here. - uh, policeman brown, will you take josh outside, please? - ooh, policeman brown. never quite made officer. why is that, policeman brown? - we have to confess that we were the ones that-- - it's too late, boys, m'kay? we already know everything. - you--you do? how? - hi, guys. - cartman? - i told them everything, you guys. it's over. - luckily for us, one of you had enough of a conscience to come forward. - my consciences just caught up with me. - that's not fair. - you all get two weeks of detention, except for eric, who gets one week for being brave. - but--but he's lying. he doesn't have a conscience. - well, i guess my work here is done. after all this, i'm gonna need a long vacation. - this was supposed to be my story, my coming to terms with a guilty conscience. this isn't fair. - okay, josh, time to go back to the-- oh, no. - he--he was too fast for me. he ran out the door. - well, couldn't you have gone after him? - well, i'm covered in toilet paper. i'd look silly. [bell ringing] - welcome to detention.

you will be here till 5:00, so make good study use of your time, m'kay? - wugh. two weeks of this. - yeah, but i have to say, i feel a lot better now. - i know what you mean, kyle. i realize now that even though you might not get caught doing something bad, you can still get caught later. - oh, jesus. - i didn't feel bad before, but now i just feel terrible. - you just feel bad for yourself that you're in detention. - right; i guess i learned today that sometimes you-- - oh, stop it, cartman. you didn't learn anything, not a god-damned thing. - hmm. [phone rings] - police station. - hello, officer barbrady. - josh? josh, where are you? - i'm afraid that giving away my location might be harmful to my freedom, officer. i just wanted to thank you for helping me get out of that dingy cell. - josh, you have to go back to juvenile hall. you only have a three-week sentence. - sorry, officer. gotta run. there's something i've been meaning to do for quite some time. ciao. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com

captioning sponsored by comedy central >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome, everybody! welcome to "the daily show." thank you so much for tuning in! we're back! i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight, our guest

tonight, ladies and gentlemen, deray mckesson is here! ( cheers and applause ) we'll be talking about his new book "on the other side of freedom." but, first, let's catch up on today's headlines. , bob woodward, the reporter who brought down richard nixon, gave us a sneak peek of his brand-new book that might bring down trump. i mean, probably won't, but it's pretty funny. >> some stunning breaking news, even in this administration, two years in, explosive new details from legendary journalist bob woodward's new book about president trump. listen to this, "this guy is mentally retarded," he said of jeff sessions. >> trevor: okay, i don't know what's worse, the fact that the president of the united states is running around calling people "retarded" or the fact that the person he called retarded is his attorney general, and his first major political supporter. you realize that. also, it's pretty weird that trump is running around doing accents when he hasn't even mastered his own.

( laughter ) "you talk so funny." like, it's also disgusting and hilarious at the same time, because i'm picturing trump in the white house acting southern, just running around like, "ye-haw! i'm a real southern gentleman. look at me drinking moonshine, making sex with my daughter." ( laughter ) ( applause ) in other news, while we were away, as you know, senator john mccain passed away. it was a somber moment for the country, but if you were watching nbc when they interrupted their normal programming to break the news, it was even more of an emotional roller coaster because this is what actually aired. >> breaking news, nbc news confirming the death of senator john mccain at the age of 81. this has been an nbc news special report. we will return to our regular programming on the nbc network. our live coverage continues on msnbc.

♪ ♪ you light up ♪ ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: i mean, it looks bad, but how was nbc going to know john mccain would die when they were showing half-naked dudes dressed as dolphins jerking each other off? ( laughter ) i-- how would they know that? now, in case you're confused, this was an episode of "america's got talent," a show that has clearly been on too many years. ( laughter ) because, i mean, it started out with kids doing backflips through fire, and now next season's winner is just going to be a guy unjamming a laser printer. like, "what is this?" it was funny to see something so serious cut to something so ridiculous. i feel like that's what's going on constantly in president trump's brain. like, they'll be like, "sir, the north koreans have deployed a nuclear missile."

