tv The Daily Show Comedy Central June 29, 2018 1:40am-2:10am PDT
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gry shouing] - god damn it. - give us the child. - we will not. - there, you see that? the tobacco company won't give us the kid. and do you know why? because they know that if they give us that kid then we'll kill him. and when our commercial goes on the air, it will lose them business. - yeah. - that's right. - wait a minute--what? - yeah, when we kill the kid, people are gonna think it's because of secondhand smoke, and then these bastards aren't gonna make money, and they know it. - what the hell is wrong with you? that's not right. - oh, god damn it, do i have to explain this again? smoking is bad, people. so if we have to be a little extreme to stop it, it's okay. - no, it isn't, you fat turd. because i've learned something today. you just hate--see? i knew it. - yup. - you just hate smoking, so you use all your money and power to force others to think like you, and that's called fascism, you tubby asshole. - god damn it, there will be no more smoking.
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- it wasn't the tobacco company's fault that we smoked. it was our fault, us. we should all take personal responsibility instead of letting fat fascists like him tell us what to do. - you're right, boys, mkay. - yeah, let smokers smoke. - yeah! - that's right. - hey, mr. reiner, why don't you butt out? [laughter] - i'm warning you. don't mess with anti-smoking groups. - i don't idolize you anymore, asshole. - my goo. my precious goo. - so, kyle, it wasn't the tobacco company that made you want to smoke? - no. - well, then you are grounded, mister. - you too, eric. - aww, awwww. - well, i guess we learned our lesson. - no, we didn't, dude. no, we didn't. ♪ with a hide-e-li-de-e-lie ♪ ♪ and a hide-e-lie-de-lay ♪ we work and we make cigarettes ♪ ♪ all hide-e-lide-e-day ♪ so folks can get a break-e ♪ ♪ from their stressful lide-lives ♪ ♪ and relax-y with the cigarettes ♪
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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight -- my guest tonight -- my guest tonight -- is an lgbtq and "black lives
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matter" activist and author as well, darnell moore is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) he's a really inspiring young man. he had a talk about his compelling new memoir "no ashes in the fire," a fascinating book about growing up black and queer in america. beautiful story. we're going to talk about that later. but first, let's catch up on the day's headlines. yesterday in the world cup korea pulled off a major upset by beating germany, the reigning world champions. mexico moved forward in the tournament, so uh now mexico is korea's biggest fan. >> mexico is still celebrating moving on thanks to south korea. the koreans beat former world cup champs germany yesterday knocking them out of the tournament. mexicans couldn't be more grateful taking to the south korean embassy in mexico city to celebrate. the south korean ambassador to
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mexico reportedly even took a shot of tequila with fans. ( chanting ) ( laughter ) >> trevor: oh, man! i love that! mexicans are so happy, right, that all over the world they were running around picking up random korean people in the street! ( laughter ) ( applause ) they don't even show that guy is korean. he's got a swedish flag but they're just, like, korea, korea, korea! if you're asian, go buy a korean flag and get yourself free tacos. take advantage of this moment! ( cheers and applause ) you can get mexican fans to help you with anything. run errands -- let's go to whole foods now! whole foods, whole foods! ( laughter ) the future of parenting got easier. >> a new app could help parents interpret why the baby is upset based on how they cry.
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chatter app was released last month, analyzes the acoustic features of the baby's cry to determine whether they might be hungry, in pain or a big old poopy diaper. >> trevor: really, people? you need an app to know why your baby is crying? it's probably crying because it wishes it had better parents. that's why it's crying. are you serious right now? shazam for babies? ( applause ) i think i can translate for your baby. it's saying get that phone out of my goddam face, lathe lady, and give me the booby! ( laughter ) moving on to viral news, one man just brought new meaning to the phrase "i'll never let go." >> it was the viral video so wild it almost seemed hard to believe. a man clinging to a car speeding down a florida highway at nearly 70 miles per hour holding on for dear life for nearly 15 minutes, but it was very real for junior
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francis and his exgirlfriend behind the wheel. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: i feel like this is one of those math problems. a car is traveling at 70 miles an hour for 15 minutes with a guy on the hood. where are they? answer -- florida. ( laughter ) ( applause ) and can i tell you what i find amazing is how calm that dude's 911 call is. he's so relaxed. ( laughter ) meanwhile, whenever we find out about a white lady calling the cops saying, kiir god, a black girl's selling water!
