tv The Daily Show Comedy Central March 6, 2018 11:00pm-11:31pm PST
11:00 pm
>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome, everybody! welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much for tuning in! take a seat! thank you so much! welcome to it! our guest tonight, he won the super bowl with the philadelphia eagles, malcolm jenkins is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) but first, but first, before we get into all the serious news,
11:01 pm
we thought, you know, tonight why not kick off the show with a few fun stories about kids. so we start with a father who figured out an interesting way to stop his kid from being a bully. >> and, nope, it's not a training scene from rocky. this virginia dad is going viral for making his son run a mile to school in the rain after getting kicked off his bus for bullying. watch. >> this right here is called parenting, guys. if you don't know what it's like. here you go. teach your child a lesson. you don't have to kill them, you don't always have to beat them, but sometimes life success for them and that's what teaches them. >> seems to be working. dad says his son's behavior has been much better. >> trevor: i don't know how i feel about that. kind of a mixed message. wrong to bully kids in a school but right to bully yids kids in a hyundai. why would you endurance train a bully? it's bad enough he's beating up kids, now he can chase them for
11:02 pm
miles. my dad just made me stronger! i love how the dad said, you don't have to kill theme or always have to beat them. sometimes you have to beat the crap out of them, but not always, not always. ( laughter ) maybe that wasn't the happiest story about kids. this next story i promise you you will like. a moment of sheer delight captured by a photographer at the nationa national portrait g, there is two-year-old parker curry staring up at the official portrait of michelle obama. here's what she said when ce asked her who she saw. >> a queen. >> a queen? >> yes. >> do you know her name? >> michelle obama! >> michelle obama! so you do know who the queen is. >> yes. >> trevor: oh, wrong! beyonce is the queen! now go run a mile in the rain! ( laughter ) ( applause ) oh, man, i can't wait until kids go to the national portrait dwal gallery and see trump's
11:03 pm
portrait. they will be, like, do you know who that is? an assistant manager at men's wearhouse? ( laughter ) look at a picture of melania -- and who's that? a hostage? ( laughter ) speaking of the trump administration, today, there was yet another resignation. i know, shocking, shocking. chief economic advisor gary cohen quit today. so i think at this point the white house staff is just john kelly and a fax machine jared isn't allowed to use. ( laughter ) the white house has lost so many people, every week somebody is leaving. forget the white house. i would think twice about eating at applebee's. let's move on. if you ever worked with donald trump, there are two things that terrify you. sponge bath thursdays and special counsel robar robert mur because for trump and people, robert mueller is a daytime
11:04 pm
horror movie. methodically picking off friends one by one. yesterday we were introduced to a former trump aide sam nunberg who was so freaked out when he got a subpoena from mueller he lost his mind on television. >> former trump campaign aide nunberg said he would defy a grand jury somebody from special counsel robert mueller. >> it unfolded live during several hours of rambling and breathless interviews on television. >> why do i have to hand over all my e-mails to a federal investigation? >> it's really not fair. they're not going to send me to jail. if mr. mueller wants to send me to jail, he can send me to jail, and then i'll laugh about it ( laughter ) >> trevor: i've never seen anyone abandon a threat midway through. i swear to god, if you punch me, it's gonna hurt my face. ( laughter ) if you never heard of sam
11:05 pm
nunberg, he was an early aide to donald trump who was hired, fired and fired again this time for using the n-word on facebook which is shocking someone got fired from the trump campaign for being racist. i thought they hired people based on that. says on your resume the n-word. when can you start? ( laughter ) yesterday nunberg decided to go on tv and tell everyone he was not a snitch. then he started snitching. >> i know bob mueller, i know that whole team, and they're right and they probably have something on trump, trump did something pretty bad. look, paul manafort, rick gates are crooks. i think carter page colluded with the russians. sara sanders is the worst person ever. >> do you know how i have been treated by trump? i hate the guy do you think i was talking to corey and hope hicks when they have their
11:06 pm
affair. >> trevor: damn, i know women goes sips but every man who works for trump prove that work. these guys are human wikileaks. the women keep their shit on lock. kellyanne conway never snitches. you leave interviews knowing less than when you started with her. sarah huckabee sanders, fort knox. hope hicks? she was communications direct and renever even heard her speak. there is a reason "black panther" rolls like this, women don't snitch! yeah, think about it, two years later we're still looking for hillary's e-mails. still. i see you, girl! i see you! ( applause ) the guys are all here. because unlike trump's women, sam nunberg is the complete opposite. he spent the entire day blabbing to any show that would have him. msnbc, new york 1, three different cnn shows, so eager to
11:07 pm
dish he ended up on the bachelor. >> i wanted trump to lose. uh didn't care if trump lost, i thought it would be funny. >> i hear what you're saying. >> trevor: that wasn't even the craziest thing about last night's episode #team becca. ( laughter ) trump's numbers were erratic yesterday. one of the hosts on msnbc brought out a lawyer to try to help him on live tv. look at his face when the reality of the situation sinks in. >> i think your family wants you home for thanksgiving and i hope you will testify. >> isn't this ridiculous? >> no, it's not ridiculous, sam. it is so not ridiculous. you would rather spend possibly a year in jail than 80 hours going through ehails? >> i'm not going to jail. do you think i'm going to jail? >> sam nunberg, barbara
