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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  March 13, 2018 11:00pm-11:31pm PDT

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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: thank you so much, everybody! welcome to "the daily show"! thank you for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! my guest tonight, here to discuss his new album "american utopia," music legend david byrne is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) really excited for that. but, first, if your name rhymes with ronald rump then your friends in congress have some really good news for you. >> breaking news this hour, republicans on the house intelligence committee
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announcing they found no evidence that the trump campaign colluded with russia and that they're now shutting down their year-long investigation. >> trevor: yes! the g.o.p.-led house intelligence committee declared donald trump innocent. it's like your aroma therapist telling you you don't have cancer. not remotely credible but makes you feel good. ( laughter ) everyone else is waiting to see what mueller has to say, but trump has already moved on. today the president spent time at the border checking out the world's largest lego projects. >> president trump is in the air on air force one headed to california where he will get a firsthand look at eight border wall prototypes. >> the round piece that you see up here or you see more clearly back there, the larger it is, the better it is because it's very hard to get over the top. it's really deterrent from getting over the top. who would think? who would think. but getting over the top is
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easy. these are, like, professional mountain climbers, they're incredible climbers. ( laughter ) >> trevor: so, wait, mexicans are rapists and professional mountain climbers? ( laughter ) i think this guy is just inventing new stereotypes now. if there's one thing i know about those mexicans, they love their mountains, yeah, almost as much as egyptians love kayaking, yeah! ( laughter ) this is a slick move, you know trump went to the border today because it's taco tuesday. nice move, mr. president. ( laughter ) someone was like, mr. president, we can have tacos on other days. he's, like, no, no, i respect their culture, i respect it. ( laughter ) let's move on. the big news of the day is not about who trump is keeping out, it's about who he's kicking out. >> this is an ncb news special report. >> breaking news out of the white house. the president has asked secretary of state rex tillerson to step aside, and he will be replaced with the current c.i.a. director mike pompeo. >> trevor: that's right. president trump has fired
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secretary of state and human grumpy cat rex tillerson. ( laughter ) and this just continues an unprecedented run of people quitting or getting fired from the trump administration. think about it, we're not even 14 months in and look at all the people we've lost. this is like saving private ryan numbers over this. this is a ton of people. i'm not exaggerating. rex was only one of three people who were fired today. yeah, his aide was fired for explaining how tillerson was fired, and trump's personal assistant was fired for possible financial crimes. yeah, working for the white house is basically like being in a "saw" movie. you show up, get tortured for a while and get killed off. that's how it works. but of course there is the president whose catch phrase is literally "you're fired" didn't have the balls tore the decency to tell rex tillerson to his face. >> the secretary of state was informed by white house chief of staff john kelly that the president had made a decision to
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relieve him of his duties but did not say when that would map. >> he learned officially in a tweet by the president. >> trevor: i'm sorry. that's messed up. how can you fire a man in a public tweet? at least slide into his d.m.s. ( laughter ) and the details of the story have only made it worse because when trump decided to fire tillerson, he was in africa. he was busy meeting with shit hole countries. turns out the only reason tillerson came back when he did is chief of staff john kelly warned him he was going to get fired which is lucky, because imagine if this happened and he wasn't warned, he could have been in middle of negotiations with africa and african leadership found it out on twitter before him, and he would be, like, i'm going to tell you what america requires, and they would be like, i require you to suck my dick. ( laughter ) sir, do you know who you're talking to? i carry the full weight to have the united states. i will give you the full weight
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of my balls. do you know who i am? according to twitter, an unemployed man, huh?! ( laughter ) we'll never know why he got rid of tillerson but it's because tillerson opposed policy issues like the iran nuclear deal or paris accords. but he's like, tillerson looks like a giant porcupines and that scares me because i know that porcupines aren't real. ( laughter ) but if you want to see trump and tillerson's relationship in a nutshell look how they dealt with north korea. at first tillerson tried diplomacy and trump did this. >> sorveght state rex tillerson says the u.s. is in direct channels of communication is north korea and looking to whether the regime is open to talks. >> trump appeared top undermine a new diplomatic channel announced just yesterday by the secretary of state. i told rex tillerson he's
