mexico sucks. canada sucks. do you know what doesn't suck? jobs. but china takes jobs. china bad. factories are sexy. like a woman. and i want to have sex with a

factory. last one. >> struggling communities especially immigrant communities, will also be helped by immigration policies that focus on the best interests of american workers and american families. >> ms-13 is living in your basement and using your wi-fi to make opioids. blue lives matter. there was no collusion. now poor me another leinenkugel. go packers. >> jordan: very clear. >> you're right. i could be president. >> jordan: that's not what i was saying. let's move on. opposers. the point is the state of the union is strong. the only thing we still need to do is set politics aside and unite behind him. now you might be saying wait a minute, president you trump the very person who is dividing us. maybe you're not seeing things clearly.

here. let me get out my truste trustys light. that's better. why was i? oh yes. america was divided before trump came into office. people were divided about obama. some people even said he wasn't born here. who said that. just look at the gas light. ice not dividing the country, he's uniting it. he just said that. the president hasn't used twitter to personally attack their opponents -- you saw that musical. making fun of people and punching. trump didn't divide you, you divided yourself. what was that thing you said about innovato north korea. is it me or is gas light getting huge. >> jordan: glad we sorted that out. [applause] it's simple, let's come together like donald trump has always

said. it's a new american moment. the fight continues. this is jim. he's hyperventilating after opening his verizon bill. who's that? that's the version of you that switched to sprint and saved 50% for his family. 50%?? it is the best price for unlimited. plus i got a new samsung phone for 50% off. it's just the smart choice. that works for me. (vo) be a smarter you. get the best price for unlimited and now get 50% off the newest samsung phones. sprint. works for me. for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay.com. ♪ ♪

are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool? try zyrtec®. it's starts working hard at hour one. and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. and we're gonna get the phone- his phone,ry sorry. uh out of you... the important thing is that we're going to make you better. (voice-activated double-tone) okay. here's how to make butter. pour two thirds a cup of cold heavy cream into a one cup canning... snickers® satisifes. can i get a glass of white wine and a michelob ultra? (cracking) (rumbling)

michelob ultra. 55% fewer carbs than a glass of white wine. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: tonight's state of the union was all about america but of course the left want to make it all about themselves. just because they're technically also americans. their boycotts and protests dressing in all black wearing political buttons and pin, i'm sick of eight. let's focus on the victims, the lapels. that's why i wear this lapel. this is the less brutal attack

of the fabric. but it gets worse. i sent kobi libii to take on another protest. >> president trump's state of the union was a master class in leadership but some liberals missed out by refusing to attend. >> the democrats who are boycotting that we know of so far -- >> seattle's representative paul boycotted trump's inauguration and joint session. and before that she spent years as an immigrant rights activist. in short she's the worst of the worst. >> mr. speaker is imgrawnlt myself, i am tired of being called the worst of the worst. >> if she won't go to washington, i'll bring the state of the union to her. i just walked into representative paul's office and nothing can stop me from giving her a pipe load of truth. she's in a meeting. 15 minutes of waiting calms me down so i'll start with a softball. i heard we have something in

common. we were both in indiana. >> india. >> oh you're in india. that's my mistake. i always assume the best of people. hold on one second. if you want to attend the state of the union, i brought the state of the union to you. because what you're doing is not normal. this is normal. >> this is not a normal presidency. >> hold on. ladies and gentlemen, this interview will commence. >> i really feel like the racism and hatred that's coming out of the white house does not allow me to be in that chamber. >> do you have a designated survivor for this interview. >> i do not. >> mine's covery sutterland. >> i talked him in the car. >> you might think locking him in a car is normal.

but the congresswoman is defying one of the sacred norms that make our democracy work. >> state of the union is a speech. it's one speech. but i don't think this is the president where you can count on anything he said. one day he's supportive of the dreamer, the next day he's not. one day he says mexico's going to pay for wall. next day it's clear the taxpayers are going to pay for the wall. i think he's made a mockery of that office and therefore the state of the union. >> you say the president has made a mockery out of the state of the union but i say the state of the of our union is strong. >> i completely disagree that the state of the union is strong. this president is underminding every institution that provides a check and a balance. >> i guess that's the final

speech. without watching the state of the union how will she know the state of the union. >> i'm going to be attending a gather that's the state of our union with 500 activists and leaders who are going to celebrate our unity and put forward our vision of where we want to go in the world. >> do you think at a gathering like that there will be virtual signaling that you can see it from space. >> i think it will be an amazing bright light in a very dim time. >> so you will be able to see it from space. got it. she planned her own state of the union. surely the people of seattle wouldn't follow her lead. here we go. are you both going to be attending the state of the union this year. >> no. >> no. >> so you're not personally attending the state of the union. >> where is that going to be. >> it's going to be in washington d.c. if you were going to attend i think you would probably by the now. other democrats are boycotting as well. this is not normal. i have to restore order.

