at the chicago theater this friday september 28th. i'm jim jeffries, i think we can all do better, good night. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: yeah! welcome to "the daily show," everybody!

thank you so much for tuning in, i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight -- ( cheers and applause ) -- our guest tonight, i know many of you are fans, singer and rapper m.i.a. is joining us on the show! ( cheers and applause ) she's the subject of a new documentary, and all we're going to do is chat, chat, chat, and take -- sorry, the rest of the show will be much better. before we get into that. let's catch up on today's headlines. in political news, texas senator ted cruz was at a restaurant last night when some protesters ordered him to go. >> this was on camera, kavanaugh controversy forcing senator ted cruz to leave d.c. last night. >> we believe survivors! we believe survivors! we believe survivors! >> trevor: come on, people, don't kick ted cruz out of a

restaurant. now he's just going to be eating a stray cat. ( audience reacts ) no, don't feel bad for ted cruz, what was probably the best night of his life. in the car ride home, his wife was, like, why are you smiling? he's, like, we just got kicked out of that restaurant, last time just because i'm ted cruz, now it's cause of kavanaugh. i'm moving up, baby. ( laughter ) in news, a man hated almost as much as ted cruz, bill cosby. a judge sentenced america's dad to three to ten years in prison. the one upside is they're already making him a personalized jump suit. ( laughter ) moving on, nelson mandela. the south africa, he's a hero politician who fought for the rights of black people. ( cheering ) in america, he's a guy who had cool birthday concerts and, at the united nations, he's now a statue. >> the world leaders kicked off their annual gathering at the u.n. honoring the legacy of nelson mandela, a global icon of peace and reconciliation.

the u.n. today unveiled the life size statue of mandela with outstretched arms. south africa donated the statue in commemoration of 100 years since mandela's birth. >> trevor: so exciting, a nelson mandela at that why at the u.n. this is an interesting pose they chose. it's like he knows he's in america and he's ready for the police. ( laughter ) no, because in south africa -- ( laughter ) -- because the thing is, in south africa, we've got a ton of mandela statutes, and it's, like, ah, freedom! let's dance! or power to the people! but in new york, it's don't shoot! i'm not taking chances! don't shoot! ( applause ) top story, supreme court nominee brett kavanaugh. over the past week, he's been fighting back against multi-million sexual assault allegations and, last night, he did something that no supreme court nominee has ever done before -- he went on tv to reassure the nation that he is

not a sexual predator. >> i've never sexually assaulted anyone, not in high school, not ever. i've always treated women with dignity and respect. i've always treated women with dignity and respect. what i know is i've always treated women with dignity and respect. >> trevor: we get it, dignity and respect. this guy's repeating that phrase like a vodka brand that pays him for product mentions. whenever i'm at a prep school party, i always treat women with dignity and respect. ( laughter ) don't get me wrong, i think everyone should treat women with dignity and respect. i just don't bite when kavanaugh says he's always treate women with dignity and respect, and i say that because his year book says otherwise. >> the "new york times" reporting one of the dozens of women who signed a letter to a senator supporting kavanaugh has now learned he sexually demind her in his georgetown prep school year book.

renata schroder attended a nearby girls school. kavanaugh included her name as a phrase renata alumnist. students often mentioned her boasting of supposed conquests. renata released this statement, i can't begin to comprehend what goes through the minds of 17-year-old boys who pri write such things but the insinuation is horrible, hurtful and simply untrue. i pray their daughters are never treated this way. >> trevor: in his year book, kavanaugh went out of his way to portray this woman as the village bicycle by implying him and all his football teammates had slept with her. you can't do that and say you've always treated women with dignity and respect. it's like if type two diabetes tweeted #"black lives matter." no, mr. diabetes, your track record says otherwise. and i'm going to be honest -- s

a man, i haven't always treated women with dignity and respect, so i'm not trying to throw the first stone. what i'm saying, though, is kavanaugh is trying way too hard to convince everyone that not only did he not assault anyone, he's always been a living saint. >> when i was in high school, and i went to an all boys catholic high school, a jesuit high school where i was focused on academics, athletics, going to church every sunday at little flower, working on my service projects and friendship. >> trevor: see, that's where i wall bullshit. either you were a kid who focused on service projects, or you had friends. it's never both. ( applause ) you've got to choose. and the thing is, we know that, in his year book, kavanaugh says he was part of the 100 kegs or bust club. his college roommate says he was regularly drunk or belligerent or as known in college normal, but seems like kavanaugh is so

desperate to get this gig he's willing to say anything, and i mean anything. >> i never sexually assault anyone. i did not have sexual intercourse or anything close to sexual intercourse in high school or for many years thereafter, and the girls from the schools i went to and i were friends -- >> so you're saying through all these years in question, you were a virgin? >> that's correct. >> never had sexual intercourse with anyone in high school. >> correct. >> and through what years in college, since we're probing into your personal life here. >> many years after, i'll leave it at that. >> trevor: man, life comes at you fast. a week ago, this guy was cruising to a lifetime on the supreme court and he's on tv, like, i was a virgin well into adulthood, okay? is that what you want to hear? have i embarrassed myself enough for you? she's, like, you're still a virg? i just told you i was a virgin! a virgin? yeah, i was a virgin!

