i am a trained private investigator. if we were being followed, i would know it! fine. then drive. actually, we're here. sorry, bernice. won't be long. ok. so i'm going to soak the upholstery with gas, set a 20-second cordite fuse, then we'll put bernice in the driver's seat, jam a rock on the accelerator, light the fuse, and then slam it in-- charlotte vandertunt: [screaming] archer! shh. shh. [speaking french] [gunshots] man: sorry, our headlights don't work! [laughing] so you're just straight up crazy. ow.

well, are we doing this or what? because if i don't get some clams soon, i won't be responsible for my actions. what? i told you we were being followed. oh. that was just a car with broken headlights. it was a coincidence. because we weren't being followed! goddamn it. hello! comedy central the f from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome to the

daily show, i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in. take a seat, y'all. good to see you all again. good to see you all. my guest tonight, tyra banks is here. cheersz (cheers and applause) but first, if you have a lot of credit card debt, i don't have good news for you. but this story is really interesting. >> "the new york times" says credit card signatures are about to become extinct, later this month american express discover, master card and visa will stop requiring customers to sign credit cart receipts. >> trevor: yay. >> target and wal-mart are doing the same. the companies say signatures are not a useful way to prove someone's identity. they say the newly added microchips do a better job of preventing fraud. >> trevor: oh no. now how are my fingers going to get chlamydia at target? (laughter) also, how good is your life if having to sign a receipt was your biggest problem, right? like were those few extra seconds really affecting anyone. like daddy can you spend more time with us.

i would but have i to sign all these receipts. damn you, american express. (laughter) now because of this change, unfortunately, someone is going to lose their job. right? a lot of people don't know this but every time you sign that digital pad, there is actually a guy whose job it is to check your signature. >> one, light writing. oh, you're okay. and we're good. now, all i got to do is get through this stack of receipts. done. >> trevor: thank you for your service, signature guy, too bad they're going have to put him down. all right, speaking of people not having a good day, donald

trump's lawyer now needs to get a lawyer. >> this is cnn breaking news. the fbi raise raided the office of president trump's personal lawyer and long time figurer michael cohen. a source said some of the documents seized had to do with porn star stormy daniels, cohen lawyer saids the raid stems from a referrals by the special council robert mueller. >> trevor: that breaking news was so long the violin guy in the background was like da dinga diga ding diga diga ding, din diga diga din. so the breaking news is that trump's lawyer michael cohen is in trouble for maybe using campaign funds to buy a porn star's silence. and you know it is just nice knowing that in 20 years teachers won't be able to give a history lesson without explaining with a porn graphic actress. is you see, children when a man pays a woman very much. but right now strmy daniels and the fbi are the least of president trump's problems. because after basher al-assad

launched another chemical attack in sir why the president was forced to respond. >> tough talk from the white house on syria, with president trump denouncing dik dater al-assad as an animal and vowing there will be a big price to pay. >> if it is russia, if it's syria, if it's iran, if it's all of them together, we'll figure it out. he may, yeah, he may, an if he does, it's going to be very tough. >> trevor: because folks, how do you hurt the ones you love. it's going to be so tough for me, folks am look the truth is the situation if sir why is complicated and trump has to fix a problem that he inherited from president obama. and right now he can't afford to inherit problems. because he really has so many of his own. right, because every week, every week it feels like another trump cabinet official is getting caught in a scandal. ben carson spent a fortune on furniture. tom price used praifer at jets

and betsy de vos had the scandal because she abandoned a bunch of kids on a school trip to the grand canyon. a lot em people think she shouldn't have done that. but recently everyone is talking about scott pruitt, head of the environmental protection agency and love child of george w. bush and a baked potatoe because you see, he has taken cabinet scandals to a whole new level. >> president trump is standing by epa administrator scott pruitt and the growing ethics scandal. >> let me put a list of all the other things that have come up. there is the condo that he rented from energy lobbyists. he approved raises apparently for two aide salaries after the white house had declined the request. he had security to cut through trask traffic, rea siendz staffers when they raised concerns about spending, requested a 24/7 security detail on personal trips that racked up tens of thousands of dollars. >> trevor: hold up, hold up. am i the only person who was shocked when they went to page twoment like when your scandal resume goes to the second page, you're done [bleep]ed up.