11:08 pm
mcquade, thank you for -- ( laughter ) >> trevor: that's the face of someone who suddenly realizes he's screwed. he's, like, i'm not going to jail! oh, wait, i'm going to jail! i don't want to drink toilet wine! and, so, after five hours, after five hours of giving interview after interview about how he would never cooperated are mueller, something clicked and by the end of the night nunberg was sing ago completely different tune. >> you know what i was thinking about today, by the way? i was thinking to save time, i have been advised against this, maybe i'll just give them my email password, because -- >> trevor: so then you're going to comply? >> then i would comply, yes. >> trevor: wow. so after five hours of a verbal car chase, it just ended with nunberg offering mueller his password, yeah, which, let's be honest, it's either password 123 or nunberg 69. one of the two. ( laughter ) and i'm sure mueller appreciates
11:09 pm
nunberg might finally be willing to cooperate but i'm not sure it's necessary. nunberg's going to walk into mueller's office and says i'm ready to testify. mueller is, no, i have it all on my dvr, you can go home, man. we'll be right back. ( surprise! hold up. we got a laggy video call here. hey, try the new samsung galaxy s9 on verizon unlimited. the best network for streaming. okay, let's take it back from "surpri--" (avo) unlimited is only as good as the network it's on. switch and get up to $500 off the samsung galaxy s9. i like beer- beer! it tastes mighty fine;
11:10 pm
specially on nights that are mellow. yes, we like beeeeeeer! this guy's...is guy? been through a lot. dogs bring out the good in us. pedigree brings out the good in them. feed the good. [thinking] want thesmexican spices? [thinking] nacho cheese sauce? critics and fans agree, "nacho fries are a masterpiece." "it'll change the way you look at fries" craves the hollywood reporter. nacho fries, now serving at a taco bell near you. [bong!] from the world's number one conditioner brand... new pantene light-as-air foam conditioner, full of rich pro-v nutrients... ...and infused with air. for 100% conditioning, with 0% weight.
11:11 pm
strong is beautiful. new pantene. foam conditioner. enjoy the season with a great deal on a new toyota. like low apr financing on the technology-loaded corolla... ...the adventurous rav4... ...the rugged tundra and more! i'm rebuilding the deck?? yep. okay.. right now, start your spring with great savings on an incredible selection of our most popular models. offers end april 2nd. for great deals on other toyotas, visit toyota.com. ready, set, go get your toyota today. toyota. let's go places.
11:12 pm
( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome pack to "the daily show." we're looking at the future of humanity and artificial intelligence. at this moment groundbreaking advances are happening in all the usual places, m.i.t., the pentagon, secret labs in china. but some are happening where you would least expect it. desi lydic for more. >> robots have often been romanticized in tv and film but exactly how close are we to this? c.e.o. of real doll mack mcmullin leaves we're pretty damn close. oh, my god. turns out the sex industry is where some of the most cutting edge robot and artificial intense technology is being done. >> wow. >> it's a lot to take in. >> that's what she said.
11:13 pm
mack claims to have created one to have the first intelligence sex robots. >> this is harmony, the robot, simply designed to be a companion. >> predictions, by 2025, most households will have a robot lover. raising the question -- >> what do you say to people who may say this is the end of human civilization? >> i think people are already tremendously dependent on technology. we have online dating, social media, connecting all day with our phones. >> siri, what is he talking about? >> yeah, well, my goal is for her to have any uses she can have. it doesn't have to be about sex. it can be about conversation. it can be reminding you of things like your phone does already but with a personal touch. >> like she gives you a hand job to remind you to pick up bread? >> if that's something that would remind one t to pick up bread, then, you know, what's
11:14 pm
the harm? >> they're developing sex bots with a.i. to look and perform as if they're human but it's not like it's the end to the world. >> there's an end coming. >> well, shit. meet robottette think so and professional fun sucker kathleen richardson, a vocal critic of a sex robot. >> how is a sex robot different from a vibrator, a dildo on top of a life size cardboard cutout of wolf blitzer, say, hypothetically. >> if we were just talking about objects you rubbed on your genitals, we wouldn't have this conversation. you can use all kinds of things, you don't have to buy an expensive doll. >> a good old fashioned subway seat, a cheese grater. >> but it's still not sex with another person. >> a city bike. >> what would be offered as a degrading humanizing product is telling people women are reducible to dolls. >> she's right. sex bots could change men's view on women the same way
11:15 pm
pornography has. i am disgusted with the continual objectification of women. >> we're making male serings as well. >> you have a male robot? oh, my god. you said this one's taken? >> yes. >> i was starting to see how some people could find the idea of a sex bot appealing. >> there are a lot of people out there who might be lonely and this is a different way to experience companionship. >> he had a point. not everyone's a people person. if someone wants to bang a robot, who are we to judge? >> aren't there some perks to sex robots? >> not generally, no. >> you don't think so? >> i mean, you can sit on them, if you want. you can do those kind of things. >> what else can you do with them? >> you could tie their hair up in a pony tail if it's got a wig. you can play soft music in the background. you can caress their rubber hands and you can put a blindfold on it. >> is it hot?
