( sound of motorboat ) >> trevor: donald! donald! oh, wow! i see him! donald! donald! oh, wow! i think i -- i think i see him! no, wait. wait, wait. that's a parrot. false alarm. >> secret service. what are you doing?

>> from miami, it's "the daily show" with trevor noah, democalypse 2018. it's the closest we could get to mar-a-lago. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: yeah! what's going on, everybody? what's going on, everybody? welcome! welcome, everybody! my name is trevor noah! this is "the daily show," coming to you from miami, florida! ( cheers and applause ) oh, this is amazing! take a seat, everybody! take a seat! take a seat! you guys are amazing. our guest tonight, baseball legend and co-owner of the miami

marlins, derek jeter is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) we'll be chatting to him later on. first, can i just say i'm loving everything about this city in it is my first time here spending time, and i'm loving everything about it. like, every day is a party in miami. every day! it doesn't matter where you go. i went to a church service the other day and they didn't have a choir, they had a deejay. it was the dopest thing! it was like do...unto...others...do...unto.. .others... jesus died for your sins -- ( rapping ) we were praying till 6:00 in the morning! ( cheers and applause ) i'm glad we prayed. i don't know if it's just me, but i feel like everybody here is excited about the midterms. you guys excited? ( cheers and applause ) yeah? you can feel that energy! you know who else is really excited? donald trump.

( booing ) oh, wow. wow... you guys sound like a room full of melanias. wow. ( laughter ) ( applause ) anyway, just like you, president trump knows that the midterms are only seven days away. so to motivate his voters, right, he's doing something really special. it's the thing he does best. he's scaring the shit out of his voters, all right, specifically by using brown people. it's sort of like halloween, but a racist halloween. trump's number one focus has been the caravan. i don't know if you've seen this or if you don't know, the caravan is basically a group of a few thousand people walking to the united states from impoverished and crime ridden countries like honduras and guatemala and they're walking to the u.s. partly in protest and to find a better life. they have no food, no water, no way to bathe.

basically like burning man but the people are pretending to be poor, right? it's like a group of people coming to america saying, hey, we're in trouble. can you help us? trump responded with this. >> the u.s. military said it's sending more than 5,000 active duty troops to the mexican border to deal with a caravan of mexican-americans who intend to seek asylum here. >> the troops outnumbering the 4,000 migrants and nearly equaling the number of u.s. personnel fighting i.s.i.s. in iraq. >> trevor: really? trump is sending the same amount of troops to deal with asylum seekers as he sent to fight i.s.i.s.? that has to be so weird for the troops. it will be one guy talking to another -- i'm headed to iraq to stop a death cult from stopping civilization. where are you going? oh, yeah, i'm stopping a baby crawling from the south.

you get juan, i'll take josé. come on abwella! she got through my legs! damn it! ( cheers and applause ) and you send more. ton same page, these people aren't illegal anything. they're planning to apply for asylum once they get to the u.s. bored. not like they're going to rush the border like a giant game of red rover. though that would be super dope. can we admit that? instead of having a border wall, america should have troops holding hands at the border. if the immigrants break through, you get citizenship. i think that's a fair game. i don't know about you but i'm watching that show. ( applause ) this summer on nebraska, red rover citizenship edition.

( laughter ) why not send 5,000 judges and lawyers to help with the asylum process? why send the troops? ( cheers and applause ) anything would make more sense than sending 5,000 troops. it would even make more sense if trump was just like you know what? america is going to turn off the lights and pretend no one is at home. that would make more sense. sh, everyone be quiet! although trump would mess that up and they would be, like, everyone be quiet, and he would be, like, we're not here! mike pence told me to say we're not here! ( laughter ) now, i think the reason donald trump is sending troops to these asylum seekers instead of help is because, in his mind, this is an invasion, and when i say in his mind, what i mean is on fox news. >> thousands upon thousands of migrants literally marching to the u.s. in what would be a mass invasion in order to demand entry -- >> this migrant caravan, it's

