zoom in to your face and say, hm-mm, at some point in every episode. hm-mm. that's the hard as our camera woman has worked in ten years. re-boot. when he insult a race, have one of them on stage with you. what you mean, one of them? re-boot. tire, or at least more fire than in previous years. re-boot. oh, god. be more like joel mchale, get paid less? no thanks, re-boot. fully nude audience on every show, only good looking guys can attend, best helicopter gets a cookie. i need to do a safety inspection, whip them out. whip them out. this show is perfect, never changed pumpkin.

don't tell me what to do, mom, re-boot, you are blocked, enough leisure, time to focus on the -- good night. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to the show! welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much! welcome to it! thank you for tuning in! my guest tonight is actor and author, sean penn is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) but first, ever since parkland, people have been asking how can

we protect kids in the classroom, and now one school district might have an answer. >> as the nation continues to debate the prospect of arming teachers, one pennsylvania school district decided to arm its community for the -- with the most basic of weapons, rocks. every classroom in the blue mountain school district is now equipped with a 5-gallon bucket of river stones for a student to stone an armed intruder. >> if an armed intruder attempt to gain entrance to any of our classrooms they will face a classroom full of students armed with rocks and they will be stoned. >> trevor: yes, they will be stoned! that will stop these school shooters from committing adultery in medieval europe. this is such a dumb idea. this is like bucket of rocks, both the idea and the metaphor for how dumb the idea actually is. aaahhh! like you realize with rocks all the shooter needs is a helmet and then he's back to being the most dangerous person in school. besides, even if the kids have rocks, if the shooter whips out

paper that beats rock every time. so let's figure it out. don't go gun control so let's figure it out. recently another major personnel shakeup in the trump administration. h.r. mcmaster is out as national security advisor, and he's being replaced by geppeto cards player john bolton. so let's get to know the person who advised president trump on defense strategy in another installment of our recurring segment profiles in tremendousness. >> i have the most dedicated people. i have the best people. >> trevor: meet john bolton. trump's third national security advisor in little over a year. the good news is one more national security advisor and trump gets the fifth one for free! now if bolton looks familiar to you, it may be because he's been on the captain crunch box for 40 years. or it may be because like most people trump hires these days you probably saw him on the tv.

>> joining us with the reaction the former u.s. ambassador to the united nations fox news contributor john bolton. ceefng ambassador. >> here with reaction fox news contributor ambassador to you understand john bonlt. >> john bolton being walked into the studio -- ♪ ♪ >> trevor: that's the look of a man who's either scared out of his mind or having the greatest orgasm of his life. i can't tell which. maybe it's both. now, as you heard in those introductions, bolton is more than just another fox pundit. he served in three public administrations most recently as george w. bush's ambassador to the united nations. but don't be thrown off by his title as diplomat because while bolton may look like a harmless model train enthusiast, he's developed a notorious rep as a guy who really wants to bomb everyone. >> the former u.n. ambassador recently calling preemptive strike in north korea perfectly

legitimate. >> i don't think there are any further diplomatic options in terms of trying to persuade north korea to change its behavior. our objective should be to overthrow the regime in tehran. the israelis should have struck about three and a half years ago. >> ive written an op-ed in the "new york times." the headline is an eye catcher. "to stop iran's bomb, bomb iran. what do you mean? >> the earlier you strike, the more damage you can do. >> trevor: the earlier you strike, the more damage you can do. i think that's a horrible strategy for keeping peace in the world, although it is a great strategy for tackling an all you can eat buffet. come on! the earlier you strike, the more damage you can do! yeah! they put the good fish out first! yeah! the point is john bolton is ready to throw down with anyone at anywiem "time." he's basically sugar night if sugar night looked the opposite of the way he looks. he's still defending the one war

that everyone agrees was a terrible idea. >> bolton to this day a fierce defender of the u.s. military invasion of iraq. >> i think the overthrow of saddam, that military action was a resounding success. >> trevor: i mean, it destroyed the middle east and brought us i.s.i.s., but other than that nailed it, am i right? ( laughter ) you know, something tells me john bolton would be a total nightmare jenga. what do you mean i lost? i got it out perfect! yeah the tower fell but i fail to see how the two are related. i don't get it. try working with the man if you think that's bad. >> mr. bonlt came under fire for his temper. >> karl ford testified that he never saw anyone behavior as badly in all his days in the state department. >> he got in trouble because he got in a fight in a hotel one night and chased a woman. >> he's being described as chasing subordinates around the

