[horns honking] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! welcome to it! our guest tonight is an amazing journalist from cbs news and the author of the new "futureface," alex wagner is joining us,

everybody! ( cheers and applause ) first, blasting off just got a whole new meaning. >> n.a.s.a. scientists are researching the behavior of sperm in space. they sent samples aboard the falcon 9 last week. scientists want to know whether humans would be able to reproduce in microgravity. >> trevor: wow, n.a.s.a. is experimenting with space sperm. one small step for man, one giant load of man kind. ( laughter ) yeah, i think we finally got to the bottom of what those, inc. blotches were in "rival." those aliens were literally coming in peace, that's all they were doing. they were communicating with us. ( laughter ) and now, sperm in space, and i bet every dude astronaut is like, yeah... yeah, first. yeah, come on, men have been in space for almost 60 years now, there's no way in hell this is the first space sperm.

you put a dude in a hotel, in the first five minutes he's jacked off twice. you put these guys in a space suit, the first minute, they're like, oh, oh... ( laughter ) ( applause ) honestly, i think n.a.s.a. needs to slow its role because i don't know if you've realized this, just consider how all this looks if you're an alien. first humans send up telescopes to creepily watch them from afar. then we sent up mixed tapes. then we sent up nudes. now we're sending sperm. at this point, feels like we're sexually harassing ail yenls. i wouldn't be surprised if the first contact was the aliens coming down saying, hey, take a hint, we're not interested, #mete to, msht glorbzarg. ( applause ) stop sending this stuff. oh, speaking of news that's out of this world came out last week

trump's perchl lawyer michael cohen who is in deep federal investigation shit, only had three clients in the past year -- the president who cohen helped pay off a porn star he had an affair with, his second client elliott broidy who cohen helped pay off a playmate he had an affair with, and michael cohen had one more client out of 7 billion people. who could have wanted to join this club and use michael cohen as a lawyer last year? only one other person did and this person's identity was a complete mystery until today. >> this is cnn breaking news. >> we are now getting word the lawyer for the president michael cohen just disclosed in court that the client who had requested to remain unnamed was sean hannity of fox news. >> trevor: thank you. ( applause )

yeah. turns out michael cohen's secret client was sean hannity which, i'm sorry, is not a good look. you know, right now, sean hannity is probably on the phone with his wife, like, hey, honey, so weird i use guys who pays off mistresses to get me out of that parking ticket. funny, right? hello, hello? ( laughter ) think how unethical this is. hannity has been reporting on this michael cohen story from the beginning but he conveniently never mentioned cohen wiz his guy which for sean hannity even is pretty shady. even instagram models will have higher standards. drink tummy tea. by the way, i'm sponsored by tummy tea. they tell you what it is. i'm not expecting him to aspire to levels of the kardashians but, come on, sean. i tell you, once you know hannity has personal skin in the game, with cohen, it's fun to go back and look at everything he said about the f.b.i. raid

because now we can see that hannity wasn't just mad, he was scared. >> president trump's long-time term attorney michael cohen just had his office, his home and hotel that he was staying in raided by the f.b.i. today. this is an unprecedented abuse of power. cohen's payment is a perfectly legitimate business move. the witch hunt investigation is spinning out of control. if you voted for donald trump, you better get buckled up because this is going to be a rough ride. >> trevor: looks like less like a news show and more like a guy giving himself a pep talk. buckle up! going to be rough ride! hoo-ha! ( applause ) let's move on. on a normal weekend, america and allies are launching 105 missiles into syria would be the only news everyone would be talking about. but there are no more normal weekends. instead, the story dominating

the headlines is ex-f.b.i. director james comey's new book "a higher loyalty" the most hotly anticipated book since the sequel to everyone poops, everyone poops 2. turns out some people don't poop. to promote the book. comey sat down with george stephanopoulos in a primetime interview and comey said trump is a liar, immoral, mistreats women, all the things that got him elected, but what raised an eyebrow is when comey revealed he told trump about the pee-pee tape. >> i'm about to meet with a person who doesn't know me who has been elected as president of the united states and i'm about to talk to him about allegations he was involved with prostitutes in moscow. i did not going into the business about people peeing on each other and he interrupted and started talking like do i

look like a guy who needs hookers? i didn't answer that. i just moved on. >> trevor: no, no, president trump you don't look like a who needs hookers, you look like a guy who chooses hookers. totally different. ( laughter ) the reason comey wrote this book is he believes as a law manneth his duty to their unbiased truth with america and throughout the interview he reminded us how noble he is. >> i actually thought as bad as this will be for me personally, this is my obligation to protect the f.b.i. and the justice department. i was trying to be honest and clear with the american people. it really was the right thing to do. if i wasn't honest about that, how am i achieving the goal of showing the american people this is your justice system working in the right way. i'm not trying to help or hurt a candidate. i'm trying to do the right thing. trying to make decision with an eye not on politics but higher values. >> trevor: this dude is so loyal to america that when he dies he's just going to turn into a bald eagle and fly