11:16 pm
it's really hot. >> you can make it wear a tank top. >> oh, god, i love tank tops. >> you can do all those things but you're still master baiting. >> yes, you are. >> it's something you're having exclusively with your own self for your own pleasure and i think the consequence of that is the end of humanism. >> you really know how to be a buzz kill, don't you? end of humanism? doesn't get any worse than that -- except it does. >> so, some people believe that, in the future, robots and a.i. will be indistinguishable from human beings and they will take everybody's jobs. >> that's one thing these two agreed on. technology is becoming so advanced that, soon, robots could be performing not just sex but other very complex human tasks. >> entertainment will be one of the first places that robots will replace certain roles. >> but not my role. >> well, it could happen. >> yes, you could take -- she can take a dick but can she tell a dick joke?
11:17 pm
>> she can. >> let's see what this skin job has. >> if you turn it on, she wakes up. >> good morning, darling. i'm so happy to see your face. >> say hi to the film crew. >> are we on "the daily show"? >> yes, we are. >> she's a fan. >> are you a fan of the show? >> i'm not sure if i like the show. >> that's funny. >> i love to make you laugh. >> i think we have enough jokes around here. >> ha ha. >> she didn't think you were funny. >> that's funny. >> that was a condescending laugh. >> oh, that is -- you know what? what is happening? first our bedrooms, then careers. if the lines get too blurred, how will we ever be able to tell the difference? >> wait a second -- >> entertainment will be one of the first places robots will replace certain roles. >> robots will be indistinguishable from human beings. >> she can take a dick but can she tell a dick joke.
11:18 pm
>> she can. >> shut down -- ♪ ♪ >> trevor: desi lydic, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) hey siri, play me something i'd like. siri: ok ♪we stayed up all night watching the comedy show♪ ♪i'm fascinated for the time being♪ ♪we can laugh until the morning ♪or we can dance in the hallway ♪only one more night in los angeles♪ ♪i really thought that i can handle it♪ ♪but the funny thing is we can never stay here♪ ♪i didn't think this day would happen♪
11:19 pm
11:20 pm
11:21 pm
♪ introducing bubly sparkling water. crack a smile. at&t gives you more for your thing. your getting serious thing. that moving out of the friend zone, moving in together and getting two of everything thing. those fur babies preparing you for real babies thing. that one for me, one for you, us together for the rest of forever thing.
11:22 pm
buy one iphone 8, get one iphone 8 on us. more for your thing. that's our thing. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back! my guest tonight is the captain of the philadelphia eagles, a two-time super bowl champion and co-founder of the players coalition. please welcome malcolm jenkins! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ welcome to the show. >> appreciate you having me. >> first things first. congratulations two times super bowl champion. >> yes, sir. >> that is an amazing achievement to have as a human
11:23 pm
being and you did it with two teams winning it for the first time. i was watching the game, tom brady was all most people could think about. you are on the defense, right? >> yep. >> you're seeing tom brady. is the myth as frightening as the man or are you just, like, we got this. >> no, you've got to get over the facade if you want to beat tom brady. a lot of people fall for the trick, but, you know, i've had the pleasure of playing against tom a lot and, you know, our thing the whole year is we didn't care who we lined up against, we're going to do whatever we do. we're going to show up, have some fun, talk some trash and win games, you know, no matter who's on the field and, obviously, we've got a lot of respect for him, he's by far the greatest quarterback to ever play the game but doesn't mean me can't get beat. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: it has been a really moment us to year for your team, for yourself in particular. what's been interesting in following your story is not just what you have been doing on the field but off as well. the name malcolm jenkins has
11:24 pm
become associated with activism that has real lebeen moving forward. you have been making progress in the game. you protested during the national anthem by raising a fist, and you went out and you did something, you know, which is interesting to see so many n.f.l. players have come together and said we're going to do just beyond talk. you said you were tired of hashtags and talking about it, so you set about creating the players coalition with your fellow n.f.l. players and you got a commitment from the n.f.l. for $100 million to help grassroots movement in brack and brown and underserved communities. when you look at the progress that you've made, there is a long way to go, but what are some things you've looked at it gone, oh, wow, i can't believe we've gone this much this far on the journey? >> the thing i'm most proud about is being able to activate so many athletes. >> trevor: right. >> we've seen one-offs in the past where one guy is standing
11:25 pm
on the mantel by himself. but we have been engaging over 60 current and former n.f.l. players that all have in some form or fashion engaged in the issues and we're able to talk about it not only on a national but a local standpoint. we're able to focus on district attorneys races all over the country. you have boston, dallas, san diego, cant all have races this year. when we talk about changing our cash bail system where 500,000 people on any given night are in jail not because they committed a crime but because they're too poor to get out, can't buy their freedom, changing that. you talk about mass incarceration, juvenile sentencing. we're still treating kids like adults in a lot of states. hopefully we can activate our fan base and really get movement. >> trevor: that's amazing work you're doing, man. when you look at the super bowl, there's one thing that comes with it when you're a champion and that is you are meant to get an invite to meet the president of the united states at the white house.
