we have beaten manbearpig, and we will never forget the names of the brave young kids who lost their lives: kid one... kid two... kid three... and of course, kid four. i remember how kid one used to laugh and play. and how kid two was always there when i needed him... rrrrghggh !! oh my god ! ughghghg... it's the kids, they're alive ! rughghg... kids, i saved you ! just stay away from us, asshole ! i was nice to you because i felt sorry for you, because you don't have any friends. but now i see why you don't have any friends. you just use manbearpig as a way to get attention for yourself because you're a loser ! yeah, right, the man who single-handedly killed manbearpig is a loser. blarghh... blaarrhghgh... we need to get our friend to a hospital right away ! no, no, i'm fine ! i just need to get home... and rest... cartman, seriously, you need to see a doctor !

naw, i just need to get to a toilet. see you guys, i-- haba... habaaaaaaa ! haghggh ! dude... did cartman just crap treasure ? it's mine ! it's mine, you hear me ? i got it out of the cave ! it belongs to me ! keep your greedy hands away ! hey... that looks like the fake treasure from our smuggler's den photo room. that's right, and i... fake treasure ? yeah, we put it there for kids to take their picture with. all in all, i'd say that treasure is worth about $14. no... no ! ahghgh ! you made us pull you to safety because you ate treasure ? you son of a bitch. don't you think i'm hurting enough, kyle ? aahghghgh ! well, my work here is done. i've killed m.b.p. and now i must save the world from something else. maybe i'll make a movie.

a movie starring me. then people will take me super-cereal. excelsior ! captioning made possible by comedy central captioned by soundwriters™ from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to the daily show, everybody. thank you so much for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. take a seat. let's get into it. take a seat. take a seat. take a seat. we've got to get straight into it. we don't have much time. my guests, my guests tonight... my guests tonight are an author and a former president of the

united states. james patterson and bill clinton are here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) yeah. i'll let you, i'll let you google which one was president. but first, let's catch up on today's headlines. do you guys know rodrigo duterte, the president of the philippines? he's kind of like trump, if trump was a foreigner, instead of a guy who hates foreigners, right? ( laughter ) he's creepy around women. he dislikes obama for no good reason, and just like trump, he's always saying something controversial. >> outrage growing in the philippines after its leader called god "stupid." late last week, president rodrigo duterte asked why adam and eve were created to be allowed to give in to temptation.

>> trevor: oh, man! that audience did not like that. yeah, they look like when the tmz staff had kanye west visit them. that's what they looked like. ( laughter ) and if you're gonna call god stupid, you don't need to bring up big theological questions about adam and eve. i mean, god made a bear that's too fat to ( bleep ). that's stupid. ( laughter ) that's silly. just pull that up. meanwhile, back in the u.s., the supreme court voted today, five to four, to uphold president trump's travel ban. ( audience booing ) yeah. yeah, congratulations to president trump, because part of what tipped it for him with the supreme court is that the court said it wasn't a muslim ban because it included north korea. yeah, which is amazing, because, remember, people called it a muslim ban, and so trump included north korea, and was like, ( mimics trump ): "see? it's not a muslim ban." ( normal voice ): yeah, he basically did the thing that guys do when they buy condoms. like, "hey, can i get condoms and a pack of gum? yeah." ( laughter ) and the supreme court was like, "he's not trying to smash, he bought the gum."

so, kudos to him. all right, that's the headlines. let's move on to our main story. ( whoosh ) sound effect. ( laughter ) sarah huckabee sanders: queen of the press room and mother of lies. ( laughter ) ever since a virginia chicken restaurant asked her to leave this weekend, the big debate in america has been: do government officials have the right to be left alone when they're off the clock? if sarah huckabee sanders gets asked to leave a restaurant, or if kirstjen nielsen is heckled while she's eating mexican food, if stephen miller is out on a date and somebody-- i'm messing with you, that'll never happen. i mean, come on. ( laughter ) no, no, no, for real, though, for real, though. the question is, is it right for people to protest government officials if they see them in public? and if you listen to a lot of cable news pundits, they have the answer. >> we need to stop all this and begin to behave in a, in a civilized manner. >> if we can't agree to disagree and let each other be, and neither side wants to do that, it becomes a problem. >> there are certain lines, i think, that even in this breakdown of civility we've had

