ight! - lincoln and davis signed a treaty, general. the war is over. - no! - it's finally over cartman. you lost! - yeah, and now you can take that stupid beard off. [tears] [screaming in pain] [scream echoing] - boys, as president of the united states, i want to commend you for stopping the rebel uprising. - don't touch me. - well, cartman, the south lost. that means you're our slave for a month. - damn it! damn it! i was so close. damn it! - now, the first thing i want you to do for us is-- - wait a minute. i don't have to be your slave. - what? - the north still won the civil war. that means slavery is abolished! - he's right, boys. slavery is illegal and immoral, partially in thanks to the north winning the civil war. - aw! - [mocking laughter] - aw, to hell with it. let's just go home. thanks a lot, bill clinton. - yeah, thanks, dick.

captioning sponsored by comedy central from comedy central's world nuses headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (applause). >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody, thank you so much for tuning in, i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight, our guest tonight is a white house correspondent and sarah huckabee sanders sparring partner, april ryan is joining us, everybody.

she is here to talk about her new book under fire, reporting from the front lines of the trump white house. but first, let's catch up on today's headlines. >> by now, you have probably seen the story about jeffrey owens, the former cosby show cast member who was spotted working at a trader joes. now some people online were trying to ridicule jeffrey for going on a hit tv show to bagging groceries swi just ridiculous, working is not shameful and working at trader joe's is not the worst thing a former cosby show star could be caught doing. nothing else comes to mind at this time but it is not that bad. anyway, since the story went viral, it looks leak it's had a happy ending. >> geoffrey owens without once acted on the cosby show could soon return to tv. last week a photo of owens recently bagging groceries at a trader joe's in new jersey went viral. some called it job shaming am but his work caught the attention of filmmaker tyler perry and today perry tweeted to

owens he is shooting a new drama and to come join us. >> i never in my wildest dreams would have imagined thisment like what is a way that you can get a lot of publicity. take a job at trader joe's. >> trevor: that's right. this is so amazing. geoffrey owens is going to be in the new tyler perry project. which is really good news. the bad news is that project is madea goes to trader joe's. (laughter) moving on, catholic priests are in the news again. in florida two priests were arrested for committing lewd acts on each other. yeah. which might get them that trouble with the church but that sounds like a good news story to me. two adults having consensual sex, hallelujah. that's pretty dope. and the pope seemed pretty stoked about this news judging by his comments. >> you want to talk a miracle?

they are both over 18. two adults, just a midday quickie in a pt cruiser. thank you lord jesus. >> trevor: it's a miracle. moving on, it's back to school all over the world and in china one principal made sure this year was extra memorable. >> when you drop your kid off at kindergarten this morning you probably aren't expecting to be met with a pole dancing display but that is exactly what happened in china. and now a principal is, well, out of a job. hundreds of children and parents watched as a pole dancer performed on a flag pole with the chinese flag on top. >> trevor: wow. wow. the principal brought a pole dancer to a kindergarten. that is hilarious. it is also funny how they said hundreds of children and parents watched that pole dancer, right. because you realize the parents could have stopped it immediately but clearly they were like this is outrageous, let's see where it goes, i want to see how this goes. i feel bad for that woman,

because if you are a pole dancer, a kinder gart sen not a good gig. they don't even have a real dj. they probably just have one of the kids in the corner playing a recorder, right. and you just got to do your thing. ♪ stuck ad into nell his hat and called it macaroni. that's not sexy. that's not sexy at all. by the way, i only take singles. okay, like i understand why people are upset am if you think about it, this is actually a good idea. i think if you think strip clubs are bad influences then we should put them into schools, right. because kids never want to dot things that they did in school. so when they grow up, someone will be like you want to go to a strip club. and they will be like no, that sliek a field trip, get a life, nerd. all right, let's move on to our top story. you know how every day we think to ourselves there is no way

