- el baso! base-ooooo! [all cheering, music playing] [cheering continues] [laughter] - so then--so then the fireman says, "that won't even fit in my scrotum!" [laughter] - stop being a pouty little bitch 'cause you lost, cartman. - i'm not pouting! i'm just... sensitive to firemen jokes 'cause of 9/11 and the-- [bleep] you, kyle. - boy, i'm so glad i proved i'm a good meheecan! hey, maybe next time i can be team leader! - uh, i think we'll stick with kyle, dude. you made it across the border, but it did take you 2 1/2 weeks. - yeah, you're a great meheecan, butters, just not a great leader of meheeco. [sipping on straw] [ascending cheering in the distance] [baby cheering]

[cheering continues] distant voices: oi! oi! orgullo! mannnnnntequilla! - [sighs] a baptist priest with a huge boner walks into a bar. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! my guest tonight is a democratic congressman from texas, joaquin castro is joining us, everyone!

( cheers and applause ) but first, over the past few weeks you may have noticed a lot of stories about black people getting the cops called on them for no good reason, like for moving into their own apartment, for staying at an airbnb, for golfing too slowly, it has been exhausting. unfortunately, for any black people looking to take a nap, i got some bad news. >> yale university officials say they're deeply troubled by a raicialtly sensitive incident involving two black students. a black student shot individual you of a white student who called police on her. she called the cops because she saw a blackwoman sleeping and thought she was an intruder. >> trevor: sleeping is literally the least threatening thing a person can do.

what did she tell the cops? yeah, i know she's sleeping but who knows what she's dreaming of. yeah, i know, but the last time they were dreaming, they got to vote. get over here quick. ( applause ) she was sleeping because she was tired because starbucks wouldn't sell her coffee. ( laughter ) and you know, guys, sadly, this is not an isolated incident. just the other day, i, trevor noah, got the cops called on me for sleeping while i was driving. ( laughter ) this whole thing makes me crazy, man. only a week ago, yale pulled cosby's honorary degree. make up your mind, yale. are you for or against women sleeping? what do you want? ( audience reacts ) i take your oohs and put them in my jar. good news. >> the three americans held by

north korea are back in the united states. >> just after 3:00 a.m. the three american prisoners released from north korea stepped out of that plane and into a made-for-tv moment produced by the president himself. one saying "it's like a dream." >> trevor: wow, what a happy ending. i can see why one of these guys said it's like a dream because one of these prisoners was taken during the obama administration and he's, like, wait, "the apprentice" guy is president? is this a dream? ( laughter ) but still, hey, congratulations to president trump for getting these men free. yeah, i honestly mean it. they're families will be happy to have them back. their spy agencies will also be happy to have them back and we can all agree it's a great moment and we can always agree donald trump can make a really great moment very weird. >> i want to thank kim jong un who really was excellent to these three incredible people. it's very early in the morning.

i think you probably broke the all-time in history television rating for 3:00 in the morning, that i would say. >> trevor: you know, only trump could be thinking of tv ratings in the middle of a hostages coming home party. it's 3:00 a.m.! who cares about ratings? does donald trump have a rainfall riwith the lady from the pasta boat infomercial somewhat are you doing? ( laughter ) it's also strange trump said kim jong un was excellent to the prisoners. it's almost like they were the hostages but trump had stockholm syndrome "he was very nice, so nice i love him." they went through a lot. they were they went through physical and emotional abuse and forced to eat bad food with cramped legs, and that was just on spirit airlines, a north korean labor damp in the

sky. that's right! we're not playing today! but let's move on from people getting out of prison to people who might be headed there. yesterday we talked about how president trump's personal lawyer michael cohen was secretly receiving huge payments for a number of corporations. a story first uncovered by michael avenatti, stormy daniels lawyer, who by the way looks exactly what a lawyer in a porno looks like. just seems like he would be in that scene, "your honor, if it pleases the court, then i'll keep on going, ah, yeah, yeah." ( laughter ) ( applause ) now we're learning some payments were bigger than reported. >> a source said at&t paid cohen up to $600,000 as part of a consulting contract to get inside to president trump. >> novartis paying him more than a million dollars over the span of a year. >> all the money we have been talking about was paid to a bank

account cohen created in 2016 to pay off stormy daniels. >> trevor: that's right. corporations made millions of dollars into the same shell company that cohen then used to pay off stormy daniels. right now, i can't believe that an affair with a porn star is the least scandalous part of this story. when you think about it, if at&t put money into the same account that cohen then paid stormy daniels from, then in a way, some of at&t's money was used to pay off stormy daniels, and i'm an at&t customer, which means i paid off stormy daniels. ( laughter ) she better not tell any of my secrets! ( laughter ) though now when i look at my at&t phone bill, i finally understand what stormy hush payment with was for. yeah, i thought it was like a hurricane thing or something! now it makes sense. makes sense. ( laughter ) ( applause ) now the big question here is why would multi-billion-dollar corporations give so much money