with a would the state of the union do. the state of the union always comes with a rebuttal so i want to give you an respond to respond to an -- an opportunityo respond to any of my criticisms. go ahead. >> i would say one of the great opportunities of our democracy is peaceful protest. i refuse to be complacent. i refuse to be silent and i am going to stand up against this president and the ways in which he is destroying who we are as a country. >> yes, i'm boycotting that. you can't expect me just to sit around and pretend this is normal. >> jordan: yes. thank you for boycotting that boycott. the fight continues. [cheers and applause]

hold together. a little to the left. 1, 2, 3, push! easy! easy! easy! (horn honking) alright! alright! we've all got places to go! we've all got places to go! washington crossing the delaware turnpike? surprising. what's not surprising? how much money sean saved by switching to geico. big man with a horn. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more.

c(puppy barks) you can do it duck. hurry up duck! you can do it duck. iams. helps keep your dog healthy at every stage. so you can always look forward to what's next. america's favorite cookie ♪ delicious chocolate candy ♪ oreo chocolate candy bars ♪ now also available in mint flavor ♪ use pantene shampoo together with 3 minute miracle daily conditioner. their pro-v formula is like a multi-vitamin. making your hair 2x stronger see the difference when you add 3 minute miracle daily conditioner. and we're gonna get the phone- his phone,ry sorry. uh out of you... the important thing is that we're going to make you better. (voice-activated double-tone) okay. here's how to make butter. pour two thirds a cup of cold heavy cream into a one cup canning... snickers® satisifes.

you wof your daily routine, so why treat your mouth any differently? complete the job with listerine® help prevent plaque, early gum disease, bad breath and kill up to 99.9% of germs. listerine® bring out the bold™ ♪...from far away. but they ♪honly see his wrinkles.♪..♪ ♪he's gotta play it cool to seal the deal.♪ ♪better find a way to smooth things over.♪ ♪if only harry used some... ♪...bounce, to dry. ♪yeah! ♪he would be a less wrinkly, and winning at life.♪ >> jordan: going head to head with two guests. lauren d duca and charlamagne ta

god. here's what you need to know. politics and heated on hair exchange but it made her feel real big picking on a sixth grader like that. charlamagne tha god hoses the nationally send dated radio show the breakfast club and he's the author of the "new york times" best selling book black privilege. if it's anything like white privilege, then it's a complete liberal hoax. we're here to talk the great state of the union. it's presidential and i want to know what your favorite presidential part was. lauren. >> before we can talk about the state of the union at all we have to talk about the fact that democracy is failing. >> here we go. oh geez. we are supposed to talk about the state of the union. >> quickly, just congress voted 517 to 5 to impose sanctions on russia and the president is ignoring that. democracy is actually failing and the president's ability

toity steven miferl's hallmark white nationalism does not change the fact. >> you do admit he was able to read the entire speech and that in itself is -- >> i do concede he is lib rut. >> that's something whether you liberals wanted to know whether he could. >> i don't know if he memorized it or not but i think it's stupid to ask president to be presidential. he's the president, he should be presidential already. why are we patting this guy on the back for being human. that should be like the bear minimum requirement to be president of the united states of america. >> jordan: well see i like when trump's anti--- let trump be trump, rally trump. it's fun trump. he's speaking off the cuff speaking from his gut. >> i like overt racism more than covert racism. i like to know who is who. >> is there an element about

that@least he's real. you understand donald trump in that sense. >> i wouldn't call it real but i do like when america's takes its mamask off. we're in a prison sentence right now. we don't know if it's four or eight. we're hoping for an early release but we doubt that's the face. we have to make the most of the time. hope we don't get raped in the process. [applause] >> i hear that life in prison can be very rewarding for some people. let's talk about some of the thing he talked about. he touted the lowest unemployment for african americans. that's a big win. that's a big w. >> it depends. it could be employment but he's bringing slavery back. we're not sure about that yet. >> where do you think he's bringing -- he's bringing jobs back. >> coal mines are just like