( laughter ) ( applause ) that's the latest on the brett kavanaugh story. we've gone from i never sexually assaulted anyone to i was a virgin most of my life. for more we turn to dulce sloan, everybody! >> hello! >> trevor: what do you make of these new developments? >> trevor, this whole situation has become messier than my purse when i try to sneak spaghetti into the movie theater. and don't judge me, ten dollars popcorn? no, i can make that shit at home. ( laughter ) but my saucy handbag aside, it's become clearer and clearer every day that the republican party needs to find a replacement nominee. >> trevor: so you think these sexual assault allegations are disqualifying? >> yes, trevor, but i think that being a virgin is also disqualifying. ( applause ) i don't want no virgin on the supreme court! ( laughter ) a virgin deciding our

reproductive rights, are you serious? how are you going to tell a college girl what to do with her vagina when you never met college vagina? ( cheers and applause ) i mean! trevor, would you want someone deciding on healthcare who's never seen a doctor? no, you want someone who's had sex with a doctor. only doctors! you know, getting that full coverage. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i don't even know what that means. >> yes, you do. >> trevor: but judge kavanaugh said he was a virgin then. he's not a virgin now. >> how do you know? do you sleep with him? >> trevor: well, not yet, but i know he's not a virgin. i mean, he has kids. >> many people got kids, trevor. michael jackson had kids. ( laughter ) and we all know he wasn't shamoanin anybody's hehoo.

( applause ) give me 15 minutes, i can get you a kid. twenty if you want twins. you ask me, that man's still a virgin. >> trevor: your biggest issue is his virginity. >> three issues. stance on women's rights, strike one. the sexual assault allegations strike two, and this fool being a virgin? huh-uh, you're out. ( cheers and applause ) look, i don't want a sexual predator, but i also don't want a virgin, okay? i want that goldilocks judge. you know, just right. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i see. so you want a supreme court judge who's getting laid but consensually. >> uh-huh, like ruth bader ginsburg. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: dulce sloan, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause )

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...delicious chocolate candy. oreo chocolate candy bars. look for them wherever you buy chocolate candy. try it in new fun size. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back! despite the news about brett kavanaugh's sexual misconduct allegations and his history of drinking and partying, he still has the support of 70% of republicans, which is surprising considering republicans traditionally associate themselves with christian values -- like bonnie teaching you -- barney teaching you how to smoke meth. for this we turn to my good friend neil brennan, everybody. what do you make of this whole situation. >> trevor, as an atheist, i'm about to say something i thought i would never say. republicans, y'all need jesus. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: wow. i -- i never thought you would say that either because you

don't believe in jesus. >> i know. like many atheists, i grew up catholic. ( laughter ) i went through all the sacraments, baptism, first communion and, of course, molestation. ( audience reacts ) i'm kidding. i was never baptized. ( laughter ) and as an atheist, i used to think republicans were too fixated on jesus but, turns out, he was the only thing keeping them in check because now republicans have dropped him completely and they're about as interested in morality as steve bannon is in face cream. ( laughter ) look at the defending brett kavanaugh. >> isn't it just a shame that a person like judge kavanaugh who has a stellar record that somebody can bring something up he did when he was a teenager close to 40 years ago, that's not relevant. >> we're talking about a 15-year-old girl, which i respect, you know, i'm a woman, i respect, and we're talking about a 17-year-old boy in high

school with testosterone running high. tell me what boy hasn't done this in high school. i would like to know. >> in the grand scheme of things, my goodness, there was no intercourse. there was maybe a touch. can we really 36 years later she's still stuck on that? >> republican women used to be a bunch of church ladies and now they're basically lindsey lohan's mom. instead of preaching chastity they're, like, hand stuff's okay. ( laughter ) it wasn't always like this. back when republicans rolled with jesus, you guys were all about principles and values. you impeached the president over it, remember? >> you don't even have to be convicted of a crime to lose your job in this constitutional republic, if this body determines your conduct as a public official is clearly out of bounds in your role because impeachment is not about punishment.

