thing is the photo they use. this is better than me being interviewed by tmz hung over next to a baggage claim. this is how little respect i get. there are hundreds of people hung over next to a baggage claim. why don't you take one? how about this one? that was a good day. i was coming back from hawaii. anyway, i didn't die. the truth is, i won't die until every petal falls off the rose they keep in the glass jar at comedy central. that's our show. i'm jim jeffries. good night.

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much! thank you! thank you very much! my guest tonight, star to have the nbc series "rise" rosie perez is joining, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) first, breaking news, kim jong un, the leader of north korea might be making new friends. >> breaking news. >> historic development on the korean peninsula. north korean tick tater kim jong un and south korea's president

will hold a summit next month. these two nations have only held talks twice since the korean war. >> the south korean president will meet with him next month. president trump is hoping to meet with them in may and, now, the japanese are saying they're trying to reach out through different diplomatic channels. kim jong un might feel like the prettiest girl at the high school dance. >> trevor: that's one ugly-ass high school dance! ( laughter ) whoo! this is good news for everyone. kim jong un has gone from being a reclusive mad man hell bent on blowing up the world to a super social mad man hell bent on blowing up the world. this is good. this announcement comes days after kim jong un made a secret trip to china for a meeting with president xi. i say secret. but one clue -- >> a mysterious trains visit to beijing is fueling a lot of speculation. >> a motorcade, heavy security and near lockdown in downtown

beijing this morning for a north korean unexpectedly pulled into the city last night. the distinctive green train is identical to the heavily armored one used to carry kim jong un's father to beijing eight years ago. it is pretty clear someone very senior from north korea is in beijing. >> is north korea's kim jong un in china? >> trevor: oh, yes! who could have been traveling in kim jong un's personal train? it's, like, the most obvious mystery of all time. it's like needing shazam to find out who's singing a 2 chainz songs. 2 chainz! i wonder who sings this? 2 chainz? jay-z? >> no, i just said it, 2 chainz! ( laughter ) everyone is trying to figure out who is on kim jong un's trains. follow the tracks, they go back to his house. do they come from north korea? then it's him! these are the same people who would be, like, who's that old

man riding on the popemobile? you get one guess, all right? ( laughter ) you can't be low key if you're rolling in your own personal train. it must be superhard for kim jong un to cheat on his wife. baby, i swear, i was never there. oh, really in i have the train schedule. it says 7:15 to denise's house. you're busted! ( laughter ) speak of mad men in power, yesterday president trump tweet announced he was appointing his white house physician admiral ronny jackson to be the new secretary of vern affairs. and as with most trump decisions, seemed like this might be a very terrible bad idea. >> president trump's pick to overtake the veterans affairs department raising some concerns. if you look at his resume, he has never managed anything significant. >> some veterans groups raising concerns about the nomination. >> we are pleased with his medical background but the healthcare side of the v.a. is only one-third of the v.a. there is claims, appeals, we

have an appeals backlog. >> what's your thought about jackson? >> completely unprepared. i'm sure he's a great doctor. >> trevor: come on, unprepared? they say this about every trump person. they said the same thing about trump and, look, everything's going great. ( laughter ) in my opinion, anyone who has held trump's scrotum while he coughs is prepared for anything in this world. yeah. that's what i think. ( applause ) this guy has probably deeper into trump than even robert mueller has. don't forget that. ( laughter ) here's the thing, while fingering donald trump's prostate may sound like a joke, the veterans affairs department does not. >> democrats have questioned his seeming lack of experience heading a vast beau rock circumstances the second largest federal government agency that serves and treats nearly 9 million veterans as patients. >> veterans affairs has a budgets of nearly $200 billion and boasts about 360,000

employees, assuming this role, obviously, is no easy task. >> trevor: and managing a $200 billion organization is no small task. you realize that's bigger than general motors. you wouldn't say my friend ralphie is a great driver, i think he should run g.m., yeah! he likes the cars! ( laughter ) basically trump wants his personal pilot to run the f.a.a. for housing and urban development, yo, ben carson, you erurban, you work. ( laughter ) and for veterans affairs, trump's like, he's my doctor, he's a veteran, i have affairs, it's perfect. ( laughter ) so perfect. so perfect. it works. ( applause ) and it turns out there's another trumpy reason why he gave dr. jackson this job. >> white house officials tell cnn it's because the president was pleased with how jackson handled questions praising his health back in january. >> the president's overall

health is excellent. i told him he has incredibly good genes, he could live to be 200 if he has a good diet. >> trevor: all he did was report the president is healthy and trump was, like, my man! i'm going to give you the hardest job ever. this is basically a warning to anyone who works with trump. you make him too happy and you will get punished promoted. be safe, every time you tell him something good, balance it with something bad. this doctor should have said, sir, you're super healthy, almost as healthy as hillary clinton. ( laughter ) like, oooh, you're right in the middle, buddy. you're going to stay where you are cupping my scrotum. ( laughter ) this is a crazy story out of the united kingdom. racists have penciled in something awful on the calendar. >> security stepped up at mosques around scotland next week in response to an internet campaign threatening violence against muslims. >> punish a muslim day,