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call 911. then this guy, hello, yes, i'm on the hood of a car traveling at high velocity, yes, i'll hold. ( laughter ) because it was florida, a guy was probably driving by in a low rider saying, man, i need a black guy on my hood, man, a good ornament. ( laughter ) moving on, the supreme court yesterday, we've got a major announcement that left america in shock. the new summer roads are in and they're crop tops, people. ( laughter ) the other news, the other news was that justice kennedy announced his resignation which is an even bigger deal. >> the landscape of american justice is shifting dramatically tonight, on news that 81-year-old supreme court justice anthony kennedy is retiring. now for the second time in his presidency, donald trump is poised to exercise one of a president's most consequential powers, nominating the court's
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next justice. >> so we have a pick to come up. we have to pick a great one. we have to pick one that's gonna be there for 40 years, 45 years -- >> trevor: goddam, this is so crazy. like, you realize regardless of what happens in his presidency now, donald trump will leave a mark on this country for decades to come, yeah. it's like it's not going to go away. it's like he's giving america judicial herpes. ( laughter ) you realize his court picks will be around for so long they will be ruling on major legal questions way into the future, whether or not elon musk can marry his robot slaves. we don't know where it will go. i can handle the idea of donald trump being president for a few years. what blows my mind is he will be able to fundamentally reshape america for generations. donald trump is going to shape america. this guy. >> i would look her right in that fat ugly face of hers and i'd say, rosie, you're fired. >> trevor: the power to
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redefine what america is, this guy. >> binge, bing, bong, bing, bing -- >> trevor: seriously, this guy? >> trump steaks are by far the best tasting most flavorful beef you've ever had. >> trevor: out of all the people it could have been, this guy? >> i've said if ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps i would be dating her. ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: hey, hey, you never know with the new supreme court, that could be legal. you never know. that's what you work for. you never know. he's there, like, that's what i have been working for, folks. i have been really trying, baby. trying to hold back these feelings for so long! ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheering ) anyway, a supreme court judge stepping aside is never a small thing, but this one could have especially far-reaching consequences because, while anthony kennedy was generally conservative, one of the notable things that he did was consistently protect
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roe v. wade, a woman's right to choose, which makes it the moment the anti-abortion movement has been waiting for. >> kennedy's departure could put abortion rights in doubt. >> roe v wade is the dred scott decision of century. i think you will see it overturned. >> we have a chance to take down roe v wade, an sis torque moment in the pro-life community today. >> trevor: that's right after justice kennedy is replaced there's a good chance many states will make abortion legal and for many evangelicals that has been the holy grail. it's why many christians have supported to continue donald trump even though he sins so much that people cast him out of demons. it's, like, be gone, trump! oh, oh! thank you! i felt so gross! oh! i mean, your own daughter? oh, wow -- ( applause ) and you might be really sad that women will be losing some of
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their fundamental rights, but the media is licking its lips. >> on capitol hill, the battle lines drawn. >> a huge battle in washington over replacing supreme court justice anthony kennedy. >> this will be a battle, all summer, all fall. >> it will be one to have the most contention political battles in decades. >> trevor: okay, i'm sorry, but what battle are we talking about here? i understand these guys are trying to drum up ratings, but it's not true. republicans control the senate, okay, the democrats have no power and no way to stop them from confirming trump's supreme court pick. like the media is hyping this up like a heavy-weight fight but this is more like a fight between floyd mayweather and a baby. in the blue corner, up7 pounds and cranky after missing the tam, timmy! waaaaaa! why is he crying? hold on, hold on, why is he crying? oh, he got punched in the face. that's why. this app is really useful.