impeachment is about cleansing the office. impeachment is about restoring honor and integrity to the office. >> cleansing the office? if you're worried about that after clinton, you've got your work cut out for you after trump, too. even if you got rid of trump today, cleansing the oval office will take years. i mean, the self-tanner, kentucky fried chicken grease, and, you know anytime eric goes to the bathroom, he misses the bowl completely. ( applause ) i asked republicans when did you guys and jesus split up? we all know the answer. it started when the orange balloon animal road down the escalator and suddenly any behavior wiz acceptable. >> to hold somebody accountable for something he did years ago as our president today, i think it sets a bad precedent. >> it's not a big surprise that he is crude and vulgar.

we all knew that. we all knew he wasn't a sunday school teacher. >> if you don't like me working with president trump to make the world a better place, i don't give a shit. >> oh, lindsey, what has trump down to you? you went from honor and morality to i don't give a -- i -- i don't even want to say that word. i'm just so ( bleep ) disappointed. ( laughter ) and it's not just the politicians, it's republican voters, too. they back trump on paying off porn stars, praising dictators, they were even cool with separating families at the border. is there a commandment i don't know about that says honor they mother and father -- unless they cometh from a shithole country? republicans, y'all need jesus. otherwise, don't be surprised when you get to the pearly gates and st. peter is, like, sorry, buddy, you got to get on that down escalator.

>> trevor: god bless you, neil! find neil on neilbrennan.com. don't go away! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause )

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record some stuff in jamaica. we would have to adjust again when you bring it to britain. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> trevor: please welcome m.i.a.! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> sure you want me on here. >> trevor: of course i want you on the show. you are a fantastic artist who has blown up all over the globe and, honestly, there are few people whose documentaries i've seen that covers so much of their lives. the movie is called "matangi. maya. m.i.a.." they're all you, but do you see them as separate stories? do you think each name represents a different part of your life? >> watching it now, yeah. >> trevor: right.

>> it's kind of weird because it's backwards because i discovered the meaning of matangi later on, but the first ten years i spent with that name because that's what i was called. the next ten is maya. it's made up. it's a fake name. it means illusion, so it works out. >> trevor: completely. >> then i became m.i.a. which is when people kind of knew me in the world, yeah. >> trevor: it's a journey not many people have been on. the journey from being a refugee, fleeing a country because of a civil war, moving to another country where you not only are facing the history of the place you have left but now also anti-immigrant sentiment in the place you've now moved on to. do you think a lot of that journey formed how you created the art that you created? >> yeah. i think you can say conflict is,

like, the subject matter. >> trevor: right. >> people say it's chaos, but it's not. it's conflict. and contradictions. >> trevor: in some way, your music for me is a contradiction which is why it works so well. when you look at the songs you create and the message behind them, "all i want to do is take your money," i was singing that song before i knew what it meant. people were enjoying it in their clubs and cars everywhere. when i found out the message behind it, i was, like, wow, this is the song and the message is basically people have immigrants in every country, which is basically the people are coming to take our jobs, but people who may have that anti-sentiment are singing your songs without realizing that's a play on that idea. that's a big part of what m.i.a. has done, in my opinion. you're somebody who loves the music but also speaks to your

political beliefs which is extremely polarizing. do you ever worry about ostracizing some of your fans or is that an issue for you? >> in the scene i listen to bob dylan, and i come from a life write think that music can be political and had an effect on the time when america had the vietnam war. >> trevor: right. >> and it was a normal thing. then, obviously, if you listen to a lot of hip-hop, i think it was very political, then i came after that in, you know, the early 2,000s, and i just felt that it was an extension and it's possible to be political. >> trevor: one thing i found really beautiful about the film is you have put together -- or the filmmaker has 900 hours of footage that you have of yourself from the time you were really young. when you were creating this footage, when you were recording yourself and your family, did you have an, inc. lynn of where your life would go, or did you

just have a fascination with the arts and pictures and video? like, was there a part of you that went, like, oh, yeah, i'm recording this now because i'm going to blow up all over the world one day and it's going to make a dope documentary? >> no, i just like cameras as a tool. when you're poor, that was a really good therapy thing when you could documentitand see yourself. >> trevor: right. >> so it's, like, i can sneak my family in instead of having free therapy if i just bought a camera and filmed them talking. >> trevor: ( laughter ) >> trevor: it's a beautiful documentary that takes us on a wonderful journey. thank you so much for being on the show. >> thanks for having me. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: "matangi. maya. m.i.a." will be in theaters september 28th. m.i.a., everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause )

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>> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. here it is now, your moment of zen. >> most people who are in prison right now were kids once, and then sp where along the way they did something wrong, something dumb. maybe they even got away wit at first and thought they'd never get caught. they were wrong. now, they're in prison. oh, hey, kevin. nice of you to join us. where were you? my tire blew out on the way here, michael. uh-huh. i almost died. i went into this skid-- pop quiz. what? why is today a special day? (kevin) i almost died. today is a special day because i am being honored as a visiting professor...