i don't get it. - now you get it, stan. yea - yeah, i totally don't get it! ♪ get up, come on get down with the sickness ♪ ♪ come over me . >> trevor: from. >> from comedy central's world new headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah! (cheers and applause). >> trevor: thank you very much. welcome to the daily show, everybody. thank you so much for tuning inment i'm threfer noah thank you, thank you so much. you're far too kind. my guest tonight, my guest tonight is the star of brooklyn nine-nine and he's in deadpool 2. my workout buddy, terry crews is here, everybody.

i do the counting, he does the lifting. but first the story that is tearing the country apart harder than an army of russian bots within the big question on social media this morning, laurel or yanny, listen closely and decide. >> laurel, laurel, laurel. >> what do you hear? is it laurel or yanny? >> yanny. >> yanny. >> i got, okay, i'm laurel. >> what do you hear. >> laurel. >> what do you hear? >> yamy with two m. >> we all hear laurel. >> the control room all hears yanny. >> trevor: and i hear idiots. for the last 24 hours this was all anyone could talk about. and everyone had different theories trying to figure out if maybe like different types of people heard different things lake maybe old people heard laurel, and young people heard yanny. or black people heard laurel objected the police heard he's got a gun. you know what we need, we just

need president trump to tell us what he heard and then everyone will immediately know what they think. be like i heard yanny and be like clearly it's laurel then. this nation was founded on a belief that it is laurel, that is what st. in other news, everybody is a comedian. no, no, seriously, everybody. >> a mystery has surrounded two pages of ann frank' diary and now we are learning what was hidden on those pages covered up by brown paper. thanks to new imaging technology research has uncovered four dirty jokes and the girl's thoughts on sex education and prostitution. >> trevor: wow. anne frank wrote a bunch of dirty jokes in her diary. this has completely upended my per accepting of who she was. i mean like what's next, we're going to find out that mother theresa secretly posed for playboy, what will we find out, you think she would be knew, no, she just posed, still the same person. here is one the dirty jokes she wrote.

she wrote do you know why the german girls of the armed forces are in the netherlanders? as a mattress for the soldiers. yeah. now i don't think that that joke is the most offensive but it does show you what a good person ann frank was. because she covered those jokes in her diary because she felt bad. she was like i know they're nazis but what i said was still really mean. it was almost like she was genuinely worried the german soldiers found her jokes and what would be like vas ist das, wow, really, anne, not cool, okay, we also have feelings, okay. but let's move on to our main tor story, while much of the world is to us canned on which nuclear conflict will destroy us, back in the u.s. the president's cabinet is forging ahead. just look at bet see de vos, serving education and the stepmom whose definitely killed the original mom. de vos has been criticized for not doing more to support strug you will-- struggling schools. the good news is she is finally

stepping up to provide some help. the bad news is it is to the wrong school. >> the education department is unwinding the unit, investigating fraud at for-profit colleges. members of that team have reportedly been marginalized or rea siendz. it has effectively killed investigations into possible fraudulent activities at several large for-profit colleges. these are schools that allegedly were misrepresenting their enrollment benefits, job placement and programming offer often leading students with big debts and no degrees. >> trevor: so betsy de vos is stopping the people who are stopping the fraud. she's like a reverse superhero, you know. flies into a bank robbery to help the robbers. stop right there, thieves. you need to turn it this way to open the vault. there you go, and kill that woman with the baby. she saw your faces. now if you are not familiar with for-profit colleges, they are the shady schools whose ads you probably know from tv. >> i love learning new things in my pa jam as-- pajamas and i'm not the only one. every day thousands of people go to college, online in their pajamas

and never leave home. >> i'm so ictc. >> college, college. >> hi, i'm percy miller also known as master t. the key to success, starts by getting a solid education. i said set goals, built my empire, and made education a top priority. >> trevor: nothing says education like not being able to pronounce the word success, how are you ignoring the c in sussess when are you standing right on top of it. but despite what master p says many of these for-profit schools are allegedly scams am you see, they put students into deep debt, right, without teaching them useful skills or training them for good jobs. and thanks to government investigations we've learned just how false their advertising actually is. >> the federal trade commission says devie university de-- devy

