tv The Daily Show Comedy Central November 29, 2018 1:33am-2:06am PST
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i bet you'd like an apple fritter. yeah, an apple fritter would be great. why? what--? what's happening here? "five shocking facts from new bojack book"? no. no! um, everyone-- -what a loser. -glad i'm not that guy. give me your phones. i'm a celebrity. you have to listen to me. look at his deep well of sadness. it's hilarious. don't look at me. i'm well-adjusted. -you all want my life. -(laughter) uh, what the hell? i know, i know. but if you just listen first-- you posted your dumb little book on the internet. no, i just leaked the first couple chapters, and people are already talking about it. this is wildly unprofessional. who do you think you are? i know you're mad, and you have every right to be, but you got to read some of these comments. people love you. and they're gonna love you even more when they read the rest of my book. -your book? -our book. nobody is gonna read that book. how do you still not get that? it is never going to be published. bojack, i stand by my work. this is a really good book. and if you just give it time, you'll see. (inhales, exhales) maybe you're right.
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-really? -no. you're fired. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: yeah! yeah! welcome to "the daily show." thank you so much for coming out. thank you for tuning in, everybody. i'm never noah. our guest tonight, our guest-- our guest tonight is the former vice president and current climate change activist. al gore is here, everybody! yeah. he-- he stopped by to pick up our recycling, so i figured
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while he's here, we may as well chat. but first, let's catch up on today's headlines. first up, the russia investigation. it's back in the news. and at this point, this thing is like a sale at a used honda dealership-- it never ends. ( laughter ) well, you may remember a few months ago, special counsel robert mueller convinced trump's former campaign chairman paul manafort to flip against trump. but now it turns out manafort may have double flipped. >> let's start with our top story. this new revelation raises some big questions this morning about what is going on in the russia investigation. was former trump campaign chairman paul manafort playing both sides, in effect? >> "the new york times" reporting overnight that paul manafort's lawyer repeatedly briefed president trump's lawyers about his client's discussions with mueller's team after the former trump campaign chairman already agreed to cooperate with the special counsel. >> manafort's move a highly unusual arrangement that several legal experts this morning suspect may be a bid for a presidential pardon. >> trevor: that's right.
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resting snitch face over here has apparently been telling trump what's happening in the mueller investigation. yeah. telling him everything that mueller is thinking about, what they're doing. it's like when your friend takes a test in the second period, and then at recess he tells you what to expect when you go in for the test, yeah. although, i bet even with the answers, trump could still mess it up. ( laughter ) he would be like, if i can't remember the answer, i'm just gonna put "b"." "sir, did you ever meet with vladimir putin? "b"! ( laughter ) and if you're wondering, if you're wondering, how did mueller figure out that manafort was being shady? well, you see, the thing about manafort is he has a very subtle tell whenever he's lying. here he is in 2016 being asked about trump and russia. and you watch carefully, and tell me if you can pick up any signs of deception. >> so to be clear, mr. trump has no financial relationships with any russian oligarchs? >> if that's what he said, that's what i said-- that's, obviously, what our position is. ( laughter ) >> trevor: smooth. ( laughter )
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in other news, president trump is still fighting his own administration's climate change report released earlier last week. and like the climate, his arguments are getting worse. >> president trump explaining why he is so skeptical of his own administration's report on the dire consequences of climate change. he tells "the washington post," "one of the problems that a lot of people like myself-- we have very high levels of intelligence but we're not necessarily such believers. you look at our air and our water, and it's right now at a record clean." >> trevor: clearly, clearly, the president doesn't believe in the science or the english. because-- ( laughter ) if you're trying to say you're too smart to believe in climate change, it doesn't help when your argument ends with, "it's right now at a record clean." ( laughter ) like, it makes him sound super dumb. or maybe, maybe trump is so intelligent that he's leaving english behind. maybe that's what it is, yeah. he's developing something totally new. you know, he's like those aliens
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from the movie "arrival." like, we just need amy adams to interpret for us. >> trump: there is a cooling, and there is a heating. global warm, climate change. now i hear a lot of "extreme weather." if it's cold, it's okay. if it's hot, it's okay. if it's windy, if it's hot-- everything is extreme. trust me, i'm like a smart person. >> trevor: she was trying. she was really trying. all right, moving on, ivanka trump is back in the news, this time because she solved the border crisis. yeah! i'm just kidding. she (bleep)ed up again. >> early in the administration, you used your private email for white house business. your father had taken hillary clinton to task for this, so how did you wind up in a similar situation? >> well, there really is no equivalency. my emails have not been deleted. nor was there anything of-- of-- of substance, nothing confidential that was within them.
