no! that's awful! i hate that photo! i'm all kissy-faced! anyway, thank you, cole kleen! >> you're welcome. >> that's our show! please check out "the jim jefferies show" podcast, and come and see me at the new york comedy festival on saturday, november 10th. go to nycomedyfestival.com for tickets and info. i'm jim jefferies. i think we can all do better. goodnight. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> from comedy central's world

news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ thank you for tuning in! our guest tonight, anchor of "nbc nightly news," lester holt is here, everybody! let's catch up on today's headlines. you know those emergency alerts that you get on your phone at like 3:00 a.m., you know, sometimes it's a missing child, sometimes it's a natural disaster? well, now, it could be something worse. >> americans nationwide will

receive an alert on their cell phones from president trump. but it won't be a personal message. it's the first test of a national presidential alert system that will let any president issue a warning about a crisis, that could include a missile launched by another country at the u.s. or a tsunami. >> trevor: this is trump's dream. ( laughter ) you realize, as a tweet, he can force everyone to read it. your phone will be, like, i'm on "fox & friends" at 7:00 a.m., enjoy! also, a tsunami is coming -- sad. ( laughter ) ( applause ) frankly, i am glad they didn't give this to president obama because it could have taken you ten minutes to read it before you knew the missile was coming. my fellow americans -- moments ago -- and we're dead. i don't know why the messages are in the accent, but that's why i think. you know one to have the things i'm most worried about is trump disaster alerts there probably

lead to more casualties because half the country will refuse to evacuate as a protest -- i'm not leaving the flood zone unless he releases the tax returns! golf club, golglub, glub. moving on, minimum wage is being raised to $15. which means jeff bay sos went to having all the money to just most to have the money. amazon announces higher minimum wages for everyone as they unroll their cashierless stores. let's all agree to pay our cashiers $15 an hour. wal-mart is, like, you don't have cashiers. oh, look at that! we're also giving our cashiers unlimited snacks in the break room -- we're the best! ( laughter ) moving on to entertainment news, netflix. turn to page 73 to find out what

happens next. >> netflix reportedly developing choose your own adventure programming to allow you to pick the next show. this is the next program planning an interactive show for the fifth season this coming december. >> trevor: yea -- more choice on netflix. ( laughter ) i already spent four hours trying to choose what i'm going to watch wrap, now i have to spend another four hours choosing the plot. to be honest, i don't know how i feel about this idea because on the one hand, i don't know if i want the stress of having to choose how the story goes, like james bond needs my help -- which wire? i don't know, james, just want to watch fesks and chill! ( laughter ) on the upside, no spoilers -- i can't believe the monster killed her in stranger things! moving on, top story. brett kavanaugh, supreme court nominee and world's angriest

calendar enthuse cast. in addition to the sexual assault claims against him, people are zeroing in on another reason kavanaugh may not be fit for the supreme court. and that is honesty. along with a complexion that looks good in black, honesty is one of the things you most want in a supreme court justice, and there are more and more signs kavanaugh might not have enough of it, especially when it comes to his history with drinking, because kavanaugh may make it seem like he's had a casual relationship with alcohol, but turns out the two were probably more than just friends. >> kavanaugh acknowledged sometimes drinking too much as a young man, but former classmates of kavanaughs are saying he's being misleading about how much he drank and his belligerence when he did. >> charles chad luddington said kavanaugh tried to downplay his drinking habits. luddington said on multiple occasions he saw kavanaugh staggering from alcohol

consumption. >> charles luddington who went to yale with kavanaugh said i saw him throw beer in a man's face and starting a fight that ended with one of our mutual friends in jail. >> trevor: damn, kavanaugh might not be fit to serve on the supreme court but i think we should no nominate him to serven the next season of jersey shore. ( laughter ) because the story is pretty quilled, right? turns out, in 1985, kavanaugh and friends got into a bar fight that got so rowdy the police got called in and the police filed an official report. and here's the thing, it's one thing to get into a fight, it's another thing to get into a fight where the cops are called and on top of that where the cops are called on a white guy. do you know how bad a fight has to be for the police to get called on a white guy? ( applause ) at an ivy league school in the '80s! that was, like, rich white male hay day!