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( applause ) democrats only have 49 senate votes. while enough to vote for pizza fridays, not enough to stop a supreme court pick. you need at least 51 for that. the question is what if anything is the democrats' next move? for more on that joined by senior political optimist hasan minhaj, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) hasan, you have to admit, man, this is a difficult moment for the democrats because, clearly, there is nothing they can do, right? >> wrong, trevor. if you've ever watched the mighty ducks, you know that this is the part of the movie where they get the pep talk and come back with a power move to win it all! quack! quack! quack! quack! quack! quack! quack! quack! quack! >> trevor: hey, hey, hey! ( cheers and applause )
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yo, hasan, this is not a movie. the democrats can't do anything because they have no power. >> well, that depends on how you define power, trevor. if you define power as power, then no. ( laughter ) but if you define power as complaining about the people with power, then democrats have all the power! quack! quack! quack! quack! quack! quack! >> trevor: yo, stop quacking! >> they want to quack! >> trevor: no. i know you're trying to be hopeful but the truth is it comes down to numbers and the dls simply don't have the votes to block trump's nomination. >> why are you being so negative, dude? maybe they can't block the nomination but they can block the office printedder. take out the regular paper, put in tinfoil, boom! now it's jammed! you can't vote without paper! >> trevor: that guys the democrats 15 minutes? hasan, it's over. if they were still able to filibuster they could slow it down but that's also gone. >> maybe they can't filibuster
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the nominee, but do you know what they can filibuster? the lunch line. stay with me! they'll slow it down, mitch mcconnell can't get his applesauce, blood sugar crashes! turtle man can't vote if he's napping in his office! >> trevor: i'm all for optimism but i don't get for fighting something you can't change. >> i'll tell you what the democrats can change, the wi-fi password! it's the why pie fy'password! make it i love ted cruz, no one would guess that! even if they did, who would want to type that? i felt gross saying it. >> trevor: i admire your optimism but that's not going to help. hasan minhaj, everybody! hasan minhaj, everybody! ♪ studied. tested. ♪ proven. for the world's best athletes,
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if you listen real hard you can hear the whales. oop. you hear that? (vo) our subaru outback lets us see the world. sometimes in ways we never imagined. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." so, it's pride month, right? ( cheers and applause ) which america has been celebrating with huge pride
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parades around the country from right here in new york all the way to buford, wyoming. now, there it was just two guys walking to cvs but they were having a good time so it counts as a parade. ( laughter ) ( applause ) but yesterday's supreme court news dimmed the celebration buzz justice kennedy was the swing vote supporting gay rights and there is thought trump's next pick won't be. like ending your birthday party with a cancer doctor popping out of the cake -- surprise! happy last birthday to you! ( singing ) ( laughter ) you guys sound like you were at the birthday for real. ( laughter ) though many are worried about the future of lgbtq rights, let's take a moment to celebrate how much progress has been made and not just in america but around the world. >> taiwan will become the first asian nation to legalize smeanchts history tonight down
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under australia's parliament voted to legalize gay marriage. >> germany's parliament legalized same-sex marriage in an historic vote. >> the landsupreme court overturned a gay ban signed into law four months. the supreme court first legalized same-sex marriage last may. in february bermuda became the first national territory in the world to repeal its gay marriage legislation. >> trevor: that's right, bermuda legalized same-sex marriage twice, yeah. i know that seems weird, but that's how legislation works in bermuda. what happens is you pass it in parliament, then it goes to the triangle where it's lost. ( laughter ) then a deep-sea diver finds it and takes it back to parliament. ( cheers and applause ) and it's not just marriage equality.
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around the world, lgbtq rights are moving forward in different ways. pakistan passed transgender rights. botswana high court recognized a transgender woman's identity the first time, and all of georgia is now gay. ( laughter ) those year eye guys do not mess around! ( cheers and applause ) and even though the trump administration has eroded lgbtq rights by rolling back anti-discrimination laws and banning transpeople from the military, they're going to find it harder to reverse the publicas views on gay rights. >> the most recent abc news poll found 81% of americans said companies should not be allowed to refuse service to gays and lesbians. >> 58% say same-sex marriages should be legal, the highest we've ever seen, one to have the most remarkable changes we've seen in history. >> as the country moves toward midterm elections, history is made, an unprecedented number of candidates hoy lesbian, gay,
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bisexual and transgender are running for office. >> trevor: an incredible story. incredible all around. ( applause ) perceptions have shifted. it wasn't easy. it took marchs, protests, it took lawsuits and two different will & grace's to get america here, but it got here all the same, so happy pride month, everyone. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) [ rock music ] ♪ starting now, everyone gets the plan they want. mom gets the unlimited she needs, dad gets the unlimited he needs, the kids get the unlimited they need. go mix and match! (scattered applause) wow. (man) yeah. sounds awesome. (vo) one family can now get different unlimited plans, starting at $40 per line on the network you deserve.