not a car va san , it's an invasion. >> here's a mob of humanity driving toward the border. >> an invasion. >> an invasion. >> thousands and thousands of people on the bridge. when you looked at the people loaded up with people, that's called an invasion of our country. >> trevor: really, an invasion? get the (~bleep ) out of here, man! an invasion? ( cheers and applause ) let me ask you this, let me ask you this -- what kind of invaders apply to come in and give their enemy three months-warning? what kind of invasion is that? i missed the history class where paul revere was, like, the british are coming! but not until, like, april, okay? king george just wanted me to tell you guys in advance because he knows you guys are super busy, okay? ( laughter ) ( applause ) here's my problem -- here's my problem with all the fear mongering. my big problem with the fear

mongering about this caravan is trump and his friends don't even seem to know what they're afraid of. >> they're coming with diseases such as small box, leprosy and t.b. that are going to affect the united states. >> young men in their 20s, strapping, strong. >> h.i.v., measles, pertussis, inflensa, tb, syphilis -- >> when you look at that caravan and look at largely, big percentage of men, young, strong, a lot of bad people. >> trevor: that's right. these migrants are both super strong and riddled with disease! ( laughter ) these are the strongest lepers i've ever seen! ( cheers and applause ) just coming across the border! ( applause ) jacked arms falling off in the streets! make up your mind! and, honestly, honestly, if i

were the migrants, i would be worried about catching one of america's weird diseases. seen the shit people have in this country? if i was a migrant, i would be, like, hey, man, i want a better life. i don't know about america, i don't want to catch a gluten intolerance, man. do you hear they have irritable bowel syndrome up there, man? i had a cousin, two months later he had restless leg syndrome! you can't cure that shit! ( cheers and applause ) and, now, i know -- i know some of you right now are asking me, you're going, trevor, why do you even bother with fox news? you know who they are. they're always bringing xenophobia, they're bringing racism, and that is true. but here's the thing -- i assume that some of them are good people. ( laughter ) because even though this network might seem like one giant caravan of dangerous extremists, i believe there are people in there who mean well. >> the migrants, according to fox news reporting, are more than two months away.

if any of them actually come here. but tomorrow is one week before the midterm election, which is what all of this is about. there is no invasion, no one's coming to get you, there's nothing at all to worry about. we're america, we can handle it. >> trevor: now, that's a guy who deserves asylum. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) what's up, miami! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ music playing ♪ ♪ ♪

sometimes a day at the ballpark is more than just a day at the ballpark. [stadium announcer] all military members stand and be recognized. no matter where or when you served, t-mobile stands ready to serve you.

♪ my love has come along, applebee's new neighborhood pastas. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." coming to you from miami.

you know, right now, right now, florida's famous environment is under attack, so roy wood, jr. and michael kosta went to find out why. >> florida, it's america's hawaii. >> a tropical paradise full of endless vacations, pristine white sand beaches. >> and exotic wildlife, until now. >> dead marine life is washing up on thousands of miles of beach. >> florida governor rick scott declared a state of emergency. >> earlier this week bathtub beach closed. swimming now off limits. >> with south florida's beaches under attack, there was only one place to turn, the finest detectives miami has ever seen, but they didn't return our call so you get us. ♪ >> oh, there it is, a dead fish. pretty gross. >> yeah. what does it smell like to you? >> smells like dead fish. >> no, it's deeper.

bag up that fish. >> i want to hang at the beach. >> you will wean we close the case. coming on. i hit up an expert who's been following the case closely. >> roy calls him an expert. i call him a guy standing between me and my vacation. >> we have an ecological meltdown happening in south florida. you've got fish kills, you've got toxic fumes so bad beachgoers can't breathe. >> whose fault is this? >> algae. >> algae? algae is everywhere. my friends at whole foods sprinkle algae on their smoothie. >> well, this is toxic algae. algae plaintiff late with phyt yens in the water and mix it just toxic for wildlife. >> right. case closed. let's go to the beach. thank you, mike. >> whoa, whoa, what are you doing? >> we found the killer. >> can you describe the algae? >> on the east coast we have blue green algae that just sort of covers the entire estuary. you can imagine a giant blob of