every decade, is but that one was extra good for them. ( laughter ) personally, i would never want to see brett kavanaugh get into a fight because it would be super weird. like, hey, bro, you want to throw down? because i swear i'll start -- ( laughter ) i swear i'll start -- you know what i just -- i just need to write it in my calendar first! ( laughter ) ( applause ) september 25th -- september 25th, three drink in dude's face at the bar. now it's official! it's in my calendar! i have peace! so turns out brett kavanaugh, mr. "i like beer," mr. "i might have exceeded legal limit a little bit," allegedly got into a bar brawl when he hit someone in the face with his drink. the reason kavanaugh was fighting the probably one of the greatest stories of all time. >> luddington telling the "new york times" he witnessed

kavanaugh in a brawl at a concert. >> the man told the three of them to stop looking at him. kavanaugh became belligerent. >> brett said ( bleep ) you, or something to that effect, and threw the ice at the guy and the guy understandably, even though he had been aggressive in his response, found that was a little one step too far, so he took a swing at brett. at that point, chris dudley, who had his drink in his hand, proceeded to smash it up against the guy's head. >> trevor: okay. now, if you're lost, it's probably because you're not drunk. ( laughter ) because, you see, this has gone from a stock standard supreme court hearing to a wild 1985 story where a future supreme court nominee and his friend dudley, a future n.b.a. player, got in a fight with some guy because they thought he looked like the lead singer of the reggae band uv40.

right now the story is so weird, you could make up any detail and it would be believability. kavanaugh punched the horse and the horse became the ruler of iran! ( laughter ) i feel bad for the lead singer of uv40. everyone covering the story just refers to him as the lead singer of uv40. he has a name. it's ub, i'm pretty sure, like, there's a name. ( applause ) here's the thing, if you're throwing a drink in someone's face because they're not the lead singer of ub40, you're either someone who drank a shit ton or a crazy person, one or the other. again, him raging as a young man doesn't disqualifying him from serving on the supreme court, right, but brett kavanaugh lying about it to the senate is what should be of concern. and for more on this, and the legal ramifications of all of it, we turn to a man who has been represented by many

lawyers, michael kosta, everyone! ( cheers and applause ) michael, on the one hand, on the one hand, you have brett kavanaugh who says that sometimes he had too many beers, but, on the other hand, you have all these witnesses who say that he was a belligerent drunk who drank way too much. what do you make of this? >> well, trevor, this term "too much" gets thrown around too much. ( laughter ) it's all a matter of perspective. if a dad posts ten pictures of his kid on facebook, that's considered normal. but if i post ten pictures of his kid, suddenly it's "too much" and i have to "leave the park." it's the same with brett kavanaugh's drinking. >> trevor: but as a supreme court nominee, kavanaugh has a duty to be honest and seems to me he was a bit disingenuous about what kind of a drinker he was. >> trevor, i want to say this kindly because you're my boss, but what a dumbass thing to say.

( laughter ) you can't accuse brett kavanaugh of hiding the truth because if he was as drunk as everyone says he was, we can't expect him to remember what happened because sober brett can't remember remembers the things drunk met did. they meet briefly around beer five, shake hands and go their separate ways. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: so you're saying, then, that we can't ask him questions about things that he was too drunk to remember? >> see, now you're getting it. we can't hold bruce banner accountable for fights started by the hulk, you know what i mean? one is a mild-mannered middle-aged white guy, the other is an aggressive person of color. ( laughter ) if congress put bruce banner under oath and asked him, dr. banner, have you ever smashed anything? he would have no idea because bruce banner doesn't smash, hulk

smashes. ( applause ) >> trevor: but sober or drunk, under the law, brett kavanaugh how held accountable for anything he did. >> and he'll change that as soon as he getso the supreme court. ( laughter ) but in the meantime, why the hell is sober kavanaugh being asked about what drunk kavanaugh did? the guy who should be on the stand is the guy who picks a fight with a mob for not being ziggy marley. >> trevor: you're not suggesting -- >> yes! let's get kavanaugh shit faced! roll in a keg -- ( applause ) roll in a keg, have feinstein tap that thing and bretty go to town and i guarantee you the truth will flow right out of him. a sober guy is embarrassed about what he did when he drank too much, but a drunk guy can't wait to tell you all the trouble he got into. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's actually a pretty amazing idea, kosta.

