and we torched the plant leader. - oh. oh! [choking] i-it's me! i'm--i'm me again! oh, my god, i'm all better. thanks, you guys. - henrietta, i have dinner ready. - shut up, mom! leave me alone, you conformist bag of demon jizz! - fatty. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: thank you so much, everybody! thank you so much! and welcome to "the daily show"!

thank you for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight is a pulitzer price-winning author who has written his first children's book called "islandborn." welcome to the show. let's get straight into it. president trump's housing secretary doesn't know anything about housing. his environmental chief doesn't think manmade climate change is a thing, and last night we learned his secretary of education has a lot of learning to do. >> betsy devos the education secretary admitting on "60 minutes" she does not know how schools are performing this her home state of michigan mi. >> have the public schools in michigan got upbetter? >> i don't know. overall -- i can't say, overall, that they have all gotten better. >> the whole state is not doing well. >> well, there are certainly lots of pockets where the students are doing well. >> have you seen the really bad schools? maybe try to figure out what -- what they're doing? >> i have not -- i have not -- i have not intentionally visited schools that are underperforming. >> maybe you should. >> maybe i should.

yes. >> trevor: maybe i should, yes! ( laughter ) you know the fact she never intentionally went to the a bad school means she definitely walked into one by accident. she walked in, she's, like, this is the biggest check cashing place i've ever seen! wait a minute! i do feel bad for the next school she visits now because they'll definitely know why she's there. they'll be, like, wait! are we the crappy school? is that why my textbook is just a bunch of snapple caps? ( laughter ) betsy devos accidentally walking into a bad school would be the best sequel to dangerous minds ever. her walking in, like, hello students, i'm betsy devos. oh, hell, no, i'm out, charter school bitches! ( laughter ) moving on, the president headed to western pennsylvania to help republicans win a special election for a vaingt congressional seat in the heart of steel country. this is a district trump won by 20 points so normally should be

a cakewalk for the g.o.p. yet republican rick socomb is struggling to hold off the democrat. trump held a rally to remind everyone that before he was a terrible president, he was a really entertaining candidate. >> president trump traveled to moontownship pennsylvania saturday night outside of pittsburgh to rally for state representative republican rick saccomb. >> connor lam, lam the sham, he's trying to act like a republican, but he won't give me one vote. i don't know, i hear he's a nice guy. nice looking guy. i think i'm better looking than him. i do. and he's slightly younger than me. slightly. no, i heard that, then i saw he's okay. he's all right. personally, i like rick, i think he's handsome. >> trevor: so one candidate is good looking and the other

candidate is also good looking. and that's pretty much as in depth as trump got about the race. you know, most presidential endorsements don't take bang ability into account. i like the new approach. i would smash him. also him. smash them all. ( laughter ) in theory, trump was meant to be there campaigning for the republican candidate but in reality just there to enjoy himself. >> ever see the story where it's 1999, i'm on mee "meet the presa show headed by sleepy eyes chuck todd, he's a sleepy co sleepy sa bitch, i'll tell ya. >> trevor: now that's, presidential! yeah! none of this yes we can bullshit, sleeping son of a bitch! only a leader. only trump could ridicule people for performing necessary human functions. this guy sleeps, folks! he sleeps sometimes! and what about this woman? her body is literally covered in skin! and the crowd is like, yeah!

i hate skin! i'll tear mine off right now! ahhh! take that, liberals, aaahhh! ( laughter ) when trump holds a rally, you can tell he's back into his element. he will rip whatever comes to his head. >> melania, great first lady. she's great. she's great. ( cheers and applause ) she is great. ( applause ) you think her life is so easy folks? not so easych ( laughter ) >> trevor: who thinks melania has it easy? the number one story in america right now is how her husband had an affair with a porn star, and then forgot to sign his own nondisclosure agreement. ( laughter ) who has it easy? poor melania still has to pretend she's happily married which is really hard. sally hawkins had an easier job

acting like she wanted to (bleep) a fish. that's the real oscar right there. so trump goes to pennsylvania to say how much he supports rick somebody. barely speaks about the dude, then on top of that decides now is the perfect time to pimp his own reelection campaign. >> you know, make america great again, right? make america great again, right? ( cheering ) so you know what the new slogan's going to be. i won't tell you. we've got to keep it secret. but our new slogan, when we start running, can you believe it, two years from now, is going to be "keep america great!" "keep america great!" >> trevor: oh, man! that was priceless! you know halfway through his slogan his rhythm was off,

right? meek america great again! and his new slogan is keep america great, exclamation point! he has to finish it off. it's like messing up a slogan, nationwide is on your side exclamation point! ( laughter ) and jeb bush, first trump stole his dignity, now his exclamation point. when will it end? ( laughter ) if trump seemed he was in an especially good mood, a few days earlier he had a big life event. donald trump got a new best friend. >> global stunner, the president agrees to meet face to face with north korea's leader, something no president has ever done. >> the decision to meet came suddenly and dramatically. once president trump heard kim jong un wanted to meet with him, he quickly agreed. >> the president was ecstatic, poking his head into the white house briefing room to announce something big was about to happen is that this is the cutest story i've heard about trump in a long time. he was so excited.