originated in london and lists several violent ways for people to take part. activists are encouraging muslims to be more aware of their surroundings on april 3. >> trevor: for more we turn to hasan minhaj, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) hasan, honestly, man, i was horrified when i heard about this disgusting campaign, so i imagine as a muslim person this must be deeply upsetting to you. >> actually, trevor, i'm optimistic. i know it's scary, but they're proposing punish a muslim day. day, trevor. one day. ( laughter ) that's 364 days less than normal. i take that as a w, all right? folks, eyes here -- april 3, we all stay home, amazon prime everything we need, catch up on pinky blinders, walk outside april 4, boom! islamophobia done! ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: no, hasan, i hear what you're saying, but, still, you have to admit that flier is

offensive. >> i'm used to the hatred and bigotry but you know what does offend me? the shitty graphic design. come on, the weird fonts, the random underlining. are you pushing a race war or bingo night at a nursing home? i don't know. if you're going to be racist step your game up. your poster looks horrible. the only part of muslims you're punishing is our eyes, okay? it's not just the garage sale flier design that upsets me. i'm even more offended by the point system. >> the letter calling for an attack on muslims on april 3 offers a reward for attackers from 10 points for verbal abuse, 50 points for throwing acid. 1,000 points for bombing a mosque and 2.5 points to nuke meek cay. >> trevor >> okay. that is disgusting. how is nuking mecca only 2500 points? the scale makes no sense at all.

yell at someone, punch someone, nuke a holy city. you really think someone is sitting on a spare nuclear bomb, like, you know, i wasn't going to use this before, but for 2500 points, i'm in! ( laughter ) >> trevor: and maybe i'm the only one thinking this, but where do people redeem the points? >> great question. is there a racist chuck e. cheese where you can cash them in for a finger trap and tiny slinky? because when i get one of those i want to nuke a chuck e. cheese. >> trevor: you're saying these guys need to put more thought into their punish a muslim day? >> actually, i'm here to tell whoever made this flyer, there's no point. punish a muslim day has already been won. >> trevor: by who? >> my dad. he's got it unlocked. i have been yelled at, ten points. shoes thrown at me, 50 points. this is a true storks trevor -- at my high school graduation

party when i told my dad i wanted to be a comedian, he said h only thing funny about me was my s.a.t. scores. he nuked my game, 2500 points, game over! >> trevor: hasan minhaj, everybody! we'll be right back! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) you could simulate craftsmanship we'll be ror you could ( cheexperience it for real at the lexus command performance sales event. lease the 2018 es 350 for $339 a month for 36 months. experience amazing at your lexus dealer. ♪ at&t gives you more for your thing. your snapping pics all day, all night thing. your getting the low-light, just right thing. ♪

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." this is the last week of women's history month, and to honor it, we have been looking at the lives of some of real women whose stories have been overlooked. so once again we turn to desi lydic and dulce sloan for a new sewed of "shafted." ( cheers and applause ) >> good evening. i'm desi lydic. >> and i'm dulce sloan. this month we have been uncovering the true stories of women who were shafted. >> because throughout history women have been constrained by things like gender roles, cultural biases and spanx. so constricting. >> mm-hmm. tonight we tell a different story. sara howe was a 19th century entrepreneur who did reach her

full potential but ingenuity and perseverance. warning, the following content might -- inspire you. ( spitting ) >> born in the early 18 hundreds is a rare grew up hustling as a fortune-teller and horoscope reader. >> what is it? >> you're going to give me $500 and something good whether happen to you. >> okay, here you go. >> she even worked as a doctor despite having mo medical training. >> and what we want to do is we want to pour the tonic right over the abdomen. >> that looks like milk. >> yes, of course it's milk. it will make his stomach bones stronger. >> stomach bones? >> she was shadier than r. kelly running a girl scout group. but in 1879 she left the petty swindling behind and turned to her true calling, stacking that cheddar. she started the ladies deposit. a woman-only investment fund. >> when you is a rare doubled

clients' investments in a year, women started handing over their money like at a ryan gosling kissing booth. this sound great. here is all my money! >> you do know what they say, cash rules everything around us. >> mm-hmm, doesn't it? it does, doesn't it. okay, give it up. >> and the most amazing part was, it was all bullshit! ♪ you deserve every single dollar ♪ ♪ and your assets make me want to come and do the honest ♪ ♪ you gonna have money reining on you ♪ >> is a rare was running one of the most successful investment fraud schemes in history, basically burning madoff in a hustle. she made what would equal $11 million today, preyed on all the women which equals a lot of

bitches. >> sarah howe stole all your money. >> stole bin a woman? so proud! >> eventually the ladies deposit was exposed and police deposited is depositsarah in jail. >> her true prison was her gender. >> half a century later her identity was stole bin a man named charles ponzi who became in t namesake of the scheme sarah perfected, the ponzi scheme. >> she was dead watching ponzi getting the glory. well probably hell, but it was still messed up. >> tonight we salute sarah howe who shattered the glass ceiling of financial crime. thanks to her women everywhere can aspire to lie, cheat and steal. >> just like men.