he'll be like, "yes, very bad, very bad." all right, let's move on to our top story. you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that america, under trump, is more politicized than ever. because although this country has always had its issues, people used to be able to escape by turning off the news. but now, politics is just like a track featuring cardi b. it's everywhere you go. and just this week, politics even reached the moon. >> this morning, a controversy over ryan gosling's movie "first man." it explores the life of neil armstrong, the first man to walk the moon. but the film is coming under fire weeks before its release for a moment from that historic mission which isn't shown. >> the film, which premiered thursday at the venice film festival, does not include that famous moment where the american flag is planted on the moon's surface. >> several conservatives are even pushing for possibly even a boycott of the film. but actor ryan gosling, who plays armstrong, defended the decision by saying that

armstrong's moonwalk transcended countries and borders. >> this was widely regarded in the end as a human achievement. i don't think that neil viewed himself as an american hero. >> trevor: okay, ryan gosling is such a beautiful idiot, all right. ( laughter ) like, when neil armstrong stepped on the moon, he didn't say, "this is a giant leap for mankind." he said, "one small step for man. america (bleep) yeah!" ( guitar riff ) you didn't hear it because of the vacuum in space. ( laughter ) now, honestly, like, i don't understand why conservatives are so angry that they're planning to boycott a movie about an american landing on the moon, because, apparently, there are american flags throughout this movie. they just didn't show the exact moment that armstrong placed the american flag on the moon. but no one is going to walk out

of that movie and be like, "wait, were those astronauts korean? i couldn't tell." and on the other side, i don't think ryan gosling was right. "i don't think it was not an american thing." the moon landing was very much an american thing. and to be honest, as someone from the rest of the world, we don't want credit for america's moon landing, right, because i don't know what happened up there. we saw the astronauts come down, they planted the flag, and then the video cuts off, right? for all we know, as soon as that clip ended, they did a genocide of all the native moon people, buried them in a mass grave somewhere on the dark side of the moon, and then some day, the moon people are going to come down to earth and be like, "you guys did that to us." and we're going to be like, "no, we didn't do that. the americans did it. did you see the flag? the flag? that wasn't us." ( laughter ) ( applause ) but still, still, either way, many conservatives have said they will be boycotting this movie. and then the liberals said, "oh, yeah? well, we'll boycott something, too." >> facing mounting pressure, "the new yorker" has dropped plans to interview steve bannon during its festival next month.

the former trump aides was supposed to be a featured guest at the "the new yorker's" prestigious gathering, but numerous celebrities-- and even some "new yorker" staffers scheduled to attend the event-- threatened to pull out if bannon participated. >> trevor: okay, i don't know what "the new yorker" magazine was thinking. i mean, like, how are you going to invite a white nationalist like steve bannon to be the headline interview for your ideas festival? i mean, this is a man whose least offensive idea is that scabs are edible. ( laughter ) and because of bannon, because of bannon, many people canceled, right. john mulaney pulled out. jim carrey pulled out. i was so offended by this, that i refused to even be invited months ago, months ago. ( laughter ) seriously, like, i don't know how "the new yorker" didn't see this backlash coming. like, you invite steve bannon to anything, and there's going to be backlash. like, there have been raccoons who left the dumpster because steve bannon dropped in for a visit. but in any case, now the liberals say they'll be breaking up with "the new yorker." and then just yesterday came the biggest boycott news of all.

nike launched their new campaign to celebrate 30 years of "just do it," including an ad with colin kaepernick that says, "believe in something, even if it means sacrificing everything." yeah, which seems really uplifting with kaepernick's photo, but it's also the moto of many gambling addicts. don't forget. ( laughter ) now, millions of people- ( laughter ) millions of people love this ad-- i love how some of you are catching it later. ( laughter ) ( applause ) millions of people love this ad, like, it went viral all over the internet. but then the other shoe dropped. >> some outrage after nike colin kaepernick as the new face of its 30th anniversary "just do it" campaign. >> this is scummy. this is lousy. this is rotten. and i'm never buying another nike product again, and i think millions of americans are going to agree. >> several people posting videos on social media burning nike shoes, ripping logos off their clothing.

>> trevor: wow! people are so angry they're burning their own shoes? ( laughter ) you realize nike already has your money, right? ( laughter ) ( applause ) they've already got your money. ( cheers ) you're only hurting yourself. like, i would love to see how they would protest home depot-- "all the walls in my house must go!" ( laughter ) and, also, i'm not going to lie-- i don't know about you-- but those flaming nikes just make he want to pay even more. like, look at them. it's almost like an ad: "those shoes are so fast, he burst into flames." i'm not going to lie. i love the campaign. i love of idea of the campaign. i love what colin kaepernick is doing. but, honestly, i do feel a little bit bad for all of these people who are out there on the alt-right and conservatives, because you realize we live in a world now where brands are taking stands on political issues. but they don't give anyone a warning first. they just spring it on you. yeah, some of these dudes were walking out of the store yesterday with their new nikes and people were like, "yeah,

resist!" and they're holding the box like, "wait. no, no! i just needed arch support! no!" so as it stands, some people say they're now going to buy nikes to support colin kaepernick's protest, and others say they'll never buy nikes again because the shoe disrespects the troops. all i know is it's only a matter of time before we ask as many questions about the politics of a product as the product itself. it will be us walking into stores with the service guy walking up going, "can i help you with anything?" "yeah, i really want to buy this toaster, but first, what are its views on abortion? do you know?" we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) here we are, home sweet home. the house where magic lives. please, teach me, please. please! oka-ay! have it your way. magic comes from the inside. show me what you got. look out!

