here, good night. [triumphant music] ♪ ♪ [triumphant music] narrator: may 24, 2018. [triumphant fanfare] from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, "the daily show with trevor noah" presents... ♪ - freshwater. our world's most coveted resource, but it's growing scarcer by the day. so where will tomorrow's battle for our drinking water take place? the great lakes. michigan, erie, superior, huron, and that other one.

they're 1/5 of the entire world's freshwater and the biggest body of water that i've ever urinated in. but some people say there are larger problems with the great lakes than my pee. i headed straight over to find out. - the great lakes are in danger. right here, we have 20% of the world's fresh surface water, and it's being polluted, and it has been polluted. - mm-hmm. - it's created this kind of...toxic cocktail that actually knocked out the drinking water for about 500,000 people. - speaking of toxic cocktail, have you ever had a bud light lime? - no. - no? - no, but this is-- this is serious. it's freshwater. it's sustenance. it's what people need to live. okay? - as egan explains in his book, it's not just the great lakes' drinking water that's under threat. it's the entire ecosystem. - the biggest problem facing the great lakes is the idea of invasive species-- foreign organisms making their way into the lakes. - like what? - asian carp. - asian cars. like a hyundai or toyota? - asian carp. they squeeze out other fish species. and they also jump. - like, off of bridges the asian cars come in,

or what? - i'm trying to talk about carp here. - carp! carp. with a p. [pops lips] got it. and for egan, these foreigners didn't belong in the great lakes. - we're not gonna be able to get rid of any foreign species that gets established in the lake. - let's be honest. these foreign invaders, they're doing the jobs that the species that were already there in the beginning don't wanna do. - that's not true. they're actually taking the food away from the native species. - and you wanna keep it with who's already here. - yeah. i think that's important. - you're the steve bannon of great lakes, basically. - i wouldn't look at myself that way. - right. well, i would. luckily, obama's great lakes restoration initiative allocated federal funds to protect the drinking water and native fish species for future generations, but... - one of the first things trump did was try to eliminate money for the great lakes restoration initiative. - he probably doesn't like that these five lakes think they're greater than him. right? and one of them even superior.

and it's not just trump that doesn't give a [bleep] about these lakes. egan warns... it's all of us. - lakes seem to have a second-class status, when it comes to comparing them to oceans. - yeah. right? if you drown in a lake, you're, like, a drunk idiot. but if you're lost at sea, it's romantic. - [clicks tongue] yeah. yeah... i think the oceans tend to get a little more national love than the great lakes. - that's right: oceans. not only do they receive way more funding than lakes-- researchers believe our brains are wired to love oceans. plus, they're just cooler. oceans get pixar movies, theme parks, and even better celebrities. - it's the marketing. the problem is the word "lake." - dan, we've talked a lot, and it's been, frankly... nightmarishly boring for me. what is the solution? - well, the solution is actually-- - is to turn the lakes into oceans. you're goddamn right. - no. the issues are pretty complicated. - but if we call it the "great oceans," now we're onto something. - um... [stammers] i don't know.

- nice job. thanks, dan. by the way, your book-- do you want it back? 'cause i'm not gonna finish it. my mission's clear: make people believe these endangered lakes are actually oceans. i mean, when i look out across lake michigan, i can't even see the other side, so who's to say it's not an ocean? - it's a lake. - [bleep]in' dan. this is an ocean, dan. - i just can't really abide by that, um, instant transformation. - get your head out of your [bleep] book for one second, and just use your heart and just feel. i feel ocean. i feel seasick. i don't feel "lakesick." - it's a lake. it's not just any lake. it's a great lake, but it's a lake. - i was fighting a losing battle. the great lakes are world famous for being lakes. i needed to start smaller: a lake nobody cared about... like silver lake in michigan, the perfect place to launch my campaign. so i paid off a local politician to help me organize an emergency town meeting. i believe it was jfk... who said,

"turn these lakes into oceans." and that's what we're doing here today. because this is a lot easier than changing lake michigan into an ocean. silver lake is now officially silver ocean. [cheers and applause] the locals were thrilled to embrace their new ocean. - it's a lake, asshole! - it's an ocean, [bleep]head. - it's a lake, asshole! - you're an asshole! it's an ocean! - it's a lake! - [bleep] you! it's an ocean! mission accomplished. welcome to tiny, landlocked, waist-deep silver ocean. [rock music] [cheers and applause] - you always hear about how thankless it is to be a public servant in america, but down in alabama, there's one sheriff there who has found his job very enriching. - an alabama sheriff accused of keeping money meant to feed inmates for himself. a published report hints that etowah county sheriff, todd entrekin, took so much of that money, he bought an expensive beach house. - maybe the reason the sheriff wasn't trying to hide it is, well, that he didn't care about being caught, because it turns out-- and this shocked me