stinky guacamole. >> it look like guacamole? damn, he wasn't kidding, that's nasty, gloppy guac and it's spreading. >> eth only getting worse. >> we have to see it up close. it's 120 in florida with the top down. it's too hot for this wig. the best way to find the algae is to take a fishing trip deep into up with of the canals on florida's gulf coast. >> this is what's killing our fish. >> not just killing the fish. this stuff could kill a human. >> what? >> that stuff could kill a human. >> absolutely. >> being around it, you can smell it. you notice the tightening in your chest, gets hard to breathe. >> is that why you're wearing that silly thing around your neck? >> yes, if we're in here a while, i pull this over my face to filter at least a little bit of the particulate out of the air. >> can we just talk somewhere else? >> well, this turned out to be the worst fishing trip of all

time. >> this agoy is so bad the toxins could lead to permanent liver damage, and hurting countless businesses connected to florida's number one industry, tourism. >> this year, probably lost 60 or 70% of my business. >> that's a lot. >> you ever think maybe your business is dropping because this boat is lame? i don't see one bottle of pres.e.c.o or a hot tub. >> do you even watch videos? >> yeah. not really. >> he says the problem is what's behind the agoy. >> when he discovered what was causing the agoy, we couldn't believe it. >> three basic sources, agriculture, urban runoff and the legacy phosphorous from the sugar industry. >> sugar. >> sugar. what's in this is helping to kill fish on the beach. >> yes. >> a sugar packet is so small. >> delicious. >> how is that the case? >> the farming practices. >> big sugar spent decades pumping pollution into florida's

waterways and the algae loves these pollutens, like how white women love greek yogurt and goat yogurt: has anyone reached out to the sugar industry and said stop doing that? >> stop doing that, sugar. >> yes. >> yes. and? >> you need to understand how sugar controls the legislature. in the state of florida, the biggest polluters tend to be among the biggest political contributors. >> so like the mafia but, like, delicious. >> yes. >> yep. >> florida sugar industry slipped over $57 million to state politicians on both sides of the aisle. this guy, the commissioner of agriculture, took in almost a million in 2018 alone. >> people are just, they've had it between the red tide and the blue green agoy. >> whoa, whoa, whoa, what's red tide? >> red tide is another kind of algae that leads to fish kills. >> blue, red, green algae. you have the skittles of algae. >> but the red algae has nothing to do with sugar, right?

>> it does. pollution makes it worse ( sighing ) >> let's go to the beach. >> let's go to the beach. >> thank you. >> till all this sugar money gets out of politics or florida's government gets serious ant the environment, florida's white sand beaches are in danger. >> but as for us, we finally got our vacation with the he of a few wardrobe adjustments. view the atro montage. ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: michael kosta and roy wood, jr., everyone. we'll be right back.

yaaaayyy!!! aww. yaaaayyy!!! aww. yaaaayyy!!! aww. we hide hotel names, so you can find four star hotels at two star prices. h-o-t-w-i-r-e hotwire.com ♪ it tastes mighty fine beer! ♪ specially on nights that are mellow ♪ ♪ yes, we like beeeeeerrrr! thea better time to try oureen sprint network. because right now you can get unlimited for just $24 per month per line for five lines. it includes hulu and mobile hotspot. we need to shout this deal from the rooftops.

yeahhh. sprint's new unlimited plan. best deal ever! and it's all on the network built for unlimited. (avo) switch to sprint's unlimited for just $24 per month per line for five lines. and for a limited time lease a samsung galaxy note9 for people with hearing loss, for just $20 per month and save over $390. visit sprintrelay.com.

i'm always going to be a maker. and i think a company is the coolest thing you can build. i'm adam, and i make robots. you never know when inspiration is going to strike. so i take my surface pro everywhere. part of an entrepreneur's job is to get stuff done. i like to do, like, four things at once. the new surface pro can handle all of my programs. i can paint, i can mold, i can code. i have it on all the time, it's fantastic. we get to build toys for kids and change the world. it's a big deal.

stop fearing your alarm clock... with zzzquil pure zzzs. a drug-free blend of botanicals with melatonin that supports your natural sleep cycle so you can seize the morning. zzzquil pure zzzs.

