m for more an one handi-capble person in scouts. - timmy! - i'm glad we' best friends now. see you at scouts. - timmy! [singing to "d macdonald"] ♪ timmy, timmy, timmy, timmy ♪ timmy, timmy, timmy ♪ timmy, timmy, timmy, t ♪ ♪ tim, tim, tim, im, tim ♪ ahh! - dude, timm come on. we're gonna be late for scouts! - all right, boys. i am your new scout lead. evything is going to be just fine. no nad pictures. - ah, timy? - yes, timmy? oh, dea. jimmy? - yes? - younow our policy. i'm afraiyou're out of scouts. - out of scts? - timmy. - what? hey, wait a minut this is crazy. you can't do this. - wow, i never knew jimmy was gay. - me neither. - no, no! - tiy! captioning by aptionmax www.captionmax.com

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: thank you! welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight is a comedy icon and star of "tracey

ullman's show" on hbo. tracey ullman is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) we're going to be chatting to her about her new hbo show, but first let's catch up on today's headlines. president trump, remember him? we all know he wants to build a wall, and, now, he wants other countries to build one, too. >> president trump has a brand-new border wall controversy, only this one involves the desert -- in africa. spain's foreign minister says trump told him he should build a border wall across the entire sahara desert to thwart europe's migrant crisis. ( laughter ) >> trevor: imagine having to world learn about your toad penis and it's still only the second most embarrassing story about you this week. ( laughter ) i have to be honest, i'm disappointed with trump, because

when he first came up with the wall i thought he was a crazy out of the box thinker. now i realize he only has one move. i wouldn't be surprise if he uses it as a pick up line -- excuse me, miss, is that drink a wall? because somebody else is about to pay for it! ( laughter ) ( applause ) and just by the way, i can't believe i have to say this, but africa is not a part of spain, so they can't just build something on someone else's land. ( laughter ) in other news, if you like the boston red sox or if you hate the boston red sox, you're still going to love this story. >> the boston red sox can clinch first place in the american league east tonight. they had already printed a banner marking the title but it went missing. enter louie iacuzzi and james amerol who say it fell off a truck and they offered to return it for a price. >> we want to give it back to

them because it belongs to them and not to us, but in retsipouro case, we would like to maybe go to a nice playoff game. we were looking for something. >> we could have kept it, put it on ebay. you know, we've got connections to where we could have reached out to other sources. >> amazing. they did return the banner today but got nothing from the red sox in return. >> trevor: wow. ( laughter ) it's like watching good will hunting without all the math parts. ( laughter ) ( applause ) it's like what are they doing? and, like, why do low-level crooks always use english in the wrong places? we're just looking for, you know, these retsipouro cases in a way that, you know, comodifys what we're trying -- and i'm not saying they're criminals, but low level crooks. who plans a heist for something you could print at kinkos for

yourself. what's the next job, shaking down a lemonade stand? billy, you're 25 cents short. someone's sleeping with the fish sticks tonight, come on! ( laughter ) do you ever get really high and think about lobsters? ( laughter ) well, what if a lobster got really high and thought about you? >> a maine restaurant is sedating its lobsters with marijuana. the owner of charlotte's legendary lobster pod says the marijuana is meant to lessen the lobster's pain before death. >> it's not clear whether pot would make the death less traumatic. >> trevor: i think it's funny how the news ran story about why the woman's entire staff smokes pot. that's really nice the way they did that. i have a feeling this is the kind of lady that tries to get everything she cooks high. yo, potato, you need to relax,

man! you just need to relax. ( laughter ) and also, i don't think it's necessarily a good idea to get lobsters high before boiling them. like, they will be, like, am i paranoid or is it getting hot in here? it's getting hot, right? that's the headlines. let's move on to our main story. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: 2018 has been full of stories about black people getting the police called on them for no good reason. whether they're hanging out at starbucks, grilling in the park, selling water on the sidewalk or going 90 in a school zone -- yeah, in my defense, i didn't notice the speed limit because i was texting and -- ( laughter ) no, i know you're not supposed to text and drive but when you're drunk you make bad decisions, and luckily they can't take my license away because i don't have one. ( laughter ) as i was saying, black people get the cops called on them for no good reason. if you were run of the black people thinking i'm just going to run for office and change the

way america works, think again. >> in wisconsin, police questioned an african-american woman as she was stumping for votes because someone thought she looked suspicious. forty-seven-year-old sheila stubs was campaigning last month to be her county's first black state assemblywoman. madison county police say they got a 911 call about a suspicious vehicle. the police report says the male caller "thinks they are waiting for drugs at the local drug house." >> trevor: i'm sorry, the local drug house? ( laughter ) who says that? like it makes it sound like a tourist attraction -- oh, are you going to madison? you've got to visit the local drug house, best crack i've ever had! ( laughter ) the local drug house? so sheila stubs was knocking on doors to meet voters and someone called the police on her, which is disgusting and unacceptable. no one should be calling cops on candidates unless it's ted cruz. if i see ted cruz on the street, i'm calling 911 immediately, and not even my street, any street.