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thanks for the ride-along, captain! i've never been in one of these before, even though geico has been- ohhh. ooh ohh here we go, here we go. you got cut off there, what were you saying? oooo. oh no no. maybe that geico has been proudly serving the military for over 75 years? is that what you wanted to say? mhmmm. i have to say, you seemed a lot chattier on tv. geico. proudly serving the military for over 75 years. you ok back there, buddy?
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a writer and activist whose new memoir is called "no ashes in the fire: coming of age black and free in america." please welcome darnell moore. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ welcome to the show. >> thank you for having me here. >> trevor: i have read a lot of your writing. i have, you know, followed some of the pieces that you've written online. many people consider you one of the most important voices in young american black culture and american culture as a whole. >> those are my friends. >> trevor: those are your
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friends but they're good people. ( laughter ) the book, though, gave me an insight into your life and into a life that many people have lived in america that's really painful and fascinating. "no ashes in the fire" speaks to the first inciting incident in this book where someone tried to set you on fire as a child. ( audience reacts ) now, luckily, that didn't happen. could you just share that story that gets us into the book is this. >> yeah, so i was 14, and a group of neighborhood kids -- people i would consider folk who had been friends at some point -- jumped me. i used to get picked on a lot because of my gender presentation. in this particular incident, after they jumped me, they tried to light a match, after dousing me with a gallon of gasoline. ( audience reacts ) but the fire, the flame did not light, the wind sort of took it out. but here's what i want to say about that story, it is a tragic story and it's one that's common. >> trevor: right. >> i don't want to turn this into, like, an exceptional story that's something i went through individually. young people across the country
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around the world who are experiencing themselves as different are often picked on, and i was picked on a lot. but here's the thing, like, punishment is not what i imagine as a route for transformation by those young people. by the time i finished the book, i was searching online to make sure the brother who tried to do that was alive and well because cages can't transform hearts and minds. prisons can't do that. i am hoping that whoever, wherever they are that they can be in the type of space where everybody can be free and who they are. >> trevor: what i love is the book is really three parts. it is your memoir, it takes us through your life. at the same time, you give us the context as to why so many of the situations came to be. you give us a snapshot of america as it stands now. when you look at the black community, in america and south africa and many parts of the world, it's not dissimilar,
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where you have people who seem progressive in many ways, but when it comes to homosexuality there seems to be a road block. how do you begin the conversation and where do you start especially young black people? >> if we can't talk about gender, manhood and masculinity as a cage for some folk, right, if we can't talk about the problems that gender presents us, the fact that we tell little boys to be real men, let them be kids first, we're definitely not going to be at a point where we can re-think sexuality. >> trevor: right. >> so i think we have work to do. so here's the thing. what would it mean for us to abolish and get rid of all of the boxes altogether that for some folk are cages? cages cannot be routes to freedom. cages are not doorways to freedom. so we've got to get free and let some of these ideas go. we have a person in the white house who is lifted up and celebrated particularly because he performs a thuggish masculinity that if performed by anyone not a white man would be a thug or in jail but this one
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gets elected president because of america's attraction to a type of toxic masculinity which is another way of thinking about men in power, and now we have a president that so many people voted for, even a big voting bloc of 53% white women, so this is telling me that society has to let go of our deep, deep, deep desire, attraction to the tockciesty that is masculinity in the ways we are seeing it now running the white house and in many other ways we're asking them to perform in our everyday lives like, get rid of that. >> trevor: get rid of that, man. thanks for being on the show. it's an amazing book. "no ashes in the fire," i could not recommended it more, darnell moore,
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