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wasting his time trying to negotiate with "little rocket man." >> trevor: all right, so that was trump's message, don't negotiate with north korea. and tillerson, the loyal soldier that he was, carried that message to the world. then last week, this happened. >> with respect to north korea, in terms of direct talks with the united states and negotiations, we are a long way from negotiations. >> breaking news, president trump agreeing to meet with north korea's kim jong un. >> plump blindsided his secretary of state agreeing to talks only hours after rex tillerson dismissed the idea. >> trevor: come on, man! these are serious mind games! it's like trump was trying to get tillerson to break up with him. let's go to the club. i hate the club. let's stay in. why don't you ever want to go out?! today, when asked about the firing, president trump even sounded like he was trying to be a sensitive ex. >> rex is a good man, i like rex
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a lot. i appreciate his commitment and service. i will be speaking to rex over a lonperiod of time. i wish rex a lot of things. i think he will be very happy. i think rex will be much happier now. >> trevor: trump is right, rex tillerson will be much happier now. everyone who leaves the white house ends up happier. just look at this guy, this guy or this guy, and especially this guy. why are you so happy, obama? we're dying over here! we have been kite surfing for two years. but tillerson will be happier than most because, don't forget, he never wanted the job in a first place. >> he's a reluctant secretary of state to begin with. he's on the record saying i really didn't want the job, my wife asked me to do it. >> trevor: some wives ask their man to take out the garbage, this wife asked tillerson to live in it. that's the most devoted husband. the dopest thing for wife to brag about. ohics your husband brought you
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flowers? my husband works for trump because i asked. but daises are cute, too. you do you, girl. he had no experience, and he was the only cabinet member with a resting i have shit on my shoe face. those people turned owbt to be right. he was a bad secretary of state, defunded positions in his department, left position understand filled and his weak leadershipship had career diplomats leaving in droves, but even though he was a disaster overall, we should separate celebrate his greatest achievements which we celebrate in tonight in rex tillerson's "greatest achievements." ( cheers and applause ) >> nebraska news reporting that the secretary of state rex tillerson called the president he serves a moron. >> my source didn't just say that he called him a moron. he said a f-ing moron. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: tillerson, thank you for your service.
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♪ saucy crispy ♪ saucy saucy crispy saucy crispy. (avo) get an entree like chicken crispers, plus starter and coca-cola, for just ten bucks. ♪ chili's is back, baby, back, baby, back ♪ "the daily show." if you are bel biv devoe and your google alert for people talking about "poison" went off this week, don't get too excited, this is something else. >> british police believe a former russian spine daughter were poisoned by a nerve agent. the pair found unconscious in southern england. >> the government concluded highly unlikely russia was responsible. >> prime minister theresa may said provide answer bys wednesday or britain will consider this a direct attack. >> trevor: well, then, you should consider this a direct attack because you're not getting any answers from the russians. russians don't give you answers. once i asked a russian guy for the time, the dude took a
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cyanide pill. the irony, i didn't need the time. what i needed was a friend. ( laughter ) so a former russian spy living in england is out with his daughter. this is the story. they go to a pub, pizza, pizza place, and shortly afterwards are found poisoned. yeah, now everyone is, like, it's the russians. how do they know? maybe he just ate british pizza. maybe it's that bad. turns out, there was one lead. >> british leaders identified the poison as a military grade nerve agent of a type developed by russia. >> it's one of a group called novichok developed only by russia in the 1970s. used as a fine powder it can apparently cause heart failure within a minute. >> it's been reported that the table where they sat was so heavily contaminated, it had to be removed and destroyed. >> trevor: yo, that is some serious contamination. do you know what it takes to get a pizza place to throw out furniture? it can have an inch of gum
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underneath, a shaker of parmesan stuck to the table for 30 years, probably a wobbly leg propped up by a rat carcass, but that's what makes it authentic, man. so this novichok nerve agent is a real dial and something only russia has. they wanted to make sure everyone knew who was mind behind this. the only way it could have been more obviously russian is if the people were crushed by giant blocks. in the normal rules of spying, when something like this happens, everyone denies everything. but vladimir putin is not playing by norm rules. >> president putin, abc news, is russia bind the poisoning of sergei skripal? >> we are busy with agriculture here to create new conditions for people's lives and you talk to me about some tragedies. first work out what actually happened there, and then we'll talk about it. >> trevor: wait, he didn't even bother to deny it.