when i found this out-- in alabama, it's not against the law. - i haven't done anything wrong. if they--if it's wrong, somebody needs to change the law. anybody that gets out here and works every day, and at the end of the day, if you make a profit, it's yours. - for more legal analysis, we turn to our correspondent who looks most like a lawyer. michael kosta, everybody. [cheers and applause] michael... i'm sorry, man. profiting off a prisoner's food budget is clearly wrong. - well, yeah, it's wrong, but it's not illegal, trevor. that's the beauty of this sheriff. well, that and his aging-baby look. that's classic. but i applaud the sheriff for living in the "wrong, but legal" zone. here, let me explain using this venn diagram that i carry around with me. you see... most wrong behavior is illegal, but occasionally, things that are wrong are also legal, as you can see in this tasty little sweet spot

right here. [audience groans] yeah. do you like that, you dirty little chart? - okay, yo, yo. yo, yo, yo. can--can you stop doing that? - see... [sighs] see what i just did, trevor? it's wrong, but it's legal. although-- [laughter] i should warn our viewers, it is a class c felony to finger a venn diagram in utah. i found that out the hard way. - [laughing] michael. [coughs] michael, i-- like, of course, there are things that are wrong but legal. but why would a sheriff do something like this? - oh, because that's where all the fun is. it's like taking your shirt off at a movie theater or getting a bill cosby tattoo or farting the "ghostbusters" theme song in an elevator. it's wrong, it's legal, and it's fun. it's--it's--it's like when i told my insurance company i broke both my arms, then they sent me the check, and i'm like, "oh, looks like they're working again." [cackles] - mike--michael, i think that last one is actually illegal. - what? wait, wait, wait.

wha--what? - yeah, you--you just confessed to insurance fraud on tv. - shit. um... well, i better be on my way, trevor, and i need to go shove some pizza up my ass so i have something decent to eat when i go to jail. - and that's wrong and legal. michael kosta, everyone. we'll be right back. that's my legal advice. ♪ ♪ join t-mobile and the whole family can stay connected with new iphones. which is great... ...unless your parents thought you were studying. aren't exams this week? somebody's busted. so join t-mobile, buy an iphone 8, get an iphone 8 on us. all on america's best unlimited network. only at t-mobile.

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♪ ♪ woo! ♪ - new york's mayor and walking beanstalk, bill de blasio, is considering removing a bunch of statues, including mr. 1492. but what do the people want? to gauge public opinion, i did the obvious thing: created a fake tour company with a catchy name to see

which statues people found the most offensive. our first stop was columbus circle. hey, guys. this is, of course... famous christopher columbus, not the director of "home alone." the famous explorer. without him, a lot of european descendants like myself wouldn't be here. that being said, he also enslaved, annihilated, decimated, an entire native people. now, who thinks that we should take down this statue of christopher columbus? raise your hands. sir, let's start with you. why should we take him down? - should take him down 'cause he's an idiot. okay. heading up central park west, we realized statues aren't the only offensive structures in new york. who thinks that should be taken down? [tourists cheer] no bus tour is complete without visiting new york's beloved rat warren of a bus depot, the port authority-- home to the city's most famous bus driver, from "the honeymooners." to your left, here, that's ralph kramden.

he symbolizes the everyday working american. he also threatened to beat his wife almost every episode. but we were just getting started. further downtown, problematic statues sprung up everywhere. this next statue, everyone, is a no-brainer. he inspired millions through his message of love. obviously, i'm talking about legendary actor, sir ben kingsley. - that's gandhi. - that's--that's who? - gandhi. - i don't know who that is, so... you're wrong, and i'm right. coming up on the left is a, uh...whoa. huh? that's [bleep] weird. get out of here! as we sat drenched in cold rain, we realized that there was no good solution. so, inspired by the high level of internet discussion, we came up with the next-best thing: turn every statue into a comment board. now everyone will know that you think columbus was a guido. but at least there's one thing we can all agree on. i mean, why is it dogs?

it should be humans. humans take pictures. [rock music] [cheers and applause] - oh, yeah, what's up, everybody? i'm roy. that's michael. and this is the 2017 year in review for sports. - and what a year it was, roy. the astros won their first world series ever. - it also had two cocky idiots trying to beat the snot out of each other. - and the new england patriots had an amazing comeback over the atlanta falcons in super bowl li. - [sighs] oh... - ouch! - the falcons. rip. blew a 25-point lead, bro. they blew it so bad, they had to write a book called "what happened." - well, but the most important story, of course, is the nfl players kneeling to protest the oppression of the black man in america. my man roy here knows what that's all about. no rest for the brothers. am i right, roy? - actually, man, i just kind of wanna keep this segment light and fun, so let's just keep moving on. - i hear you. yeah, i--i'm down, dawg. - because sports are supposed to be light and fun, and the nfl got a little more fun this year when the league lifted the ban on group touchdown celebrations. - and the players took full advantage. today, they did the jamaican bobsled team. they did the-- they performed cpr.