cotton fields at the end of the day. now we have jobs and coal mines. >> do you really think donald trump is a racist. >> yes, i do. absolutely. it's been proven he's racist at this point. -- >> i don't want to start bartering with you but i feel i have to accept that. >> i defer to the neo nazis and they are in the racist camps. >> they see themselves in donald trump. if you're empowering the alt-right and you're not denouncing them you're probably a racist. why would he be rooting for them. >> why would they root for the which cubs. maybe they just like the colors. >> yes, white. >> fair enough. you wanted to hear something else at the speech tonight. what were you missing. could he have satiated any need that you have. >> no. i actually don't think there's a

speech in this moment that could have been what it meaded to be. what's miraculous we already have th mediocre men of mead yawpped wityeahmedia withtheir . i think it's the desperate need to appear objective is bringing out these false equivalencies. and donald trump is able to speak without shitting out of his mouth. >> his mouth was literally -- [cheers and applause] >> you could lay out some plans though. he talked about immigration. he talked about a greater defense. he talked about infrastructure. those are things you can get behind. >> the only reason i watched that speech tonight was i had to be on this show. and because i enjoy a good stand up comedy and there's no better stand up comic right now than donald trump. >> so you're a fan. >> no. >> there were no substantive plans whatsoever. i think the most practical

things he said were about immigration which essentially was a wrong poetic version of go home i guess i would describe a lot of that. we talked about ms-13 tragedy important and 35 seconds of clapping. there are 11 million immigrants in this country are being equated with the actions of one horrible gang member. >> a gang i haven't heard about in a long time by the way. like donald trump did really good advertising ms-13 tonight. the bloods cribs have been killing and marketing the last year. >> he was focused on ms1-12. see. now recent donald trump came out and said he wasn't a feminist but he did agree that it was the year of the woman. do you think that's a step in the right direction. >> i think it's funny we got one year you know and half of humanity and we have earned 365

days and i am grateful for that. >> tell me that. that's the state of the union. charlemagne what's the state of your union. >> the state of my union. >> i'm not talking about your marriage. >> i like to quote ja jay-z. the best thing about donald trump he's forcing minorities to empower themselves because i'm not looking at government to save me especially that guy in the white house, you know. >> jordan: fair enough. [applause] i'll ask the genius if he figured on it out later. lauren, your state of the union. >> my state of the union is anybody who is watching this is not fighting back with everything they have is not paying enough attention. also if mitch mcconnel is watching i do hope he says this uterus and goes blind. >> jordan: lauren duca and charlamagne tha god.

charlamagne tha god. yes! ours is still buffering. what's happening? you're experiencing a network delay. you both need to be watching that on the iphone with verizon. the best streaming network. how long have you been here? i've been here a couple days. (avo) get the best unlimited on the most awarded network. and now, when you buy iphone 8, you'll get one on us. you guys, this sucks!o long ago. keep it down, rob! but i'm hungry! you trying to get us killed? yeah. you trying to get killed? no excuses. no. snap into bold flavoured protein. snap into a slim jim. (grunting) this is taking forever! i'm so hungry i could die! whoa, pete. maybe choose better words. at least he had time to eat. unbelievable.

(grunt) no excuses. not cool, pete. snap into bold flavoured protein. snap into a slim jim. my teeth are like an iceberg... something interesting... there's a lot going on underneath that i can't see... like harmful bacteria hiding below the gum line. so now i use this. crest gum detoxify introducing new crest gum detoxify. new crest gum detoxify works below the gum line. it's clinically proven to neutralize harmful plaque bacteria and help reverse early gum damage. new crest gum detoxify. gums are good, so is my checkup! look for crest gum detoxify in stores today.

♪[slam] [thinking] fries seasoned in mexican spices? [thinking] dipped in warm nacho cheese sauce? sounds delicious. someone doesn't want you to taste them. ♪ taco bell's nacho fries are a threat to their monopoly. why are they doing this? who's they? the burger people... they! they! [tires screeching] [engines accelerating] [slam] [bong!] ♪

[cheers and applause] >> jordan: that's the end of the opposition but stay tuned for the office which is also going live for the state of the union. michael releases the memo and jim look right at the camera and is like ... what a scamp. good night. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh

okay, well... i did not get the job in new york. but i got the real prize-- domestic bliss. jan made me breakfast this morning. well, she bought the milk. it's soy. this is why i do it. that's what i have to come home to. [sighs] she probably won't be up for a few hours. this is going to be a very good year. very good. jan is at home. jim is back. my protege ryan is at corporate. good stuff. andy and dwight are rocking the sales team. i feel very blessed. d'oh! [tires screeching] [cheerful music]