>> no, no, don't give kosta the credit, give drunk mikey the credit. >> trevor: are you drunk? have you been drinking at work? >> well, why don't you ask me tomorrow? i promise i won't lie. >> trevor: drunk kosta, everyone! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪please, let me catch my breath,♪ ♪let me catch my [breathing sound] ♪ok ♪please let me catch my [breathing sound] ♪let me catch my ♪ ♪catch, come on ♪catch come on ♪catch come on ♪let me catch my [breathing sound]

want to try out my time machine? it runs on doritos. [dog barks] sure. so now what? gotta put the whole bag in. okay. yes! it's really working, jimmy! [humming, thumping] [humming] [thumping] this is the greatest moment of my life! get out of my yard! [birds chirping] jimmy? you're so old. [crunch!] it's the future! i was on the fence about changing from a manual to an electric toothbrush. but my hygienist said going electric could lead to way cleaner teeth. she said, get the one inspired by dentists, with a round brush head. go pro with oral-b. oral-b's gentle rounded brush head removes more plaque along the gum line. for cleaner teeth and healthier gums. and unlike sonicare, oral-b is the first electric toothbrush brand accepted by the ada

for its effectiveness and safety. what an amazing clean! i'll only use an oral-b! oral-b. brush like a pro. "the daily show." when a new story falls through the cracks, lewis black catches it for a segment we call back in black. >> let's face it, commuting sucks! subways smell like rat sex!

buses have other people on them! and forget driving -- city streets are more clogged than my colon! i mean, it's no problem for me because i get around by parkour. but for those of you less agile, there are thos another option. >> ride sharing, bike sharing, plenty of ways to get around without driving your own car and now electric scooters are giving people a fun way to get to destinations. >> the invasion of the birds. we're talking about the electric scooters called bird. the motorized scooters are catching on across the country. >> riders can ride for as little as a dollar and found by an app on a phone. they can hit up to 15 miles an hour. >> i love it. it's likely convenient. >> 15 miles an hour! you can get to your destination 5 minutes earlier and all you have to do is give up your

dignity! ( laughter ) there are a lot of things to hate about the scooter sharing programs. starters, there's no dock. people leave them around anywhere for the next person to find them. that's not sharing, that's littering! you can't do that with anything else! hey, how about i launch a dolling poop sharing app? i'm not leaving my dog shit on the sidewalk, i'm sharing it with the community. ( laughter ) ( applause ) it's bad enough that scooters are taking up space everywhere, but their riders are also taking up space in the hospital. >> lisa beardsley says she suffered torn ligaments and a hairline fracture in her arm when she was forced to jump off what she says was a malfunctioning bird scooter about two months ago and now doctors say they're seeing an uptick in injuries. but it's not just riders getting hurt. >> it was like i was walking down the peer and i got hit by a

motor vehicle. >> dancing dave peterson is a street performer. he said he lost months of work and had to simplify his act after a man on a scooter hit him from behind and left. >> yeah, look what you bastards did to dancing dave! he couldn't work for two months! which means he lost 15 bucks and a steal cronut! ( laughter ) you know what pisses me off about silicon valley? they don't worry if something is good or bad for us. they just want to sell their damn app. fortunately, there are a few brave souls standing up to the two-wheeled menaces. >> these birds don't fly, and they're not designed for this. whether they're launched from buildings, sent off of mountaintops, thrown into the ocean,or pushed down storm drains, an instagram account called bird graveyard is documenting all the ways electric scooters are meeting

their demise. >> okay, this is officially my new favorite thing on instagram. ( laughter ) i mean, i used to just like instagram for the contouring tips -- don't pretend you haven't noticed my pronounced cheekbones -- ( laughter ) -- but protesters trashing scooters is the best. it's classic, civil disobedience, like the time gandhi keyed his shift manager's hyundai. ( laughter ) anyway, it doesn't look like there's a solution anytime soon, so i stepped in to fix wit my own high-tech product. it's an audio device that you attach to electric scooters that warns pedestrians to look out. here's how it works ( siren ) >> asshole coming through! total dip shit on board, move it! this douche bag has places to

be! s. >> it's now available on my web site! amazon! >> trevor: lewis black, everyone! we'll be right back! we'll be right back! ( chyou've tried moisturizer after moisturizer but one blows them all out of the water. hydro boost from neutrogena®. with hyaluronic acid to plump skin cells so it bounces back. neutrogena® so it bounces back. take prilosec otc and take control of heartburn. so you don't have to stash antacids here... here... or, here. kick your antacid habit with prilosec otc. one pill a day, 24 hours, zero heartburn.