deceived students about chances of getting a job and increasing income after education. >> the education management kormings claims job success for this fashion marketing grad, this accounting major and business krad, their own documents show this one is actually working for minimum wage selling shoes. one works at mcdonald's, the other a janitor. >> trevor: now that's not right, an accounting major works as a mcdonald's cashier, that is not right. is he stealing jobs from english majors. (laughter) and look, look, don't get me wrong there is no shame in being a mcdonald's cashier, i just think if you go $100,000 in debt, you want a job that offers you a greater level of financial sussess. now the obama administration crackdown on for profit schools for deceptive practices. it helped push some of them out of business and force others like devy university to pay more than a hundred million dollars in settlements but now under bet sea de vos the education department is shutting these investigations down. which makes sense when you learn

who she put in charge of them. >> the team of vect investigatedders believe it or not is lead by a former dean at devry university, one of the school's under investigation. >> secretary of education betsy de vos installed julian schmoke who was the former dean of devry university to head the unit. >> trevor: that's right, she a pointed a former dean from one the schools accused of fraud to investigate the to head the yoont of the schools. i wish she was doing the hire the criminals to catch the other criminals but this feels more like swampy economics 101 considering betsy de vos has major nngs interest in for profit colleges. under de vos fraudulent for profit scales look poised to make a come back which is why we at the daily show got roy radioed, jr. to make their ads more accurate. >> what's up, it's your boy roy wood, jr. also known as round the way roy. are you looking to spend 100,000

dollars you don't have to get a degree that won't help you find a job in then you've got to go to devroy university we train you for all kinds of great jobs that might not exist, marketing hygienist or packing. and the best part is we will let you take your classes in your own bed. no college does that. >> i thought were you going to class. >> i am in class! call devroy college and destroy your credit rating today. (applause) now that's what i call sussess. we'll be right back. hey paul. sprintern. what are you up to? showing you the unrivaled iphone x. ooh nice. yeah it is nice. and you know what i can do with it? no what? i can unlock it with my face! they call it face id.

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(cheering) growing up i didn't have anyone who looked like me. that's why i started my blog to inspire people to be themselves. the surface laptop has already made me more productive. i'm creating mood boards. i'm editing content. or i'm running around new york with a huge bouquet of balloons. so having a light laptop is a game changer. plus the battery life on the surface lives forever. my blog is sometimes about fashion, sometimes about sprinkles. it's usually always about color. find what makes you different, because that sets you apart from everyone else. like the crisp, cold refreshment some thiof busch.d never change. but some things should... like tim's impatience. (can opening) (bear growls) play deader, tim. buschhhhhhhh.

back to the daily show, let's talk about north korea. the world's largest escape the room. with the release of three american hostages last week and a major denuclearization summit set for june, america's relationship with insane tel tubie kim jung-un has never been bet are in fact things have been look sog optimistic that president trump is even getting some awards. >> you deserve the nobel prize do you think. >> everyone thinks so but i would never say. >> that's very nice. nobody e8. nobel. >> trevor: trump's fake humility is priceless witness' es like no, no, guys they're saying nobel, nobel, that is what they are saying, no, no, please, no, no-bell, no-bell,

no-bell. but genuinely, lack at that smile. have you ever seen donald trump this genuinely happy before? he looks happier than ben carson in a mattress store, he is like it's land of opportunity. but maybe it was all too good to be true because last night north korea pulled out of a peace sum wit south korea. and now they are threatening to pull out of peace talks with the u.s. which is such a drag for president trump. this was the one thing that he was going to do right. they are screwing him so hard it will cost him a hundred 30 grand. on the other hand i will say this, the kim of the north does seem to have some valid reasons. >> north korea cancelled-- with south korea over ongoing u.s. south korea military exercises. >> an exercise called max thunder involving the united states air force and south korean forces, and about 2,000 troopsz participating according to the department of defense.

>> south korea and the u.s. are conducting a big military exercise right on north korea's door steps. and i can see why this with make kim uneasy. first of all, max thund certificate a bad ass name for a military drill, it sounds like a gatorade flavor with cocaine in it. but also imagine you and your inme agree to be friends and then all of a sudden you see them outside your window practicing karate moves i will ya, hiyah. like what are you doing. oh hey, gary, i'm just punching a dumbee with your face t has nothing to do with it, we're cool. i'm going to kill, gary, hiyah. >> and north korea's complaints go beyond the military. does everyone remember trump's national security advisor john bolton, the guy whose mom definitely cheated with a walrus? well, well, lately, lately bolton's mustache hole has been saying things that have made north korea feel a little not nice. >> president trump's national security advisor john bolton was