any street. that shit might be legal, but it's not right. ( laughter ) and to sheila's correct, though sh was a traumatic experience, she's kept a positive attitude. >> sheila stubs never spoke to the anonymous male who called the police on her. but if they're listening. >> i want them to see i made it. i survived. i am now your representative. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: she seems like such a sweet lady, and i'm sure that she's being sincere, but you've got to admit that sounds like a low-key threat. ( laughter ) it's, like, as your new representative, my first order of business is relocating the town's potholes to right in front of your snitch ass driveway. ( applause ) so, once again, we see another

black person having to cops called on them just because they're black, and i'll be honest, doesn't seem like anything will change anytime soon. in fact, the best we can hope for is that some day in the future we figure out a way to make these calls stop. >> what's he doing here? >> he's having another vision. there's a black person in danger. >> i don't feel safe. >> there's a black man in the park. i think he's a drug dealer. ( gasps )

>> white lady! ( laughter ) >> have you got a location? >> park, off riverside, white woman's going to call the cops and say the black guy is trying to sell drugs. he's just trying to read the newspaper. >> i'll send a team. >> no time! i'm going myself! >> hmm? you need a jacket? ( laughter ) >> no, no, no, no, no! what are you doing? he's not a drug dealer. he's a lawyer. he's just doing so doku. >> omigod! what was i thinking? i almost ruined his life. >> it's okay. i'm glad i made it in time. but i'm still going to need your phone. thank you, white lady.

( laughter ) >> i sell lemonade! >> you're under arrest. ( gasp ups ) >> lemonade, ice cold lemonade! >> i bet she doesn't have a permit. >> whoa, are you crazy? she's just selling lemonade! >> so what, look what beyonce did with lemonade. you can't trust 'em. >> give me the phone. >> i will not! ( laughter ) >> can't tell who they're calling the cops on. >> excuse me, sir -- we got a call someone was hogging the pool. get him out. >> did you call the cops on pe? >> well, you're always just in the pool. >> you could have just asked! >> every time i ask you go -- ( gasps ) >> i'm saving lives here! really? sir, sir!

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( cheers and applause ) welcome back to "the daily show." you know, parents today face more challenges than ever, protecting their kids from social media, bulge i didn't think, lion attacks -- and, yes, that doesn't happen in america yet, but they'll find a way over here, trust me. so to help parents out, desi lydic returns with her current segment "the parent rap." ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor, i'm not just a parent. i'm also a mom.

( laughter ) that's right. thank you. it's god's work. but tonight, i want to talk about the problem with helicopter parenting because today's parents are way too overprotective. like yesterday at the playground, this mom wouldn't let her kid play with mine because he was too rough. >> trevor: i agree, kids get hurt on the playground, that's part of life. >> but when my kid stabs another with a screwdriver suddenly i'm banned from field trips. >> trevor: stabbed? >> yeah, desi, jr. plays hopscotch to win. ( laughter ) the point is parents are way too fearful and it's starting to ruin people's' lives. listen to this story that broke my heart. >> a group of concerned mothers reported a man in clairmont asking children if they wanted a magic wand. steve coy said it was a big misunderstanding. he said he has been hanged out

happened craveddive crafted wanted for years. colorful, shiny and me techously crafted. >> each takes about an hour and a half to make. >> several mothers say his actions are inappropriate and concerning. >> this makes me so mad, a gentle art wants to give children free toys and these mom call the cops on him? i hope their husbands cheat on them with their hottest nanny. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i don't know, desi, maybe we should be a little suspicious of a random man trying to give toys to kids. >> trevor, what if we had that attitude when disney started? oh, a grown man asking children to come into his big playground filled with dark tunnels and a giant duck not wearing any pants. ( laughter ) >> trevor: when you say it like that, it actually makes walt disney sound pretty sketchy. >> well, yeah, but if you get to know him, the only thing you will find in his heart is children's dreams and some nazi

paraphernalia. ( laughter ) and you won't find anything on this kindly wizard man either. you tell me, does this sound creepy? >> while they may not be able to conjure spells, steve coy says they do have a certain power. >> i'm not rich, but the amount of pleasure i can give a human being by giving him a magic wand is precious. >> trevor: uh, i'm going to say, yeah, that sounds creepy. he wants to pleasure kids with these magic wands? >> he has so much more to offer children than that. >> in addition to the wands, for 25 years, he's been handing out these. >> my fun pass is usually what gets me in big trouble. >> the fun pass. >> side effects include dancing, happiness, laughter and euphoria, how can anybody go wrong with that? >> see, trevor, this sweet soul just wants to give our children fun passes, and these moms want