board room and throws staplers at them. >> trevor: he sounds dangerous. i hope they arm his staff with river rocks. i really hope they do. ( cheers and applause ) so congratulations, john bolton, on your new position as national security advisor. although if you think about it you would have had a better chance of trump listening to you if you stayed on fox news. that's it for the latest trump administration staff shakeup. stay tuned tomorrow for another profile in tremendousness. >> i have the most dedicated people. i have the best people. >> trevor: let's move on now and talk about racism. there is different levels of racism. there's across the street racism and then there's burn a cross racism. and somewhere in between there's this heineken ad. >> this morning heineken taking heat over a controversial commercial that many are calling racist. the bartender is slide ago light beer down the bar, goes past a black woman, black musician,

another black woman but the beer stops next to a glass of white wine with this caption "sometimes lighter is better." >> trevor: heineken, why? what were you doing? how are you going to make an ad where you say lighter is better and then you slide a beer past all the dark people like some kind of racist curling! what are you doing?! ( laughter ) that's not even my biggest issue with this ad. i don't understand how the bottle got to the woman at the end because it somehow slides from the bar to a totally different bar, past black lady number one, right. then it goes under black guitarist dude's legs, then magically up on to a tray. i don't know even know where the tray is. then says bye to black lady number two, then shows up on another part of the bar. this ad is anti-black people and anti-physics. i'm sorry.

that's the part that gets me. this happens so much now i wonder if it's an accident. with d.v.r.s and streaming people can skip commercials. the only time we see ads are when they show up for being racist. i bet the ad guys are putting racism in to get our attention. if we want this home depot commercial to plop we need to stick a klansman into it, okay? people need to know about the sale on table saws! okay, guys? ( laughter ) this was a screwup on heineken's part. they apologized, pull the ad and said next time they'll go with their original slogan, giggas love this shit! ( laughter ) you know, this kind of thing keeps happening, right, and if you're a brand out there that doesn't want to be in the news for the wrong wrns, you need to bring in a professional. but if you can't afford a professional, we've got just the

man for you. >> are you a big time ad agency with no black people? do you keep making mistakes like market shirt, racism refreshments, a protest snack, you smokin' crack. don't be the next company to get tore up by black twitter. with leo's ask a black service, you can consult a an actual blak person before you launch an ad campaign. it's like having your very own black friend that you pay. >> what about mammy jammies. >> nope. >> make the cool adma kool-aid a watermelon. >> get that out of here. >> you see a slave. >> no you don't. what the hell is wrong with you. i know what you're thinking, leo, you're a big strong handsesome man but i'm advertising to women. well ask a black has you covered there, too. you can run it by my wife leah devlin. leah devlin gonna straighten

your ass out. >> what y'all need to start doing -- >> oh, no, don't give it to them for free. it ain't but $85. you can get that from your momma. so before you run an ad you can't take back, ask a black! ♪ ♪ >> by the fairgrounds next to little caesar's. >> trevor: ask a black! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) you could simulate exhilaration or you can experience it for real, at the lexus command performance sales event. current qualified lexus owners can get up to $1,000 cash on select 2018 is models for these terms. experience amazing at your lexus dealer.

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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! the ncaa basketball tournament is down to the final four and as that ramps up so does "the daily show"'s own bracket tournament third month mania. we started with the past year's 64 biggest moments of bullshit and now thanks to all your votes, we are down to the final eight. so hurry and log on to third month mania.com and vote for your favorite bullshit. for more on this, let's turn once again to our own bullshit brackettologyist roy wood, jr. and michael kosta, everyone! ( cheers and applause ) >> here we are, roy! the final eight, can you smell that bullshit is this. >> mmm, it steams my nose so good! 64 pieces of bullshit, 2 million

votes and it all comes down to these last four matchups. we've got to term the greatest piece of bullshit, bro. >> two categories. one side trump bullshit, the other side you've got everything else bullshit. >> yes, and in the everything else region it's down to semantics. first matchup the conspiracy that the parkland students are just crisis actors versus prine proving that the -- paul ryan proving the republican tax plan is working by showing a woman's $1.50 raise. >> which is $1.50 a week which is more than you get playing in the ncaa. >> trevor: but you can save up to get generi fruit loops. >> from two-can steve in the other matchup you have tucker carlson saying america ended slavery tarnd world versus bill o'reilly settling a sexual harassment case for $32 million saying he was innocent. >> i believe bill o'reilly.