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( cheers and applause )

>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." so, america could soon get a new supreme court justice, which we'll be covering all week in our brand-new segment "so you think you can judge." ♪ ♪ ( applause ) today was day one of the senate judiciary committee's confirmation hearings for brett kavanaugh, president trump's supreme court nominee and guy who definitely reads all the reviews before he buys a garden hose. and i know brett kavanaugh is not a supreme court justice-y sounding name. supreme court judges are supposed to have names like oliver wendell holmes and thurgood marshall. like brett kavanaugh sounds like the name of a relief pitcher with a disgusting goatee. that's what it sounds like. but kavanaugh actually has a long resume. he's been a federal judge for over a decade, and before that, he was a lawyer in the bush white house. and before that, he was an egg in his mother's womb. ( laughter ) but what makes-- what makes his possible appointment so crucial isn't who he is. it's what he believes.

you see, as a judge, he's much more conservative than the man that he would replace, justice anthony kennedy. and that could have serious lasting consequences, because if kavanaugh gets confirmed, he will become one of the nine people in the country who gets to decide all of america's rules, everything from abortion rights to voting procedures, affirmative action, video game rules. yeah. that's what they decide as well. the supreme court said you can do celebrations after "touchdown nine madden." that was them, yeah. thanks, ginsburg, we appreciate it. but kavanaugh could have serious power, so, obviously, everybody is really invested in this week's hearings. and no one is pulling for kavanaugh more than the president himself. and tell me if you can figure out why. >> he has said in the past he does not believe sitting presidents should be subject to criminal investigations. >> trevor: ooooh! you know, for all the shit trump hides, he's also the most transparent president ever. while he's being investigated,

he nominates a guy who thinks he presidents shouldn't be investigated. like trump is not even hiding his evil plan. like, this guy was probably horrible at hiding his affairs. "melania, i'll be home late tonight, and it's not because i'm having sex with stormy daniels. bye-bye, now, bye-bye!" ( cheers and applause ) now, people who are not under investigation by a special counsel might want to know more about brett kavanaugh. but they can't, because republicans are currently blocking the release of 100,000 pages of documents from kavanaugh's time working in the bush administration. and even more dickishly, republicans did release 42,000 pages of other documents, but only last night. yeah. which is just mean. i mean, you can't read that much in one night. that's not even enough time to get through the new eminem album, right? i mean, i know it's only 11 tracks, but you have to rewind to say, "did he rhyme ostentatious with black?" how does he do that?

with all this shadiness people are coming out pretty hard against kavanaugh. there's been protests. there's been rallies. there's been speeches. people even showed up today dressed in "handmaid's tales" costumes. yeah, that's a real thing. but, apparently, republicans prepared for this, because, believe it or not, they held mock hearings for kavanaugh where republicans pretended to be protesters so he could get used to it. which is hilarious because now i'm picturing mitch mcconnell acting like a resistor. he's like, "get your hands off my uterus. this pussy grabs back." ( laughter ) ( applause ) so because of all of this, this week's hearings are shaping up to be one of the ugliest ever. in fact, just listen to how the first minute of day one went. >> good morning. i welcome everyone to this confirmation hearing on the nomination of-- >> mr. chairman. >> -- brett kavanaugh. >> mr. chairman. >> -- to serve as associate justice--

>> mr. chairman, i'd like to be recognized for a question before we proceed. the committee received just last night, less than 15 hours ago, 42,000 pages of documents that we have not had an opportunity to review or read or analyze. we cannot possibly move forward, mr. chairman-- >> -- i extend a very warm welcome to judge kavanaugh-- >> we have not been given an opportunity to have a meaningful hearing on the nominee. >> -- to his wife, ashley, their two daughters-- >> mr. chairman, i agree with my colleague, senator harris. >> trevor: goddamn. chuck grassley does not give a (bleep) ( laughter ) they were shouting at him from all directions, and he didn't stop. i was wondering, did they prepare him for that as well? did they put him in the new york subway, and they were like, "no matter what happens, just keep reading." and everyone in line is like, "i'm sorry to interrupt but, " >> it's show time. >> anybody want to buy some candy? everyone is standing in front of

him. somebody was jacking off in front of him. finally, they were like, "how do you not get distracted?" "you think this freaks me out? i work with ted cruz." we'll be right back. ( applause ) [ car honk ] honk once if you love chicken. honk twice if you love the lord. i gotta get my ged. welcome to night school. you're the teacher. nah i'm just the bitch that likes to wear blouses. yes i'm the night school teacher. teaching the conventional way isn't gonna get it done. what's the square root of 81? what? what's the square root of 81? i don't know, what you talking... square root, what is it? i don't... ah! what's the capital of belgium? waffles? whaa! rated pg-13.