to lock him away? i'm sorry, i don't mean to get emotional, it's just, i just hope all their husbands drive off a cliff with their hottest nannies. >> trevor: what's up with these nannies? anyway, fine, desi, maybe i'm being a little too suspicious and like he's just an innocent guy who wants to make the world a better, fun place. >> yes, he is just one kid at a time. >> this one girl, she was like ten, i gave her a fun pass and she was so nice, and i said, oh, my gosh, you know what? i have a magic wanted for you in my car. let me go get it. you stay here. but i can't give it to you unless your mom says it's okay. >> trevor: okay, i'm going to say that's hel-a-creepy. >> what? >> trevor: he said i have a magic wanted for you in my car. >> yeah, but only if the mom says it's okay. that's being a gentleman. ( laughter ) look, all i'm saying is if we let ourselves be ruled by fear

we deprive our children of spontaneous joy. it's common sense parenting. >> are you willing to take your kid to that park and let him play with mr. wand? >> of course, trevor, as soon as i get custody back, first stop. >> trevor: desi lydic, everyone. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ music playing ♪ can we talk about love ♪ like we care about love ♪ you know ♪ i know ♪ you know, yeah, yeah ♪ nothing burns like the cold ♪ america's favorite cookie...

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welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an actor, comedian and the creator of "tracey ullman's show." " on hbo. >> look, i have some things to say to you and i intend to say them. uh -- when you come here, i insist you don't grab anyone by the you know what, link mopehead crime to islamic terrorism or threaten nuclear wars that may or may not incinerate the northern memos fear. there, i've said it and we can tell the press i've stood up to you and i'm strong, which i am. i hope i didn't go too far. did i go too far? please, can we still have a trade deal? >> what was that? i wasn't listening. >> trevor: please w welcome tracey ullman! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> thank you! how nice, how nice, thank you.

>> trevor: welcome to the show. >> very nice to meet you young trevor. >> trevor: so exciting to meet you. i like how you say it's like an old trevor, like you've gone back in time, young trevor, so good to meet you! >> he has so much injure. marvelous! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: it's great to meet you. your show was really popular in south africa. >> really? >> trevor: it was tracey ullman-something. >> they always put my name in the title. >> trevor: no mistaking it. i loved how you performed the different characters. you're back with a new season of your show on hbo. >> i'm still doing it! i'm still doing it! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: when you look at what politics is now, do you find it harder to go above and beyond what's happening in reality? >> it's likely tricky. i never used to do this sort of political stuff. in the '80s, it was, like, spitting image in england with puppets, puppets of reagan and

maggie thatcher and they tried that show in america and they couldn't take it because you were making fun of the president. >> trevor: angela merkel is the one that gets me. when i see theresa may i go, okay, i can see someone doing an impression of that, but i'm, like, what does angela merkel even sound like? when i see her, there is not even a tick or anything. >> no, it's a lot of stuff. she just moves her arms from here, just -- ( cheers and applause ) and do you remember, years ago, i think it was george w. came up behind her and gave her a big hug and she went -- ( gasp ups )s ) >> i thought, can you imagine being the only woman in the room with berlusconi and bush -- what a nightmare. i don't know what she's going to like but i think she thinks she's very sexy. and she's sex bomb, sex bomb giving off the musk, and, so -- ( laughter )

-- berlusconi -- then berlusconi sees me, his hair dye is running, running down his face. so i imagine them off-duty. i don't impersonate politicians because i'm incredibly political and sort of like this infuriated liberal and i hate trump the most and the best. i like the poignancy and sadness in people. what a horrible time to be a prime minister for theresa may. >> trevor: you have brexit, trump, europe. >> the public school boys like boris and cameron, they have to mess it up and go to their chateaus and leave it to theresa to clean up this horrid mess ( laughter ) >> trevor: there's got to be the one character that you've always loved doing, the one person you've loved impersonating the one voice you go to whenever you're feeling sad. >> i used to do a woman called

ruby roman, an old alcoholic bigot who lived in hollywood, and i will just say anything i want about anybody, and people like that. she's so american to me. see, you've come to america to do a show like i did. >> trevor: right. >> and i notice, i can see, i love what you've done. i love your book. i think you are a force to be reckoned with. ( cheers and applause ) you're amazing. i love your energy and your spirit. you've had a tough time, i had a tough time. i'm a working class girl from england. it's not easy. >> trevor: look at how far we've come. >> unbelievable. >> trevor: look at how far we've come. so excited. thank you so much for being on the show. ( cheers and applause ) season 3 of tracey ullman's show, will premiere hbo september 28. tracey ullman, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