that is so much scandaling. even shonda reims would be okay, this is unrealistic, how about now, how how much scandal for one person. the list is so long the cnn anchor literally has to pause to catch her breathe. >> he spent $120,000 on security for the vatican, 12 more aides costing at least 2 million per year for their salaries, he has all these flights in first practices, totaling more than $100,000 in the first year of the administration. he spent approximately 25,000 for a highly securitied fast proof boof tor bullet kferred a 75,000 bulletproof desk replacement. you are okay with all that? >> trevor: no, i'm not okay with, that and neither should anyone else. the head of the epa is spending taxpayer money like he woke newspaper crist brown's body, like what is he doing. this is, let's look at some of the things he did he spent $120,000 to go high five the pope, right. he also said he was afraid that people were listening to his phone conversations so he spent $4 3,000 building a sound proof

booth. yeah. 4 3,000 on a sound proof booth 6789 [bleep] never heard of whispering? (laughter) and i'm sorry. (applause) i'm sorry, listen this one. scott pruitt wanted to spend $75,000 on a bulletproof desk. which i don't even understand. what is the point of a bullet proof desk. it only works works if your a sn doesn't know how to walk around stuff. die, oh, where did he go? where did he go, oh man, this always happens. why does the head of the epa need that level of security anyway who is coming after him, a polar bear coming for revenge, like hey, priet, you drowned my wife! oh, and surprise surprise, scott pruitt only flies first class but the reason he gave is pretty great. >> pruitt said he needs first class because of unpleasant

interactions with passengers. >> what might be an example of that, according to the security office, an individual who a much product pruitt at an airport yelling scott pruitt, you are ifing up the environment. you are fixing up the environment? what does that mean? first of all, whoever said that to him in the airport is a hero, okay. yeah, he is. and secondly, secondly, flying first class doesn't help you avoid angry passengers because now everyone on the plane is walking passed you. yeah, just going to be like a line of people like are you ifing up the environment. you'ring if up the environment, you drowned my wife. ah! he's back. why didn't a check my-- i should have kept it. and here is the thing, it's not just overspedding. everything pruitt touches turns to shame. so shady, so shady in fact that even fox news called him out. >> president trump said he would drain the swamp. >> descraining the swamp,

renting an apartment from the wife of a washington lobbyist. i don't think that that is even remote plee fair to ask that question. >> why did you go around the not give pay raises to two staffers. >> i did not, my staff did and i found out about fla yesterday. >> is somebody being fired nor that. >> that should not have been done. there will be account able. >> a career person or. >> i don't know. >> you don't know who disd it. >> this is something that needs to be corrected. >> do you take responsibility for them. >> i'm taking it. >> trevor: that's all, folks. i bet pruitt didn't expect those questions from that network. like he was probably like my dude, we're on fox. what the hell are you doing? come on, you ask me how big trump's dick s i say enormous and then we throw to a reverse mortgage comergses, come on, buddy, what's wrong with you. now before you get excited, before you get excited, thinking pruitt is going to be trump's next weekly firing, remember one

thing. pruitt may be an overentitled self-dealing cabinet member but is he really good at being bad for the environment. >> pruitt's saving grace may be that he is seen by the president and other white house officials as mr. trump's most effective cabinet secretary. he started rolling back more than two dozen obama era environmental regulations, include plg obama's signature emission standard and clean power plants. he also successfully advocated for the president to pull out of the paris climate accord. >> trevor: it is amazing how the only thing you need for trump to consider you effective is to just hit delete on anything obama did i wouldn't be shocked if the next cabinet official is just a headey pebble on a keyboard, that is all it is going to be. basically this whole scandal trump is like folks, i i know scott pruitt is superdirty but thanks to his hard work unprotecting the environment, soon we will all be every bit as dirty as he is. we'll be right back.