they even played leapfrog. [frog croaks] i mean, where do they come up with this? - i mean, these celebrations were cool... - yeah. - but they weren't as good as the ones that you and i used to throw down back in our playing days, bro. - oh, you mean the pepper and the parmesan? let's show 'em pepper and parmesan. here we go. pepper. [grunting] - here's the salad. here's the parmesan. - [grunting] - eat that salad. - ooh! [both grunt] pepper and parmesan! - ohh. - crushed it. i'll tell you who else crushed it: the golden state warriors. they were absolutely dominant, cruising to an easy nba finals victory over lebron and the cavs. - speaking of the cavs, kyrie irving demanded a trade so he wouldn't have to play with lebron james, and that wasn't even the craziest thing he said this year. - one of the big stories out of all-star weekend is that cavs star kyrie irving believes that the earth is flat. despite years of science, kyrie honestly believes that the earth is not round. - kyrie, baby, how you gonna say the earth is flat when you basically spend 20 hours a day dribbling a damn globe? - damn globe. of course, i'd be remiss if i didn't mention that there was a racial slur that was spray-painted on the home of lebron james. clearly, money and fame are not enough to protect the black man in today's america.

and that's an "amerikkka" with three ks. right, roy? - man, why do you keep bringing up all of this heavy race stuff? this is supposed to be a light segment. i just want my sports with no race-- - i'm sorry. you know me. but i--i--i'm a-- i'm an ally to the black man. - stop saying "the black man." - i-- - don't say that. - i minored in african studies. - it ain't got nothing to do with-- - okay, all right. i'll just back off the african... - [bleep] [indistinct] [stammers] look, anyway, let's just move on, because the most incredible performance of this year... - yup. - has to go to serena williams winning the australian open... while pregnant! [cheers and applause] - yeah, try pulling that off, roger federer. - well, he couldn't, because technically... - what more can you say? there's nothing more inspiring to me than a strong... - yeah. oh. - powerful...black woman. - no, man, i told you. you don't have to-- - i'm impressed by black women. michelle, serena, your own mom. - keep my mama's name out your mouth. - it was a compliment! she--she raised a great man, roy. - just stop talking about race. i know what's going on. you don't have to keep bringing up race every-- - [stammers] it's just-- it's hard, because 2017... - [groans] - roy, was a year that race and sport intersected like never before. - no, no. there was one story...

michael phelps raced a shark, and that had nothing to do with magical black women, - oh-- - nothing to do with wokeness and nothing to do with race. - o--okay, i just... [sighs, stammers] - oh, god. how--how's race-- how is this race? - nothing, nothing. it's just, i have always seen the shark as the black man of the sea. [majestic music] - he's the same? we're the same? me and the shark. - look, i'm saying-- - we're the same? - everyone that was involved in this made so much money off of what? the shark's hard labor. how much money did the shark make? nothing. i mean, to me, that sounds a lot like... the shark's working. everyone's making money? but the shark's not making any money? that's... - no, no, no, don't say that. - to me, that's... - don't say that. - slavery. - [groans] i'm done. - that's what that is, that's-- - i'm done. i'm done now. - roy wood jr. i'm michael kosta. to me, the shark is slavery. happy kwanzaa, you guys. have a great year. ♪

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i'm here in stockton, california to find out. meet stockton's young-gun mayor, michael tubbs. - when i first got elected, we had 71 homicides, which was more per capita than chicago and afghanistan at the time. - wow, you made that seriously dark really quick. - it's the truth. - and one solution the mayor's considering is called "advance peace," which tries to get ahead of gun crime by interceding directly with potential perps. - advance peace primarily works with people who are actually actively shooters. - violent criminals. - well, they're not crim-- they're technically not criminals. to be a criminal, you have to be convicted. they were-- - ah. so i'm not a cheater if i haven't been caught. - technically. - the mayor was clearly a cool guy, but what about his big idea for solving stockton's crime problem? advance peace takes violent criminals-- sorry, violent "alleged criminals"-- and offers them 365-day-a-year counseling, job training, mentoring, and one other thing. - some fellows are eligible for cash incentives.

