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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  February 26, 2018 11:00pm-11:31pm PST

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um, easy. both. i want people to be afraid of how much they love me. and i think i proved that today at the dojo. typewriter torture. sensei, help. typewriter torture. no. typewriter. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: thank you so much! thank you so much and welcome! welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much for tuning in! take a seat, everybody! take a seat! our guest tonight from the broadway production of "kinky boots," wayne brady is here! ( cheers and applause ) but first, breaking news from across the pacific where, like
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apple with our iphones, president xi jinping has it made in china. >> president xi jinping may be allowed to stay in office for the rest of his life if he wants. china's ruling communist party plans to change the country's constitution to remove a two-term limit on holding the presidency. >> that move almost certainly means xi jinping will stay on as president when his term ends in 2023. >> trevor: whoop whoo! xi jinping president for life! yeah, makes sense, china gets rid of its one child policy and replaces it with the one president policy. it works out, you know? this is big because presidential term limits were basically the one feature of an actual democracy china had. after years of relative reform, china is heading back into a complete dictatorship. if i were china i would be, like, hey, guys, we totally love democracy, we totally want to be one, but then we saw what it did
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in america, and that was ant fortune cookie we were ready to crack. ( laughter ) imagine if china somehow elect add chinese trump? ( laughter ) yeah, except he would be a chinese knockoff. he would be, like, folks, we've got to break down the wall! and mexico's still gonna pay for it! ( laughter ) but let's move on, because congress is returning from break, and, like most americans, they're discussing two things -- one, gun control, and, two, how awesome "black" panther is ." ifn mention mention is, like, you can call me senator tkhalas. i'm center mitch mcconnell, kah kah kah, did i do it right? ( laughter ) corporate america is really
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taking action. >> a growing number of countries are breaking up with the n.r.a. symantec, met life, united, delta air lines, and more, saying they're ending n.r.a. discounts. >> trevor: i'm less surprised than if corporations were giving them discounts in the first place. how does the n.r.a. even get discounts? ( applause ) how do they get that? ( applause ) well, the florida members are just -- well, the n.r.a. are just there, we would like a discount. ( laughter ) still, this is the n.r.a. we're talking about. i would understand if airlines offer cheaper tickets to doctors because they're useful to have on board, but if you're on a flight and someone's having a heart attack, no one's, like,
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help! anyone have a raging hard-on for the second amendment, anybody? ( laughter ) meanwhile the people of parkland are looking at whether the broward county sheriff's department could have done more to stop the tragedy. >> one deputy scott pederson armed and in uniform clearly knew there was an active shooter but stayed in his position outside building 12. the video shows the deputy doing nothing for more than four minutes. >> trevor: while the shooting was happening, an armed deputy stayed outside the school doing nothing. that's heartbreaking. i don't know why that deputy failed to enter the school. i mean, personally, i wouldn't go into a high school, period. yeah. ( laughter ) like, one time i gave a motivational speech at a high school and a bunch of ninth graders called me apartheid mcdimples. it was brutal. ( laughter ) so i'm never going back. but you have to admit, what this deputy did was inexcusable, he blew off the basic purpose of
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his job. when people found this out, they didn't wait four minutes to go in on him. >> there's no one i talked to that is not disgusted that the local sheriff's deputy that was there did not go in and kill that individual. >> an armed guard appears to have really, really failed to do his job. >> the sheriff has to go. he has to resign. >> the deputy's actions were unconscious national. >> trevor: damn that was harsh. it was like hearing the white people version of (bleep) the police. ( laughter ) this time, it's not enough just to deal with the law enforcement's bad apples. no. some people want to clean house, starting at the top with sheriff scott israel. >> more than 70 republican state lawmakers sunday demanded florida governor rick scott suspend israel, the same day scott announced a state-run investigation into the law enforcement response to the shooting. >> are you really not taking any responsibility for the multiple red flags that were brought to the attention of the broward sheriff's office about this shooter before the incident,
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whether it was people near him, close to him, calling the police -- >> jake -- jake, i could only take responsibility for what i knew about. i exercised my due diligence. i've given amazing leadership to this agency -- >> amazing leadership? >> -- i've worked -- yes, jake. >> trevor: amazing leadership. jake did a take in his mind -- what? amazing leadership? no. denzel washington in the titans, that was amazing leadership. denzel in malcolm x, that was amazing leadership. ( applause ) denzel in "coach carter," that was samuel l. jackson. you're racist. ( laughter ) look, it's clear that the deputy didn't do his job. he was armed. he was at the school and he didn't help.
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now, for some people, this shows exactly why there's no point in arming teachers because if a trained officer didn't come to the rescue, how is mrs. flenderson going to do better? ( laughter ) the deputy failing to go in shows exactly why you need teachers to be strapped. >> a lot of us said you need armed teachers carrying concealed because you can't count on the prevention. >> a security guard that doesn't know the children doesn't love the children. this man standing outside the school the other day doesn't love the children, probably doesn't know the children. the teachers love their children. they love their pupils, they love their students. >> trevor: so what we need is someone who loves high school kids and knows their way around guns. wait a second, i know just the guy... yeah! what! the dude needs a job! ( applause ) can't work at the mall.
