maybe i do overreact sometimes. waaaah? maybe i need to realize that my emotions can be hormonal and not just take things out on you. aaaah? aaaaah? randy... i'm...sorry. aaaah. aaaaaah. [ voice breaking ] thank you, sharon. i don't know what it's like to have periods, but i'll try to be more understanding from now on. [ cellphone rings ] sorry. sorry. one second. [ keypad beeps ] hello? yes. what? when? oh, my god. yes. yes. yes. okay. okay. [ keypad beeps ] what is it? there's been another school shooting. stan's been shot. should we get down there? [ sighs ] it's not the end of the world. aaaah. [ laughing ] i love you, sharon.

therapist: red handkerchief. comedy central >> from comedy central world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome to the daily show, everybody, thank you so much for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. you guys are amazing am tack a seat, let's get moo it our guest tonight, our guest tonight, you may know him from all of his money, bill gates is here, everybody. (applause) and he is going it to finally tell us what happened to clippy. (laughter). >> trevor: i don't care how many diseases you cure, bill thark is your legacy. but first, let's catch up on today's headlines. this week the united nations is

having its annual meeting. which means leaders from all over the world are in new york city. which is great for me because it means i can park anywhere i want. and i claim diplomatic immunity. just like yeah, prove that i'm not the president of kenya. prove it! well, anyway, today president trump declared a meeting of the u.n. security council and the good news is he now believes that foreign countries do meddle in u.s. elections, the bad news is he only cares if he thinks it will hurt him. >> regrettably we found that china has been attempting to interfere in our upcoming 2018 election. they do not want me or us to win because i am the first president ever to challenge china on trade. and we are winning on trade. we are winning at every level. >> trevor: i love how the one delegate in the background is like is this thing 34ruged in

properly ssm this guy saying what i think he is saying? because this is genius am you realize that trump is basically saying that if he gets crushed in the mid-term, it's not because he's bad, it's because is he so good, china had to do something about it. yes. and by the way, no one knows where he got this hacking claim from. right? he could have gotten it from the cia or maybe he just got a for tune cookie he didn't like. just like goddam you, china, you're hacking me. ah, i can't stay mad at you. i can't stay mad at you, china. in other news, spotify has just announced the future of music and it's all about your past. >> spotify is teaming up with ancestry.com to offer listeners play lists based on, get this, their dna, by signing up through the genealogy company, you can face your family history and input results to spotify. it will again generate a play list based on your family tree and listening habbities. >> trevor: i'm going to say no, okay, no.

life is complicatedded enough. i don't need to get rationally profiled by my apps. it will be like i see your black, perhaps would you like some hip-hop, no, no, i mean are yes, i would, but still no. but the dna tests have gone too far now. like i don't know what is worse, finding out you are genetically predisposed to heart disease or limp bizkit, i don't know which one it will be. but have i to say, i don't think spotify should give you play lists based on your ancestry.com reportsment i think it should be the other way around, that should be cool, right, that should be how you get your dna results. yeah, instead of opening a document, you open a play list and it's like gangnam style, oh, i'm korean, i'm part korean! i think it would rock. (applause) an finally, finally f there is two things americans hate t is congress and airplanes. but if you turned one against the other, well, that might just work out. >> both sides of the aisle in

congress may soon get involved in the fight over leg room on planes. a new proposal revealed that congress is considering an order that would require the faa to set minimums for leg room and seat width. one senator says lawmakers from both the house and senate agree, it is time to address the issue of shrinking airline seats and as part ofs funding bill congress may also require the faa to look into the number of bathrooms on planes. >> yes. this is great news. and it's also funny to see the range of issues congress people deal with. you know most of them are like we need to stop the supreme court pick, we need to ends the mueller investigation, and there is one that goes i want more leg room. more leg room, please. (laughter) now i am not going to lie. personally i don't really care how big the seats are on a plane. life hack, my friends. once the seatbelt sign goes off just go sit in the bathroom for the rest of the 234r50eu9 strks like a private suit, sure people bang on the door, but that is why you bring headphones, let's