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so there's no connection between the two things. >> your father hammered hillary clinton on this, said that it was criminal. she should be locked up. >> hillary clinton is guilty. she knows it. the f.b.i. knows it. the people know it. >> trevor: okay, first of all, what the hell is going on with trump there? ( laughter ) he's got the hat pulled down, and you can't see his face, and then this weird thing with his hand. ( laughter ) it's almost like he went through a weird michael jackson phase in the middle of the campaign. you know, it was just like, "shamona! i asked, i asked, annie, are you okay? are you okay, annie? are you okay? she's not okay, folks suspect. she's not okay. you know why ms-13, gotta build a wall." ( laughter ) anyway, anyway, back to ivanka. i actually believe her when she says that she wasn't using her private account for important work emails, because in order to have important work emails, you have to do important work. ( laughter ) she doesn't do anything. her "in" box is probably just
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goop newsletters and thousands of unopened emails from eric. that's all it probably it is. ( laughter ) and you know what's amazing here, you know what's amazing, is that not only is ivanka's email scandal similar to hillary's, but the excuses sound the same, too. >> they're all stored on the white house system. so everything has been preserved. everything has been archived. >> they were captured and preserved immediately on the system at the state department. >> all part of the public record. >> public, for everyone to see. >> and there's no prohibition from using private email. >> it was allowed. others had done it. >> we all have private emails and personal emails to coordinate with our family. >> private, personal emails. emails about planning chelsea's weddings, as well as yoga routine, family vacations, the other things you typically find in, "in" boxes. >> trevor: lock them up! lock them up! have them share a cell! make it a reality show!
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( cheers and applause ) all right, that's it for the heads, let's move on. >> we have to talk about the big news of the day, and i mean big news! >> a man australia believes he owns the largest steer in the country. so this is the herd-- wait for it. look at this thing. we're going to see it in just a second. oh, my goodness! whoa, his name is knickers. he is six feet, four inches tall, and weighs almost 3,000 pounds. that's almost as tall as michael jordan and as big as a minicooner. >> trevor: sweet jesus! i know there's tons of news happening in the world right now. you i know there's trump. i know there are things in brexit with britain. but look at that thing! what is going on in australis? why is every animal downed of down under so weird?
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every animal. their ducks have fur. the kangaroos have a built-in tummy purse. i feel like australia is doping all their animals like they're russian athletes. there is some crazy guy in australia, i'm finished with my super spiders. now i'll make a cow the sides size of michael jordan. what are you guys doing down there? honestly, that cow is so glorious, right? i bet it's so glorious that last night the pope converted to hinduism. he's like, you know what, they're right. cows, man. when i saw this giant cow the first thing i thought is this is some dope weed. ( laughter ) but a lot of other people saw that cow, and they took it to a really dark place. >> his massive size is also what saved him. knickers is too big for the meat processing facility, so he will live out of rest of his life with his herd. >> he's too heavy for the abattoir, so he'll live out his days in the paddock. >> unfortunately it's bad news if you'd like an extra-big
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t-bone steak. >> trevor: why are you trying eat the giant cow? ( laughter ) the world only has one giant cow, and your own thought is, "super size me!" ( laughter ) just eat two normal cows. it tastes the same! why do people try to kill the cow? you know, luckily, even if they want to, they cannot kill him. he cannot fit inside the abattoir. which, by the way, is such a white people problem to have. in africa they would be like, "no, we can kill that cow. we can find a way. don't worry about the machine. we can kill that cow." ( laughter ) ( applause ) but, luckily, in australia they can't kill him, yeah. so knickers the cow can do whatever he wants. like, what are you going to do about it? he's unkillable. like, i'm hoping one day the farmer is going to come home, he's going to find the cow sitting on his couch watching tv with his arm around his wife, and the farmer is going to be like, "bloody hell, cow, what are you doing in my house?" and the cow will go, "look at me. look at me. i am the farmer now!" we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." the call for criminal justice reform has been gaining ground all over america, but the voters in nueces county, texas, have taken things just a little bit too far. we sent ronny chieng deep cover to investigate. ( engine revving ) >> i'm in texas where... can anyone even understand me over the sound of this massive chopper? i'm here in corpus christi where rumors suggest that a dangerous mexican biker gang has managed to install one of their members, mark gonzalez, as the local district attorney. so i'm going under cover with the gang to blow this story wide open.