that's all for "shafted." tune in next time to hear about a woman so unrelenting her vagina almost didn't get in the way. >> almost. ( applause ) >> trevor: desi lydic and dulce sloan, everyone. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪

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new nbc series "rise." please welcome rosie perez! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> thank you! wow! wow! wow, wow, wow. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you! this is so much fun having you here. i have danced to many of the moves you've created. i have tried to imitate your acting in many of the movies you've been in. you do so many things, actor, dancer, choreographer. do you feel like the show you're on rises to the perfect combination of all of those talents? >> absolutely, absolutely. and, also, it's my personal life meeting my professional life. >> trevor: in what way? >> in the sense i co-founded an arts education charity. >> trevor: right. >> 25 years ago, and we service about 15,000 kids a year. >> trevor: right. >> and only a title one schools

which means at or below the poverty -- i don't have to explain it to you, your audience is educated! ( applause ) so, you know, when i read the script, i said, this is what i do, anyway. >> trevor: right. >> and, so, it was a beautiful thing. >> trevor: people really connected with the story, and you play this amazing teachero who, in many ways, as you said, is connected to you in real rife. you've always been passionate about the arts and kids in school having access to arts trams programs. >> yes. >> trevor: why is it so important in your eyes? >> it's important because we have lost the ability to imagine. we have lost the ability for critical thinking, for creative thinking, and that's what arts education provides to young students. >> trevor: right. >> and we don't have that anymore. you know, i have a great organization, there are other organizations out there, but we struggle. we have to fight for government funding which has been cut severely with this current administration with that man. >> trevor: right.

( laughter ) ( applause ) you know, and we have to go to corporate america and just regular folks to help us fund these programs, and i'll give you an example, they have the regents exam in new york, in the tri-state area. you cannot graduate high school unless you pass regents exam. we have a student named mikey. he failed it six times. he took our program, in three weeks he passed the regents exam and went on to college. >> trevor: oh, wow. >> yeah. and the great thing about that program really wasn't just, you know, we took the core curriculum and broke et down into interactive play and songs and dance and all that, but it was that he felt special, he felt part of a community. >> trevor: right. >> and in the show "rise," they don't address arts education but they do address the arts, and this is the same thing.

this is a smalltown community and is allowing the kids in that high school feel a part of smrks and that's very, very important. and if you want to add to the economic wheel, if you want to add to the bottom line of this nation, you have to invest in the kids, in their education and in the arts. ( applause ) >> trevor: i won't argue with that. you are someone who's always been very passionate about causes you feel don't get representation or need more attention. moths recently, we saw that passion expressed through the relief efforts in puerto rico. >> yeah. >> trevor: a lot of people went in, you know, head first into puerto rico and said we're going to do whatever we want to do and feels like every now and again people forget the issue wasn't resolved overnight. what do you feel still needs to be done and what do you wish people still knew about what was happening in puerto rico today? >> first, politico came out with a great article and i urge everyone to read it about how disparaging the amount of funds

that the government gave to puerto rico. they gave an enormous amount of help and aid and military aid to others, but to puerto rico and the u.s. virgin islands, we got shirt, you know. seriously, we did. >> trevor: right. >> and, so, people did rush to the island. good americans rushed to the island. >> trevor: right. >> even foreigners rushed to the island and tried to help. right now 5% of the island is still without power. people are committing suicide at a high, high rate because they are so desperate and despondent. my friend ramon rodrigues along with heart 9/11 and the rockefeller foundation and today i'm brave, we went down there to address the needs and the number one need is they needed a roof over their homes because the tarps only lasted 90 days and they started to shred and break apart. it's a tropical islands, you're still going to have storms. etch when we were down there

building roofs, the storms did occur. and it was heart break watching this elderly woman i think in her 70s with an umbrella in her living room. this is, like, what? these are americans, man! >> trevor: right. >> don't throw us paper towels! give us help! you know, seriously! and it broke my heart. it broke something in me and it just burst open a fury, it's just, like, wow, this is crazy. with that organization, with heart 9/11, what we decided to do is create an apprentice program so, you know, you can give a man a fish but if you teach him how to fish, he'll be okay. >> trevor: right. >> we're teaching them carpentry, building homes, and we're going to extend that program, if we get more money and funding, you know, we wish it would come from our government, but we can't wait. >> trevor: right. >> we can't wait because people are suffering. >> trevor: i'm glad you're on the case and people are still donating. thank you so much for being on the show. >> thank you, man.

i love the show. >> trevor: thank you so much. "rise" airs tuesdays at 9:00 p.m. on nbc. rosie perez, everybody, we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) ♪ you could simulate confidence ( cheers aor you could) ♪ experience it for real at the lexus command performance sales event. lease the 2018 nx 300 for $339 a month for 36 months. experience amazing at your lexus dealer.

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