kim jong un wanted to meet him that he was running tarped white house telling everyone. it was, like, did you guys hear? i said yes! "rocket man"! never had a lover like this before! ( laughter ) a sitle u.s. president meeting with the leader of north korea is like a "sesame street" episode about group sex. it's never happened. ( laughter ) which is why, which is why -- you can look at that for a moment. you can enjoy that. they have needs, too, you know! it's natural! which is why, like that "sesame street" episode, nobody really knows if it's a good idea. >> a lot of us feel kim jong un is a bully who needs to be handled by another bully. >> i am highly skeptical of the idea of meeting with the head of a gulag state and handing over legitimacy. >> he's not prepared, jonathan, that's the problem. there's no one at the state department to brief him.

we have no ambassador to south korea. will he be prepared? we don't know. >> but, donna, you have to admit that the previous white house and the one before that had some of the most well-prepared, brillient foreign policy minds that we've ever seen and it was failure. >> trevor: oooh, that's a really good point. the experts have been trying to solve north korea for 20 years, and it's only gotten worse. so if the smart people can't do it, why not try trump? right? it's, like, if you had a rare disease that the world's top doctors couldn't cure so you were, like, you know what? why not let that dog in a hat give it a try? yeah! how did he even get that hat? he's got to be pretty smart! ( laughter ) many foreign policy experts have concerns about sending such an inpredictable negotiate into a nuclear missile disinto a mike lar arms production. >> north korean state media which we have been monitoring

closely since the announcement came out a couple of days ago about the potential meeting hasn't mentioned it. >> the north koreans have been early quiet. >> president trump has a foreign policy and took the north koreans by surprise like everyone else. >> trevor: north korea made an offer and didn't think trump would say yes so they didn't know what i have to going to do. like cat calling worked. hey, sexy, my mustache is lonely, want to take it for a ride? the woman is, sure, right now. uh, i guess i could ask my boss i have all the nails to hammer. bye-bye now. ( laughter ) i know north korea is basically a nuclear free zone, but what if he gets it right, goes to north korea, doesn't say anything racist, even bonds with kim because they go to the same supercuts, right, and then they reach an historic agreement to get rid of north korea's nukes, that would be amazing.

we would celebrate. until president trump gets home and we realize he forgot to sign the last page. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ introducing bubly sparkling water. crack a smile. today, right now, you have more power at your fingertips than entire generations that came before you. but it's not really about what technology can do,

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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." this week is the beginning of march madness where every office working in america loses 20 bucks to the one person who knows everything about college basketball or the one person who knows absolutely nothing about college basketball, it's either/or, the rest of us have no chance. ( laughter ) once again we at "the daily show" are staging our own bracket tournament which we call third month mania. and this year, our bracket is about bullshit, right. because we've all been dealing with it a lot this year. starting now on thirdmonthmania.com, you can vote to decide what bullshit was the bullshitiest bullshit of the

last year. for more we go to roy wood, jr. and michael kosta to help break down the brackets. ( cheers and applause ) >> it's that time of year again. welcome to another third month mania. >> we host off the brackets, sterilize it in boiling water and stocked it with all the finest grade a bullshit we could fine. >> two on one side donald trump and all the bullshit he's but us through, the other side the bullshit from everything else. >> i was even in the end. >> a lot to get through. the trump side of the bracket. we're all familiar with the top seeds here. number one, him saying he had the largest inauguration crowd ever. we saw p pictures. or aftercharlottesville, saying there were very fine people on both sides. >> a good bullshittologist likes to look at the lower seeds and find the possible cinderella stories that could go all the way. for me donald trump the man that tweets at "fox & friends" and controls alec baldwin for his

presentation on the regular, donald trump said i don't get to watch much television because of documents. >> i think that's what he calls the drive-through men you at kfc. >> eight piece bucket, four piece bucket, mac and cheese, side of biscuit, that's the kind of bullshit that can go all the way. >> trump's denials all star bullshit. just a seven seed but potential. >> the beautiful christmas season people don't talk about anymore. they don't use the word christmas. >> people don't say merry christmas anymore? it's such bullshit the human brain doesn't etch know whatths intoats to do with it. >> like when you find out humans share 50% of their dna with bananas. >> they do? >> it's true. >> i have to power through that. we have another whole side of the bracket to get to. >> that's right. trump's not the only one producing division one caliber bullshit. let's took at the everything else region. >> lots of strong contenders in the everything else region, and

remember, bullshit doesn't just mean lying, it's really anything that makes you say that's some bullshit. my pick to go this side to have the bracket, mario batali's cinnamon roll apology. the dude was accused of sexual harassment and he responds by e-mailing an apology that includes a recipe for pizza dough cinnamon roles. >> totally classy. >> yes, it was, and the sen mon rolls were kind of delicious. >> you made 'em? >> cinnamon rolls didn't hurt anybody. >> your kippen. that was some good bullshit, but doesn't top michael phelps "racing a shark." >> and the shark was c.g.i. phelps was swimming by himself! >> america just wanted to see a man race and maybe get eaten by a shark and they wouldn't even give us that! that is some bullshit. >> i bet even trump was watching phelp race the shark and said are you kidding me, these scam

artists? i'm going to turn after the tv and read a document. >> that's sot bullship. go online to third month emplane.com and share your picks with friends. >> 50% of dna from bananas. >> you can kind of tell. see? >> maybe you, not me. >> a real human back here. >> don't! oh! >> trevor: hikele and roy, everybody. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) i was just...