♪ [typing] you know, generally it's not a good idea to click on any internet offers that you haven't requested. what was the exact offer? it was for a...video. yeah, well, what kind of video? a celebrity sex tape. really? what kind of celebrity? not relevant. how much you pay for it? not relevant. you paid for it? it all happened so fast. i broke up with karen after the job interview. and, uh... it was a little awkward

when she came back from the city. she told me very clearly that just because we were broken up didn't mean that she was going anywhere, because she had worked really hard for her career. but the next day, her desk was empty. and as for me and my current romantic life... i, uh... i'm single now and looking. so if you know anybody... jim and i went to dinner a few times when he got back from new york. i talked him through his breakup. it's really nice to be good friends again. are you kidding me? pam and jim are totally hooking up. all they do is smile. they're just keeping it a secret. right? there is no evidenceow. of intimacy. they've been in remarkably good moods. could be other things. are you kidding me? and sunday, i'm thinking of going to that flea market at the drive-in. oh, that sounds fun. i'm mountain biking on sunday in, uh...

montage mountain. (pam) cool. yeah. well, have fun with that. ladies and gentlemen. i have some bad news. meredith was hit by a car. what? where? it happened this morning in the parking lot. i took her to the hospital. and the doctors tried to save her life. they did the best that they could. and she is going to be okay. what is wrong with you? why did you have to phrase it like that? so she's really going to be fine? yes. she has a slight... but, uh, people have survived pelvicalfar worse. thank god you were there. yeah. did you see who did it? (dwight) no need. we can just check the security tapes. yeah, kind of a good news/bad news there. i was able to be on the scene so quickly, because i was in the car that hit her.

who was driving? oh, michael. one day michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. i wonder who he ran over then. it's only meredith. yeah, it's only meredith. thank god. but did you see the way they looked at me? like i was a murderer or something. hey. why did you do it? was she talking back? it was an accidenno. just got sick of that face? did she owe you money? uh-oh. is this downsizing? did she spurn your advances? hey, guys. we're all gonna visit meredith at lunch. and we're kicking in $5 for flowers. who's we? you and jim? no, me and stanley and phyllis so far. oh. i bet jim goes too. yeah, i haven't asked him yet.

oh. i bet you ask. i was planning on it. i bet you were. angela? [whispers] subtle. [whispers] what? are you coming? i can't. sprinkles is sick. she's been sick for some time. thank you for asking. no one asks about sprinkles. i have to give her her meds, i have to pet her. and who will she eat lunch with? can't your other cats keep her company? there's bad blood. jealousies, cliques. angela, you're the chairman of the party planning committee. i shouldn't even be planning this. it's your job. [sighs] all right! my lord, my liege. [ryan on phone] yes, michael? so ryan got promoted to corporate where he is a little fish in a big pond. whereas back here in scranton, i am still top dog in a fairly large pond. so who is the real boss? the dog or a fish?

so i need a little treat for the gang. something to win their affections back. back? why is that michael? well, i ran down meredith in my car. oh! did you do this on purpose? no, i was being negligent. but she's in the hospital, she's fine, recovering nicely. tiny little crack in her pelvis. but she will be-- did this happen on company property? yes. it was on company property with company property. so double jeopardy. we are fine. mm, i don't-- i don't think you understand how jeopardy works. oh, right, i'm sorry. what is "we're fine"? [sighs] people keep calling me a "wunderkind." i don't even know what that means. i mean, i know what it means. it means very successful for your age. so i guess it makes sense, but... it's a weird word. (angela) hey, d. [whispering] hey monkey, what's up? can you do me a little favor? go to my place at lunch and give sprinkles her medicine? sure.

i have to visit the alkie. check to see if she's faking. if a car hit me, it wouldn't crack my pelvis. you know what? i bet she cracked it at home. jumped in front of the car to get some worker's comp. i wouldn't put it past her. so what do you need me to do? i wrote it out. mm-hmm. there's a diabetes shot. roll the insulin in your hands, don't shake it. she gets an ace inhibitor with her meal. you have to put her right in front of the dish, or she won't see it because of the cataracts. mix one capsule of omega fatty acid in with her kidney medicine and you'll want to give that to her 15 minutes after she's eaten. and, oh--there's a fungal cream, because she has this infection under her tail. so you're gonna have to lift her tail and put the cream right at the base of her tail.