in politics, that people realize you shouldn't cross. >> are you allowed to just kick someone out because you don't agree with their policies or their beliefs? whatever happened to tolerance? >> trevor: whatever happened to tolerance? ( laughter ) tolerance got grabbed by the pussy. didn't you hear? you didn't hear? yeah. ( cheers and applause ) that's what happened to tolerance. ( cheering and applause ) trump called her an animal, locked her up and threw her kids in a cage. that's what happened to tolerance. like, these people have more amnesia than the characters in a lifetime movie, "what happened to tolerance?" ( laughter ) and, you know, we've also heard people say that it's fine to protest government officials as long as you do it during business hours. >> protesters target other prominent trump officials and supporters during their personal time. >> sarah huckabee sanders at a restaurant with her family, seven people there. are her kids watching this? are her kids seeing her mom being harassed just because they don't agree with her political opinions? >> trevor: it's funny how these people are saying administration officials shouldn't be protested

during their off hours, as if the administration's policies only work from 9:00 to 5:00. yeah. it's not like when the white house staff goes home every night, all of a sudden, everyone in america is like, "woo-hoo! i have health care back until 9:00 a.m. tomorrow. yeah! ( cheers and applause ) i've only got... i've only got health care for the evening. does anyone know a good night dentist? yeah?" and, by the way, night dentist is the job stephen miller looks like he should have, just by the way. ( laughter ) and, also, let's- let's not get it twisted. that restaurant owner didn't ask sarah huckabee sanders to leave because of her opinions, okay? she's a senior official of the trump administration, not some rando with a blog. this person was protesting the government. sarah huckabee sanders just happens to be a part of the government who showed up in her restaurant, right? it's like if i had a beef with the teletubbies. it may have started with laa- laa, but if tinky-winky shows up, some shit is going down. it's going down! ( cheers and applause ) basically, people in power would

like to be insulated from the effects of their actions. but if you're in a position where you can influence other people's lives, you shouldn't be shocked when you hear from the people whose lives you affect. like, even athletes get booed by their fans when they're not doing a good job. and sports has no actual effect on people's lives. a missed shot has never shut down a community center. okay? never happens. i mean, except for that one shaq free throw. that destroyed everything, but other than that... and the thing to notice here for me is calls for civility. people are like, "you have to be more civil. you got to be more civil." it always tends to come from people in a position of privilege, right? which i understand, to be honest. you know, the person winning in "monopoly" is never the person flipping the board. yeah. ( laughter ) if you own all the hotels you'd be like, "hey, hey. let's not fight about whose turn it is. let's just enjoy the game, come on, guys." ( laughter ) whereas everyone else is like, "i've been in jail for seven hours. if this game goes any longer, i'll miss my appointment with my night dentist." ( laughter ) oh, by the way, night dentist

is now a hit show on cbs. night dentist: when the sun goes down, the cavities come out. ( laughter ) and, you know... ( cheering and applause ) you know what gets me, you know what really gets me, is in this whole argument when people say, "but, trevor, why can't we be polite? why not fight hate with love, just like gandhi and nelson mandela?" don't ever forget, in their time, people were not exactly happy with how they protested. all right? the british called gandhi an agitator. governments around the world called nelson mandela a terrorist. and every day we see people on the news and social media saying, "why can't these protesters 'be more like martin luther king? he was civil. that's why he named it the 'civil rights.'" but what you forget is back when martin was marching, people were complaining about him the same way these people are complaining about protesters right now.

>> trevor: wow, racists back then were so eloquent. ( laughter ) "a coterie, a coterie." and i like that he says martin luther king created racial tension where none existed, like dr. king went into the south and was like, "y'all are black." "what?!" ( laughter ) ( cheering and applause ) and i know... i know that those leaders may have been racist, but even some people who said they agreed with what dr. king stood for still

didn't approve of how he did it. in fact, at one point, he had an 63% disapproval rating in the u.s. so, look, all i'm saying is, what happened to sarah huckabee sanders isn't nice, but as a government official, people protesting your policies is part of the job. and the good news is, sarah, there's a ton of other chicken places you can go and eat. yeah. and if you're struggling to find one, just ask your boss. we'll be right back. ( cheering and applause ) ♪ this goes out to you, to you, to you and you ♪ ♪ if i can do it, you can too if i can do it, you can too ♪ ♪ see life, life is a moment ♪ the story doesn't need the writer's involvement ♪ ♪ so edit this for me ♪ don't embellish and twist it, please ♪ ♪ don't embed it in mysteries