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come on! here's what frustrates me in the gun violence discussion. people make it seem like it's only one problem and one solution. the guns, the cops, maybe both. there are some problems with more than one factor to them. like it's, yes, she met someone more attractive, but you're also an asshole, yeah. so you have to work on both of those factors by becoming a nicer person and by disfiguring your rival, all right? it's the same with school shootings. maybe with better training, the deputy would have known how to go into the situation while still keeping himself relatively safe, but maybe with bert gun laws, once the deputy did go into the school, he wouldn't have to face a teenager with an ar-15. ( applause ) there is no one solution. there is no one solution that will solve all mass shootings, except for this one solution. >> i got to watch some deputy sheriffs performing this weekend. they weren't exactly medal of
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honor winners. i really believe, you don't know till you test it, but i really believe i would run in there even if i didn't have a weapon. ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: i like that he's honest enough to say, look, i haven't tested this -- ( laughter ) -- but i think -- yeah, i think i would run in. without a weapon, yeah. yeah, i think i would run in. i think i would. i think i would. to be fair, if donald trump ran into a school during a shooting, i do believe he would actually stop the shooting, yeah. because imagine you're a school shooter and donald trump appears in the hallway, how distracting would that be? it would be just, like, that's right, it's me, donald trump! i don't have a gun but what i do have is an amazing electoral college victory! they said i couldn't win! $732 votes, but i did it, folks. i did it so good! eight minutes, the police show
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up, trump is still talking, the kid is, like, what the hell is happening here! it would work! ( cheers and applause ) but, like, for real, though? for real? -- i think i'd run in there even if i didn't have a weapon -- really? yeah? it would be ridiculous coming from anyone, but especially from trump. he's gonna run in? yo, when trump ran for president, that was the first time he ran in his entire life! come on, man! ( applause ) you're telling me this guy is brave enough to run into an unarmed -- he's brave enough to run into a school shooting, this guy? really? the same guy, the same guy who clung to a secret service agent like he was the last life vest on the titanic. that guy? that guy? really, trump cares so much about helping people that he'd jump into the middle of a school shooting with nothing but his
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fun-sized fists? really? that guy? ( applause ) but he's also the same guy who proudly tells this story -- >> i tell you what happened, i was at mar-a-lago and we had this incredible ball. a man about 80 years old, very wealthy, a lot of people didn't like him, he falls off the sage. so this guy falls off the stage, hits his head, and i thought he died. you know what i did? i said, oh, my god, that's disgusting, and i turned away. he's bleeding all over. it's terrible. beautiful marble floor, it turned red. >> trevor: that guy is going to run in and stop a school shooting? get the (bleep) out of here, man! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) i was just... ...looking at getting an amazing iphone 8?
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they have an all glass design, advanced cameras, a11 bionic chip. uh.. i'm going to... yeah, now you're going to give your second phone to your new friend. wow, paul! (vo) now, get one iphone 8 for people with hearing loss, and give a second one on us. visit sprintrelay.com. hey, sir lose-a-lot! thou hast the patchy beard of a pre-pubescent squire! thy armor was forged by a feeble-fingered peasant woman... your mom! as long as hecklers love to heckle, you can count on geico saving folks money. boring! fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. my doctor says i havey, what's skittles pox.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! the winter olympics wrapped up last night in south korea. so to look back at all the exciting events you didn't watch, we turn to roy wood, jr. and michael kosta in our royal sports segment, i apologize for talking when you were talking. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> roy. >> oh, yeah! oh! >> i love the winter olympics. you know, skiing, skating, luge,
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all sports roy and i grew up with. >> yeah. >> and what a year for norway, stop of the medal count with 39 and they only have a few people. >> their whole country is a snow course. these aren't sports for them. this is just life. if there was an olympic event where i could watch real housewives of atlanta and eat spaghettiios out of a can, i would be a world class athlete. >> this year the u.s. only finished fourth place. >> respectable. >> we're the united states of america. we didn't invade iraq to place fourth in the winter olympics. >> why did he invade iraq? >> this hockey player refused to wear her silver me cal at the ceremony. she's, like, get this garbage out of my face! >> to be fair, that might be the least canadian thing i've ever seen. >> they're doing a glued test to see if she's canadian now.