to never call saul over here? ( laughter ) because it turns out it's because of what he promised. >> cohen approached a pharmaceutical company called novartis and landed a one-year deal with them promising them access to the white house on things related to healthcare policy. >> cohen pitched potential clients on his close association with trump, noting that he still was the president's lawyer. he showed photos of himself with trump and mentioned how frequently they spoke, even asking people to share news articles describing him as the president's fixer. i'm crushing it, he said, according to an associate who spoke to him in the summer of 2017. >> trevor: i'm crushing it. yeah, he's explicitly bragging about selling access to the president. like, this guy's not just a swamp creature, he's literally selling swamp tours, that's what he's doing. it's a little more suspicious all these companies desperately wanted something from trump. drug companies on edge because

trump said he would champ down on pricing. korea air was bidding with a contract with the u.s. air force, and as for at&t, trump had been pluckily threatening to block its $80 billion merger with time warner, so it made sense to pay michael co-b. if you want access to the president, who else do you want to pay? eric? he can't get you access to trmplet eric was probably one of cohen's biggest clients. hey, it's eric, i'll give you 100 grand for my dad's phone number, please! give me the first three digits, i'll guess the others, man. ( laughter ) the other question to ask is michael cohen on this or is trump running solo? i don't know. it looks like the corporations may have been conned. >> novartis said we wanted him to advise us on healthcare. we had one meeting and, by the

way, after that meeting, we decided he wasn't of any use to us but because of the nature of our contract, we had to continue paying him $100,000 a month until the contract was over. >> it's amazing. >> trevor: i'm shocked these major corporations got tricked by the classic nigerian prince scam because if michael cohenhead pitched them in an african accent they would have seen it come ago mile away. (africaen accent) hello my dear friend, my name is michael cohen, i write to you with a blessed opportunity. my friend trump is soon to be rpt and if you permit me, my desire to send me $1.2 million, i promise to make you very, very rich, huh? ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) we'll be right back.

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." president trump has made this one of the hardest times to be a refugee in america. so where do these people without a country turn? well, desi lydic reports. >> i'm here on the border where people are sneaking across desperate to escape a country where they don't even feel safe anymore. but what if i told you that country was america? right? this part's america? that's right, last year over 20,000 people illegally snuck out of america and into canada. it starred when trump began revoking temporary protected status for hundreds of thousands of immigrants. >> the trump administration so far announced it would end this temporary status for migrants from honduras, nicaragua and haiti. >> not to mention trump's feelings about immigrants in girn. >> are theycies," a trojan horse? >> prompted refugees seeking asylum in canada where john snow

is like -- >> you're safe at home now. >> 90% of asylum seekers are crossing 20 miles over the boarder. so i headed there to meet a local coyote. my contact told me to meet him here. i gave him code name she wolf blitzer. >> are you daisy? >> desi, yeah. >> once we got the bad tinder date out of the way i learned bill was a cab driver in platsberg and they ferry refugees to the border. shuttles converted into migrant caravans taking all these people right up to the border of canada, you know, if mayonnaise was a country -- >> what the hell he'll, america is a country where people sneak, into yes? >> yes, because we're the american dream. >> and look at all this food! this is just for one person. >> well, the american dream is still there but you have to do it by the process the way it's supposed to be done and you should go to the u.s. and then

canada. if i want somebody to come through my house, i want them to come through the front, not the back door. >> that's what i tell my husband. except his birthday. and christmas. and flag day. ugh. i'll never forget flag day. what were we talking about? right, you want them to go through the front door. >> yeah. >> but these people can't go through the front door because of a quirk in canadian law if you cross at any official border crossing your asylum claim will be rejected faster than a dick pick. that's why asylum seekers are crossing the u.s. border on an illegal entry point on a dead end road where bill and i are headed. >> we are turning on to the road right here. >> look how beautiful this is. why would anyone-run want to leave this? okay, not exactly this stretch of america. >> we're at the end of this road. that's where they cross. >> is that toronto up there?

>> no, that's the canadian space. >> before trump, this was wilderness but due to the flood of immigrants at the illegal entry point the canadians built up a permanent presence including the world's largest bird house. asylum seekers arrive every day. on the other side the canadian police are standing their ground. >> this is not a legal port of entry to canada. you have to go through canadian customs. >> like typical canadians, they let them in anyway. i spoke with armstrong an asylum seeker fearing northwest nigeria where boko haram is active. >> northeast nigeria is terrible. it's too much for us, and for my daughter, especially. i want her to feel safe. >> but arm strong was already in mencht why not claim refugee status here? >> america is a great country.

>> but. >> but we need a better life for ourselves. >> a better life? i remember when people used to say that about us. you're hoping for better things in canada? >> yeah. opportunity. >> opportunity. we used to be the land of that. that's our brand. >> city on a hill, land of the free. is canada taking our place? as i watched armstrong walk away, i thought about all he had been through these past 15 seconds and i realized he wasn't just going to canada, he was breaking up with america! well, we've just been dumped. there's one thing i know, it's how to handle being dumped. you know what? yeah, it's not working out. i decided first before you decided. >> what? >> talking to him. i spent all day trying to convince people to stay. any chance we can have a do-over? what if oprah were president? were all tease people really

choosing america's boring cousin? i don't think they're coming back. maybe we should be reflecting or trying to grow from this. or we can just handle it like any breakup -- seriously, canada?! ugh! with mueller closing in, we're going to change! i hope you're happy together! i don't mean it. only one person could pick me back up. which is because canada's younger than us? we're still america! we still got it going on. >> we are the bomb. ( laughter ) >> don't say things like that, bill. >> yeah, i know. >> makes it seem like we don't have it going on. >> trevor: desi lydic, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) yay! lil' sweet comin' out of a cake.