this presidency could get any crazier? well, told once again we were proven wrong. >> breaking news. >> we're following major breaking news. a sen-- senior trump administration admitteds to being part of a battle inside the white house to frustrate the president's a againa and his worst impulses until he leaves office. "the new york times" publishing the unprecedented op ed anonymously. the author delivering a blisserring assess-- assessment of the president. >> trevor: holy shit. there is a secret group of people within the white house actively working to curb president trump. which is wild because this mean this whole time we've been dealing with a watered down version of trump in you're telling me that this is the better version? like i thought thises with the peek of crazy, this is die et trump, that is what you are saying? yo, that is like finding out two girls one cup was the pg version

of the clip. yeah, like what was the r vait rated version, me. and this a nonmuses official talk as-- a anonymous official talks about how bad it golt, so bad that trump's cabinet even considered a drastic move that has never been done before. >> this official goes on to say this, given the instability many witnessed there were early whispers within the cabinet of evoking the 25th amendment which would start a complex process for removing the president but no one wanted to precipitate a constitutional crisis. so we will do what we can to steer the administration in the right direction until one way or another strks over. >> trevor: okay, wait, what? so trump is such a dang tore america that his cabinet thought about using the 25th amendment to remove him from office but then decided not to use it because it would be too messy? the 25th amendment is there so that you can use it. it is like a sign that says in case of emergency, break glass but these guy are like we could break the glass but then there would be glass everywhere. i mean maybe we can just try to

steer the fire in different direction. it's less dramatic, yes, let's talk to it and now people are wondering why in anonymous official revealed all of this in the first place. but apparently it's to make us all feel better. >> the official writes it may be cold comfort in this chaotic error-- era but americans should know that there are adults in the room. we fully recognize what is happening and we are trying to do what is right even when donald trump won't. >> trevor: okay, that doesn't make me feel any better. because before this, i knew there was turbulence but now someone just came on the p taxer system and was like ladies and gentlemen, the pilot is actively trying to crash the planement but don't an larmed, we're doing everything we can to stop him. mikey has a pretty good choke hold and i said some pretty harsh words. keep your seatbelts fasenned and enjoy your peanuts. this is wild. and now, and now trump is

already calling the whole thing fake news. that was predictable. but the crisis, the crisis atmosphere inside the white house was already being could rob rated this week by ledge enary journalist bob woodward. he has written about presidents for the past 50 years. and he is one of the reporters who broke watergate and forced nixon to resign. so he is as legit as they get. >> bob woodward bombshell book is rockk the white house. >> bob woodward describes the trump presidency in the midst of a nervous breakdown, a portraited of aide taking extreme measures to block their boss, gary cohn reportedly preventing the president from withdrawing from a trade agreement with south korea by swiping a letter off his desk. >> trevor: yes, you heard that correctly. donald trump can be made to forget about a major policy decision the same way a baby forgets about his parents when they play peek a boo. is he like well, i can't see your face any more so i guess are you gone forever. i am an orphan now, very sad,

folks, very tragic. he's gone. and woodward's book also gives us a glimpse into how trump's legal team is preparing him to be interviewed by robert mueller. and unfortunately st not as simple as stealing pages off of his desk. >> woodward describing the president's one time lead attorney john dowd still convinced the president would commit perjury he staged a practice interview last january. that session so rocky woodward report mrs. dowd later told mr. trump don't testify. it is either that or an orange jump suit. >> trevor: don't testify or you will end up in an orange jump suit. how badly did trump have to lie in a fake interview for his lawyer to tell him that. it was like okay, mr. president, let's practice. please state your name. >> michael pence, dam it! >> trevor: and by the way, orange jump suit is also what melania calls trump's naked

body. yeah. (applause) and look, look, i know it can be fun to hear all this dirlt on trump coming from his lawyers or his economic advisor but what is not as much fun is when it's coming from the guy who is in charge of the bomb. >> and after the president told defense secretary james mattis he wanted to assassinate syrian dictator bashar al-assad for a chemical attack on civilians, mattis reportedly told on the president on the phone we do it but then telling a senior aide quote we're not going to do any of that. >> trevor: this sin credible. the commander in chief orders an assassination of a foreign leader and his secretary of defense just ignored him like he was an amber alert. that was it and apparently under trump military operations now work like bumble, like trump can't initiate t he has to wait for the military to swipe and if they are both floo it they can assassinate someone together that is how it works. so obviously this stuff is crazy but at some point i think we've