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>> you know who was happy with the silver medal, ivanka trump, borrowed one off of lauren gibbs. >> do you think it's okay she wears a medal she didn't earn? >> it's not a job at the white house. >> why didn't the u.s. win more gold? >> they didn't have their eyes on the prize. they had it on the speed skaters' junks. >> not only are you in spanned e, you have a bullseye! >> look right there! you're a distracted speed skater! m also if you're going to talk romance, we have to talk about the canadian ice dancing couple. >> ththe greatest dancing team bone. >> oh, dude. just listen to their names, moyer and virtue. sounds like a hallmark movie about two dancers who boned. >> i'm not sure. >> look at this. >> relationship status is none
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of your business ( laughter ) >> that doesents prove anything. >> come on, man! look at them. >> get your head out of the boning gutter. why do you care so much? >> love is a drug and if they are in love it may as well be doping. love is a terrible poison that once it's in your veins you're left alone with no money and she takes everything from you! >> speaking of cheating the russian olympics were accused of doping last olympics. they wanted to make sure they played fair this time. that athlete in the i don't do doping shirt tested positive for doping! >> that would be like i don't pee myself on roller states shirt when the facts show otherwise. >> wilde you dope in bob sledding? it's the only sport signature down. bring a neck pillow with you. that would be cheating. >> that was this year's winter olympics in south korea. can't wait to see all the action
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again next year. >> it's every four years. >> i did not know that. i was watching black panther. >> black panther, huh? >> have you seen it? ( applause ) >> trevor: we'll be right back. okay, i've given you guys eating ala chance to confess.? this little baby can detect trace amounts of cheetos dust.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a six-time emmy award-winning grammy nominated singer/actor/dancer/writer/ impro singer/actor/dancer/writer/impro
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viser playing lola in "kinky boots." please welcome wayne brady! ( cheers and applause ) mbz. >> hey, hey! >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you so much for having me, sir. >> trevor: good to have you back in new york. you're acting out in "kinky boots." are you competing with steve harvey to be the busiest man in shoabz? how many jobs do you have at the same time? >> well, my family is from the west indies so we have so many jobs. let's make a deal on cbs, that's every day. whose line is it anyway on the cw and late on this year i'm recurring on this u.s.a. sci-fi drama called colony, which is an amazing show, and i'm the voice of clover the bunny on sophia i on the disney channel. >> trevor: and reprising your role in "kinky boots" as lola,
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which has gotten rave reviews. people love "kinky boots." >> it's amazing. >> trevor: but specifically lola, that character is a powerful one. how did you get into the role and what is lola for you? >> for those of you who don't know, lola in the drama musical "kinky boots" is a drag queen, but what i love about -- because just on the surface, when i say, oh, lola's a drag queen, immediately, there are some people watching this right now, and i've taken the temperature online, that there are some folks that go, oh, so you're playing a drag queen -- and whatever narrative they fill in. >> trevor: right. >> so they imagine whatever it is. whatever you're thinking, it's wrong. because lola is a drag queen but she's a former boxer and is a british former boxer, so who gets to play a british former boxer who decides to become a drag queen and works at this factory and designs boots and sings and dances and does this
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whole thing? >> trevor: the busiest man in show business, that's who gets to play that person. i feel that's the perfect role for you. >> it's a tour deforce, i won't lie. >> trevor: right. >> just my own pride as, hell, yeah, i can do this. >> trevor: right. >> but it's also for this day and age, for the times that we live in right now, where a lot of people feel they can just walk up to you on the street and say whatever the hell they want to because they have been given carte blanche by somebody. i'm happy to be a black man playing this role that causes some people to have such problems with it. you know what i'm going to do, trevor? i want to read something on facebook, and i put -- >> trevor: oh, lord, here we go. the facebook is coming out. how come no one pulls out facebook to show you just like a cool -- let me show you something someone said on facebook that made my day. >> oh, no, it made my day.
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>> trevor: in what way? >> it made me realize i was doing the right thing. >> "wayne, are you actually gay or do you just support gay and pride lifestyle? i'm guessing you're gay, exclamation mark! dwhiewnt god says about laying with another man you will not make it to seven. it's satan or aka lucifer that you are following, so sad, period. god gave everyone another chance after he flooded the earth and people like you screwed up again, but that is why god gives you the freedom to choose. you are going to have so much fun burning in torment in hell forever." baby, i already got a tan. she says, fire is real. whose line.
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it's a contraction, who's line sit anyways. until i found out you were day, question mark question mark, and then the exclamation mark, now i don't watch it anymore. yoi will be in glory, soon. >> hey, baby, bet your than me. ( cheers and applause ) so the reason i wanted to play lola is because i love what lola stands for. >> trevor: right. >> be yourself and whoever you are, just be you and that's the best that you can do. ( applause ) >> trevor: he returns to "kinky boots" in a limited run from march 5th to april 26t april 26th! wayne brady, everybody!
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here's to the friends you can always count on. maybe even better you are athan your dad.ot. it's time to step out of his shadow. think if i had the patience. let's do this. there's something you need to see. they've evolved. ♪ ready for this? well he's pretty big. fire everything you've got. rated pg-13. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's our show. stay tuned. "the opposition" with jordan klepper is coming up next. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> i will call up carrier, the president, because i have to do it myself, i know it's not --
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(screaming) >> i was ready for 'em but it's much easier if the cops do it. don't we agree? what a great job! what a great job! comedy central (cheers and applause). >> jordan: good evening, opposers, i am in a great mood, it's already february 26th. my o poant is how to be black baratunde thurston. now we'll deal with him later because now, folks, i'm still coming down from the biggest weekend of the year. cpac, the conservative political action conference. i was there this weekend soaking up the right and i will be back with a full report later on this week. but if you don't know, cpac is

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