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a democratic congressman from texas who serves on both the house foreign affairs committee and permanent select committee on intelligence. please welcome congressman joaquin castro. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: let's talk about the news that just broke today. you and your fellow democrats on the house select intelligence committee released about 3500 facebook ads today showing how russian agents bought ads to try and create, you know, conflict around the 2016 election. there were in ads, for instance,

around the super bowl and beyonce that they bought, which is insane. like, they were trying to break us apart using beyonce. that's the biggest scandal, isn't it? >> one of the biggest scandals, at least. >> trevor: right. >> i was amazing. they were basically trying to pour acid on every wound in american politics. if you look at the ads, and actually not everything has been released because there's a whole cache of videos, also, but, you know, it was anti-"black lives matter" and pro-"black lives matter," pro-cop, anti-cop, pro-hispanic, anti-hispanic. it was trying to cut people up every single way you could and i can't help but think it basically exacerbated a lot of the tensions in a way that helped donald trump get elected. >> trevor: russia seems to be a story that doesn't leave the news. you know, some people think it's overexaggerated, others feel like it's not thought of as being serious enough. we recently found that michael cohen, trump's personal lawyer, has been receiving payments from

corporations and one payment he received was from a company linked to a russian oligarch close to vladimir putin. on a daily of one to ten, how shady is that? >> it's about a twelve. ( laughter ) it's, like, this guy is about as shady as you can get. he basically has made his career a sacrifice fly. devin nunes, but also michael cohen, for the president. i mean, this is somebody who, you know, and we did the exer view of him several months ago, but you could tell that there was something he wasn't telling us. >> trevor: right. >> as all this stuff is coming out, it's clear there are a lot of things wrong with this guy. >> trevor: one thing i've always been impressed about is how you have been known as the person who reaches across the aisle. you find ways to work with republicans who you may disagree with. what is your secret? is it cupcakes? ( laughter ) >> well, you know, the back story to that is basically, i got elected to the texas legislature when i was 28. i'm 43 now.

in all of those years i've always been in the minority party. i've never existed in the majority party. now, i believe that's going to change next year. i think democrats are going to win back the house of representatives. ( cheers and applause ) you know, i also think that we're going to finally win a senate seat. i think beth o'rourke will beat ted cruz in the senate race. ( applause ) but when you're the minority party, actually, you can't beat the other side with numbers. >> trevor: right. >> you can't just run people over with numbers because you don't have the numbers on your side. it forces you to learn how to work with people that you don't necessarily agree with and they don't agree with you but you try to find common ground on some things. >> trevor: this is something you've extended not to just your fellow lawmakers but also voters. you have been holding dissenter town halls, which i find a fascinating concept. what you basically do is hold a town hall but specifically for people who don't like you and don't agree with you. have you never heard of twitter?

you can do that there! >> no, that's what inspired me. look, every day i would get these messages. people calling you every name in the book, right? >> trevor: right. >> on twitter, facebook, sometimes on instagram, by email, phone, everything. i finally said, you know what? -- and a lot of times sometimes they put their actual name, but oftentimes people don't. i said, you know what? why don't i actually invite all these folks and hear them out in person and give them a chance to tell me what they want to tell me. so a few weeks ago we did that. it was about an hour and a half and two hours and they let me have it, pretty much. >> trevor: but when you have this conversation, are there people who walk away going, i think differently or is it just a forum for people to shout? >> yeah, i don't know if anybody walked away saying, hey, i'm going to vote for you now but i do think they respect that you took the time to actually sit there, and they know that i'm going to stand up for what i believe but that i'm also going to explain why i believe it and i'm going to listen to people

even when we disagree. >> trevor: right. >> every representative whether republican or democrat owes that to the people they represent. >> trevor: is there any one person who came to that event who maybe changed you a little bit? >> hearing other people's perspective, that's the thing. you can get so caught up in either hearing from or listening to the people that agree with you and, you know, you're grateful for those folks, too, but you can get so caught up in that bubble that you don't consider the other side enough. so, yeah, of course, there are times when listening to the other side, listening to people in my district makes me think twice on some issues. >> trevor: you have been in the game a long time but still exciting to see where you're going to go. thanks for being on the show. ( applause ) congressman joaquin castro, everybody! we'll be right back! thunderstorm. xfinity x1 customers can vote, simply by saying, "vote for the voice." i'm gonna vote for... unless, kelly clarkson, you're a coach, because, you know, that wouldn't be fair. [ whispering ] whatever. which artist will you vote for?