singled out by the north koreans for suggesting that north korea could be disarmed like libya 15 years ago. >> i think we are looking at the libya model of 2003, 2004. >> the north cor yns don't appreciate the libya example because eight years after dictator a qaddafi abandoned his weapons development, he was overthrown and killed. >> trevor: what kind of moron uses what the u.s. did in libya as a sales pitch to another dictator? kim jong-un, hear is our opening offer, you shot on the head on the side of the road, yeah, hello, hello? this must be a bad line. this is so up did am like that's not a sales pitch. this would be like richard branson saying buy a ticket on my space flight, i will give you the full challenger experience. and what john bolton said, upset north korea so much that they specifically called him out for antagonizing them. >> which i think must have made trump so angry. this whole thing could be screwed up because of him. i bet he ran into bolton's office and was like, you idiot, you might have cost me my nobel

peace prize. i would punch you but i still want to win it i still want to win it and many people are saying i should win so many people, no-bel, no-bel, no-bel. so as it stands right now, things are not looking good for the june nuclear simentment but i don't think that we should allow things to fall apart. the president's happiness is at stake, people. and i guess so is world peace or whatever. so to make things right with kim jung-un, i would like to offer from "the daily show," john bolton's actual mustache. yeah, as a token of our good will, kim jong, don't ask me how i got t just know that i did. we'll be right back. (applause) [thoughtful sigh] still nervous about buying a house? a little. thought i could de-stress with some zen gardening.

at least we don't have to worry about homeowners insurance. just call geico. geico helps with homeowners insurance? good to know. been doing it for years. that's really good to know. i should clean this up. i'll get the dustpan. behind the golf clubs. get to know geico. and see how easy homeowners and renters insurance can be. i was eating a milky way. hey pass me that bug spray. at least it was spf 50. mmm... sorry.

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brooklyn nine-nine and plays superhero bedlam in the anticipated secretary wall deadpool 2. >> set the convoy and grab. >> hurry, baby. >> get me on the ground, watch me go. >> yeah. >> yeah, yeah, yeah, i just, i just want to say how proud i am of this team thsm is a family have i always dreamed of having. >> i hate to interrupt but is anybody nervous about the high winds. >> very. >> my name is peter. >> i realize that you are new to this but relax, you've been chosen by a higher power. >> did he call himself god. >> i think did he. >> hit it. >> . >> please welcome terry crews. (applause) (cheers and applause) >> wow.

>> trevor: finally. >> yes. >> trevor: finally. i've been waiting to get you on the show for so long. this is so exciting. first things first, congratulations, brooklyn nine-nine. >> whooo. >> trevor: back on the air, and the wildest, tell me the truth, did you take your shirt off and like convince someone to do it, did you go and be like i'm going to break somebody. >> it was a lot of threats. no. let me tell you, when i found out because every show is like its own personality, its own human being. >> trevor: right. >> i was literally doing another show and then five minutes before i was supposed to go on, i get an email saying the show was canceled. you got to understand that is like my favorite uncle has just died right now. like what, i go on, i'm going oh my god wa, do i do, hi, everyone. and then literally the wol day goes by. we are depressed, we're mourning, the whole deal and the internet goes nuts. every one i know. mark hamel, guillermo del toro,

lin-manuel miranda goes nuts on the internet, and they want the show back. >> right. >> trevor: but. >> but all of a sudden we are trying to figure out where we are going to go. hulu passed, netflix passed, all of a sudden nbc pix up, 30 hours later. 's not talking days, we're talking minutes and hours. >> trevor: so your uncle came back from the dead 30 hours later. >> yes, he walked back in through the front door and i was like ah, threw my legs up on him. >> trevor: that is wild. you have to say t shows you two things. one, how beloved the show is because brooklyn nine nine is a maining, one of the funniest shows on tv. >> thank you. >> trevor: are you one the funniest people on tv, that news is happening and people are trying to absorb the fact that you were on deadpool 2 which was a surprise to me. i didn't know, this your family didn't know this, is it true. >> no, no, first of all trk was the biggest secret f i told anybody i was in it they would own my children, it is about secretary resee, about cia, fbi.