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>> what's up, muchachos? using my alpha male magnetism, i'm going to win the trust of the gang's president to get him to admit that mark gonzalez is one of them. how you guys doing? how you doing, sir? what about high-fives? are high-fives okay? what do you know about mark gonzalez? >> my brother, mark, i've known him for many years. he's an honest person. >> and the mark gonzalez who is the district attorney is a member of your-- >> correct. >> --club. >> we're proud of it. am i right, my brothers? >> bingo! getting these hog jockeys to rat out their guy on the inside was almost too easy. now to use that information to force a confession from the man himself. isn't it true that you, mark gonzalez, an elected d.a. and top law enforcement officer, are also a member of the calaveras
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gang? >> yes. >> got it! we got it, everybody. we got you! we got you! your reign of terror ends now. >> everybody knows this. this is nothing new. our club is not a gang. >> but are you guys all mexican? >> most of us are mexican. >> there you go. that's a gang. >> yeah, no. >> so why do you think the people elected you, then? >> i think it's because i ran on a platform of criminal justice reform. >> criminal justice reform? apparently, mark campaigned on eliminating jail time for minor offenses and providing treatment and community service for drug violations. basically, he's creating a society without punishment, and there's free ice cream. >> no, what we're trying to do is not put people in prison when they don't really belong there. >> but if we don't have harsh laws, people won't be deterred from being dicks. like, what's to stop me from doing this shit? >> well-- >> there's no deterrence. >> yeah. >> anyone can be a dick. look, i can be the biggest dick i want.
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>> you are being kind of a dick. ( laughter ) >> yeah, and guess what? i'm not scared, because nothing is going to happen to me. >> no, what i'm suggesting is that if you break the law and it's a serious offense and somebody loses their life or gets hurt, you're probably going to go to prison. but if you make a minor mistake, i want you to learn from your lesson, grow out of the criminal activity, and move on. >> so instead of inflicting maximum punishment on criminals, the law should rehabilitate them? could the suckers who elected gonzalez really support this weak on crime, strong on hugs agenda? this is america, okay. we find people who commit crimes, and then we lock them up forever. >> yeah, that's why there are a lot of people innocent in jails, and that's why our jails are so full. >> i don't that think a small amount of marijuana is worth putting somebody in jail for or ruining their life. >> if you have the stigma of a bad record in the past, that's it, stuck with you. we don't care if you've been good for five years. >> so you-- you don't think people should be defined by their one mistake. >> no! you ever make any mistakes in your life? >> no. >> that's too bad. you'd learn something. >> for some reason, mark's
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policies of decriminalizing minor offenses seem to be. supported by the the citizens of corpus christi. which left me with another question: what the (bleep) is wrong with the people in this county? they knew you were a gang member. they knew you were soft on crime. and they still elected you. >> i'm just like them. just because i hold an office now doesn't make me any different than the people that actually elected me. most politicians forget that. they think that they're above those individuals. i don't. i-- i-- my j.c. penny suit, my tattoos. >> how many tattoos do you havev? >> i got a lot. >> can i see them? >> i'm not going to show you my tattoos. >> why? what's the problem? do you have a tattoo on your penis? >> i have no tattos on my penis. >> prove it. >> are you trying to see my penis? >> i'm just trying to see if you have ta52s on your penis. >> i have tattoos higher than my penis-- >> let's start there and work our way down. >> no, no, we're not going to work our way down. >> after hours of painful negotiation, gonzalez finally broke down. >> it's a little weird.
