in breckenridge. - and i got my tubes tied! [together] all right! - well, thanks for everything, you guys. you really helped us see how important parents are. [together] yeah! - hey, here they come! - mom, dad! - kids! - come here, come here. - oh, kyle, ike sweetie, you're okay! - yeah, we're fine. kyle, we're so sorry for the horrible sexual abuse over the years. but we're all better now. - but, you didn't do anything to me. - ahp-- we did. we've come to terms with it through therapy and learned to admit it. it won't happen again! - but, you guys, i-- - oh, stanley, i wish we could take back all the years of abuse, but we can't. - we've learned to overcome it, son, you'll see. - we love you, son, but we only love you in a platonic way, from now on! - what the heck are you talking about? - kenny, kenny, we're sorry. where is he? - everything's gonna be all right now, jenny. come on, let's go home. - huh. - huh.

- well, what are you kids gonna do now? - i dunno. you guys wanna go build a snow igloo? - sure. - snow igloos kick ass. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the

daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you, everybody, i'm trevor noah! my guest tonight is an actor and a candidate for governor of new york, cyntyia nixon is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) but first, but first, some earth-shattering news out of italy. >> an amazing discovery in pompeii in italy, check out the skeleton in this archeological site, dated back to the year 79, a man who was crushed trying to escape the vo cano on -- volcano on mt. vesuvius. >> trevor: that is so cruel. that's the earliest case of final destination ever recorded. i made it away from the volcano! i have my whole life ahead of me, splat! ( italian a accent )

>> trevor: he died like a "looney tunes" that' character. look at. this that is so humiliating. next, we'll discover a skeleton laughing and pointing. it success to get crushed by a rock but we have to remember it was the year 79. what was the leading cause of death. it went crushed by a rock, eaten by a snake, killed by conan the bar barrian. that's how it went. since archeologist found this guy, maybe we could put them to work finding another lost human being the first lady. >> another head reason, growing questions about first lady melania trump's whereabouts. hasn't been seen in public three weeks. the last time before she was hospitalized we know this to treat a benign kidney condition. the hashtag where is melania was trending on twitter. now she's responding, i see the media is working overtime speculating where i am and what i'm doing. rest assured i'm here at the white house with my family

feeling great and working hard for the children and the american people. >> trevor: what have you done with melania?! what have you done?! we know she didn't write that tweet! the media working overtime, you, trump, said that! the only thing that would make it obvious is if melania said, i'm doing great, total witch hunt! we know it's you, donald! where is melania?! where is she?! ( applause ) i will say this, if trump has the password to her twitter account, that marriage is much stronger than i thought. ( laughter ) that is the one up side. but i will also say the rest of the world is getting ready to divorce his ass. >> president trump is formally imposing tariffs on three of america's biggest trading partners alallies, canada, mexico and the european union. both mexico and the european union say they will in fact

retaliate. >> canada is already threatening to retaliate. >> let me be clear, these tariffs are totally unacceptable. we have to believe that, at some point, common sense will prevail. but we see no sign of that in this action today by the u.s. administration. >> trevor: damn. you may not have picked it up, but that's canadian for you mother ( bleep )! ( laughter ) that's what that is. i mean, you could see how subtle he was. he's like, we, we hope common sense will prevail, but this is trump. and you can tell this thing is going to get ugly. i mean, not. this this would never get ugly. look at those eyes. i mean, damn. i wish that canadian would mount me. i mean, look at that. ( laughter ) yeah, you think i'm joking, but it's true, though. it is. ( laughter ) so welcome to 2018, where america is now beefing with canada, but is somehow making friends with north korea.

and speaking of welcome to 2018, yesterday kim kardashian made a visit to the white house for a one-on-one meeting with president trump. and i know -- i know that some of you are thinking i can't believe this moron is in the oval office, but don't forget, he was elected by the american people. so show some respect. ( laughter ) and, you know, i don't know about you but whenever i see a photo of someone next to donald trump in the oval office, i always play a game where i try to decide if the other person would be a better president than him. pretty much every single time the answer is yes. like in this one, yes. that one? yeah, yeah, yeah. ( laughter ) this one over here, definitely. ( laughter ) yeah, because at least they're not allowed on twitter yet. it would work. i'm not surprised to see kim kardashian meeting with with donald trump. they have so much m in common, both reality stars, big on social media, kanye loves both of them. they believe employing everyone in their family no matter how

useless they are. makes sense, kim kardashian met with president trump yesterday and turns out she was there for something legit. >> kim kardashian at the white house for reasons you may not expect. the reality star lobbying for a pardon for convicted drug trafficker and great grandmother whose cause caught her eye. >> after 21 years in a federal prison on drug charges, kim kardashian wants president trump to granted 62-year-old great grandmother alice a pardon. >> she spent over two decades behind bars. i think she really deserves a second chance at life. >> trevor: weirdest episode of the kardashians ever. and, now, while many people applauded kim for lauding the president on behalf of an incars raid great grandmother, notify one was happy to see her in the oval office. >> the fact that kim kardashian is here at the white house today and what planet that is anything resembling normal because it's

