>> introfrom comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight, world renowned magician david blaine is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) but first, if you have a friend in indiana who mysteriously showed up to your potluck with a

solid gold iphone, i may know why. >> it seems like a dream come true, thousands of dollars if cash littering an indiana highway with drivers jumping out of their cars to "help collect it." the money came from an armored brinks truck that burst open sending a reported $600,000 flying everywhere. this morning an investigation is underway as police try to recover the cash still missing. >> we're granting full amnesty, full immunity of any prosecution if they just call us and say, hey, i picked up some of this money, i'd like to give it back. ( laughter ) >> trevor: no, i'm sorry, mr. policeman. if people picked up the money they don't have to give it back. as the 34th amendment to the constitution clearly states, finders keepers. ( laughter ) i personally as banks charge us to give our own money to us, we should charge to give them their

money. yeah, there will be a little transaction fee on that. the whole reason why i'm against self-driving cars. if all the cash was on the freeway and you were driving past screaming, no, let me out! ( laughter ) but let's move on from losing money to a company that basically prints its own. after months of controversy, facebook thinks it's time for a reset. >> we came here for the friends. we got to know the friends of our friends. and we found others just like us. and just like that, we felt a little less alone. but then something happened. we had to deal with spam, click bait, fake news and data misuse. that's going to change. from now on, facebook will do more to keep you safe and protect your privacy, so we can all get back to what made facebook good in the first place. friends. >> trevor: oh! oh! goosebumps!

( laughter ) yeah, that ad, i'm not going to lie, that ad was so effective i almost didn't notice facebook forget to mention they let steve bannon put his dick in all our data. ( laughter ) the voice almost made me forget -- but then something happened, we've got the go to told facebook. yeah, something happened, you happened. people should try to use that voice whenever they're in trouble -- i was trying to make a little extra cash, but something happened. now, you have no kidneys. ( laughter ) the big news of the day, the stormy daniels affair. when we last left the story, the official treatment trump version was that michael cohen without trump knowing paid daniels $130,000 to keep quiet about an affair that allegedly never happened. cohen said it, sarah sanders said it around trump himself had it. two weeks ago trump hired his

good friend rudy giuliani to join us ever changing legal people. if case you forgot who rudy giuliani is, enjoy. >> it is america! >> trevor: yeah, that's trump's new legal counsel. last night giuliani went on tv and flipped the stormy daniels payment story upside down. >> rudy giuliani dropping an absolute bombshell tonight saying president trump paid michael cohen back for the $130,000 hush money payment to stormy daniels. >> sorry, i'm giving you a fact now you don't know. it's not campaign money. no campaign finance violation. so -- >> they funneled it through a law firm. >> funneled it through a law firm and the president repaid it. >> oh, i tinted know that. he did? >> yeah. >> trevor: rudy! rudy! what are you doing?! you're now saying president trump did pay stormy daniels? this is big news! it's so big, it's so big that you probably didn't even hear

that kanye west said he wants to design new robes for the kkk. you didn't hear that, did you? now, that didn't actually happen but you weren't sure about it. yeah, you weren't sure. the big question is, why would giuliani and trump change their story? there's no logical explanation. >> the only logical explanation would have to be that he's getting out if front of some bald facts. i personally think that the raid on michael cohen's home office and hotel room really scared the white house. giuliani and trump likely know that there will be some bad facts getting out there. they may want to get ahead of it. >> trevor: wow, imagine a p.r. crisis so bad that your best move so to admit you paid hush money to a porn star. ( laughter ) so just so we're all on the same page, everyone pretended trump had nothing to do with this payment, but now that the f.b.i. raided michael cohen's office they're afraid the truth is about to come out so they want

to get ahead of it first. when i was a kid, i would run into the kitchen and say, mom, mom! i ate all the cookies! and my brother would tell on me and i would say, ha! i told on me first. i'm so honest i deserve a cookie! ( laughter ) you might be saying, why does anyone care how trump handles an affair? you might say that's between him and his god which is convenient for him because he worships himself. but in covering up this affair, they might have broken the law. >> what makes the dispute between stormy daniels and the president more than a high profile tabloid scandal is her silence was purchased 11 days before the presidential election which may run afoul of campaign finance laws. >> it's a $130,000 in-kind contribution by cohen to the trump campaign, and if he does this on behalf of his client, the candidate, that is a coordinated, el likely, in-kind

contribution by cohen for the purpose of influencing the election. >> trevor: damn it, donald! this guy can't even bone without the justice department getting involved! and you know what really pisses me off about this? the stormy daniels thing was supposed to be the simple scandal in trump's story but now it's about lawyers and campaign finance and beau i don't care si. it's -- bureaucracy. it's not just ruining the country. it's going to ruin porn. >> hi. i have a hot, thick delivery for a meat lover. >> i'm sorry, i don't have any money. can i pay you in some other way? >> if you're saying what i think you're saying, that would be an illegal in-kind contribution. you're going to have to file disclosures every single fiscal quarter. >> well, then, let's do some paperwork -- ( pence clicking ) ♪