- cash. you're giving criminals cash money. - the program is intensive relationship-building, case management... - these are a lot of fancy politician words, but your plan for lowering crime is essentially bribery. - criminals are paid not to commit crime. i'm serious. - understandably, some on the right thought this was a terrible idea. - horrible idea. - and so did the citizens of stockton. - i think it's bull[bleep]. - how do you really know that they're not firing their weapons? 'cause they say they're not firing their weapons? - i don't think it's gonna work. - and they've been blowing up the mayor's facebook page. "this is like telling your three-year-old you'll buy them ice cream if they stop throwing a tantrum." what do you say to that, mayor tubbs? - you have to read beyond the headline. - sometimes i don't even have time to read the headline. - and then-- - now i gotta read the body of the article? where did mayor tubbs get this criminally stupid idea? i headed to nearby richmond to meet devone boggan. he launched advance peace in 2009

in this small california city. now he's expanding to sacramento, and stockton hopes to be next. devone claims advance peace is about more than just cash for crooks. - this is a gun violence reduction strategy. - that's the most bull[bleep] i've ever heard after saying, "we give criminals money." - but try to imagine growing up in a neighborhood where gun violence happens. try to imagine a young man who has rarely left-- not richmond, but central richmond. - and that's devone's reasoning for an even crazier part of this plan. - one of the elements is the transformative travel. - what are you talking about? "transformative travel"? - disneyland, universal studios. - you've taken suspected... firearm offenders to disneyland? - yeah. - they're giving alleged criminals cash and vacations? i can't support a program like this. this goes against who i am, and i'm sorry. i can't do this.

i can't do this. i don't support this. - that's my check? - i, uh... i'll tell you what, devone. i love it. i love this idea. let's talk about the results, if there are any. - well, i can talk about guys who certainly are working good jobs, but we've also got guys who remain involved in selling drugs. some may maintain some involvement in the--the pimping world. but we have seen a 71% reduction in gun crimes in this city. - uh, i'm gonna need the number for that guy that's still dealing drugs and the guy that's still pimping. if it's two different numbers, i'll take both. when you look at the data, the homicide rate in richmond has overall decreased since devone started this program in 2009. but still, giving money to alleged criminals? i had to meet some advance peace graduates and ask them the tough questions. what pays better: crime or not-crime?

both: no crime. - the money is just the bait. you get what i'm saying? - yeah. - it just--they just throw that out there to reel you in. - you gotta do stuff for the money. "ay, did you go get your license?" - yeah, you gotta complete the goals that they set up. - "did you go to that class?" - and then when you get in, they start to teach you real values-- [bleep] that nobody in your life taught you before. - for somebody to come and be like, "look, "i'm about to do this for you. i'm gonna get you out of richmond." - you hadn't left richmond? - no. - what about you, lavon? i mean-- - the farthest i went was prison. - damn. it's not about cash. it's about giving people a bigger picture of the world. devone's program is changing lives, and maybe it could change stockton too. but to convince the skeptics, i would have to use everything advance peace taught me. well, not the counseling and the phone calls and the ged, but just the money part. you know? - this plan is gonna work. - you see, social change has a price. you just have to admit it's worth the cost. - if it works, it works. - if it works, it works. - did i have to pay you to say that? - not at all. - "not at all."

you hear that? you're welcome, stockton... and central california valley. ♪

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and then the gatorade flow gave it a high five. ♪ real smooth. whoa. gatorade flow. all the flavor with a smooth finish. ♪ [stirring piano music] - it's always been a burden. my whole life, a shadow looming over me. my name's michael kosta, and i kind of look like donald trump jr. my wall street [bleep]-boy handsomeness, my "quick, bury this hooker" hair. people won't talk to me. i can't catch cabs. people say mean words to me. it makes me feel sad inside of my body. trump people try to violently chest-bump me.

i didn't ask for that. but the worst part? i can't even walk around now without random russians trying to collude with me. - mr. junior. here is the secret dossier we spoke of. - i'm not don jr. - exactly. - i'm not don jr. - i know. - i'm not don j-- i'm not... does anybody [bleep] know who i am? so please, don't call me "dumb don" or "jackass jr." my name is michael. [clattering] - oh, my bad. are y'all shooting? don jr.! - [stammers] - donald jr.! - roy! it's michael! what-- - oh. - i... - my--my bad, man. it's just...you people all look the same. that's--that's my opinion. - that's great. ♪ [man coughs]

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jordan: get in, get ready! it's already may 2nd, and my opponent tonight is cenk uygur, host of "the young turks." yes. he's later. this is now. first, i want to talk about a distressing attack that the m.s.m. is completely ignoring: >> take a look at these photos from adrian, michigan. yes, that's an angry mother goose attacking a golfer. isaac couling, the high-schooler participating in the golf tournament, got turned upside down, even lost his golf clubs while under assault. >> jordan: what! this goose on the loose assaulted a man and stole his clubs? probably sold those clubs to get hopped up on birdseed. which is a street name for meth. this bird-on-man violence is the very definition of an "epidemic": by which i mean something that happened once to