( cheers and applause )>> trevoo "the daily show"! my guest tonight is the c.e.o. and co-owner of the miami marlins and founder of the players' tribune and the turn-two foundation. please welcome five-time world series champion and former new york yankees captain derek jeter! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ( audience chanting derek jeter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> wow! >> trevor: wow, that's never happened to me. i need to roll with you. like, people start chanting my name because of you. that's never happened to me.

welcome to the show. >> thanks for having me. >> trevor: yeah, let's get into it. ( cheers and applause ) i remember when i first came to the united states, i moved to new york, and derek jeter was a name synonymous with everything amazing. you were crushing it, you were a legend in baseball, and you've taken on a different journey in your life because now you are behind a team. is it a little frustrating when you know what you can do and then you watch the team sometimes and you just want to go out there? is it hard for you to change your mind into being a c.e.o.? >> yeah, you know, it is kind of difficult because, you know, as a player, you are -- you know, it's instant gratification or failure, but when you're in an ownership front office role, you have to have patience, which i am learning i have none. ( laughter ) so it's very difficult at times to watch because you want things to happen, you know, very quickly. >> trevor: right. >> but, you know, it takes time

to build a championship caliber team and to build a first class organization. we will get there, but it does take a little bit of time. >> trevor: but you're bringing in amazing prospects you. are reshaping the team. a lot of things you're doing feel like they're changing the dynamic of what the marlins represent. you're encouraging everybody on the team including yourself to start learning spanish. why? ( cheers and applause ) >> well, thank you. i think, you know, when you have hispanic players that are coming into the united states, everyone automatically assumes they speak english and, you know, that's not always the case. you know, you're taking players out of their country, you're bringing them to the united states, you're throwing them into a new culture and environment and expect them to speak your language and i don't necessarily think that's fair, so we're making sure that our educational program with the organization is first class, we're making sure that all our hispanic-speaking -- or spanish-speaking players speak english, but more importantly we

want our american players to learn spanish and we're also doing that in the front office. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: you have a lot of players in this day and age, not just in baseball, speaking out %-@s well. %-@s as we can see, the n.f.l. has struggled with this. you have been on both sides as both the team owner and a player. how do you think you work to balance the relationship between what people want sport to be, which is devoid of all politics, and also still giving your athletes a voice? >> yeah, well, i think when you're an athlete, you have a platform, obviously, and what you do with that platform, which actually is, you know, everyone talks about your legacy on the field, on the court, but i always felt as though it's more important to have a legacy off the field or off the court. and athletes -- ( applause ) yeah, athletes, they have an opportunity to actually be role models for kids and get out and speak their minds, and one thing we've always done, i have a

foundation that i started 22 years ago, so philanthropy has always been very, very important to me and my family growing up and, at the same time, it will be very, very important to the miami marlin organization moving forward because we have a platform here in miami and we should be able to give back, in effect, as many lives as we possibly can here. i love miami, i have been here only a year now. at times seems like i have been here about 20 years, but i've only been here about a year. i love the diversity, the culture and the energy, and we're going to be here for a long time. >> trevor: derek jeter, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪

♪ (laughing) ♪ come here! oh my... (applause) ♪ (vocalizing) (dad, over phone) just like that? (vocalizing continues)

♪ahahahahaha. hahaha. discover the rainbow! taste the rainbow!

super emma just about sleeps in her cape. but when we realized she was battling sensitive skin. we switched to tide pods free & gentle. it's gentle on her skin and out cleans the other free and clear detergent. dermatologist recommended. it's got to be tide. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: well, that's our show from miami tonight! we'll be back again tomorrow! now here it is... your moment of zen.

>> that's in response to a little ( unintelligible ) ( unintelligible ) ( unintelligible ) ( unintelligible ) ( cheers and applause ) ♪ dunder mifflin, this is rolando. oh, yes, she's been expecting your call. (woman) yeah. karen? he's on line one. thanks, ro. hey. we finally connected. how's scranton? i am the regional manager of dunder mifflin, utica branch. turns out it's a pretty easy gig when your boss isn't an idiot and your boyfriend's not in love with somebody else. look, all i'm saying is it would be a great opportunity, and we'd love to have you come aboard. so think about it, okay?