got to stop saying that st i bombshell, right. trump is just doing a lot more trump than we thought he would. but it is not a bombshell. the day it comes out trump secretly works out and reads shakespeare and teaches kids how to code, that is when we can call tay bombshell, right? right now these [bleep] just need to break the glass. need to break the glass. we'll be right back. ever since darrell's family started using gain flings, their laundry smells more amazing than ever. [darrell's wife] uh, honey, isn't that the dog's towel? [dog sfx] hey, mi towel, su towel. more gain scent plus oxi boost and febreze makes gain flings our best gain ever. gain. seriously good scent. join t-mobile, and get netflix included for the whole family.

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plawses (applause). >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. so it is day two of our continuing coverage of the supreme court confirmation hearings for brett kavanaugh which mains it is another time and another episode of so you think you can judge. today was day two of confirmation hearings for brett kavanaugh and it had a lot to live up to. because day one was to use a legal term a sh it show, right.

you had liberal protestors being kicked out, angry democratic senators demanding the hearings be canceled and that is not even counting when kavanaugh failed the cinnamon challenge. yeah. he was like oh, so you can judge me but you condition even hold your spices. get the [bleep] out of here, man. but for some reason the moment from yesterday that got the most buzz was this. >> yesterday at the kavanaugh hearings a lot of people online talking about the woman over his shoulder. >> her name is zena gal pln, a former kavanaugh clerk, accused of making a white supremacist hand gesture. >> right there. >> during yesterday's hearing. >> trevor: okay, this is a tough one. i mean it looks like that white power sign. but it could just be how her hand is resting. like i don't know if we can look at this picture and definitively say that because that woman donald trump, prefers white people. but i think if we zoom in on another part of the picture, i

they we might-- oh there we go, we mate be o be to something, yeah. and by the way, white supremacists, be original, right, this is not the white power sign, this is okay, that is what the sign means. you can't just take a sign everybody knows and say it means something new. this means okay. just like this means i approve, not white people are number one, okay. like stop trying to make people accidental racist, if white supremacists want a hands sign, just make one up for yourself like every other gang member does in the country, and it has to be new and elaborate. like there is no doubt. here is one to try, cross your middle finger and ring finger on your left hand and stick your right thumb up your butt and then when we see that he, we can all agee oh, that'ses that as the master race, i like that. now yesterday was devoted just to opening statements. today the senators asked brett kavanaugh questions about his positions on various legal issues. and brett kavanaugh avoided

answering them. >> the president has the ability to pardon somebody in exchange for a promise to that person, they wouldn't testify against him. >> sir, i'm not going to answer a hypothetical questions of that sort. >> can a sitting president be required to respond to a spp? >> so that is a hypothetical question. i can't give assurances on a specific hypothetical. i don't think it's plie role to say one way or the other. >> trevor: qulai, who am i to judge, who am i. i mean come on. like honestly, i don't get the point of these hearings. if the nominees don't have to answer the questions, then why are we doing thisment and by the way, it isn't just kavanaugh, every supreme court nominee avoids answering questions about how they will do their job. which is strange for he me. because you could never get away with this at any other job. you can't be at an interview and they're like where do you see yourself in five years. and you're like that's a hypothetical, i'm not going to answer that.

and they're like okay, what value will you provide the company. >> yeah, that's not really my role to say. >> say no more, you've got the job. (laughter) so bottomline, today was just senators asking questions and kavanaugh ducking all day. a lot of words with nothing happening. a real senate kind of day. although there was one exchange that stood out. >> let me ask you a personal question. what is the dirtiest, hardest job you have ever had in your life. >> i worked construction when i was-- the summer after i was 16. >> my dirtiest job i ever had was four summers working in a slaughter house. it was unbearable. it was dirty. it was hot. the things i did were unimaginable and i wouldn't even start to repeat them. >> trevor: i feel like, i feel like that senator was just using the hearing to deal with his own personal shit.