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( cheering and applause ) >> welcome back to the daily show. so, so, last night, president trump was at a campaign rally in south carolina, being civil as always. now, you know, we have a lot of fake news back there, these fakers. you know, the enemy. the enemy of the people, i call them. the democrats want open borders. they want anybody they want, including ms-13, pouring into the country. >> lock her up! lock her up! lock her up! lock her up! >> trevor: hey, hey, hey, hey! hey, remember, civility. it's "lock her up, please." ( laughter and applause ) you know, trump is always in the zone at these rallies, you know? he's with his people. he's relaxed. he's open, maybe sometimes too open. >> she has done a tremendous job as first lady. ( cheers and applause ) and, you know, she had an

operation a few weeks ago. kidney operation. and she's going to be great. she's fine. but... but they had all kinds of projections. they said she got a face-lift. no. i would let you know. ( laughter ) >> trevor: you know what? i believe him. ( laughter ) yeah. i actually pray to god melania doesn't ever need embarrassing surgery because i totally believe that donald trump would tell us all the details. he'd be like, "you should have seen her hemorrhoids, folks. you should have seen them. they were so big and red, when the doctor saw them, he threw up. i put them in a jar. let me show you, folks. let me show you." ( laughter and applause ) now, now, president trump is only one half of a trump rally. the other half is his supporters. so, we sent michael kosta down to south carolina to ask trump's crowds about one of their favorite new policies. >> the nation's media may be focused on kids in cages being ripped apart from their families at the border, but down here in trump country, they only want to talk about one thing.

>> space force. >> we need it. >> space force. >> making space great again. >> i am so excited about space force. >> there was just one question. what is space force? something we've been missing for a long time. we get to go to space. space force is a little bit of everything. >> it's like the cast of modern family. >> there you go. >> well, isn't it fun to say it? say it. say "space force." >> space force. it's the next generation. >> it's exciting, isn't it? >> what is it? >> it is, uh, what they refer to as... cloud computer. >> so space force is itunes. it's where all my music is. >> yes, i agree. it's itunes. >> what is space force? >> you know, space exploration and... >> yep. >> ...just finding out what's out there, i guess. >> but nasa does space exploration. >> nasa is only gonna tell us what they want us to know. whereas i think trump will send his own stuff, and we will find out the truth. >> who would lead space force?

>> neil armstrong. >> okay. i mean, he's dead. we'd have to bring him back to life. >> has to have a military background. >> military, yeah. >> has to have a military background. >> i think so, yeah. >> but the military has advised president trump that we don't need a space force. >> well, trump's his own man. >> oh. >> he knows more. >> and he's gonna tell us the truth about what's out there. >> when you're in trump's universe, everyone loves space force. >> space force! >> but why do we need space force? >> well, a terrorist could, through the use of drones, get into space and become a very dangerous hazard to our freedom. >> i'm sure that there will be war in space. >> let's not forget 9/11, okay? >> i think that space force could help prevent the next 9/11. >> which would be 9/12. >> 9/12, 9/13. >> okay. >> i think isis could get to space. >> space isis. >> space isis. >> right, space isis. but do we really need a space force? >> it doesn't make a lot of sense, and we'd be wasting a lot of dollars, but at the same time, it's just gonna be cool. >> let me just unpack what you just said. >> right. >> we need to have a space

force. >> mm-hmm. >> it's gonna be a waste of money. >> yep. >> but it's gonna be cool. >> right. >> so we need to have it. you stand by that statement? >> stand by that statement 100%. >> ( bleep ) yeah, space force. >> pretty much. pretty much we need regulations in space because you can do whatever you want. >> isn't trump against regulation? >> yeah, but as a... you know, i just stuttered myself here. you know what, space force... >> yeah. >> it's just a cool name. >> it's just a cool name. >> and that's good enough. space force! ( cheering and applause ) >> trevor: space force, everyone! we'll be right back. ( cheering and applause ) ♪ brillando, brillando, brillando! ♪ ♪ juntos siempre vamos a estar ♪ brillando brillando brillando. ♪ ♪ brillando ♪

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( cheering, applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. my guests tonight are co-authors of the political thriller, the president is missing, which is currently the number one book in the country. please welcome president bill clinton and james patterson. ( cheering and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to the show, gentlemen. >> thank you. nice to be here. >> trevor: uh, i'm gonna jump straight into it, because i have so many questions for both of you. let's start with the book. congratulations on being number one in the country. this was an interesting collaboration, you know. because, james, you have sold hundreds of millions of books around the world.