move on it our top story. the big story today, like every day before it, stretching as far back as i can remember, is brett kavanaugh. supreme court nominee and the brettiest guy to ever be named brett. honestly it feets like at this point we have all received lifetime appointments to the story. every day there are more developments including this bombshell which kavanaugh hopes will prove his innocence. >> in an attempt to prove he wasn't at that party with blasey ford kavanaugh's lawyers are releasing ex serptds of his high school calender toed jud irirrary details from the summer of 1982 obtainedded by "u.s.a. today," they show chor, trips out of town and social events. blasey ford's name isn't mentioned. but she had said she dnt know kavanaugh well at the time of the alleged encounter. >> trevor: okay, first of all, the only thing this proves is how badly people needed iphones in 1982. honest leer, i was born in 1984. and i don't even know what to do with these things. i don't know how it cork works s it going to rain today? is it going to rain?

useless. useless. (applause) anyway, everyone, everyone has been searching through this calender for clues about brett kavanaugh's life. for instance, it turns out that this guy got grounded a lot. and i can only assume for going to clurch too much, way, save some church for the rest of us, am i right. and some people are speculating that go to timmy for skis, mile be slang for brewskies i don't speak douchebag but i'm told that means beer. and oh i saw on july 8th he had an entry that read had an appointment with doctor strawberry, yes, which i safe think was safe to assume was an acid trip because i can't imagine going to a doctor named dr. strawberry, give it to me straight s it cancer sth? like everything in this calender is suspicious. like here on june 16th it says he went to see the movie

grease 2. and that must be code for something because nobody saw grease 2. half (laughter) yeah, that movie was so bad, john travolta turned it down. do you know how bad a movie has it to be for john travolta to turn it down, he did all three talking babies, yeah, but brett kavanaugh wishes his calender was the biggest news of the day. because this morning a third woman came forward with new and disturbing allegations from brett kavanaugh's past. the woman says in a sworn affidavit that in high school kavanaugh and others groped women at parties, spiked their drinks and then lined up outside their door to take turns raping them. yeah. and honestly, this, like this one is so awful it's hard to even know how to process it. i don't think anyone really knows how to process it. like the republicans, certainly don't know what to do. part of me thinks they will just show up tomorrow with a different middle-aged white guy and hope nobody notices.

okay, with rereally to con ver steven johnson, to the supreme courted and they will be like what happened to brett, and they are like who is brett, was they grease 2. but as of now, even with all this new stuff, believe it or not, they're still planning on going ahead with a hearing tomorrow to hear testimony from kavanaugh's original accuser christine blasey ford and to their credit the republicans have realized that 11 men questioning a woman about sexual assault is not a good look. which is why they brought in a pro. >> republicans on the senate judiciary committee all of whom are men outsourced the questioning for thursday's learing to a woman outside counsel. the lawyer who will be doing the questioning, veteran arizona sex crimes prosecutor rachel mitch en. >> republican bob work corker says gop senators need to protect themselves from their them selves. >> inadvertently somebody will do something that sin sensitive. i would not be wanting to ask questions about something like this.

>> wow. kudos to the republicans. they're like you know how we are with women. we care, we can't do this, like we know, we know. >> yeah, so kudos to them. they're getting a woman sensitive to these issues to question christine blasey ford and some people may in the like this but i think it's way better than their original plan which was just mitch mcconnell pulling a mrs. doubt fire. >> i think you're lying. >> i think you're lying. well answer right back. directv gives you more for your thing. if you've been waiting for a sign to quit cable, then here's some signs. ♪ quit cable it came from the toaster. ♪ quit cable uh... ♪ quit cable now you can quit cable.

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♪ great, problem solved. i have the acoustic version of this. ♪ >> welcome back. the battle of bretd kavanaugh soanl the latest issue splitting this country in two. the question is, can we find a way to bring the two sides together. well, roy wood, jr. went looking for answers. >> our nation is more divided than ever.