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nobody is so busines busy with agriculture they can't answer a murder charge. did you kill him? shhhh! i'm rotating my crops! ( laughter ) i don't know about you but since trump has gotten into power, putin has become more cocky about doing his thing. he doesn't give a damn about poison in the u.k., and when he sat down for an interview with megyn kelly this month, i felt like he did it just so he could clown america on national tv. >> why would you allow an attack like this on the united states? >> why have you decided the russian authorities, myself included, gave anybody permission to do this? could have sent relevant information from france, germany, asia, from russia. what does it have to do with us? >> so it wasn't russia? >> okay, fine, there are 146 million russians, so what? >> trevor: fine, russians!
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so what? i make it up to america, i buy you pizza. i know a good place! ( laughter ) putin is clearly on the top of the world now. the more anyone tries to corner him, the more one he has. >> if the 13 russian nationals and three russian companies did interfere with our elections, is that okay with you? ( laughter ) >> i don't care. i couldn't care less. >> trevor: okay. how long has he been practicing that evil laugh? ( evil laughing ) he's not even pretending. he's basically a full-on bond villain at this point, right? and it didn't help he had jaws next to him just off camera. ( laughter ) i'm going to be honest with you, if this is a bond movie, this is the part where the villain is winning and 007 is strapped to the table about to get his nuts laserred off, that's where we are right now, because you have putin in russia hacking, all right, and poisoning and laughing. and at the same time, don't
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forget, xi jinping is in china and just made himself president for life. and when the world leads american leadership the most, donald trump is, like, i can't talk right now, i'm visiting my beautiful wall, my beautiful wall. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) today, right now, you have more power at your fingertips than entire generations that came before you. but it's not really about what technology can do, it's about what you can do with it. we are living in the future
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oh, this song is okay. a quarter of us is, like, oh, my god, who did this? then when we read the sheet music and did it, it just felt like a moment of togetherness. ♪ everybody's coming to my house ♪ ♪ everybody's coming to my house ♪ ♪ i'm never gonna be alone ♪ and they're never gonna go back home ♪ >> trevor: please welcome david byrne! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." >> thank you. it's nice to be here. >> trevor: congratulations on your new album. you are a legendary musician. it has been a while since you put out a solo project. that clip we saw might be confusing to some people because they would be, like, that's not david byrne singing. how did that come together and what makes those kids so
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special? >> my friend eric had an idea that, rather than me doing video clips, we ask kids, video students, performers like a choir or whatever in different towns, towns that are not known for maybe being in the limelight. >> trevor: right. >> that we say why don't you do it? you make the video, you guys. >> trevor: right. >> your high school video crew and your high school choir and everybody, you guys do it. and they did. and it came out beautiful. >> trevor: it came out so beautiful that you decided to use that as the video. >> well, yeah. and i also felt that -- well, i felt that their version of the song is more moving and emotionally completely different than mine. >> trevor: right. >> mine is me slightly paranoid, nerdy guy, worried about lots of people coming over to my house. and with them, the thing is,
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yes, everybody's welcome. >> trevor: right. it's a totally different thing. >> totally different vibe. and i thought, why didn't i get that?! ( laughter ) >> trevor: it's a beautiful, i guess, rendition of an idea encapsulated in the album. "american utopia" is the title of the album. why did you wait so long to release this? were you looking for the most ironic time to have this title? is that what you were going for? ( laughter ) >> yeah, when i came upon the title, i thought people will r going to think this is completely tongue-in-cheek,ates joke, whatever. >> trevor: right. >> no, i thought let me see if i can do it where people understand it's not a joke. it's not about saying we live in a utopia. it's saying we want something better, we all long for something better. we all try to imagine, is this the way it's -- is this the wait has to be? >> trevor: mm-hmm. >> could it be different? and, so, i just thought, okay, i'm going to put that out there. >> trevor: you've put out rock albums, you've done theater as