majestically into an apple pie. ( laughter ) so powerful. like he really means it, guys, because even when comey got surprised fired, he didn't think about himself, all he thought about was u.s.a. >> tunneled by the news, comey heads to the airport. it would be his last flight on the f.b.i. jet. >> so you're in that private jet basically alone. what did you do? >> i drank red wine from a paper coffee cup and just looked out at the lights of the country i love so much as we flew home. >> trevor: you hear that? flying home in that private jet after being fired and the only thing comey could think about was how much he loves this country. yeah. in that private jet, feeling that. you realize that combination of boiling and emotion is something you only find in a drake song? it literally sounds like the lyrics of it, sounds like something drake would say. ♪ sipping on this wine ♪ country on my mine ♪ thinking about the time when the president was lyin' ♪

it feels like a drake song. ( cheers and applause ) and now, look, here's the thing, i know how comey is trying to present himself, okay. but it's hard for us to believe that this is a selfless, unbiased exposé written for the people and for the benefit of the people when you're throwing grade school shade like this. >> it was the first time you met donald trump. what was your expression? >> he had impressivively cough l coifed hair that looks to be his, i confess i stared at it closely. my impression was must take a lot of time in the morning. the tie was too long as is. looked slightly orange up close with small white alf moons under his eyes which i assume are from tanning goggles. >> trevor: funny, doesn't sound like an impartiality law man. sounds like a guy who got fired from white castle talking about his ex-boss -- man, that man

spleld like onions before he got to work! ( laughter ) i thinking with petty hurts comey's credibility. you can't take the high and low road at the same time. comey knew roasting trump would help him sell books. if you're trying to make money, don't act like you're doing it for our sake. basically comey is hiding the money aspect of this whole thing. almost if brave heart was, like, we must not give into tyranny! we must fight against oppression! and we must do it with the swords we buy on behave heart weapons depot.com! i promise this war has nothing to do with me getting rich! it's about higher loyalty! use my promo code sure brave, supe brave! now charge! we'll be right back ( cheers and applause )

trident gum is bursting with more flavor. which is much better than a previous idea we had: gum that's just bursting. (explosions) ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! (screaming to stop) (screaming for help) trident. bursting with more flavor. much better idea. our research indicates that food moving slowly makes mouths water. that's why we paid extra for that big slow-motion camera. money well spent.

( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! if you're a black person, you're probably buzzing from great news right now. first, kendrick lamar just won a pulitzer prize for music. yeah. ( cheers and applause ) the first time this award has gone to someone who was not in classical music or jazz. other great news, beyonce tore the roof off coachella, yeah. and i know you're saying but it's an outdoor festival. that's how bad it is, she brought in a roof so she could tear it off. this was the blackest performance at the whitest festival. and white people love that stuff because it makes them feel like they're down, you know, which is weird because it never goes the other way around. you could never have the oakridge boys show up at the club and then expect brothers walking out going, yo, these

niggers can strum, b. ( laughter ) ( applause ) it feels like a great couple of days for america. if you near to on stage, not everyone is going your way. >> a fire storm after what happened three days ago at a starbucks in philadelphia where the police were called in and two blackmen were arrested. >> this video captured by witnesses' cell phone shows police talking and later handcuffing the men while they were waiting for a friend. the men wanted to do the rest room but the manager said per store policy they couldn't because they didn't buy anything. when they wouldn't leave she called police. >> trevor: how crazy, two men arrested for waiting to see someone at starbucks. this here is why black people should always show up late. ( laughter ) yeah. if you're early it's loitering. for our safety, black people, we show up late everywhere we go. in fact, maybe -- this got me

thinking -- maybe it's not true black people are ever on time. maybe we only know about the ones who show up late because the early ones got taken away. ( laughter ) i know some people are saying well why were these guys in starbucks doing nothing? because that's what starbucks is for, everyone is doing nothing! ( applause ) everyone! starbucks is basically a bus station with espresso machines. that's all it is. in fact, the only mistake these black guys made was not using the tactics of the white man. yeah, when the manager accused them of doing nothing, they should have replied, actually, i'm writing a screenplay, that's what i'm doing. if i can get serious for just a minute here, i will say this, do you have any idea what it does to a person's dignity to be arrested by bike cops? ( laughter ) huh? think about this. think about this. someone calls the cops on you, and instead of driving up with

sirens whalin wailing all bad-as they're like ding, ding, ding, ding! ( laughter ) and how do they even get you back to the station, huh? ( laughter ) do they throw you back on the bicycle built for two? ( applause ) and now you're in custody but you have to help them pedal? you're in the back, like, this is some bullshit, man! this is some bullshit! we look adorable, though, we loolook adorable! ( applause ) but for real, though, for real, though, america clearly has a problem with policing and black people. on the one hand you have people calling the police because they see black people as inherently threatening, and then you have police who only know how to respond to a call with an arrest or violence. so the question is what do we do? do we fix society or do we try and fix the police? or maybe, maybe, got us thinking, maybe all we need to

do is change the people who connect civilians to the police. >> well, for years 911's been handling calls that, turns out, aren't actual emergencies. >> hello, 911, there are black people. >> ma'am, stay calm. i'm scared, too. the officers are on their way. >> so we came up with with a program to help white people decide if their emergency was an actual emergency. we hired a black operator. ( ringing ) >> 911, what's your emergency? >> i'm on the train and these black people are talking and it's loud and i think there could be a fight. >> okay, sir. let me get this straight, you called 911 because black people were talking loud? >> uh, yeah, i guess. >> okay, good, here's what i need you to do. stand up, walk to the window and throw your bitch ass offe off tt train. >> they're just walking down the sidewalk but feels threatening. >> girl, bye. >> a bit unorthodox? yeah.