>> americans remain bilterly divides. >> half the people in the country absolutely hate the other half. >> we've never seen division like this except in the period before the civil war. then we had war. >> how do we bring liberals and conservatives together. one company with radical ideas about the bieb e8 systems u.s.a. says they may have the answer. >> people that just don't work well together can bring them here, take the training. >> in the training survival systems claims that people come together when they go through simulated disaster scenarios in a big ass pool. >> we think this is the extreme team building. >> the more extreme the experience, the more team building achieved. >> yes. >> so would you really want to facilitate team building you should have the whole office witness a murder. then we all have to keep a secret. >> these guys think their training can bring even the worst of enemies together. so i tracked down two plitd kal enemies, a far right republican. >> i voted for donald trump in 2016 and i will be first in line in 2020 code name dan colter and

a fringee left wing snowflake. >> i'm into slam poetry and a 2016 hillary clil ton organizer. >> code name pot saved america theetion are people that never met and are outraged at the other's political beliefs but they have a agreed to join me to embark on a day of extreme team building. >> all right so here is the deal. i got six hours and about four red bulls to get these two to find common ground. could be worse than a vegan thanksgiving. before the first exercise we have to jump into the pool av this high ass platform. >> all right, folks this is what we call the chain formation for group mobility. >> the first drill was about cooperation. we had to learn how to preserve energy by swimming all up in each other's junk. >> this is like the first aid version of the human centipede. >> first off why i got to be in the middle of the centipede, i'm wearing a suitedk i should be up front, these are my church clothes anyway it was time to pout putt our bonding to the

test way serious discussion about immigration. >> is the wall racist? >> i think the person building it is. >> he is not a racist. >> how do you feel about calling a nation shit hoal. >> i have been to several of them and they are shit holes. >> the cooperation didn't do shit but give me a rash but the training and survival is just getting started. >> this is the life raft and once inside you should be able to survive for 117 days. >> this exercise is about simulated isolation. >> how about your turn. >> when you are isolated in a rusher boat, you can't scwawb el about political differences. so now was the chance for these two to really get to know each other. >> but in the i believe, it came back to trust. >> we know how he thinks about women. >> why don't you let the man govern the country and quit [bleep] with him. >> if the man was interested in governing the country he wouldn't be talking about-- boy scout. >> oh pay god. >> isolation didn't work and now

these two butting heads like sea world edition. >> which is why survival system fainl and most extreme tactic was about apparently creating bonds through slaired trauma. >> the moment we have been waiting for, we will simulate the plane crash. >> the what now. >> i'm getting in a plane crash. >> yeah so it is going to exrash into the water, we're going to flip you upside down and then you're going to get out. >> oh no you're not. >> the last thing i need is another way to die. >> trevor, they said plane crash. i don't do that. can david do it. >> michael kosta what is up, man, hey, look, you want to get in the water. >> i'm the black guy from the daily show. >> no, not trevor, the other black guy. >> all right, fine. this plane crash machine originally built it to train military and special rescue forces is going to literally crash underwater during a thunderstorm and force us to survive together. >> okay. if there is ever a time to put aside our

differences it is a damn yownd water plane crash. sth when most people confront their own mortality and reflect on what is really important. >> these two clowns show found time to debate the second amendment. >> . >> here we go. as he flipped upside down, unbuckled our seats and pushed out the plane windows i noticed something. it was quiet. they weren't at each other's throats in the water. it was beautiful. but on the surface. >> i'm tremendously worried about the. >> is there a one trick pony.

>> come on. >> turns out survival systems teen working exercises were to match for trump's divided america. but there was one solution. you want to quiet the political noise, make sure everybody sunday water at all times. (applause). >> trevor: roy wood, jr., >> trevor: roy wood, jr., everyone, we'll be right back.