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(applause). >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. now we were off last week for spring break which i spent back in south africa doing what we do on spring break, you know, yeah, that's me over there, yeah. and that wasn't a wet t-shirt contest, that was catching up with my buddy jumbo, way, we went to high school together. and no jumbo is not the elephant, he just took the picture, yeah, come on you think i went to school with elephants, they don't go to high school, they go to college automatically but while we were off the air president trump had this wild, crazy adventure. and it all started with this. >> president trump has been sounding the alarm about a surge of my grants heading to the southern border including a caravan barreling for the u.s >> now the caravan which is over a thousand people coming in from honduras thought they were going

to just walk right through mexico and right through the border. >> we are preparing for the military to secure our border. >> trevor: yeah, folks, this is serious. because if america doesn't stop these illegal immigrants, they are going to come through meksz co, through the border and trump will have no choice but to hire them at mar-a-lago, right. he can't turn down a good 2k50e8, he really can't. but for real, trump was talking about this caravan all week. he was shout being it, giving 1350e67s. talking about ho ads fladding across the border. he sounded like a xenophobic jon snoarks that is what he sounded like. the white walkers are coming oh no! no, that is not the problem. there are mexicans behind them! now here's the truth about this caravan. the caravan they are talking about is a group of asylum seekers moving north into mexico mostly from honduras. right. they came in a group to protect each other sort of like how girls go to the bathroom. and their plan was to get to mexico and then apply for legal

asylum into the united states, right. it's like the opposite of an invasion, all right. cuz like i've never seen an army go to a border and fill out paperwork that is not how it works. yeah! , ahhhh! aaahhh! aahh! clearly president trump had a different sense of the caravan. because it's not like his national security team briefed him on it. he learned about the caravan from his most trusted advisors. >> some few trump's reaction to fox new segment about central american my grants where caravans appeared on the screen. >> an army of my grants is literally marching or riding or making their way from, honduras. >> most all of them from central america, most from honduras. taking the journey from there to the united states. >> if there is a small my grant army marching toward the united states, peacefully, but once

across our borders how should it be handled. >> you know t is so disappointing that the president always gets the scary stuff from fox news. like i hope that one day general kelly just puts on "sesame street" instead, and trump doesn't notice. and five minutes later he will be tweeting, big news, folks, i just learned that sharing is caring. thanks to a young man with very normal skin. very normal. good looking skin. (applause) and of course, the caravan never even came close to the u.s., right. tended in mexico city, as had always been planned. what made the story incredible is how trump leveraged the wrongness to crowd all of his favorite talking points into one news cycle. >> daca is dead president trump tweet this morning, adding, must build wall. urging congress to fund it and strengthen immigration law to stop what he calls caravans of people entering the u.s. illegally. >> and then a threat, they must

stop the big drug and people flows or i will stop their cash cow, nafta. >> we're going to have our wall. andary we going to get it very strongly. they had the car a vafn thousands of people coming up from honduras, thousands of people. and we have very weak laws bawfs the democrats. they're not going to be voting with us for the most part. a lot of them aren't going to be voting. a lot of times it doesn't matter because in many places, like california, the same person votes many times. >> trevor: okay. like that is just a giant burrito of bullshit right there because my man over there say this caravan is coming because of weak immigration laws and mexico and dreamers and they're bringing drugs and they're going to commit voter fraud, all because there is no border wall. i am surprised trump didn't say the caravan was also carrying hillary's emails. (laughter) oh, it was jamming more information into one-story than the new avengers movie.

it's everything, folks, all at once. but the thing that stuck out to me the most is trump's saying that all those people in the caravan were coming to the u.s. to take advantage of daca. right? cuz you realize that is not how daca works at all. even after six months of debating it the president still doesn't seem to know that by definition daca only applies to children who arrived in the united states before 2008. so unless that caravan is a bunch of deloreans taking it back in time, daca doesn't apply. so he doesn't know the thing that he is negotiating about and i mean i guess the good news is this caravan story resolved itself before trump could mess it up. the bad news is this is the same guy who is going to negotiate with kiment jung-un so we better hope that "sesame street" helds an episode about how to denuclearize, people. we'll be right back. experts will tell you a golden lager like budweiser

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two pieces of kfc all white meat chicken. holy smokes, this is the most white meat ever assembled in a five dollar fill-up. get this deal before it flies the coop. kfc, it's finger lickin' good. [phone ringing] hello? dale, what's up? it's dewey. what are you doing? hey could you guys keep the tinkering down? i'm trying to talk to an american legend here who's also my friend. dude, i barely know you. crazy, isn't it? i'm down here with the jocks, you're up there with the nerds. how about you march down from that box and bring me some finger snack foods? if they have wings, bring them. cottage cheese would be great. ♪ what's better than getting an amazing iphone?aul.eat. (paul) what's that? getting two amazing iphones. that means i can facetime my mom like i'm doing right now. (to phone) mom, say hi to paul. (mom) hi paul! my daughter is your biggest fan. (sprintern) mom! you don't have to talk his ear off. (to paul) wow! i'm sorry.