>> trevor: secretary resee and owning kids. >> i'm trying to till, dude, because everything. >> trevor: right. >> these fanbois do not play. i was literally walking to set in my whole costume in a blanket, hiding from paparazzi, from fanbois. they want any bit of information. and we will to keep this thing, it was under lock and key. >> trevor: so what do you tell your family then. are you just like i'm going to buy some mill snk. >> well. >> trevor: what do you say. >> i walked away like bruce banner, into the forest. >> i'll be back. i come back out of a little disirtier, a little tired, i did t i got it you know trs i think he killed another one. i think he is il canning people in the forest. it is a huge 34067ie. did you ever think that you would be able to create this world where you are in many ways a superhero. we know from you expendsables, from all these action movies but are you simultaneously from the funniest human beings out there. when did that become a thing for you. >> it happens when you do your

own thing am you know what i mean, when are you creative, i'm a big fan of, i hate competitions. i could be, because for me competition is the exact opposite of creativity. like i am the only guy who can go from "sesame street" to a kendrick lamar video all the way to brooklyn nine-nine on the same dayment because when you first get in town, they are like they want you to be the next this or that, you know, i just want to do what i do. and what was happening is they noticed that. and it was-- right now it's been the key to my career. >> trevor: if you said to me what is one thing i think of when i think of terry crews, that would be mold breaker, because that is what you do. you break the mold of what people expect. in the only are you someone who played in the nfl but as an accomplished artist and you design furniture, are you somebody who loves the funny side, you love the sensitive side, your name became synonymous with the me too movement, when were you one of te first men who came out and said hey, let me tell you about a side of toxic masculinity, let me tell you about a side of

sexual harassment that involves men. and a lot of women gravitated to that because they wanted to thank you for exposing how pervasive this is in hollywood and there were a lot of men who said i can't believe this would happen to terry crews and that he would talk about that, why was it so pornts for to you share something that many people would see as a weakness? >> well, the thing is, you know what, women have been talking about this for thousands of years, right, like help us, help us. and what happens is, you know, men have turned off. it is one of those things where you know, they totally had to stop listening. they heard it so much. they are just like whatever. and what i discovered was, you know, when my story broke, it allowed people to see their own, like the times their lines got stepped on. >> right. >> you understand what i many, that is the thing, you get tricked into thinking it's part of the job. you know what i mean, somebody really crosses the line. an it's really weird because when i look at things like paternity hazing, what they r a lot of time sses sexual assault masked as something else.

and it is wild because it's about power it is never b you know, something or anything like that it's about someone trying to dominate you and take over you. or show off in the fact-- what happened to me was this guy was literally trying to show me he had my again tales in his hands. and 50eu78's sitting here, but he's also supposed to be the person who protecteds meevment he was my agent. and what is so crazy is that, you know, success is the warmest place to hide. and everyone feels like pie god, you know, how can he be this if he is so successful, he's all that it is so kowntd productive but it's not. the thing is, successful people know that they can get away with it. that makes it-- that is actually one of the things that really is a qualifier for sexual assault, because the police officer rapes you, who are you going to tell that is the issue. and for me, it was like my agent, he's like i know you're not going to tell anybody. and you know what he got the surprise of his life. when he found out i was telling

everybody. and i told them. i told the world. (applause). >> trevor: deadpool 2, in theaters may 189. the season finale of brooklyn nine-nine. nine-nine. terry crews everybody. ♪

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i was just trying to save a few bucks. verizon has the largest, most-reliable 4g lte network in america. it's basically made for places like this. honey, what if it was just us out here? yeah well, i guess, uh, didn't think about that. verizon did. so, i ordered you a car. thank you. you don't wanna be out here at night, 'cause of the coyotes. bye! (vo) unlimited is only as good as the network it's on. go with the best. starting at $40 a line for four lines. >> trevor: that's our show for tonight, stay tuned, first here it is, your moment of zen. >> well, last august when it was found that-- it had been growing almost 90 cannabis plans, little did their neighbors know that in this quiet corner, this quiet prettiness in the countryside,

at the cottage just over my shoulder is where there had been growing cannabis. ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> jordan: yes! get in here and sit down! that was a test. if you're sitting, you failed. it's somehow may 16, and my opponent tonight is the co-creator of "the daily show" and founder of lady parts justice league, lizz winstead. ( cheers and applause ) i'll thank/admonish her later. first, we've got to talk about this north korea thing. i'm outraged. i just took the time to google directions to this place so i could watch the diplomatic throw down between kim jong-un and