i was just like let me ask you something, judge. after you have ripped out a pig's tongue through its throat, the life draining from its eyes, its kids watching you knowing they will be next, will you think that life is worth living then? and he'll be like well, i don't want to get into hypotheticals. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. (applause) ♪ when you don't get enough sleep and your body aches, you're not yourself. tylenol® pm works fast to relieve pain and helps you sleep. we give you a better night, you're a better you all day. and for a solid night's sleep, try new liquid tylenol® pm ♪♪

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>> trevor: well km back to the daily show. my guest tonight is a white house correspondent for american urban radio network's, a cnn political analyst and author of the new book "under fire: reporting from the front lines of the trump white house." please welcome april ryan. (applause) >> wow. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> it's lovely to be here. >> trevor: it's so amazing having you, especially on your birthday, happy birthday. >> on my birthday. >> trevor: happy birthday. >> thank you, thank you for the cake. >> trevor: yeah? what did you want, if you had one wish, what would you have for your bitter day. >> i can't tell you. (laughter) you just got it. >> trevor: i know exactly what it is. i feel like it's someone leaving office. that is probably what, that is what i will guessment no, let's talk about the book. let's talk about your career.

so i first knew you from the white house briefing. >> yes. >> trevor: i think many people in america started knowing april ryan from those white house briefings. >> before this administration. >> trevor: yes, before this administration. people go oh there is april ryan. she asks the question, you were part of the crew, asking questions of different leaders. under trump though, it feels like you have a different role and you speak about that in the book. under fire. do you consider yourself under fire? >> yes. i'm warred upon. warred upon. i don't have a different role stvment same role it is just this administration looks at what i ask in a different way. trevor, i have asked questions from bill clinton to now. and i think i'm an equal opportunity offender. have i had people the middle and the naacp didn't like you remember when the black caucus didn't like, remember when the obama administration didn't like you. i ask questions for answers and

for truth, this administration for some strange reason, they are lumped into the same boat as the others who said she might be asking questions that you don't like but they have taken it to another degree. >> trevor: in what way? >> trying to discredit me. trying to kill my career. trying to make me look as if i'm someone that i'm not. >> trevor: right. >> i'm a journalist, not an activist journalist. just a journalist who san activist for truth who is activating the freedom of the press and walking in that. because if we don't ask those questions, you are not going to find out what is happening. and it is about us being in that room, able to freely and independently ask the president of the united states questions for the american public to get answers and john mccain was absolutely right, trevor theya. and i gave you your whole government name. (laughter) so john mccain was absolutely right. he said you know, if the press is suppressed or oppressed, it

begins dictatorship. and i'm really questioning what is happening now. are we democracy, are we going down another path. >> trevor: do you feel like you are getting-- i wamp those briefings, you spent all your time asking so many questions. i see how vexed you get as reports and journalistsing to. do you feel like that room has a purpose now under trump? >> the room always has a purpose. it is about transparency. and do we get answers? we get the answers that they want to give us. it may not necessarily be the truth. it could be thin. >> so st a time for us to use critical thinking and really see what is going on because we are at a critical time. we are at a time of crisis, political crisis. we are at a national security crisis. there is so much on the table but this president smiles and acts like it's okay and it's not. >> there is no denying that america's press for a very long time, especially the mainstream press has had a particularly white male dominated ske-w. all right. and so in that press room you have a unique position and you talk about this in the book.

you are in a position where you are a journalist but you cannot deny where you come from, who you are as a person. do you think that maybe some of their retalia stoar feeling towards su that it feels like you are doing something that is oppositional because you are a black woman. >> it feels like, i would say if you taste t smell it, touch it, it is what st. (applause). >> trevor: thank you so much for being on the show, happy birthday. >> thank you, trevor. >> trevor: under fire. fascinating. april ryan. we'll be right back.

(applause). >> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight. hear it is, your moment of zen. >> we'll have order in the hearing room or you will be asked to leave. >> traying to influence the election, sway the election. >> what is she saying, can