>> okay. >> nothing says i'm innocent like spending a film budget to prove it. for that amount of money, bill o'reilly could have made get out seven times. get out two, get out three, get out four. >> at that point it's, like, hey stop dating white women. >> i don't think that was the point of the movie. >> that's what i got from it. >> let's just move on. trump side to have the bracket, two great matchups on the trump side. we've got to break those down. >> the president's here! oh! >> okay, listen, i heard that you guys were calling a bunch of my statements b.s. well, guess what? i love attention and i want to be a part of it! >> mr. president, it's an honor that you are here. let's get your analysis right here. the first bullshit matchup was when you called your inauguration crowd size the biggest inauguration crowd size in history. how do you explain that? >> wasn't that incredible? not only that i made sean spicer

repeat it on his first day of work, nuked his career from the very start. interesting fact about him he went on to do meth at an ai an , fake news. >> that's clearly no more bulls. you called the puerto rico crisis amazing. >> it was amazing. i tossed out paper towels, so beautiful. and everyone needs them. paper towels are like the toilet paper for the floor when you miss the toilet. ♪ when you're sliding into first and your booty starts to burst, puerto rico, puerto rico ♪ ♪ get 'em out >> incredible analysis. moving on to the second match, a strong contender, after charlottesville, you said there were very fine people on both sides. >> see -- i had to be balanced. i couldn't just phrase the -- praise the nazis, that would be a bad look.

>> this is my favorite piece of bullshit from you this year mr. president. it's when you said that to stop an active shooter you would personally run into a school without a weapon. >> oh, boy. if i were in that school, i would have slipped on my shades then bad to the bone would have started playing, then as soon as i saw the shooter i would have said we've got company, and then the hot girl would say, you're late. and then i would say traffic. and then i would say skippy kk mother fudgier! then the car goes vroom and the guns go bang bang and the girl say, donald schl! and she's not even asian. the point zits a christmas movie, folks. >> you make a great point, commander-in-chief. it's a christmas movie, folks. great point. >> yeah, voting is still open, go online to thirdmonthmania.com and let us know what's the biggest piece of bullshit and reto share your picks with your friends. >> and be sure to watch make

america greatathon, a president's special next tuesday starring me, the president! >> how do you have time to shoot a tv special? >> back to you, don lemon. ( laughter ) >> trevor: michael kosta, roy wood, jr., and the president of the united states, everyone! make america greatathon next tuesday at 11:00 right here on comedy central. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) [ music playing ] [ music playing ] there's wicked within.

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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a two-time oscar-winning actor, writer and director who's written his first novel. it's called "bob honey who just do stuff." please welcome sean penn. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thanks very much. >> trevor: this is a book that i would fail to describe with the amount of words i have in my vocabulary. it's a strange story that seems like a metaphor for real life. bob honey is a character in the book who goes around murdering people. he's a divorced septic tank worker, and he's an assassin who kills old people with a mallet,

and, yet, when i was reading part of the book, i thought this also seems like real life because it seems like what's happening in the world today. is it a metaphor? >> so i thought of this character bob honey, and i thought here's an american man, and put him, a guy compelled to service in a country that doesn't actually demand mandatory service, which is something i've always felt i missed out on and something that would be very important in the sense that a young person, whether the service is forestry or taking care of the elderly or military or whatever it was, that once one had a significant experience of having been able to make a real contribution themselves. >> trevor: right. >> that that never leaves them and, therefore, they engage and, by engaging, they're not ignorant and, by not being ignorant, they're not fooled and they know who to hold accountable in government. so i thought i would take

somebody who couldn't find direction of service but was compelled to service anyway and put them in the kind of quick sapped of this current climate in our country and see how he danced over et. >> trevor: one thing i would love to know from you and the very few people i would ask this question and expect a candid response, meeting with the people you've met with in the world, do you think that we get the full story of what america is doing in the world and howe they are shaping what direction the world is going in, having spoken to some of the people who deal with america from the other side? >> yes. i mean, there's a -- i think we're at about 28% of the country that has passports, and then there are various economic reasons why people aren't able to travel. >> trevor: right. >> and without that context, i think we do suffer. the generally speaking -- and i've seen a big change.

you know, when the berlin wall came down, i think it had more to do with levi's 501s and the dream of wearing them and the beatles black market records than it did gorbachev or reagan. it's just dreaming human power to make a change. the human dreaming, so much of it was to take the american model, the dream that is that, and increasingly, now, i think that what we are is the most armed of existing democracies and, beyond that, i don't think that i would say that the respect and the aspiration that we modeled is no longer on our country. that's not a political comment. >> trevor: right. >> that's a touristic comment where i've traveled, it's changed. and i think we owe it to ourselves to get it back, and the only way we do that is a

show that we know how to stop fighting with each other an really listen to each other and really demand that our politicians do the job. and in this case, the job includes, by any historical parallel, the impeachment of this president. ( applause ) >> trevor: you're a fascinating man. i appreciate you being on the show. "bob honey who just do stuff" is available now. sean penn, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) thank you so much. ♪

>> trevor: that's our schau for tonight. before we go let's check in with jordan klepper over at "the opposition." jordan, how are you, man? >> exhausted, trevor. last night i took your advice and airbnb'd my place. it was a nightmare. the people showed up, didn't like the dinner i cookedhe