she can be really embarrassing sometimes. uh, she just said hi. (vo) lease one iphone 8 or iphone x and get a second iphone 8 on sprint. or get iphone x now for just $20 per month. for people with hearing loss, that's 50% off. visit sprintrelay.com >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. my guest tonight is a supermodel, an entrepreneur and the creator and executive producer and host of america's next top model. she's also written a new book

with her mother called perfect is boring. ten things my crazy fierce mama taught me about beuty, booty and being a boss. please welcome tyra banks. (applause) >> oh my gosh, so good to be here in person. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: so much fun, i like seeing you in person. >> do you. >> trevor: that sounded weird. >> i like seeing you in person too. >> trevor: i was saying, like you said being in person, and then i'm going to act like i'm not awkward at all, so professional. >> so good to see your dimp els on person. i see them on tv, you guys do it on tv, touch the tv. i can do it in person. (laughter). >> trevor: all right, i'm going back to africa people, good-bye, thank you very much. we're done,'s done. welcome to the show. >> thank you.

>> trevor: it's so fun to you have here and congratulations on the book. are you doing so many things. you're making tv. you're working on project and film and everywhere else. you also had time to write the perfect is boring. >> yeah. >> trevor: why did you want to write this book? >> i wrote this book to-- my mom and have i quite a unique relationship it is raw, real, unfiltered, my mama tells me anything, everything, people come up to and are like i want a relationship like you have with your mom, could be a dad and son, a mom and a son, mom and a daddy, daddy and a-- daughter, you know, all of those. my mom and i were like let's write a book about that. really it starts with making your child blush. making them blush. >> trevor: in what way. >> having the uncomfortable conversations. >> trevor: oh wow. >> did your momma have the uncomfortable. >> trevor: i blushed my entire, my whole life. >> right. and it's not just the birds and bees. >> my mom put me on a train from los angeles to san diego, california, and said you did the birds and bees talk, we did that already. but now i will give you how we feel, how a man will touch you

and how you will feel and what it will feel like. and the eight words will whisper in your ear. >> trevor: the eight words which were. >> the eight words to watch out for. you got to get the book, honey. (laughter) and i wondered if you have whispered them. i'm sure you have. >> trevor: i know what the words are but i don't want to spoil it for anyone. cuz i read the book. >> did you the homework. you have said the words. >> trevor: i think every guy in the world has said these words. (laughter) your mother teaches so you many things but i wanted to know, you say here she helped you get over your body as. >> yes. >> trevor: which i never thought of. i never thought tyra banks had to get over her body in anyway, shape or form. >> have i been on both sides. have i been on the very, very skinny 98 307bds at 5, 9, if you can imagine that. and then a couple of years later i'm a supermodel and they are saying my booty is too big forth runway. yes, they did. my italian. >> trevor: there was a time when booties were too big. >> yes. and they still are too big for the runway. this he are not too big for the

instagram, they are too big for the runway. >> trevor: that happens and you feel like your world has ended. >> yeah. >> trevor: and it say really beautiful story where you talk about your you go this is it, my life is over, your mom step ntion and says we will put that booty to work. she said you know what we are going to do, she said we're going eat pizza pizza in one hand, she put a pen in the other and said you quite down every client in this modeling industry that likes ass. she said because my baby's ass is getting bigger and i will be damned if she starves for this industry. so through tears i'm like, victoria secret. and she's like write it down. >> trevor: oh man. >> sports illustrated. write it down, and she is like who has an ass. i'm like cindy crawford? she is like write it down. she said those are the models who you will emulate and those are your future clientds. you take that and give it to your agency. and here i am today. >> trevor: that is absolutely amazing. >> so it worked. >> trevor: you and your mom are amazing.

thank you so much for being on the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: it perfect is boring, vabl now. the tyra banks, everybody. we'll be right back. (applause) ♪ only tylenol® rapid release gels have laser drilled holes. they release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. tylenol® clean water at theing: turn of a tap. and yet millions of people in the developing world walk up to 6 hours every day for water. by buying a chalice... you can join stella artois and water.org and help give back their precious time.