(hea♪ rain) ♪ ♪ 60% of women wear the wrong size pad and can experience leaks. you don't have to. with always my fit, try the next size up and get up to 20% better coverage day or night. because better coverage means better protection. always

it's about time they gave left and right twix® their own packs. they got about as much in common as you, a mortician, and me, an undertaker. (chuckling) or you, a janitor, and me, a custodian. (laughing) or you, a ghost, and me, a spirit. (laughing) left and right twix® packs. it's time to deside. ♪ ♪ mountain dew ice. a clear, refreshing,

lemon-lime dew®. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an award-winning journalist and anchor of "nbc nightly news with lester holt" and "dateline nbc." please welcome lester holt! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> thank you. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> nice desk. >> trevor: thank you very much. do you miss desks now that you stand? is that the thing? >> i do a lot of standing. i have a very fancy desk but now they have me standing for most to have the broadcast. i come home like anybody else and go, oh, my feet are killing me. >> trevor: the days of sitting are gone, my friend.

>> yeah, you can project more. >> trevor: i like your vibe. i never know where you're going to be. >> we have this cool studio and we're, like, hey, what if we did it here or over there. >> trevor: yeah. let's congratulate you. you won an emmy last night. >> yeah. ( cheers and applause ) it was for an interview i had done with president obama, the night he gave his farewell to the country, we traveled with him to "chicago," went with him to his favorite restaurant in hyde park and sat down, we'd done an interview, the clock is tocking down, we had to get him out of there for his speech. we won an emmy for it. >> trevor: for not crying? is that what it was? ( laughter ) you hear people saying the liberal media, the news media is liberal, trump even said the other day, all you news people, i call you all democrats, you're all democrats. how do you respond to the idea that, as news people, you can report on the news and still

have your own personal beliefs about politics that we may or may not know? >> that's a really good question because i tell people all the time, we're living human beings, we have feelings, opinions about a lot of things, some things i don't know and i accept that. sometimes i think it's healthy to say i don't know how to figure out immigration or whatever it may be, but we're professionals at the same time. i mean, i enjoy a spirited, intellectual debate. i like to hear smart people talk about issues. you realize, often there's no right answer. but most of that, you know, you let it go in one ear and out the other. >> trevor: you're embarking on a multi-state tour right now where you're going around the country, speaking to people who you report in the news about which is an interesting way to do it. we've always seen as the news being in a place. you make it seem like the news is where the people are. >> i'm a reporter, so i'm more comfortable in the field. i always tell young journalists, when they say they want to be an anchor some day, i say that's great but my most fulfilling

moments have been in the filled, not at the desk. it's also great to visit communities where nothing horrible is happening. i was in local news for 20 years. off community, whether los angeles or chicago, you had a community. i speak to the whole country every night, and it's important to get out of new york city -- love it here but, you know, some people describe it as a bubble -- to get out, look at stories that may resonate across the country but are playing out in a unique way in a particular city. so this is the third time we've done this. next week, we will be in a different city every night doing stories that are important in those communities but ones that may ring familiar to others. we want the broadcast to be relevant, to be modern, touch people, cover the stories they're thinking about and to do that you really have to get out. so, you know, it's a no-brainer for me. as a reporter, i like to be where the people are, where the stories are being made, and i think, you know, it makes me better at what i do. >> trevor: congratulations on everything. looking forward to the tour.

>> thank you. >> trevor: lester kicks off his nationwide "across america" his nationwide "across america" tour next week on "nbc nightly ( ♪ ) everybody wants a new, different, better world. here's to the people who do what it takes to build it... to keep it running. the people who understand no matter what the question, the obstacle or the challenge, there's only one answer... let's do the work. (engine starts, hums)

let's do the work. doto be our next spokesperson?m he's so boring. hm. sounds like you're on the fence. why don't i just leave you my resume? yes, it's laminated. no thanks. you're hired! try caramel m&m's. ow. super emma just about sleeps in her cape. but when we realized she was battling sensitive skin. we switched to tide pods free & gentle. it's gentle on her skin and out cleans the other free and clear detergent. dermatologist recommended. it's got to be tide.

clears his throat. michelob ultra. michelob ultra. sfx: makes bottle twisting open sound glug, glug, glug stop fearing your alarm clock... with new*! zzzquil pure zzzs. a drug-free blend of botanicals with melatonin ...that supports your natural sleep cycle... ...so you can seize the morning. new! zzzquil pure zzzs.

each one is unique in their own way.sa. hot, mild, cheesy, and garlic. i thought it was a costume party. get together already, with tostitos. >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thanks so much for tuning in. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> the melee went on briefly. i don't know what brett was doing exactly but i was pulling -- ( phone ringing ) -- i was pulling -- i was pulling out -- chris back --