but it's beneficial and she's almost entirely professional, almost. >> yoyou're saying he's six-fou, african-american male, driving a benz. look closely -- is he wearing a wedding ring? >> no. >> stay right there. i'm on my way. hold on, girl! >> hello? ( applause ) >> trevor: that's how it should be. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ♪

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we make scents, for men. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show."

my guest tonight is the co-host of showtime's "the circus," a contributor to cbs news and the atlantic, and author of the new book, "futureface: a family mystery, an epic quest, and the secret to belonging." please welcome alex wagner. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome back to the show. >> thank you, my friend. >> trevor: doing so many things and finally writing your book, "futureface." this is one of those stories i felt i was biased because i connected with it a lot as a mixed-race person. >> yeah. >> trevor: there is an interesting story you tell yourself about your history. >> yes. >> trevor: there is an interesting story discovering where you come from. "futureface" is about that, where do you get the title from? >> when i was very young "time magazine" cover herald the new

america and a combination of races that could be dominant in the years hence, and it kind of looked like me. so i said i'm futureface, i'm the face of america. i'm an avatar of the future brought to the present to show you americans what your future will look like. >> trevor: you trace your family history in this book and it takes you down a scary path. what is your mix. >> my mom is an immigrant from burma and my dad was born in lansing, iowa. >> trevor: right. >> i had this idea about who i was but really my identity was more about garfield and chips ahoy and boat shoes than about any particular axis of my identity. and that was nierks i think, but that wasn't real. there was not a lot to hold on to. at a certain point, i began to feel the weightlessness of that and i wanted to know more about who i was and where my community was which is i think is something a lot of mixed-race kids and americans want to know, especially right now.

and i began to unwind these families' stories and realize what my family had been telling myself about where we come from, filled with observe i half-trutn some cases lies and we has been covering up pretty ugly parts of our histories. so this is my attempt at finding ugly parts, putting sunlight on them, and coming to a place of what does it mean to be an american today and what sacrifice are made along the way. >> trevor: it's a fascinate aing journey you go on discovering about yourself and your family and i feel that's a served you well because you do everything from everywhere. i know you from cbs, writing at "the atlantic." you're now working on "the circus." >> i am. >> trevor: the most recent trip you took was to russia. when everyone was, like, there is about to be a war, you're going, i'm there. >> people were, like, everyone's leaving. i'm, like, i'm coming. ( laughter ) we went to moscow and basically

went through the looking glass. we saw the russian pro propagana apparatus at its heart. spoke with the kremlin, foreign minister spokespeople, russians on the street, it is a parallel universe over there. >> trevor: in what way? >> denial of basic facts which is something we can understand here in america, coming from a different place. and also the sort of resoluteness that the truth that is being sort of sent out on russian air waves is the only truth. i think there's an older generation that doesn't believe in america and still harbors the same cold war an mosties. the younger generation is much more apathetic. they have been taught everything is corrupted, america's elections are corrupted, russian elections are corruptioned, america and russian media is corrupted, so there's a dark apathy that's set in that is really disheartening. >> trevor: when you speak to them, is there a fear that kind of attitude could come through

to america? >> i mean, sure, if we don't have more trevor noah's in the world. >> trevor: oh, shucks! >> you know, actually, like, i mean, i think hume around analysis is also what keeps us alive and awake. >> trevor: right. >> and i didn't see a lot of that over there. we didn't spend an infinite amount of time over there, but i think satire and conversation and dialogue is what keeps our democracy alive. we've still got a heart beat. >> trevor: we're still alive. we still have a heart beat. thank you for joining us on the show. a fascinating book. "futureface" will be available april 17th. "the circus" airs sundays at 8:00 p.m. on showtime. alex wagner, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ oh -- you're bad enough to me ♪ ♪ bad enough that we ♪ always have something to get over ♪ ♪ oh -- but when the night is deep ♪

♪ you find me in the streets ♪ asking me - to come over ♪

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with prostitutes peeing on each other in moscow in 2013, it's possible, i don't know. >> jim, it's possible. and it's possible martians were in that room peeing on the prostitutes, too. >> jordan michael cohen, trump's lawyer and fixer. he can make any problem disappear. he's the reason no one's ever heard of stormy daniels. he's just that good. and today we learned that his client list goes beyond the commander in chief. >> nbc news has confirmed, inside that courtroom that the third client, michael cohen's third client, is sean hannity. >> wow. >> jordan: save your wow's, msnb-quiet. just because sean works with the fixer doesn't mean he's done anything that needs fixing. i should know, because i... am michael cohen's secret fourth client!