♪ >> oh, yeah! >> trevor: confusing but still hot. so getting ahead of the story might have taken care of this as a p.r. issue, but saying trump paid for the stormy daniels story himself might have created a new legal issue. so the only way to get out of it now is to argue that trump did pay stormy but it had nothing to do with the campaign and this morning giuliani went back on tv to do just that. >> this was for personal reasons. this was the president had been hurt personally, not politically, personally so much, and the first lady. i think he was trying to help the family. for that, the man is being treated like some kind of villain. but it wasn't for the campaign. >> right. >> it was to save their marriage as much as their reputation. >> trevor: this is brilliant. so the few story is trump didn't

pay because to have the campaign, he paid because he loved his wife -- who he was cheating on with a porn star. ( laughter ) now, you may not believe it, but it's a great excuse. it's a great excuse unless you slip up moments later and explicitly say that it was the campaign that motivated the payment to stormy daniels aka stephanie clifford. >> you're saying that stephanie clifford made these allegations, told donald trump's lawyer, look -- >> and denied them and then said it wasn't true. however, imagine if that came out on october 15, 2016, in the middle of the last debate with hillary clinton. >> right, so to make it go away, they made this -- >> cohen didn't even ask. cohen made it go away. >> trevor: rudy! rudy! ( laughter ) ( applause ) rudy!

you just admitted that the payment was to make the story go away to help the campaign! america! ( laughter ) and you know what the worst part is? the worst part of this whole story is if trump had just paid stormy daniels and didn't try and hide it, the story would have just been donald trump had an affair. let's be honest, no one would have cared. even melania would have been like, better her than me. ( laughter ) now, because of the coverup, things are much worse. it's like if someone got pulled over for drunk driving but instead of admitting it they said, no, i wasn't drunk driving, my ten-year-old was driving, yeah, and he was drunk. honestly, i feel bad for team trump. i mean, you're dealing with stormy daniels, with russia, with mueller. we haven't even talked about the e.p.a.

it's overshadowed his entire presidency. i think they need to think like facebook and get back to their roots. >> we came here for one thing -- the racism. >> they're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime, they're rapists. >> build the wall, ban the muslims, no transgenders in the military. and we all felt a little bit safer from people that were different. but then something happened. made a deal with comey, then collusion, then mueller, stormy daniels, cohen. but that's going to change. from now on we're going to get back to what we believed all along, mexicans are rapists. ( laughter ) >> trevor: we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )

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when a new story falls through the cracks, our very own lewis black catches it for a segment which call "back in black." ( cheers and applause ) >> before the midterm elections come the primaries, where republicans and democrats try to win their party's nomination by acting the most extreme. it's like the exgames only with more brain damage. trying to win over either party's hard core base brings out the worst in people. on the right, republicans who want to seem trumpy are doing everything short of hiring russian hookers. >> i'm todd rokita and i'll proudly stand with our president and mike pence to drain the swamp. >> we don't need to investigate our president, we need to arrest hillary. >> i'm a card carrying, hair core tennessee conservative.

politically incorrect and proud of it. >> and, yes, i stand when i hear the star-spangled banner. >> i'm with you! everyone should stand for the national anthem! for god's sakes, it's two minutes before game time! when else are you going to go to the bathroom? and with my proat a time, sing it twice. ( laughter ) and the primaries are great because you get to see the candidates who are willing to tell it like it is. >> west virginia republican senate candidate john blankenship going after mitch mcconnell defending an ad in which he referred to mcconnell this way. >> if you want jobs, to end the drug epidemic and protect the unborn, you need to vote for me. one of my goals as u.s. senator will be to ditch cocaine mitch. when you vote for me, you're voting for the sake of the kids. >> it's for the sake of the kids -- i believe him because i'd rather have a guy like that