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your father always said he wai'm not a hero like he was. the kaiju, they're back. [ monster roar ] ♪ this is your chance to make things right. it doesn't matter where you came from. this is our time to make a difference. what do we do? we fight. rated pg-13. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a pulitzer prize-winning author who has written his first children's book called slai "islandborn." please welcome junot díaz! ( cheers and applause ) welcome to the show. >> thank you so much. >> trevor: this is quite an

adventure for you writing your first children's book. a lot of people know your work, the pulitzer for "the brief wonderous life of oscar wilde." you are an author that is prolific, you write amazing stories that connect not only to the immigrant experience but the american experience because everyone comes from somewhere. what made you go with the children's book? that's quite a departure for you. >> i have a lot of god children. i have two god daughters who, about 20 years ago, asked me to write them a book about them, their dominican, live up in the bronx, and i said i would. it took me 20 years to actually write it. >> trevor: wow. >> yeah. >> trevor: they're, like, god parents themselves now. >> yeah, man, one of them is, like, a lawyer. they're mag grown. >> trevor: i like she threatened to sue you. yeah, you promised this and now you have been served. >> i think she's just embarrassed. man, it took you forever. man, you're lame.

( laughter ) >> trevor: it paid off. you've written a story about a fascinating little girl. for those who have never read the book and want to get into it, what is "islandborn" about in your words? >> about a little girl who grows up in an immigrant community. she emigrated from the island before she could remember anything, and the book is about her teacher asking all these students to draw a picture of their first country, because it's a school of immigrant kids, and she can't remember and decides to figure out what this place that she comes from but she can't remember uh was like. >> trevor: right, an it's funny she has to remember a place that she never was because, in many ways, although it's a children's book, i feel like it touches on themes we can all relate to especially if you live in a country you're not originally from. in the store you have lola going around trying to figure out what pieces she has of the island inside her. was there some of the experience -- was some of the experience inspired by the life you've lived or the life of the

people around you? >> yeah. i mean, part of this has i've i think this to do with how many people we know who carry other worlds with them. they live in one, two, three, four worlds, and in the united states you're encouraged to get rid of all the other worlds and to imagine you only exist in one, but it's not true. so i kind of wanted to write about a little girl who's surrounded by people, who live in multiple worlz, trying to discover what it means to be able to join that, to have other worlds to draw upon. >> trevor: it's interesting that you say people are, you know, conditioned or encouraged to forget the other world. you're american now. this is america. this is don't talk about the dominican republic. this is the only country that matters to you. recently we saw the phrase "a nation of immigrants" being taken out of, you know, america's immigration -- the department. when you see the nation of immigrants being removed, when

you are an immigrant, when you grew up in a community that calls america home and appreciates that journey, how does that make you feel? is that something that worries you or scares you? >> yeah. i mean, first thing, if they removed that to kind of give a more accurate description, america is a white settler colony nation, that would have been nice, but, really, they did it to sort of pursue this anti-immigrant kind of racist line. look, man, white people didn't just materialize in this hemisphere. >> trevor: right. >> all these folks, if you're not indigenous, you're part of this thing that we call immigration, and not wanting to recognize it, not only erases the bloody history of why we're here but also such a rank attack on the communities that have really powered this nation. >> trevor: when we go back to the story of lola, you realize that there is this weird melding of two ideas in "islandborn,"

and that is bringing a piece of your world into america and then having america influence what your world means and is. did you find that happening in your life? because you came over at a young age, and then you became a u.s. citizen, i believe, at the age of 20. how did you find that balance between going i'm from the drop rick but i'm also american? >> you know, what helps is so many people have gone through it. >> trevor: right. >> you know, usually when you're experiencing, you think you're the only one. you're wrestling with the formula, you know, how much can i be dominican, from new jersey, but if you look around, you realize lots of people are wrestling with this and there's a lot of precedence. what really helps is to think of it not as some weird bazaar buffet where you only get one damn choice, that's like a sinister, sadistic buffet. how about you get to choose more than one thing that you could be literally from dominica and new jersey and there's no

conflict. fill the damn plate, you know, fill the plate. >> trevor: fill the damn plate, yo. ( cheers and applause ) thanks for being on the show and writing an amazing book. "islandborn" comes out march 13. junot díaz, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and app

( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." before we go, let's check in with jordan klepper at "the opposition." what's going on? >> poofer trevor. my boy trump has reelection in the bag. he just dropped his 2020 campaign slogan. >> trevor: yeah, keep america great. >> exclamation point. it's got everything. words, punctuation and with a few simple edits, all my maga gear still works. >> trevor: looks great. question mark? opposition the up next. now here it is..