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i love having something that i can hold in my hand. we're proud of this way of life. we're proud of the work we're doing. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a civil rights activist, host of the crooked media podcast, "pod save the people," and author of the new book called "on the other side of freedom: the case for hope." please welcome deray mckesson. ( cheers and applause ) >> good to see you. good to see you.

it's good to be back. >> trevor: welcome back to the show. >> it's good to be back. >> trevor: this is crazy, because you're one of the few people who has been on the show twice. >> you look older. >> trevor: thank you. i'll take-- "distinguished" i think i would prefer. you're also one of the few people who has worn the exact same outfit. >> oh! oh! >> trevor: no, not in a bad way. not in a bad way. >> i gave you one last time as a gift, do you still have it? >> trevor: i do, but i don't wear it all the time. i didn't know many stories behind the "why." but the story in the book about the why really touched me. why do you wear that vest, and why do you keep that exact same vest? >> yeah, people forget we were on the streets of ferguson for 400 days. if you saw us marching, it wasn't because we were marching because it was cool. it was illegal to stand still. if we stood still for more than five seconds, we were arrested. and i think about the vest because we were there so long it got cold and i needed something to keep me warm. and this kept me warm. if it got too code i put a hoodie on under it, and that was good. and i keep wearing it because it reminds me that that stuff was

real. you know, i had this vest on when i was tear-gassed, when i was shot at with rubber bullets, like, when i hid under my steering wheel, all those things. and this keeps me grounded and the fact that that stuff happened to me. >> trevor: when you look at that journey and we look at the book "on the other side of freedom: the case for hope," do you feel like you're hopeful about america's trajectory? >> yeah i think about hope as our tomorrows can be better than our todays and i think about hope as real work, not hope as magic. my faith-- faith is about certainty. and sometimes i'm not certain we're going to win. but do i think that we can win? certainly i'm hopeful in that way. >> trevor: you talk about all of these things. there's a section in the book where you really go into the statistics. what's interesting when you're talking about police violence, specifically, you speak about police violence across the board. it's not like a black issue. you just go americans. this is how many american people have been killed by the police and you have a year where 1,000 people were shot by the police, which is a high number for any country in the world, and then

you see a disproportionate number of that amount of people being black as well. what was even scarer was that these statistics weren't being counted in any way, shape, or form. >> if you get killed in this country and a newspaper doesn't write about you literally don't exist in a database because the government doesn't keep the data. a third of all the people killed by a stranger in this country is killed by an officer. one in 11 homicides in california is killed by an officer. this is a big deal. and part of the data work we did was myth busting. black people are more likely to be unarm and not threatening another person in violent poli police. >> trevor: colin kaepernick, the n.f.l., the nike commercial that comes out, colin came out and said i'm protesting injustice, you know, at the hands of police in this country. people then said, "no, what you're protesting is america and the troops and the anthem."

do you think that there is another way that he could have protested? do you think that there is any way for black people to protest in america that's acceptable? >> you know, it doesn't seem like it. we just stand outside and it's like, "you're threatening." white people in charlottesville were pushing the police! they were, like, pushing them! if i had done that, i would be an immemoryium moment. >> just a tombstone with your vest. >> yeah, that is like-- if i, like, pushed the police, it would be a rap. they get to do all that stuff. what's interesting on colin is he's just talking about simple truth. colin is literally like racism is real and present. people are like, "oh, my goodness." and you're like that's sort of what he said. he's saying we shouldn't play musical chairs with the status quo. we should actually change things at the roots. that's what colin is saying. that's not dramatic. that's sort of basic,un what i mean? >> trevor: honestly, what i loved about the book was the combination of the data, the anecdotal stories and the journey that you're on.

where to from here? do you see yourself running for office? do you see yourself also being an activist? what is deray's dream? >> hopefully i'll look back on this and say we won. i would be remiss if i didn't shout oat "b-"day because it is beyonce's birthday today? >> that it is. >> rumor has it beyonce kissed you on the stage. >> trevor: i handed her a thing when they were honoring colin kaepernick and she she was just nice like, "hello." and people were like, "you kissed beyonce!" i was like i did not kiss beyonce. i would have remembered that and not have washed my cheek like you don't wash the vest. i'm messing with you man. thank you, i appreciate it so much. "on the other side of freedom," a really fantastic book, is available now. deray mckesson, everybody. week. ( cheers and applause )