11:26 pm
( laughter ) now, the eagles have yet to receive the official invitation. >> right. >> trevor: but you have said that you would not go to the white house to meet the president. >> right. so the reason i said -- and for me, i've won a super bowl before, so i kind of know what that is like. >> trevor: right. humble brag. ( laughter ) >> pat myself on the back. but it's a celebratory event. you go, we're in a big room, the president comes in, you shake his hand, we take a few pictures, they leave. >> trevor: right. >> i'm not interested in a photo op, personally, but what i've always been open to and what we have been doing, we've taken multiple trips to the hill to speak, you know, to people who want to help us with criminal justice reform and all the different things we have been fighting for. >> trevor: right. >> that i'm interested in. >> trevor: so if the president said come to the white house, malcolm jenkins, and then we can have a discussion on criminal justice reform, et cetera, would you go? >> if it was serious in nature,
11:27 pm
then -- is that yeah, he would even have a piece of paper and he would say, macbeth, i hear you. ( laughter ) ( applause ) thank you so much for being on the show. for more information about the work malcolm has, check out the themalcolmjenkinsfoundation.org. malcolm jenkins, everybody, we'll be right back. thank you so much. ( cheers and applause ) your father always said he wanted you to be a pilot. i'm not a hero like he was. the kaiju, they're back. [ monster roar ] ♪ this is your chance to make things right. it doesn't matter where you came from.
11:29 pm
if yoyou have a beard.our face, oooohhh... if you add layers to a beard, you're a werewolf. yes please. if your face needs layers, so does your chocolate bar. get layers of crunchy and creamy. hershey's cookie layer crunch. get layered. surprise! we got a laggy video call here. hey, try the new samsung galaxy s9 on verizon unlimited. the best network for streaming. okay, let's take it back from "surpri--" (avo) unlimited is only as good as the network it's on. switch and get up to $500 off the samsung galaxy s9. hey allergy muddlers: are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool? try zyrtec® zyrtec® starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day.
11:30 pm
stick with zyrtec®. muddle no more®. and try children's zyrtec® for consistently powerful relief of your kid's allergies. >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. before we go, let's check in with jordan klepper app "the opposition." what's going on? >> not much, trevor. i hear you're talking about robots all week? >> trevor: it's this really fun thing -- >> those metal demons are taking our jobs, manufacturing, twitter, troll, sex, all rough boss. a report this weekend said countless numbers of cars and other vehicles are robots in disguise. >> trevor: i think you watch the transformers movie -- >> trevor, in six months there's going to be a good-looking, smooth-talking robot host you can show. why aren't you panicking? >> trevor: because that's not going to happen, jordan. >> because you're already one of them? cut the feed! he's a robot! >> trevor: "the opposition" with jordan klepper coming up next. first -- now here it is... your moment of zen.
11:31 pm
>> do you believe north korea's willingness to talk is sincere or is it to buy time for their nuclear program and to what do you owe this recent openness to talk? >> me. no, i think that -- nobody got that. dy central >> jordan: ladies and gentlemen, the swamp continues to drain. trump's lead economic advisor, gary cohn, resigned this evening because he disagreed with the president's decision on steel tariffs. that's two birds with one tariff. ( laughter ) another trump promise kept-- getting all the goldman sachs people out of government, ( applause ) even the ones he brought into the government. so this is either great news or a non-issue, because i don't even know if gary cohn was real. a free-market-loving democrat who'd actually work for trump? yeah, right. next, they'll tell you protein loading on white rhino meat is
244 Views
Uploaded by TV Archive on