in office than within 500 feet of a playground. ( laughter ) but is he really trying to say mitch mcconnell's on cocaine? our mitch mcconnell?! if that's true, someone's cutting mitch's blow with ambien! ( laughter ) but primary frights work their stupid magic on both sides and in new york democratic governor andrew cuomo who made his name as a moderate is being challenged by activist and progressive cynthia nixon, and i couldn't be happen queer about her candidacy, and i know you're expecting me to make a sex in the city joke by saying i'm such a miranda. but the show ended 14 years ago so get over it and stop being such a charlotte! ( applause ) and while polls have nixon trailing quoam o he's been swerving left than a bruce

driver on bath salts. >> cuomo is following nixon entrance by checking off a list. >> governor quoam-had an order to give prison parolees the right to vote. >> a major push to legalize marijuana. >> cynthia nixon came out in favor of legalization and governor cuomo is considering it. >> governor cuomo wants to ban plastic shopping bags throughout the united states. >> cynthia was leading a rally with environmental activists. >> no more plastic bags in new york! finally, everybody's dog shit will be able to breathe in public garbage cans as god intended! ( laughter ) if you don't like the smell of terdz roasting in july you don't belong in this city. ( laughter ) but if having celebrities in the race means politicians take stronger positions, i'm all for it. worst case scenario, the celeb becomes president.

it can't be a nightmare if it's already a reality! and these are just the primaries. if i'm going to have the energy to endure the next six months, i'm going to need all of mitch mcconnell's stash. i don't want to do it, but it's for the sake of the kids. ( laughter ) trevor. >> trevor: lewis black, everyone. we'll be right back! ♪ how do they make starburst taste so juicy?

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total confidence. stella artois. voila! pockets. enjoy! why let life....keep you from enjoying life... ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a death-defying magician who will be kicking off a north american tour on may 6th. please welcome david blaine!

( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: it must be weird being a world-renowned magician, because i do it and i feel like everyone does it around you, i don't trust you. even when i greeted you now, i was, like, did he steal my watch? is my tie changing color? is that what you've gotten used to, that people are ready for a trick all the time? >> right now if i did something, your reaction in this environment would be very mewed. >> trevor: right, because i'm trying to hide that you freak me out. >> no, it would be muted unless i did something that was crazy. ( audience reacts )

and on that note -- do you want to see the think of a four digit number that's important to you, or do you want to see the ice pick? ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: the four digit number, right? ( laughter ) >> well, that's really good because i actually brought an ice pick with me. see, and this one would probably be hard to not react much to. but will you just check it and make sure it's actually real? >> trevor: yeah, that's real. >> yeah? then i also -- >> trevor: i've tested ice picks my whole life. that's real. >> i also brought with me some alcohol, and the is to make sure that my hand doesn't just explode or blow up or anything weird. >> trevor: oh, man.

( audience reacts ) see, this is what i do with this. by the way, i started reading your book. it's amazing. ( laughter ) ( applause ) so, now, often, people say that, when i do this, there's, like, some sort of tunnel or something like that. so i'll let you -- you kind of pick the spot. ( audience reacts ) yeah. >> trevor: like, in -- >> sure, wherever you want. maybe don't poke it through a vein because then blood will shoot out. >> trevor: i think that looks like the safest place right there. >> maybe, you know what, if you feel around, maybe -- >> trevor: yeah, that's nice. that's safe. see how it looks? see that? see how it looks like it's really starting the to go in there? see that?

ooooooh! aaahhh! >> trevor, there's no way to know if it's actual until you see the other side, trevor. it would be this side. see, when you do like that? ( audience reacts ) see? >> trevor: oh! here, you know, will you grab it from the bottom, trevor? yeah, and just push. just push. see, yeah, push. >> trevor: aaahhh! >> see that? ( laughter ) see, that would be aired not to react to.

there ever, this is for you to keep. so could you just pull that out? slowly. yeah. pull. pull. pull. pull. pull. ( cheers and applause ) for tickets to see "david blaine live" go to livenation.com. david blaine. ( cheers and applause ) every legacy comes with a burden, a standard to bear, an expectation to surpass. but that's the point. bring us doubt, and we'll bring you the first car with true hands-free driving for the freeway. bring us a challenge and we'll reinvent what it means to own a car. bring us all your expectations

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you want to have nancy pelosi running the house of representatives? forget get it. comeerpz.( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪captioning sponsored by comedy central [cheers and applause] >> jordan: i'm taking the gloves off! both to fight and because it's warm outside. it's already may third. my guest tonight is actor ron livingston. [cheers and applause] let's do the thing. in the last few days, president trump, actual photo, has shaken up his legal team. ty cobb is out, presumably to get back to his cranberry bog. trump's bringing in impeachment expert emmet flood. not because he's worried or