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>> no, it's not. i do this all the time. >> that's pretty cool. do you want to see my tattoo? >> sure, i want to see your tattoo. ( laughter ) >> that's cool. it is. >> taking my shirt off with the district attorney made me realize something-- just because you're a tattooed criminal gang member doesn't mean you can't also be a great d.a. and just because you're a smart, handsome, asian journalist doesn't mean you can't join a drug mexican biker gang-- i mean club. see you losers in the emergency room. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: ronny chieng, everyone, we'll be right back.
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switch to sprint today! visit sprintrelay.com. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a nobel laureate and climate change activist who will be hosting the climate reality project's eighth annual "24 hours of reality" broadcast. >> join us for a journey around the globe as we examine how we all are being affected by the growing climate health crisis and what businesses, leaders, artists, and everyday people are doing to solve it. this is 24 hours of reality. protect our planet. protect ourselves. >> trevor: please welcome former vice president al gore. ( cheers and applause )
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>> thank you. >> trevor: welcome back to the show. >> yeah, great to see you. >> trevor: really good to have you here. "24 hours of reality." we saw a little clip of that. but what is the show about? and what is it trying to do? >> well, we go all around the world to each time zone. and this year's focus is on climate and health, because the climate crisis is also a global health crisis for a lot of reasons. but we go to every single time zone in the world, and we have heads of state. we have a lot of entertainers and celebrities and grassroots activists, leaders, and original films from different parts of the world. and the objective is to show people exactly what the climate crisis is all about, why it's so serious, what the solutions are, and to encourage people to be active and encourage their
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elected leaders to change the policies. i mean, this is a global emergency, after all. >> trevor: right. >> it really and truly is. and the health focus is really important because a lot of people get motivated when they learn about the threat to human health. >> trevor: you-- you want the grassroots support. you want people applying pressure. when you look at world leaders, they have to make a decision on what is happening, and the question i ask is, is it getting worse? it feels like every single week, we receive a report of how the climate is changing faster or the effects may be felt sooner. you know, 2040 was the latest number that we saw. is this something that you are seeing in the numbers, as well? here's the thing: we are treating the atmosphere as an open sewer. it's a very thin shell around the planet, and we're changing it dramatically by dumping 110 million tons of manmade, heat-trapping global warming pollution into it every day.
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the cumulative amount now traps as much extra heat energy every day as would be released by 500,000 hiroshima-class atomic bombs exploding every 24 hours. it's a big planet, but that is an enormous amount of energy. that's why the temperatures are going up, the water cycle's being disrupted. and the fires. look at the fires in california just recently. in south africa, cape town almost ran out of water. >> trevor: right, because of the drought that lasted forever. but i wish to challenge you on some of your facts, because there was a very famous scientist who lives in the white house who said this today. ( laughter ) he said-- he said, "the oceans are very small, and our air and water are at record clean." ( laughter ) >> yeah. yeah. yeah.
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you know, it's really significant, trevor, that donald j. trump is now the face of climate denial. and there are those who are still giving him their loyalty and trust. and i get that, believe me. but the vast majority of americans, not to mention all around the world, are really kind of-- they've had it with the constant craziness, if you want to call it that way. >> trevor: i think we do want to call it that way, yeah. ( laughter ) >> and when he-- when he is the principal global face of climate denial, i think that's a cue. you know, in physics there's this well-known principle-- for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. >> trevor: right. >> i think that some of the mobilization that is really building-- we saw it in the election three weeks ago with the blue wave. i think part of that is a reaction to what donald trump is saying and doing. there is one area of the environment that everyone has said needs to be worked on. as you said, it's agriculture.
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how do we grow our food? >> yeah. >> trevor: including animals. cows are some of the largest producers of methane. ( laughter ) are you-- are you willing to kill the giant cow? ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> absolutely not! but i love your bit that this is a white people problem. ( laughter ) >> trevor: thank you so much for being on the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: "24 hours of reality" will begin december 3 at 9:00 eastern, 6:00 p.m. pacific. the live broadcast can be streamed at 24hoursofreality.org. former vice president al gore, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) after the war the survivors had cities in the skies. on the seas. but the deadliest ones were built on wheels. we have to shut it down.
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