not. she shouldn't be here talking about prison reform. it's very nice that she is here, but that's not a serious thing to have happened here at the white house. >> trevor: really? she shouldn't be sneer you think kim kardashian brings down donald trump's oval office? is that what you think? what could she do to make him worse than he already is? what could she do? if anything, i want her to stay there longer. she could probably teach donald trump about diplomacy. she could be like, you should, like, treat china the same way we treat black china because she's an outsider, no one trusts her but we've learned to co-exists. ( laughter ) now, kim was at the white house to discuss the release of one specific person, but whether she planned it or not, her visit has put a spotlight on harsh sentences for drug crimes, the same way her sex tape put a spotlight on ray j.'s music career, another terrible thing

nobody knew existed. did kim kardashian convince trump to use his pardon how worse? yes. as always, there's a big but. >> president trump announcing he will pardon conservative commentator disouza who was treated unfairly by our government. >> desouza pled guilty to violating federal campaign laws in 2014. >> he's best known as a provok door who regularly pushes right wing conspiracy theories and spews racist commentary. >> trevor: i did not see that coming. after his meeting with kim, president trump decided to ignore her and pardon a right-wing troll knowing for saying things like obama is a gay muslim, black people are thugs, the charlottesville rally was staged. so basically kim kardashian said k you pardon a black grandmother? president trump said, no, but i

can pardon a brown grand wizard. is that good enough? i'm saying maybe trump pardoned disouza because he's an asshole because trump doesn't care about government overreach, all he cares about is doing favors for people he likes. so kim kardashian, if you really want to get a pardon for your cocaine grandma, forget the meetings and tell her to start sending out racist obama tweets and she'll be out in a week. we'll be right back. ( applause ) yeah! oh, i'm ready! i'm ready! ♪ give your head a mtn dew kickstart ♪ it's dead again. i need a new phone. and you deserve that new phone on the best network. verizon.

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♪ ♪ d'une fête foraine devenue noire ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." every now and then we get a story that makes so little sense there's only one person who can help us figure it out. so please welcome ronny chieng! ( cheers and applause ) >> thanks, trevor. this is a golden age in america for con men from the oval office

to the oval office, they are everywhere. ( laughter ) but what we're about to show you has got to be the most elaborate con i've ever seen. >> jesse duplaintis is hoping to take the word of jesus to new heights with help of a $54 million private jet. in a video posted to his web site last week, he asked followers to fund the aircraft. >> we're believing the god for the new plane to go anywhere in the world in one stop. >> trevor: he needs a $54 million jet? i need add bus pass, i only got coupons and a pass from my grandmother. thanks for nothing. wait till you hear his sales pitch. >> some people believe that preachers shouldn't have jets. i really believe that preachers ought to go on every available voice, every available outlet to get this gospel preached to the world, i really believe if jesus was physically on the earth today, he wouldn't be riding a

donkey. think about it for a minute. >> yeah, i thought about it for an hour and id still doesn't make any sense. and it wasted an hour. all right? the donkey was a symbol of jesus' hue multi. it was the toyota camry of its time. all right? even if jesus wouldn't be riding a donkey, do you have to jump straight to private jet? the gap between donkey and private jet is all of transportation. okay? i bet jesus would be fine taking an uber or at least an uber xl, just so he has space to stretch his arms out, you know what i'm saying? ( laughter ) yeah, you know. and you want to know the craziest things about the deacon saying he needs his followers to buy him a brand new jet? he's already owned three planes. >> i've burned up three jets for the lord jesus christ. this is the first plane i

purchased for the lord in december of 1994. the decked one was in january 2004. the one i'm flying right now and it's been with me 12 years. people say, my lord, can't you go with this one? yes, but i can't go with one stop. >> okay, so you think the message of god is really important but only with no layovers. ( laughter ) i need to save these people from hell as long as i don't have to stop over in cleveland! please, god, no! ( laughter ) and, trevor, this is not just one guy, okay? turns out there's a whole offshoot of american christianty called the prosperity gospel. >> duplaintis is among a group of televangelists who preach their wealth is god's will. >> this preys upon the poorest people that want and need money badly where they're told if they give money god's going to bless them 100 fold. >> duplaintis lives in a 35,000 square'manhcin tax free.

>> yo, this is the greatest scam ever. okay? jesus is a better tax haven than the cayman islands. i'm going to try that. next time the i.r.s. comes knocking, i'm going to tell them i'm not paying because i make jokes for jesus. okay? mazel tov. ( laughter ) if you're buying the idea these pastors want to help the people, listen to how they feel about the people. >> fellow televangelist kenneth copeland recently bought a $36 million gulf stream jet. they're talking about how they can't pray with airline passengers. >> the mess the airlines are in today, you can't manage that today, this dope-filled world, get in a long tube with a bunch of demons. >> a long tube with a bunch of demons? that is not wrong, okay?

to be fair, these guys might be con artists, but now i get where they're coming from, okay, because i'm pretty sure if you look up demon in the bible, you will see a guy spread out in the middle eating a tuna sandwich with his shoes off. ( laughter ) in fact, getting in a long tube with a bunch of demons is pretty much the slogan of spirit airlines. >> trevor: ronny chieng, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ how do you like me now ♪ now that i'm on my way ♪ do you still think i'm crazy standing here today ♪ ♪ i couldn't make you love me ♪ but i always dreamed about living in your radio ♪ ♪ how do you like me now?! ♪ applebee's 2 for $20, now with steak. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood.