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>> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. my geses tonight is a microsoft cofounder and one of the world's leading philanthropists through the bill and melinda gates foundation which just released its goal keepers day to report on youth population growth and how it will affected future world progress. please welcome bill gates. (applause) welcome back it to the show. >> great to be here. >> trevor: first things first when they sper view him please don't get up immediately because people think we are fying and we are a not. >> i don't want to overstay my welcome. >> trevor: but everyone is like bill gates, did you offend him, no, that is what he does, he is done he done, gees up and leaves, everyone else is like i'm out, i'm done that show you become a billionaire am welcome back to the show. congratulations on another successful year on the goal keepers event. towk talk to us about goal

keeper, people know are you involved with fill an thropy, but what is your intention with the goal keeper's event. what are you trying to inspire in people. >> all the countries from the united nations made a set of commitments to improve the state of life to get rid of disease, climate change and those goals, sustainable development goals, we need every year to sit down and look are we making progress, we need to celebrate the heroes who are inventing new tools, doing work in the field. we need to see if people are falling behind, how do we double down on that. and this std one week of the year because the u.n. is coming together, that we focus attention on the superimportant long-term issues. >> trevor: you are one of the most optimistic people have i met, part of me goes because you are a billionaire. yeah, i am optimistic because of that. but you have been on the ground for a long timement an you've seen massive changes

predominantly in africa and asia as well. you have always said to me, the world is getting better progressively. dun mean we can stop but the world is getting better but then i ask you why does it feal like the world is getting worse? >> the nature of news is that you will read about a plane falling out of the sky or natural disaster. if we go three years with no plane wreck, when do you put that headline there, extreme poverty has gone from 36 percent to -9d percent. and so every day for 25 years you could have run a headline 137,000, moved out of the extreme poverty today. that will be real news and yet it would feel kind of weird. >> right. >> and so improvement is this gradual thing. we saw child cut childhood deaths in half the last 25 years. we've raised agriculture productivity and there is a lot of amazing heroes behind that. and so really understanding this brain work that we focus so much

on what is not done that we can mission the lessons of what really works extremely well. >> that is an interesting par a docks because it feels like that is the space that is not just general population is in but also the president of the united states. because donald trump has not been afraid to say, he's not a fan of giving money to other country, not a fan of foreign aid. he doesn't understand why america pays for any other country. i read an article in "the washington post" about how they have asked you to come to the white house to explain to the president why foreign aid is important. and-- (applause) >> like i would like to know, like if were you explaining it to a toddler, how would you explain, not that the president is, i'm just saying if you were, how would you explain foreign aid to somebody, why would you say the united states should help any other country and give them money. >> well, less thank 1 percent of our budget, when you ask people they think it is five or ten percent but it fairly small.

although we have such big budgets t is 30 billion a year, that 30 billion is keeping over 14 million people alive with hiv medicine. you know, thank god that american taxpayers are so generous. this is what can get countries out of poverty, allow those countries to be self-sufficient and stable. that means we won't have to send soldiers there. we won't have epidemics starting there. and the world economy will grow and we'll all participate in the middle income or better life that everyone on the planet should have. >> trevor: i know that the goal keepers event is moving forward. i know this year you sell braited a hundred years of nelson pan dela and how he inspired goal keepers, looking at his legacy and the people you have spoken to, what are you hoping as humanity we can achieve in the coming years. >> we had talked to michelle, nelson mandela's wife. she was so eloquent about you ho he believed in principles and stuck with them even when it

looked bleak. so some things look bleak right now, some of the trends don't look all that good. humans aren't as willing to help each other, you know, and take these long-term views and solve these tough problems but he was such an example. and you know, that is incredibly inspiring. i think young people in the room were all peering up as he talked about him and how we should all take that spirit of sticking with what we believe in and carry it forward. >> trevor: thank you so much for being on the show. plawtion plaws for more information about the bill and pe plinda gates foundation an goal keepers go to gates foe shr

tonight, thank you for tuning in, here is your moment of zen. >> if you look at mr. pilsz burry, the leading authority on china, he was on a good show, i won't mention the name of the

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