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well. one thing that has been really prevalent in your work is the creation of an image that goes just beyond the song. you are known many people regards you as ar-teest, which is a word people don't usually use so you know they're serious. >> or they're making fun of me. >> trevor: go with my version. people say you focus in and around the image of what you're creating. stage, how the performers look, what the performance is meant to feel like beyond the music. what have you done when performing "american utopia," what have you decided to make different in the show that reflects that idea? >> as you said, the live show reflects -- reflects the idea somewhat -- >> trevor: right. >> it's completely empty stage, all the musicians are mobile. so the show is made by the people. >> trevor: right. when you say "mobile," you mean the people are carrying dnr.
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>> yeah, the drummers are like a drum line, the drummers are all carrying their stuff. there are six of them to get a full drum sound. >> trevor: right. >> there's twelve of us in all. so the show is us. it's not about the spectacle or exploding stuff for giant screens or whatever else. it's us as human beings. >> trevor: so you can perform while moving? >> we can perform while moving. not all the drummers love that, but -- >> trevor: ( laughter ) >> but they're coming around. >> trevor: i like the idea that you guys just move around. and now to the corner! and now to my house! and now to the supermarket to buy bread! come on, you're killing us over here. ( laughter ) whwhat inspired that? why mobile? >> i don't think anybody's ever done it before is that right. >> as i started hiking it through, i thought, this is kind of nice. it's about the humanity. >> trevor: uh-huh. >> the peoplehood of the
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performers. it's about us as people and not about all the crazy stuff going on. >> trevor: right. >> the audience -- and i think an audience relates to that. they relate to human beings. they relate to flame pots and everything else, too. >> trevor: i mean, flames and human beings is what we relate to as human beings. i feel that's a common theme. if we look at the album "american utopia," someone says to you, david, how is this going to make me feel? what do you want this album to make me feel? what would you say to them? >> i think the words in the record are sometimes dark, a little bit dark, and sometimes disturbing, but they are tempered or countered by the kind of the musical feeling. the music is very uplifting, i think. >> trevor: great music and sometimes scary words. >> sometimes scary words. >> trevor: that's fantastic. i like that. >> i will be talking to people. there's one song about the point
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of view of a dog. >> trevor: uh-huh. >> oddly, i've thought, people are not going to get this. it's not going to be -- people are liking that. >> trevor: people are, like, i like the point of view of a dog. i find a lot of new yorkers will be, yeah, i have the same point of view as a dog, to be honest with you. ( laughter ) it's an amazing album. you are a legend. thank you so much for being on the show. i appreciate your time. "american utopia" is available now. david byrne, everybody. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) thank you, sir.
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helps keep your dog healthy at every stage. so you can always look forward to what's next. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. stay tuned, "the opposition" with jordan klepper is coming up up next. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> space is a war-fighting do mane, just like the land, air
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and sea. we may even have a space force develop another one, space force. we'll have the air force, we'll have the space force. ( cheers and applause ) comedy central >> jordan: oh! oh! get in here, right now! it's already march 13. my opponent tonight is author of "the death of expertise," tom nichols. give it up. ( cheers and applause ). opposers, i hope you're wearing your rubber pants, because i am amped. i'm so amped that bulls should be chugging energy drinks made out of my pulverized testicles. ( laughter ) tell them, fox.

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