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest is an emmy grammy and tony award winning actor and democratic activist running for governor of the state of new york. please welcome cyntyia nixon. ( cheers and applause ) welcome to the show. >> thank you so much. >> trevor: this is so surreal for me because the first time i thought i would ever meet you in life i thought it would be a "sex and the city"-related event where i would have won, i don't know, like a competition to be part of the cast. ( laughter ) but, instead, i'm meeting you as somebody who is running to be new york's governor and not just governor, new york's first woman governor. >> yes. >> trevor: which is a pretty tall task. there had to be a moment where you decided not to vote but to become the first to be voted

for. when was that decision made? >> well, i think that the election of donald trump in 2016 was a wakeup call for women all across this country. >> trevor: right. ( cheers and applause ) >> and gave us a feeling we had to become involved like never before and if we wanted to see real change that we had to go out there and we had to bring it on ourselves, start winning for office. >> trevor: what are you proposing to change? what are your big ideas to change new york and to improve it? >> well, i'm running really to address inequality here. to address racial inequality, to address economic inequality. and i think that we're at a really terrible moment, i think, for our nation in terms of the trump agenda and the stage that he's setting for our country. >> trevor: right. >> and it's up to us who are progressives and who are democrats to actually seize this

opportunity, and there's no better place to do that in new york state because we're a proudly progressive state. we're two-to-one democratic. >> trevor: right. >> and our governor now andrew cuomo likes to say we're the most progressive state in the union. how can he say that? how can he say that when, for the last eight years, we haven't done things like pass the new york dream act, we haven't passed the women with's reproductive health act, we have tens of thousands of people, largely black and brown people, sitting in jail, languishing, waiting for trial because they can't afford bail. >> trevor: right. >> we have, again, so many black and latino people incarcerated for marijuana, something that white people do with impunity. we have some of the worst voter suppression laws in the entire country in new york state. how can you have been governor for eight years and presided over this and not had movement on any of these issues? you can't call yourself

progressive and, frankly, you can barely call yourself a democrat. >> trevor: wow, those are powerful words. ( cheers and applause ) gove cuomo has had what many would consider a very progressive record. he would say he is the reason there's a $15 minimum wage in new york city. you say he could and should be doing more. people say he's moving more toward your platform since you're running. he says new york needs to legalize marijuana and needs to look at reforming prison institutions. do you feel it would be enough to push him or do you want to go for the throne? >> no, i'm definitely running to win. but i think there's the thing called the cynthia effect, where all of a sudden, he is discovering, i guess for the first time, the progressive part of him where he's trying to do it real fast. but he hasn't actually come out

for legalizing marijuana. eurasian year ago, he was saying he sounded like a 1970s suburban dad saying marijuana was a gateway drug. >> trevor: right. >> and then we came out with our platform and the next day he said, well, the facts on marijuana have changed. so we'll see. we'll see. but, you know, he gets credit for a lot of things that actually he was pushed into in the $15 minimum wage is the perfect example. this is something he fought for for years and kept saying how about $10.50 or $12? basically, activists organized on it for years and finally he was -- he really wasn't given a choice and he enacted it and now claims credit for it. but we need real leadership and we need somebody who's going to be progressive not just right before a democratic primary. we need somebody who's going to be progressive and act with democratic values after the election, too. >> trevor: one conversation that i've seen started that really intrigues me is that of

the democratic party itself. so, in order for you to have your name on the ballot and to be in the primary and have that name on the ballot, you have to get at least a certain amount of votes. you need 25%, i believe. right now, the democratic party has said we are going 95% against you. you've got 5%. so you have the establishment that is up against you. what was particularly interesting for many people was the fact that hillary rodham clinton endorsed cuomo over you, and some people said, as a woman, it felt like that would have been her cause because you are both progressive. is that something you expected of her? were you disappointed in any way? or do you think it doesn't matter because of what you're proposing? >> so the convention happened last week and, you know, andrew cuomo, he runs the new york democratic party, he's going to get all the establishment endorsements. we walked into the lion's den, we knew what it was, we knew it was his backyard, but we wanted to show people that they that hn alternative and we weren't afraid and the democratic party is our party, too.

so what happens now is we collect signatures. we collect tens of thousands of signatures, and it's something we always knew we were going to do, and it's a great opportunity. actually, we have thousands of volunteers signed up on our web site. we have an insurgent campaign, a people-powered campaign. and we'll get out across the state starting next week and talk to people about the issues. he has $31 million in his campaign coffers but .1% are small donor donations. >> trevor: wow. >> we got more small doarng donations in the first day of our campaign than he's gotten in seven years. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: wow. i know that everyone in new york is excited to see how this is going to turn out. thank you so much for being on the show. >> such a pleasure. >> trevor: can't wait to see you back on here. cyntyia nixon, everybody. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) cheers )

>> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight. before we go, if