you're an accomplished author. you've always said that you wished that more people would read. you're writing a thriller about a fictional president, and yet you thought, "let me reach out to an actual president to get the facts right." why did you think that was necessary? >> well, i usually just make stuff up. ( laughter ) and, uh, i thought it would be-- i-i thought it would be great-- and-and i-i've never read a book like this, in terms of the authenticity. if you want to know what it's like to be president, this will really give you a feeling for it. >> trevor: i won't spoil how it happens, discovers that there's a giant cyber security threat on the u.s. and he decides to take it in his own hands he sneaks out of the white house which is mind blow can. did you did the president if he did that? >> i didn't ask him -- i knew he didn't do it. >> the answer is, i didn't. what i tried to do is make it as authentic as i could if it did happen. >> it would happen like this. if there was a trait or in the white house, if there was an attack on the presidential

motorcade it would happen. that was the beauty of the collaboration. >> trevor: let's switch and talk about what's happening in the country. as a former president you have unique perspective. two things i want to talk to you about civility and immigration. the first is what's happening right now in america. the conversation, people arguing sarah huckabee sanders should not have been kicked out of the restaurant. the owner did something wrong you know it's about being civil. we should all be nice to each other even if we disagree. now, your daughter tweeted out that she believes that government officials should be held accountable or should be spoken to in public because it does shape how they see the world. what are your views on this as a former president? >> well, i think that the two are not necessarily inconsistent. that is, it is true that when we were in church once and chelsea was about 14, we were in a church that was a welcoming church. that is, they welcomed people without regard to their sexual

orientation or identity. and this man got up and protested and said we should have been doing more about aids. and he was absolutely right. and we wound up doubling funding for treatment and research and paying for about 25% or 30% of the global effort. it still was nowhere near enough. that, i thought, was fine. um, then you ask yourself, well, should you go from there to asking her to leave the restaurant? that's a decision for the restaurant owner to make. what i'd like to point out is, would it be better if that didn't happen? i think it would. but, you know, a lot of poison has been poured down america's throat since that 2016 campaign started. >> trevor: right. >> calling the... started off calling mexicans rapists and murderers. so it's hard to pour poison down other people's throat and not have some of it come back up and bubble up. so i... ( cheering and applause ) so what i would say is... i-i

read the article about the lady who owned the restaurant, and i wound up with a lot of respect for the way she debated it, but i also had a lot of respect for the way sarah huckabee sanders handled it. i mean, she was very dignified. she didn't chew them out. she didn't pitch a fit. she didn't call them imm... you know, immigrant-loving thugs or whatever. she just got up and left and offered to pay. so, maybe what i'd like to see this be the beginning of something where, you know, it would be better if we started talking to each other again. sooner or later... people need to quit tearing each other down and go to work. but i think that you can't foment as much hatred as has been fomented by the administration without having a blowback, so if they want to have more civility, they need to stop the name-calling and take the lead, like i tried to. ( cheering, applause )

>> trevor: i have noticed a journey that you've been on from the beginning of the book press tour, and that has been the journey of, you know, being asked questions about the #metoo movement. you know, we saw your incident on-on the morning news where, you know, a journalist said, "hey, you didn't apologize, and you did apologize, and that got you a bit riled up. >> wasn't my best hour, was it? >> trevor: right. wasn't your finest hour, i will say that. and, um, you know, and over the weeks, i've watched your interviews and i've read what you've said on how these conversations have shaped your mind and your understanding of the #metoo movement. honest question: has it been hard for you to reprogram your brain? has it been difficult for you to go, "i have to relearn something that is happening now, as opposed to how i've always seen the world"? >> no, it means that i need to not react to... the raw pain of having to relive something that happened 20 years ago. and i need to be aware that,

unfortunately, there are still millions of people every day who face objectification, disrespect, discrimination and sometimes outright abuse in the workplace, on the street and at home. and now we're all alive to it in ways we weren't before, and we're all trying to work our way through--- not all of us, but most of us are-- trying to work our way through how we can use this moment to build a better country in person after person after person's lives. and that should be the number one priority of everybody. that's what we should be... how we should think about this #metoo moment. this is a... we can't waste it. we got to do better. >> trevor: thank you so much for your time, gentlemen. it's been an honor having you on the show. ( cheering ) >> thank you so much. >> thank you. thank you. >> trevor: the president is missing is available now. president clinton, james patterson, everybody.